This week has gone much more according to plan than last week! I was able to work out Monday, Tuesday, & Thursday. I had my monthly dinner with the girls. I would post a picture, but my phone died this morning. I really hope AT&T works with me on it. That thing is brand new.
I also met my CrossFit girls for dinner which was nice. We ate right next to the gym and I got a little nostalgic when I passed it. I really can't wait until I stop feeling like I'm going to vomit pennies so I can go back!
Right now I'm most excited about my Rio trip. Four or five months ago, we were able to secure our event tickets along with flights and accommodations. This week I started working on tours. We have two full days with no event tickets.
For the first open day, I'm trying to line up a rain forest hike followed by hang gliding. I still have weight to lose in order to hang glide, but I'm taking the chance. On our other open day, I'm booking a private tour guide. He will spend the day driving us to all of the sites in Rio. I think it is going to be so fun!
We have several half days of time and those can be spent shopping, at the beach or whatever we decide to do at the time. Knowing me, I will have a list of ideas we can choose from each day. :) I seriously could come up with itineraries all day.
I did hear from the doctor and allegedly I'm supposed to hear back about my appeal by the end of next week. They are super nice, but terrible communicators. If I didn't love the doctor, I would have gone somewhere else by now. If I don't have some good info by the end of next week, I might have to change tactics.
Hugs!
Ladybug
Friday, January 15, 2016
Monday, January 11, 2016
Happy New Year! - Take Two...
Good morning! Last week this time I was outlining my goals for the first part of the year. I started of the week strong and BAM...landed right into a killer sinus infection. Tuesday-Thursday is a bit a of a blur. But I'm almost back to par and I'm ready to be productive.
In the past, I have chosen a word to represent how I want to live that year. In the past, it has been peace, live, focus and other things. This year, my word is ADAPTABLE. I love a routine, but this year is going to have a lot of interruptions and changes and I'm not going to be able to control some of it. Mostly, I like my day to day to be very routine.
That is totally me. Anyway, my point is that I need to be adaptable. It isn't flashy or exciting, but it is the right attitude to help me achieve my goals.
Being sick isn't all bad, I guess. I did get some much needed rest. I got a new bed over the holidays and it is adjustable. Sleeping with my head up was great for being sick as well as for my acid reflux. I love it! Also, I ate pretty decent for being sick. Usually I use it as an excuse for comfort food and while not every choice was stellar, I did stay decently hydrated and still lost a pound. I will take it.
As for NeighborGate 2016, I put it on hold. I don't feel like dealing with it right at the moment, but I do have some recon going on. I have some connections to the management company so I can get some info about the person to best deal with it when it is time.
Saturday was a little sad. I had to go buy some fat clothes. I have a closet full of beautiful clothes that don't really fit and it was depressing me. Not only did I buy a few key pieces (thank you Cato for having cute but inexpensive things!), I tried on everything in my closet and organized. I may be heavier than my new norm (I have to keep reminding myself that I'm still way smaller than the olden days), but I don't need to constantly feel that way every time I look in the mirror. It was interesting because as soon as I got to Cato, I went to the plus side and picked up a bunch of stuff. I'm thrilled to say that while I did end up with a couple of plus side pants (that truly were probably too big, but my booty is in between sizes), everything else was from the regular side. It is the little things, people...
I'm sure I mentioned previously that I went on a cruise with my family during the holidays. It was great! We went to Belize and Cozumel and had the most awesome time. Since I had gained several pounds really quickly right before the trip, I was more lethargic and puffy than I had been in a long time. I didn't love how I looked or felt, but I did love spending time with my family. Those days that we spent together on this trip and last year's cruise are truly among my favorite times. I have so much love for them, my heart just wants to burst.
Plus, they make me brave. In Belize, one of the tour guides picked up a tarantula off the ground. I don't know what I was thinking, but when he offered it up, I took it!
My face says a lot there. (Chin out, Beth Ann!) On the same excursion, my brother and I ate live termites from under a log! Two things I have never done before. Check and check.
I don't have a ton of pictures from the trip. I guess since I wasn't feeling my best, I didn't take a lot. But I had this one of my beautiful niece and me on the boat in Cozumel.
I will close out this rambling post with my plan for the week. While I wait to hear more regarding my surgery, I want to be productive. I have scheduled my mammogram, dentist appointment and skin scan dermatologist appointment this week. Better to get all of that out of the way. I have my monthly dinner with the girls tomorrow night and dinner with my CrossFit chicas on Wednesday.
That leaves a small window for working out. Today and Thursday (and most likely Saturday), I'm going to Jazzercise. Tomorrow I'm going to workout on the treadmill or elliptical at lunch. My other big goal is to stay hydrated and get 100% rid of this sinus infection.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, and one last thing. They had another release of Olympic tickets last week. It was kind of a lottery system to get in. BFF was about 1090 in line and I was around 1650. By the time we got in, all of the swimming and cycling were gone, but we were able to get 2 tickets to gymnastics! There are four of us girls going, so hopefully we will be able to get 2 more over time, but you have to take what you can get. By the time I got in, everything else we wanted was gone. We will keep trying though! I can't believe with everyone I know, I haven't found a contact at one of the US Team sponsors that can help me get tickets. :-) Maybe someday!
Hugs!
In the past, I have chosen a word to represent how I want to live that year. In the past, it has been peace, live, focus and other things. This year, my word is ADAPTABLE. I love a routine, but this year is going to have a lot of interruptions and changes and I'm not going to be able to control some of it. Mostly, I like my day to day to be very routine.
That is totally me. Anyway, my point is that I need to be adaptable. It isn't flashy or exciting, but it is the right attitude to help me achieve my goals.
Being sick isn't all bad, I guess. I did get some much needed rest. I got a new bed over the holidays and it is adjustable. Sleeping with my head up was great for being sick as well as for my acid reflux. I love it! Also, I ate pretty decent for being sick. Usually I use it as an excuse for comfort food and while not every choice was stellar, I did stay decently hydrated and still lost a pound. I will take it.
As for NeighborGate 2016, I put it on hold. I don't feel like dealing with it right at the moment, but I do have some recon going on. I have some connections to the management company so I can get some info about the person to best deal with it when it is time.
Saturday was a little sad. I had to go buy some fat clothes. I have a closet full of beautiful clothes that don't really fit and it was depressing me. Not only did I buy a few key pieces (thank you Cato for having cute but inexpensive things!), I tried on everything in my closet and organized. I may be heavier than my new norm (I have to keep reminding myself that I'm still way smaller than the olden days), but I don't need to constantly feel that way every time I look in the mirror. It was interesting because as soon as I got to Cato, I went to the plus side and picked up a bunch of stuff. I'm thrilled to say that while I did end up with a couple of plus side pants (that truly were probably too big, but my booty is in between sizes), everything else was from the regular side. It is the little things, people...
I'm sure I mentioned previously that I went on a cruise with my family during the holidays. It was great! We went to Belize and Cozumel and had the most awesome time. Since I had gained several pounds really quickly right before the trip, I was more lethargic and puffy than I had been in a long time. I didn't love how I looked or felt, but I did love spending time with my family. Those days that we spent together on this trip and last year's cruise are truly among my favorite times. I have so much love for them, my heart just wants to burst.
Plus, they make me brave. In Belize, one of the tour guides picked up a tarantula off the ground. I don't know what I was thinking, but when he offered it up, I took it!
My face says a lot there. (Chin out, Beth Ann!) On the same excursion, my brother and I ate live termites from under a log! Two things I have never done before. Check and check.
I don't have a ton of pictures from the trip. I guess since I wasn't feeling my best, I didn't take a lot. But I had this one of my beautiful niece and me on the boat in Cozumel.
I will close out this rambling post with my plan for the week. While I wait to hear more regarding my surgery, I want to be productive. I have scheduled my mammogram, dentist appointment and skin scan dermatologist appointment this week. Better to get all of that out of the way. I have my monthly dinner with the girls tomorrow night and dinner with my CrossFit chicas on Wednesday.
That leaves a small window for working out. Today and Thursday (and most likely Saturday), I'm going to Jazzercise. Tomorrow I'm going to workout on the treadmill or elliptical at lunch. My other big goal is to stay hydrated and get 100% rid of this sinus infection.
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, and one last thing. They had another release of Olympic tickets last week. It was kind of a lottery system to get in. BFF was about 1090 in line and I was around 1650. By the time we got in, all of the swimming and cycling were gone, but we were able to get 2 tickets to gymnastics! There are four of us girls going, so hopefully we will be able to get 2 more over time, but you have to take what you can get. By the time I got in, everything else we wanted was gone. We will keep trying though! I can't believe with everyone I know, I haven't found a contact at one of the US Team sponsors that can help me get tickets. :-) Maybe someday!
Hugs!
Monday, January 4, 2016
Happy New Year and an Apartment Dilemma
Super quick 2015 recap: After moving to downtown Dallas, BFF & I had a blast. I joined the local CrossFit and other than my never-ending fight against my weight (which I was strongly maintaining!), things were great. In October, my band slipped and wreaked all sorts of havoc. The biggest issue was that my hardcore acid reflux came back and medication (5 doses per day!) was not cutting it.
Doctor suggested surgery to fix. Turns out, the best acid reflux surgery option for me was gastric bypass. I struggled with that for a bit, but now I'm on board and ready to feel better. So, I proceeded with the surgery option and have been stopped cold by insurance.
And now it is time for 2016...
I have been waiting for 2016. If you know me at all, you know why. Since I went to the Olympics in London in 2012, I have been eager to go to Rio this year. I can't believe it is finally coming! That is one of the reasons I want to have the surgery as soon as possible. I want to heal fully before I head out of the country. I still have a month or so before I start to worry about that so, I will just put a pin in that concern.
Patience while waiting for the insurance to be worked out is not my strong suit, however I know that getting upset about the situation or bothering the case workers isn't going to help. I told them I would check in with them on Wednesday afternoon. In the meantime, I want to think of things I can do to be productive.
1. My major overall goal is to not gain any weight before surgery. That would be counterproductive and ridiculous. However, right now it is difficult because working out is uncomfortable and one of the only times my reflux doesn't bother me is when I'm actively eating. Both bummers.
But I also know that it would be way more uncomfortable to work out if I gain weight. I can't CrossFit or run right now, but I can Jazzercise and walk. So my goal is to do those things on a regular basis starting with Jazzercise today.
My food goal is to not eat like crap. Is that fair? (FYI...I went to log my breakfast on My Fitness Pal and the site is under a "heavy load"...a heavy load of people with new year's resolutions!)
2. My number two goal is to be ready when it is time. My parents are coming to stay with me during my recovery. I want to have a schedule set and everything (protein powder, recipes, vitamins, etc.) purchased and ready to go.
I bought a super fancy Vit@Mix. Post surgery, I have to eat pureed foods for a while and mushies for months. I will likely have to have smoothies in the morning for upwards of a year. The week before surgery will be an entirely liquid diet.
Today I made my first morning smoothie. I made it with orange juice, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, (2 slices of banana as I'm trying to slowly learn to like them), lemonade flavored protein powder, vanilla greek yogurt and ice. Not bad!
This brings me to the story of the day. I live in an apartment as I have my entire adult life. I strive to be a good neighbor and hope the same of other people. I know that living in an apartment, you have to give up some things that you wouldn't in a home. For instance, my unit is above the workout facility so sometimes I wake up at 3am to the vibrations of someone running on the treadmill or dropping weights. I overlook the pool and some evenings try to fall asleep to people partying outside. Sometimes dogs bark. Sometimes people leave their stinky trash outside the trash chute.
When I moved downtown to the higher density apartment building, I learned to sleep with a sound machine and occasionally ear plugs if I need them. Sometimes, you have have to just figure out how to make it work.
In the last few months, my neighbors have started knocking on the wall presumably when they feel I'm making too much noise. The first time it was when I was chopping potatoes. It was a Sunday morning, probably around 9:30am and I was preparing something for the slow cooker. I know that raw potato chopping makes a noise, but come on now. In order to be a good neighbor, I tried to chop quieter.
The next time they knocked, it was again on a Sunday morning, probably around 10:30am and I was putting away dishes. My plates are on the heavy side and they do clink and thunk when I put them away, but again...come on. Again, now when I put away dishes, I do it gingerly.
New Year's Day, BFF came over in the morning, it was about 9:00am and was frying bacon (so no real noise). BFF was talking to her parents on the phone in the living room so I called my parents on speaker in the kitchen while I cooked to say Happy New Year. During that, the neighbors knocked again. BFF suggested that maybe they aren't knocking for noise, that it has all been coincidence because this time they clearly couldn't be knocking for us.
This morning, I fired up my fancy new blender at 7:15am to make my smoothie. It had been going 10 seconds when I got the knock on the wall. I finished up, but I was so frustrated. I'm a good neighbor. Heck, I'm a great neighbor. I understand that the blender is loud, but it is only for a minute and I have to be able to live!
My parents suggested that I ignore it and just live my life.
My boss suggested that I leave them a note on what I was doing when they knocked to show them I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary.
BFF suggested I contact the management office preemptively and just let them know what is going on.
I'm never going to contact them directly. I'm way too non-confrontational for that. Plus as a single woman living on my own, I'm always worried about being vulnerable. I go back and forth between (1.) documenting when they knock and what I'm doing at the time so if I'm confronted by them or the office, I can show what is going on or (2.) sending an email to the office letting them know in a nice way what is going on in case they are contacted.
Let me know your thoughts on what you would do.
Hugs!
Doctor suggested surgery to fix. Turns out, the best acid reflux surgery option for me was gastric bypass. I struggled with that for a bit, but now I'm on board and ready to feel better. So, I proceeded with the surgery option and have been stopped cold by insurance.
And now it is time for 2016...
I have been waiting for 2016. If you know me at all, you know why. Since I went to the Olympics in London in 2012, I have been eager to go to Rio this year. I can't believe it is finally coming! That is one of the reasons I want to have the surgery as soon as possible. I want to heal fully before I head out of the country. I still have a month or so before I start to worry about that so, I will just put a pin in that concern.
Patience while waiting for the insurance to be worked out is not my strong suit, however I know that getting upset about the situation or bothering the case workers isn't going to help. I told them I would check in with them on Wednesday afternoon. In the meantime, I want to think of things I can do to be productive.
1. My major overall goal is to not gain any weight before surgery. That would be counterproductive and ridiculous. However, right now it is difficult because working out is uncomfortable and one of the only times my reflux doesn't bother me is when I'm actively eating. Both bummers.
But I also know that it would be way more uncomfortable to work out if I gain weight. I can't CrossFit or run right now, but I can Jazzercise and walk. So my goal is to do those things on a regular basis starting with Jazzercise today.
My food goal is to not eat like crap. Is that fair? (FYI...I went to log my breakfast on My Fitness Pal and the site is under a "heavy load"...a heavy load of people with new year's resolutions!)
2. My number two goal is to be ready when it is time. My parents are coming to stay with me during my recovery. I want to have a schedule set and everything (protein powder, recipes, vitamins, etc.) purchased and ready to go.
I bought a super fancy Vit@Mix. Post surgery, I have to eat pureed foods for a while and mushies for months. I will likely have to have smoothies in the morning for upwards of a year. The week before surgery will be an entirely liquid diet.
Today I made my first morning smoothie. I made it with orange juice, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, (2 slices of banana as I'm trying to slowly learn to like them), lemonade flavored protein powder, vanilla greek yogurt and ice. Not bad!
This brings me to the story of the day. I live in an apartment as I have my entire adult life. I strive to be a good neighbor and hope the same of other people. I know that living in an apartment, you have to give up some things that you wouldn't in a home. For instance, my unit is above the workout facility so sometimes I wake up at 3am to the vibrations of someone running on the treadmill or dropping weights. I overlook the pool and some evenings try to fall asleep to people partying outside. Sometimes dogs bark. Sometimes people leave their stinky trash outside the trash chute.
When I moved downtown to the higher density apartment building, I learned to sleep with a sound machine and occasionally ear plugs if I need them. Sometimes, you have have to just figure out how to make it work.
In the last few months, my neighbors have started knocking on the wall presumably when they feel I'm making too much noise. The first time it was when I was chopping potatoes. It was a Sunday morning, probably around 9:30am and I was preparing something for the slow cooker. I know that raw potato chopping makes a noise, but come on now. In order to be a good neighbor, I tried to chop quieter.
The next time they knocked, it was again on a Sunday morning, probably around 10:30am and I was putting away dishes. My plates are on the heavy side and they do clink and thunk when I put them away, but again...come on. Again, now when I put away dishes, I do it gingerly.
New Year's Day, BFF came over in the morning, it was about 9:00am and was frying bacon (so no real noise). BFF was talking to her parents on the phone in the living room so I called my parents on speaker in the kitchen while I cooked to say Happy New Year. During that, the neighbors knocked again. BFF suggested that maybe they aren't knocking for noise, that it has all been coincidence because this time they clearly couldn't be knocking for us.
This morning, I fired up my fancy new blender at 7:15am to make my smoothie. It had been going 10 seconds when I got the knock on the wall. I finished up, but I was so frustrated. I'm a good neighbor. Heck, I'm a great neighbor. I understand that the blender is loud, but it is only for a minute and I have to be able to live!
My parents suggested that I ignore it and just live my life.
My boss suggested that I leave them a note on what I was doing when they knocked to show them I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary.
BFF suggested I contact the management office preemptively and just let them know what is going on.
I'm never going to contact them directly. I'm way too non-confrontational for that. Plus as a single woman living on my own, I'm always worried about being vulnerable. I go back and forth between (1.) documenting when they knock and what I'm doing at the time so if I'm confronted by them or the office, I can show what is going on or (2.) sending an email to the office letting them know in a nice way what is going on in case they are contacted.
Let me know your thoughts on what you would do.
Hugs!
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
5 Stages
You know that old saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" That's been me the past few weeks. Here is a quick timeline:
Denial
During the first couple months of issues, I didn't even want to contemplate that it was my band. Looking back, there were signs, but I didn't want to believe that was an issue. I did not want to face the consequences of what that might mean.
After finding out that my issues were indeed stemming from my band, my initial reaction internally was that it's fine. I changed my life enough that I didn't need it anymore. It's fine.
Those words? "It's fine." I do that a lot. I say "It's fine" until it is fine. Fake until you make it, right?
Anger
When the swelling went away after the fluid was taken out of my band, the hunger returned. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I forgot how painful it was. I've experienced normal hunger over the last several years. What I experienced before banding and now? Not normal. It is awful.
Pair that with the hellacious acid reflux that only really feels better when I'm physically eating? It is a recipe for disaster. Damn right I was angry. I had worked my ass off (almost literally!) for years now to get to and maintain a reasonable weight. I wasn't skinny, but I was strong, fit and healthy. I had eaten well, better than most people I know by a mile. I worked out A LOT! And my working out was hardcore. It is just crap that I work this hard to get this far and now I'm headed straight back to zero.
Bargaining
The website says that guilt is often bargainings companion. "If only." If only, if only, if only. If only I would have eaten differently. If only I had lost more weight. If only I was different. If only I didn't have this @#$%%^& reflux.
Depression
But I do. I do have this reflux and this hunger. And I have gained 5 pounds on the scale but I know that it is much more than that in reality. I've lost a lot of muscle and my clothes don't fit. I'm the biggest I have been since July 2010 and it makes me really f$#@king sad.
Acceptance
I'm a different person than I was six years ago. I remember when I first decided to have WLS. I was so sad, so anxious, so lonely inside. I'm not anymore. In fact, my life is awesome in every single way. Except for this. The doctor has told me that I can have a surgery that will take away my acid reflux, fix my hernia and help me lose weight in the process. They told me that weeks and weeks ago. But because that corrective surgery is called Gastric Bypass, I couldn't really accept it.
I can't honestly tell you if I would move forward with the surgery if it was only for weight loss. I would like to think I'm strong enough to ignore the societal judgements of it. Because honestly, that would be all that would hold me back.
But the fact is, the only way to avoid taking 80mg (yes 80!) of PPI per day is to have this surgically fixed. (For the record, all of that PPI plus a Pepcid at night when I go to bed, and I still have GERD symtoms. It is crazypants. I choke a lot, classic symptom. I feel butterflies in my chest, classic symptoms. Recently, it has felt like a caterpillar crawling up the back of my throat, that's a new one. And disgusting, I might add.) If I don't have this fixed, I'm almost certainly looking at cancer down the road. At a minimum, there will be long term effects from the PPI. So, to me it is a no brainer. It must and will be done.
Impatience
I'm adding another stage. Now that I have accepted my future, I'm ready to move forward. Now I'm just waiting on insurance to make a decision. Honestly, I can't imagine how they wouldn't cover this. I have a bariatric exception with my insurance, but the treatment is actually for the reflux. Either way, we can't proceed until we hear from them. Tomorrow will be 30 days from the day I told the doctor's office to proceed. Sigh.
I'm leaving for the holidays on Thursday. I'm going to meet my parents and then go on a cruise with them and my brother's family. It is going to be so fun and I will not let a few extra pounds define me or my attitude. I can't wait!
It would be nice to have all of this done and scheduled so I could enjoy my holidays without it on my mind. But all things considered, it's no big deal. Things will happen when they happen. There is peace in my heart and a smile on my face.
I'm ready to feel better and face anything that life has to throw at me. One day at time.
Hugs!
- August - I started getting vertigo. I (and the doctor) thought it was related to tight neck muscles.
- Mid-September - the headaches started. Again, the doctor thought it was muscle tension. It gave me a whole new appreciation for chronic headache sufferers. Honestly, it was a horrible time.
- October 7 - I finally had my Lap Band checked and it had slipped. They immediately took out all the fluid. The headaches and vertigo went away within 24 hours. However within a few days, my old nemesis, GERD, made an explosive appearance.
- October 14 - I went to a doctor that specialized in bariatric and abdominal surgeries. My GERD was eating me alive and my pre-band hunger had returned. I had forgotten how overwhelming that was. The doctor ordered an EGD along with some other testing.
- November 16 - I had my follow up appointment with the doctor. My diagnosis:
- Lap Band slip (no erosion, thank goodness!)
- Hernia (that was new, I didn't have one when I got my band)
- Loose esophageal sphincter. Wha?
Denial
During the first couple months of issues, I didn't even want to contemplate that it was my band. Looking back, there were signs, but I didn't want to believe that was an issue. I did not want to face the consequences of what that might mean.
After finding out that my issues were indeed stemming from my band, my initial reaction internally was that it's fine. I changed my life enough that I didn't need it anymore. It's fine.
Those words? "It's fine." I do that a lot. I say "It's fine" until it is fine. Fake until you make it, right?
Anger
When the swelling went away after the fluid was taken out of my band, the hunger returned. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I forgot how painful it was. I've experienced normal hunger over the last several years. What I experienced before banding and now? Not normal. It is awful.
Pair that with the hellacious acid reflux that only really feels better when I'm physically eating? It is a recipe for disaster. Damn right I was angry. I had worked my ass off (almost literally!) for years now to get to and maintain a reasonable weight. I wasn't skinny, but I was strong, fit and healthy. I had eaten well, better than most people I know by a mile. I worked out A LOT! And my working out was hardcore. It is just crap that I work this hard to get this far and now I'm headed straight back to zero.
Bargaining
The website says that guilt is often bargainings companion. "If only." If only, if only, if only. If only I would have eaten differently. If only I had lost more weight. If only I was different. If only I didn't have this @#$%%^& reflux.
Depression
But I do. I do have this reflux and this hunger. And I have gained 5 pounds on the scale but I know that it is much more than that in reality. I've lost a lot of muscle and my clothes don't fit. I'm the biggest I have been since July 2010 and it makes me really f$#@king sad.
Acceptance
I'm a different person than I was six years ago. I remember when I first decided to have WLS. I was so sad, so anxious, so lonely inside. I'm not anymore. In fact, my life is awesome in every single way. Except for this. The doctor has told me that I can have a surgery that will take away my acid reflux, fix my hernia and help me lose weight in the process. They told me that weeks and weeks ago. But because that corrective surgery is called Gastric Bypass, I couldn't really accept it.
I can't honestly tell you if I would move forward with the surgery if it was only for weight loss. I would like to think I'm strong enough to ignore the societal judgements of it. Because honestly, that would be all that would hold me back.
But the fact is, the only way to avoid taking 80mg (yes 80!) of PPI per day is to have this surgically fixed. (For the record, all of that PPI plus a Pepcid at night when I go to bed, and I still have GERD symtoms. It is crazypants. I choke a lot, classic symptom. I feel butterflies in my chest, classic symptoms. Recently, it has felt like a caterpillar crawling up the back of my throat, that's a new one. And disgusting, I might add.) If I don't have this fixed, I'm almost certainly looking at cancer down the road. At a minimum, there will be long term effects from the PPI. So, to me it is a no brainer. It must and will be done.
Impatience
I'm adding another stage. Now that I have accepted my future, I'm ready to move forward. Now I'm just waiting on insurance to make a decision. Honestly, I can't imagine how they wouldn't cover this. I have a bariatric exception with my insurance, but the treatment is actually for the reflux. Either way, we can't proceed until we hear from them. Tomorrow will be 30 days from the day I told the doctor's office to proceed. Sigh.
I'm leaving for the holidays on Thursday. I'm going to meet my parents and then go on a cruise with them and my brother's family. It is going to be so fun and I will not let a few extra pounds define me or my attitude. I can't wait!
It would be nice to have all of this done and scheduled so I could enjoy my holidays without it on my mind. But all things considered, it's no big deal. Things will happen when they happen. There is peace in my heart and a smile on my face.
I'm ready to feel better and face anything that life has to throw at me. One day at time.
Hugs!
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
I had forgotten...
For roughly the last five years, I have had to:
Well, I was cool with it. Until a few weeks ago. In my last post, I expressed my happiness that the source of my headaches was found and sucessfully treated. I also mentioned my trepidation at what comes next. What I hadn't experienced yet, was what it really felt like to not have the assistance of my Lap Band anymore.
It took a few days for the swelling to subside. The cramping was gone, my headaches were gone. For a few days, I totally thought everything was roses. I had some acid reflux, but I was on over-the-counter PPIs, so I thought it would be fine. I had forgotten that I was on 80mg PPI (PER DAY!!) prior to being banded. It was one of the main reasons I had weight loss surgery. The weight loss itself was one too, but the acid reflux was a big deal.
I was lying in bed the other night trying to fall asleep when I started feeling something in my upper abdomen. For a minute I thought it had to do with my band. It was a familiar feeling, but I couldn't place it. It felt like there was a butterfly in my throat/stomach. It also at times felt like the butterfly's wings were on fire. It wasn't super painful, but it was unpleasant and there was no way I could fall asleep. I realized suddenly that it was the reflux. I had forgotten what that felt like!! I went from taking 1 pill per day to 4. FOUR pills a day and I can still feel it in the back of my throat every day. Not only is that no fun, it is dangerous.
The good news is that my pill popping is at least keeping the butterflies at bay. I have a scope scheduled for Thursday. Once I have my follow up about a week later, I will know what my options might be.
Once I got a handle on my reflux, I realized that I was still having an ache in my stomach. It was consistent in the mornings and got quite bad in the afternoons. I started really paying attention to the timing and realized that the ache went away after I ate. Holy crap, I was just hungry. I had forgotten what it was like being hungry without the assistance of my band.
I would argue that the first year after my weight loss surgery (possibly 18 months), I was less hungry than a "normal" person. But your body adjusts, and once my body adjusted to my band, I started getting hungry like anyone else. I could eat when I was hungry and be satisfied with a "normal" portion. I rarely finished what was on my plate, I lived on leftovers which was totally fine with me. Heck, it was cheaper too!
Boy...now I remember. Before I was banded, I used to joke when I was hungry that "I'm so hungry my stomach is eating itself." My friends and I will still say that to each other on occasion. But now I remember why it started.
It is a little disheartening, but honestly, I feel much better prepared to deal with these things now than I did 6 years ago. I'm stronger, I'm happier and I'm at peace. My two goals for the next two months is to work with my doctor to treat the reflux and to not gain weight.
Since the moment my sister-in-law and I walked into Olympic Park in London in 2012, I have been eagerly awaiting 2016. It is going to be an amazing year and I'm looking forward to Rio like you would not believe. I'm thankful I have this blog that I can put down a post like this and then get back to my amazing life that is not solely defined by these issues!
Hugs!
- Work out consistently
- Be prepared each week with healthy food
- Focus on eating only when I'm hungry
Well, I was cool with it. Until a few weeks ago. In my last post, I expressed my happiness that the source of my headaches was found and sucessfully treated. I also mentioned my trepidation at what comes next. What I hadn't experienced yet, was what it really felt like to not have the assistance of my Lap Band anymore.
It took a few days for the swelling to subside. The cramping was gone, my headaches were gone. For a few days, I totally thought everything was roses. I had some acid reflux, but I was on over-the-counter PPIs, so I thought it would be fine. I had forgotten that I was on 80mg PPI (PER DAY!!) prior to being banded. It was one of the main reasons I had weight loss surgery. The weight loss itself was one too, but the acid reflux was a big deal.
I was lying in bed the other night trying to fall asleep when I started feeling something in my upper abdomen. For a minute I thought it had to do with my band. It was a familiar feeling, but I couldn't place it. It felt like there was a butterfly in my throat/stomach. It also at times felt like the butterfly's wings were on fire. It wasn't super painful, but it was unpleasant and there was no way I could fall asleep. I realized suddenly that it was the reflux. I had forgotten what that felt like!! I went from taking 1 pill per day to 4. FOUR pills a day and I can still feel it in the back of my throat every day. Not only is that no fun, it is dangerous.
The good news is that my pill popping is at least keeping the butterflies at bay. I have a scope scheduled for Thursday. Once I have my follow up about a week later, I will know what my options might be.
Once I got a handle on my reflux, I realized that I was still having an ache in my stomach. It was consistent in the mornings and got quite bad in the afternoons. I started really paying attention to the timing and realized that the ache went away after I ate. Holy crap, I was just hungry. I had forgotten what it was like being hungry without the assistance of my band.
I would argue that the first year after my weight loss surgery (possibly 18 months), I was less hungry than a "normal" person. But your body adjusts, and once my body adjusted to my band, I started getting hungry like anyone else. I could eat when I was hungry and be satisfied with a "normal" portion. I rarely finished what was on my plate, I lived on leftovers which was totally fine with me. Heck, it was cheaper too!
Boy...now I remember. Before I was banded, I used to joke when I was hungry that "I'm so hungry my stomach is eating itself." My friends and I will still say that to each other on occasion. But now I remember why it started.
It is a little disheartening, but honestly, I feel much better prepared to deal with these things now than I did 6 years ago. I'm stronger, I'm happier and I'm at peace. My two goals for the next two months is to work with my doctor to treat the reflux and to not gain weight.
Since the moment my sister-in-law and I walked into Olympic Park in London in 2012, I have been eagerly awaiting 2016. It is going to be an amazing year and I'm looking forward to Rio like you would not believe. I'm thankful I have this blog that I can put down a post like this and then get back to my amazing life that is not solely defined by these issues!
Hugs!
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