Day 2 and All Is Well

Dieting is hard.  I spent most of the day yesterday hungry and I still had to use some of my activity points for an extra snack.  It is easy to remember why my natural state is fat.  I worry that a fill will make me too tight, but I have to try.  I can't sustain this type of hunger for the time it would take me to reach my goal.  The fill is in a week.  In the meantime, I deal.

Yesterday was a really good day, "healthy" wise.  I told you about my CrossFit morning, but then I also ellipticized for a half hour at lunch and I was flying! (for me anyway)  I wanted to start running again, but my feet hurt too much to run when I'm exercising this much.  So, I decided on the elliptical.  I have gotten to where I can sustain about 6mph over 30 minutes.  I will get up to 7.5 and be as low as 5, but it averages out to about 6.

After work, we went to the Rangers game for our monthly Interesting Dinner.  If you have been following me for long, you might remember that I started this group in late 2004.  Some of the attendees have changed, but we have only missed about 5 months in all that time.  Amazing!  Anyway, BFF chose the Captain Morgan Club at the Ballpark for dinner and it was Yu Darvish bobblehead night.  She loves Yu, but we were very sad that we were just slightly too late to get one.  Booo!  

Aren't we adorable?  I had to be creative, but I had the inside of 1 and 1/2 veggie tacos, about 2/3 of a serving of Mexican rice and a few shoestring french fries.  Not too bad.  I was satisfied for about 2 hours and then I was hungry again.  Sigh.

We lost.  :-(

On the way out to the car I was whining to BFF that I was hungry.  I told her to remind me of that when I was complaining post-fill.  She asked me what I would be complaining about then and I told her it would be that I couldn't eat what I want.  She giggled and said "deal."  I did manage to not eat anything when I got home, so go me!

This morning, my scale continues to reward me.  It gives me the motivation to have another good day.  We are going on vacation this weekend, so that will be tough for me.  But my goal is to log everything which should at least help me keep things in perspective. 

Also this morning, I can't even get my coffee down.  WTF?  I never have that problem.  Ever.  This thing is a daggone mystery that is fo sho.

I have been looking at some pre-extra pounds pictures lately to get some inspiration.  I will leave you with a couple...

Hugs!

Day 1 in the Books

Day 1 was quite successful.  Now I just need to do that about 300 more times.  :-)  In addition to CrossFit in the morning, I did a 2 mile jog walk at lunch.  Also I ate very well and in the evening I went Support Group.

I will say that even though I ate well all day, I did have to use a few of my activity points (I'm tracking using WW) and I was still somewhat hungry most of the day.  I think that it showed me that my next fill is needed.

On my way home from Group last night, I called my mom (to keep myself from thinking about food) and as we were talking she mentioned how I hadn't been to Group in a long time.  When I thought about it, I realized that it had been almost a year.  I think I went once after my plastic surgery last year, but then after that, there was always an excuse not to go.  Don't get me wrong, getting from work over to the meeting, then getting home and packing for the next day, eating and getting to bed on time for CrossFit curfew is challenging.  But once a month, I should be able to do that.  And it helps keep my head in the game. 

I stopped blogging in October, so about 7 or 8 months ago.  I started gaining weight 14 months ago.  I think after a few months, I just didn't want to face it, so I stopped my accountability measures (group and blogging.)  I tried several half-assed times to start things up.  I even started a new blog at one point, but my heart just wasn't in it.  It is my Never-Ending Quest for a reason. 

I also stopped my progress pictures in April 2012.  Methinks there is a pattern here.  I will commit to starting that back up at the end of this month.  I might move to quarterly at some point, but I really need all the accountability I can get apparently. 

Food plan:
B - coffee, egg beaters with mushrooms & cheese
L - homemade chicken salad with crackers
S - prosciutto wrapped mozzarella & sugar free popsicles
D - Inside of two fish tacos & a small amount of rice & beans

I went to CrossFit this morning and we did Snatches, Snatch Balances and GHD sit ups.  After a 1/2 mile run and various warm up calesthenics, of course...

1.  Snatches - we did 2 Snatches 10:00 OTM (on the minute) and I used 65# which is slightly more than in this video.  I love how I react at the end, all ain't no big thing.

2. Snatch blance - we did 5 sets of 2 and I used 60#.  I don't have a video of myself here.

3.  GHD situps - we did 50 of them and they were supposed to be weighted, but I decided that my extra pounds were enough.  Ha!  These are really tough on the lower back and I didn't want to hurt myself. And just to be clear, I was happy if I made parallel.  I do remember being better at these a year ago, so I have work to do to get where I was before. 

Today WILL be another fabulous and successful day.  See you tomorrow!

Hugs!

40 by 40 (or Here We Go Again...)

Before I get started with the 40 by 40 commentary.  I have a story. 

A while back I was talking to my mom about dieting.  She mentioned that she was going to dinner with friends and she was going to have to eat dessert which was going to mess up her food plan.  I asked why she had to eat dessert and she explained that her friends don't have weight issues and never have to diet.  So when she refuses dessert, they insist or she feels like they don't understand. I think she feels like they think, "oh, here we go again."

Soon after that, I was talking to a friend about her sister.  She said that she loves her sister, but she gets so annoyed because when her sister is on a diet, they can only go certain places to eat.  I asked if that wasn't a good thing that she was trying to focus on her nutrition.  My friend (who is very sympathetic to my challenges) kind of commented that it just gets annoying because she will diet for a while and then will stop and then will start again...and everyone is like "here we go again."  I talked to her a little bit more about my mom's story and about myself, how I have to work really hard to lose weight and how that isn't easy to do all the time so it comes and goes.  I think it gave her another perspective.

Cue to a little later and I was talking to BFF about my 40 by 40 plan.  Just to be clear, BFF is like a sister to me and there are few that would want success for me more than her!  I forget her exact words, so I don't want to misquote.  However, I know that her point was that she has known me long enough to see my ebbs and flows and she supports whatever I need to do to be successful.  But for just a minute...instead of hearing the support...I just heard "here we go again." 

When I first got my lap band, I decided to show, not tell.  It wasn't a secret, but I was so convinced that I would be successful that I let that success do my talking.  I was successful!  I'm still successful!  But now I need to refocus and I need to stop with the half-hearted stuff, because while that helps me maintain, it does NOT help me lose.  I think in my head I feel like "here I go again."  I need to insist to MYSELF that I can do this and that I WILL do this.

Which brings me to my 40 by 40 Challenge.  My goal is to lose 40 pounds by my 40th birthday.  I just turned 39, so I have a year.  I went back and looked at the things that helped make me successful before and I'm returning to those behaviors:

• Pre-plan and log food.  This is a big deal.  If I don't know what I'm eating for the entire week on Sunday, then I know by Thursday, things will not go well. 
• No bread.  This is the only thing I'm ruling out.  (Except one vacation pizza exemption for this weekend.)  Bread is my gateway food.  If I'm eating it, I have a tough time controlling it.  I gave it up fully for nine months and then controlled it for over a year.  Time to take it away for a while!
• Drink in moderation. 
• In fact, everything in moderation. It all depends on if it fits in the food plan for the day.
• Blog and other accountability.  I need to tell myself what I'm doing each day and I need to tell people how I'm doing.  I tend to hide it when things aren't going well. 
• Work out.  I usually do well with this, but I need to push it.  I pulled out my FitBit and I'm going to give tracking a go.

I'm getting a fill on 6/18, so that will help.  For almost a year, I didn't have much restriction.  I was trying to do it on my own.  I'm not good at that, obviously.  It will limit what I can eat which will be annoying because I haven't dealt with that in a long time, but it will help with the hunger.  If I sacrifice now, in a year, I won't remember all the sacrifices, but I will be happy with the results!

One thing I wish I would have blogged more is what I ate.  I'm having trouble finding good things to make and bring for lunches.  I need some good ideas.  Today, I had egg beaters with mushrooms & cheese for breakfast.  I made chicken salad with light sour cream & mustard for lunch.  A prosciutto wrapped mozzarella stick for a snack.  Also have sugar free Popsicles and some soup if I need it.  Dinner is a spinach salad.

One day at a time, right?!

Hugs!

Thinking back...

One of the things I decided to do when committing to my Journey 2.0 (part of the never ending quest, you know) was to read my blog from the beginning.  It starts around Fall 2009 with me thinking about the possibility of LB surgery.

Last night, I read about 12 months worth...from thinking about it, to doing it, to losing 75 pounds.  It was quite an interesting read.  I forgot how miserable I was.  I mean, logically I know that I'm not as bad off today as I was then, pre-surgery.  But I have forgotten how different life is.

During the months immediately preceding surgery, I wasn't even able to Jazzercise anymore.  My feet were hurting so badly that I couldn't.  In fact, I was wearing anti-inflammatory patches on my feet on a daily basis just to get through a work day!  I was wearing Crocs or Clarkes everyday too.  It isn't like I was trying to wear uncomfortable cutsie shoes.  I had totally forgotten about that.  It took MONTHS for my feet to feel better enough to work out regularly without constant pain.

Also, I was sad.  I hated my looks and just didn't feel well about life.  Even though I'm self-conscious about the excess weight I have gained these last few months, I'm not sad or depressed.  It is a completely different mindset.

I never want to go back there.  I read about a lot of my activities in that first year and it made me remember how much I sacrificed.  In the end, those things were no big deal, but at the time, it was HARD!

For some reason I had it in my head that I lost weight the first 9 months without really trying.  Ha!  I was "dieting" by the 3rd month and was starting my fitness focus by month 4.  I did not eat bread AT ALL for nine months.  Nine months.  Day-um.  Go me. It is a good reminder of what I'm going to have to do.

CrossFit was extra fun today.  It was all about thrusters, box jumps and tabata drills.  I can't wait to hear how Robyn & Cat do at CrossFit tonight!

Going to see Sister Act, the musical tonight.  That should be fun.

Hugs!

40 by 40

Hi.  Remember me?  I sort of disappeared for a while.  There were a few reasons for that, but it was nice to break away for a bit.  But lately, I decided that I need to recommit to losing weight.  I need to because if I don't now, I never will.

Let's recap, shall we?  I got my LapBand in January 2010.

Through the first 11 months, I lost 79 pounds.  Woohoo!! 

During the 5 months after that, I lost another 16 pounds for a total of 95 pounds.  And boy, did I look great!  And I felt great too!

I went up and down, but basically maintained that weight for another year.  I started CrossFit and working out a lot along with eating healthy and I felt so pretty and just fantastic overall!

Then in May 2012, I decided to have plastic surgery to fix my wiggly arms and my draggy boobs.  I stopped exercising (because of the recovery) and then immediately went on the BEST TRIP EVER to the Olympics. 

By the time I got back from my trip and decided to get back into reality, I had gained 19 pounds.  Wow.  That's no joke.  Time to get it together. Except since then, I have gained another 7 pounds.  Sigh. 

I do NOT regret having the surgery or going on that amazing trip.  However, I learned a lot about myself and will make different choices in the future regarding recovery and travel.  What's done is done.

I do want to mention that I still feel good about myself.  Forgive me for losing battles with Blogger and pictures...but this tilted picture is how I look today.  This is actually me yesterday after shopping for a dress to wear for my birthday party.  What I'm fighting for now is to feel better while I'm working out (the extra pounds has made it A LOT tougher) and to just feel comfortable in my own skin.  There for a while I really felt good and I want that back.

I turn 39 on Friday and I realized that the time is now.  I stole some inspiration from a friend who vowed to lose 40 pounds by her 40th birthday and she is kicking all sorts of ass!  I decided that I was going to shoot for that too.  I went back and looked at what made me successful in the beginning and realized that for 9 months, I did almost everything right.  And then for another 6 months, I did most things right.  I finally came to the realization that nothing I am doing now is really living like I want to lose weight. 

I will enjoy my birthday weekend and then next week this goes into effect:

1. One quick rule to say that there is no going off the rails this week.  No use in gaining 5 pounds that I would just have to lose again.  Normal rules apply this week.
2. No bread.  I didn't eat bread for the first 9 months of my journey and ate it VERY moderately after that until mid-2013 which is when I started gaining weight.  Bread is my gateway food and it must stop. 
3. Limited alcohol.  No beer.  No calorie mixers only.  Limited to 2 drinks per week.
4. Log food and exercise through WW or Fitbit.
5. Work out.  CrossFit 3x, Something else 3x.  Every week.
6. Blog again.  It is one of the ways I'm most accountable to myself. 

Some things I'm doing to motivate myself:

1. I ordered some 4x6's of pictures of me at my lowest weight and I plan to put them around (my desk at work, my refrigerator, my car...) places I might need a reminder for what I'm doing.
2. I'm going to go back and read my blog from the beginning to remind myself how far I have come and how I WILL NOT let myself ever get back in that position.  And also to remember what I had to sacrifice to be successful and how it was hard, but worth it in the end.
3. For every five pounds I lose, I get a reward.  I don't know what yet. 

I'm not sure why I feel this time is different than the other 20 times I have decided between then and now that THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT.  But one time in January 2010, it WAS different.  This time can be too. 

I will lose 40 pounds before my next birthday.  And THAT journey commences on June 10, 2013.

Hugs!  :)