A Reunion & A Plan!

Reunion

So last weekend was my 20th High School Reunion.  Sheesh.  How is it possible that I'm THAT old?  It just isn't, right? When I got to town I immediately hooked up with my HS BFF.  I tagged along with her all over town as we were in the parade, ran some errands, ate dinner with friends and then headed to the Pavilion.



This is me and HSBFF.  We were practically inseparable from the time we met in fifth grade when I moved to her elementary school until we graduated.  She is the most amazing person and when I'm with her, it is like time stood still.  <3



This was at the Pavilion Friday night.  It is a neat concept.  All the different classes having reunions have designated gathering spots inside, but basically the whole town shows up.  One thing I rediscovered about myself is that I don't remember much from high school.  Many of my friends were entertained as they watched me sputtering when I didn't recognize someone...which was constantly. 



On Saturday, I took a little tour of the town, driving by my old houses and schools and going out to the cemetery to visit the graves of my grandparents and sadly, some lost friends.  I'm struck every time I go there how many graves there are for young people.  I don't know if that is normal or just the tragedy of my hometown, but it makes me sad.  Saturday night was my reunion and we had fun with the photo booth!!



Most of my closest high school friends didn't come to the actual reunion for various reasons, but I hung out with most of these folks at one time or another.  At least I can say I knew ALL of the them as soon as I saw them.  :-)  Yes, my reunion WAS in a bowling alley.  That's how we roll.  I was also the only person there in a skirt.  What of it?  

I got home with three days to prepare for Chicago.  I would gripe about my brilliant planning, but it isn't like I could reschedule either trip.  It will all work out.  I did laundry last night and I will do so again tonight, then pack tomorrow.  No time for anything but work and chores, but it will all get done.  I will get back to my regularly scheduled life next Monday!!

Fresh Diet

I have been doing great with fitness lately, but my issue is my diet...as always!!  So, I was looking for something to help me.  I considered Weight Watchers because I know that it works, but basically it is just logging your food and staying within set Points...which is pretty much the same as logging your food and staying within set calories.  I'm not doing that, so I'm not sure that WW would be the right answer.

But what is??  As I was catching up on emails from the weekend, I noticed one from My Fresh Diet.  They were offering a 31 day plan at a deeply discounted price.  I had tried them through a 2 Day Groupon long ago but they were entirely too expensive for me to consider doing longer term.  The discount was significant enough for me to take another look.

Basically, it is a cross between Nutri-System and My Fit Foods.  Each night, they will leave the next day's food at my door.  There is breakfast, lunch, dinner, 2 side items and 2 snacks.  They are all freshly made/vacuum sealed and right-sized portions.  So you have the convenience of something like Nutri-System, but without the preservatives, more like the meals I love at MFF. 

I decided to give it a shot.  It is still quite expensive, even with the deep discount.  However, as we all know, if something works, it is worth it.  I will try the 31 days and see what happens.  If I lose weight, I might try another month.  If not, it will be on to something else.  But it is worth a shot. 

My biggest fear is that I won't like the food.  My tastes have really changed and expanded since being banded, so I think there is a good chance it will all be fine.  But obviously, if I don't like the food...it won't work.  My second biggest fear is that I won't do it.  That a perfectly planned meal will be there right in front of me and I will choose to eat crap anyway.  There is no one that could do anything about that but me. 

Y'all are going to have to help me be accountable to that!!

Band

The last problem that I have with starting this plan on 10/01 is that I'm too tight.  I kept thinking that it would all work out, but I have to face facts that the band is just too tight.  I can't eat "normal" food and I end up turning to sliders.  No bueno. 

I call a new fill center in Dallas that is much less expensive than my surgeon's office and they are supposed to call me back in the next couple of hours with an appointment time tomorrow.  The are 1/3 of the price of my normal place, they are half the distance, and they still do the fills under a fluoro.  It is at a medical facility and the fills are done by certified professionals.  I will be a Guinea pig for the locals and let you all know how it goes. 

I'm a little worried that this unfill will push me back to too loose, but that is just something I will have to deal with.  Being too tight is just not good for me and can lead to health problems.  This is what needs to be done.

You guys know how much I love a good plan, so here I go!!

See many of you ladies in Chicago in just a few days.  Can't wait!

Hugs!

Preparation is the Key

Let's start with an assessment of last week's goals, shall we?

1. Goal loss for the week - 1.8 pounds.  And I...drum roll, please...GAINED 2 tenths of a pound.  What the everloving f**k?  I will circle back to this in a bit.
2. Make good choices.  I didn't eat for three days, so I wasn't able to make many choices at all.  The weekend was a big fat bad choice all around.
3. CrossFit - Goal 3, Actual 4.  YAY!
4. Try yoga.  I went to yoga with Lizard on Monday and then I went myself on Sunday.  YAY!!
5. Organizing - I addressed everything in the closet.  I think all that is left is to go through the books and come up with the sketch for my dad to build the cabinets. 

Weight

I'm not sure what to do here.  I mean I KNOW what to do.  I apparently just don't want to do it.  I know that today, I feel 100x better than I did two Mondays ago.  The commitment to CrossFit is making my body stronger and it just feels good.  I have gained two pounds in those two weeks, but I don't feel like I have...if that makes sense. 

I'm a little concerned that I'm letting the scale control me.  I think I'm going to not keep track of my weight the rest of the month.  I need to focus on the habits, not the weight.  Usually I don't let the scale dictate decisions, but I'm not going to lie...right now I just want to eat cake.  ALL the cake!  But I won't. 

Choices

I will say that I'm proud of myself for not panicking Wed-Fri when I was having band trouble.  Now I have no idea if it was the weather or what, but I was fine on Tuesday, then BAM Wednesday I couldn't eat.  I was actually patient for once and it worked itself out. 

I honestly thought that the choices I made would have put me at a loss for the week.  And they didn't.  I don't know if not weighing will help me stick to better choices, but I guess I can give it a shot. 

This week feels too much like I just want to say NEVER MIND.  But I know I don't want that.  I will focus on fitness and let the nutrition catch up.

CrossFit

This is actually where the title comes in.  Yesterday after yoga, I felt nauseated.  I don't know if I'm just not used to it or if it was a reaction from the SEVEN mosquito bites I got (West Nile!!), but I just didn't feel good.  Plus I didn't sleep well Saturday night.  So during dinner, I decided to have a drink (unusual for me) and decided that I didn't have to go to CF.

BUT...I packed my bag and got everything ready as though I was going to go.  I told myself that if I didn't, it would be just fine.  But since I was prepared, I went and I'm SO glad I did.

We did squat balances today.  Any time I have the barbell over my head, I think it is difficult.  I did 3 rounds of 5 reps with just the bar (35#), 3 rounds of 3 reps with 45#, and 3 rounds of 1 rep with 55#.

We ended with 12:00 (:30 on, :30 off) kettlebell swings.  I used a 26# kettlebell.  THAT was rough!!

Sometimes I don't give enough credit to myself when we don't have big cardio days (like today).  But here is what we did for a warm up...which is pretty typical:

• 400m run
• 10 arm circles each way
• 10 trunk twists each way
• 10 push ups
• 5 inch worms
• 40 high knees
• 40 butt kicks
• 25 jumping jacks
• 10 air squats

Now that isn't a ton, but pre-CrossFit, that would have been a workout for me.  So, I need to give myself some credit.

Yoga

I liked yoga and I think the stretching will really help me.  I'm going to try to go, but Sundays are hit and miss.  I won't be able to even try it again until October. 

Organizing

It is amazing what you can get done when you do a little at a time.  I have really been ignoring this room and in two weeks, I will have it completely sorted without feeling like I took up too much time.  YAY!! 

I think that I'm going to try and stick with this type of goal.  Let's see how much I can accomplish before I get tired of it!

New Goals:

1. No weight goal for the week.
2. Make good choices.  This is always going to be a goal for me.  Sometimes I'm just better at it than others.
3. CrossFit - 3x
4. Other fitness - 1x  (If I do anything while I'm traveling, it is bonus!)
5. Organizing - I want to finish the sketch for my dad and one shelf of books tonight.  I have a play tomorrow night and my first Citizen's Fire Academy on Thursday, so I really only have tonight and Wednesday...plus I need to pack.  So if I get 4 shelves and the sketch done, I will be happy.

I'm not sure how this post reads, but I'm actually really happy for a Monday and I FEEL great.  If I fit into my clothes, I would be ecstatic.  I gotta keep that in perspective.

Monday hugs!

Badass

I loved this picture and wanted to share.  Even though I felt like crap yesterday, going to CrossFit four times in one week makes me feel like a badass.  (Watch out, got a badass over here...)  I look forward to October when I can work on going more.

Yesterday sucked.  I'm so tight that even liquids can cause issue, though I can do water fine.  At the end of the day, I was able to eat a little something which was nice.  I just had my coffee this morning and I'm afraid today is going to be similar.  I wonder if it is the weather?  Since I was able to get nutrition and water, I'm going to give it until Monday.  If I'm still like this though, I will have to get some taken out.  But hopefully, it will get back to normal on its own.

CrossFit was great this morning, as usual.  We did overhead squats and push jerks.  Overhead squats are hard because you have the barbell above your head and it is a real balancing act.  As you squat, that barbell wants to move and knock you off balance.  I did 5 sets of 5 at 55, 60, 65, 70, & 75#.  It had been so long since I did a push jerk, I didn't even remember how.  I did 3 sets of 3 at 55, 75, & 85#. 

I saw this today and I thought it was an excellent comment.  I have A LOT of interests and most of the time, they eventually fall by the wayside.  But I'm committed to CrossFit right now and I like that.  I struggle with my food.  I always have and I guess I always will at varying degrees.  But I can fight from this angle too and it makes me feel powerful instead of helpless.

In the past, three days of limited eating would have been the perfect excuse to avoid working out.  But now?  I work out in the mornings, so it doesn't really feel any different.  No excuses!  And while I may have not lost a lot of weight yet, after just a few weeks back, I absolutely notice a difference in my body. 

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Hugs!

I talk a lot.

Goal Check

1. Goal loss for the week - 1.8 pounds.  Not only was I down the 1.8 pounds this morning, but I was down another .8 from that.  But I don't think it means very much...see below.
2. Make good choices.  I didn't make great choices yesterday, but then again, I couldn't eat.
3. CrossFit - 3 for 3 this week.
4. Try yoga.  Check!
5. Organizing - I didn't have anything planned for yesterday and I didn't do anything.  Today I would like to address the clothes hanging in the closet.

Tight is Bad

I'm still super tight.  I hate this so much I can't even tell you.  I can't even get my coffee down easily this morning.  Water I can do just fine.  In the past, I would call and schedule a small unfill because I just hate being like this.  I am not a patient person.  But I'm considering doing another day of liquids and seeing how it goes.  If I still feel bad tomorrow, I will go in.

At $150 a pop, I can't keep going in and out for little tweaks.  If I go in for an unfill now then that is how it is going to have to stay.  Bleh.  This is the band stuff that I know I signed on for, but I still hate!

I hope when I check in with you all tomorrow that I'm all better!

I had a hard time eating last night and I told them all about being stuck.  That brought up a whole other thing...

Oversharing?

Last night I had a really good time at my Ladies Night CrossFit Happy Hour.  I did figure out something about myself.  I know I have always been a very open person, but I think that in some ways, I'm using that as a shield. 

Let me explain...  I have always thought that there were two reasons that I'm so open about my Lap Band, weight loss, etc., but really, I think there are three.

1. I want to help people.  Whether someone directly could benefit from the Lap Band or they have a friend/family member that could, I want people to see what living with a band is like.  The good and the bad.  People need to make informed decisions without scare tactics OR sugar coating.  I know that I have directly affected the way people feel about gastric banding either for themselves or for a loved one. 

2.  I want people to feel free to ask questions.  I have gigantic scars down my arms.  I don't ever want anyone to feel like they can't ask me what is up with them, so I freely offer information.  That sometimes leads to #1.

Not everyone wants to share their personal lives with others and that is A-OK!  But this is right for me.  However, when talking to a CF friend last night, she asked me if she could ask some questions and I told her (of course) that I was an open book.  She said that I had hinted at past things and so she wanted to ask about them.

I certainly didn't mind telling her anything at all, but it made me wonder how I bring it up on a regular basis.  I think I have realized that I talk about it (especially at a place like CF) for a third reason:

3.  I don't want people to think I'm lazy, fat or bad at things.  So by telling everyone or reminding them constantly about where I started, it somehow makes me feel better.  They won't think I'm lazy or fat if I tell them I used to weigh almost 300 pounds.  They won't think I'm bad at this if they understood that just 3 years ago I couldn't even walk a full day without pain patches on my feet. 

I'm not upset at myself, because I think it is valid.  But I have to stop apologizing for myself.  As I sat last night and listened to a few of the girls talk about there healthy Paleo diets, I knew that I'm not like them.  Not in a good way or a bad way...just different.  I made the comment that even though I know it isn't the CrossFit philosophy, I know that if I were naturally skinny, I probably wouldn't work out.  I thought they were going to choke on their drinks.  :-)  Now don't get me wrong, if I all of a sudden got skinny now, I think I would still work out.  But if I started out that way, I just don't think I ever would have gone the workout route.  That route BEGAN because I wanted to lose weight.  I have a shitty relationship with food.  It is better than it used to be, but I'm guessing it will never be normal. 

I am not naturally skinny and I have a shitty relationship with food, so I do work out.  I work out more than the average person.  But I hang out with people that work out more than me so I often start feeling like I"m less than.  I have to remind myself that I have a great balance to my life.  I work out, I work, I have fun and there is nothing for me to feel guilty about or apologize for.  I do want to stress that none of these girls make me feel this way...this is an internal thing that I have always struggled with and I'm just starting to break through and conquer it.

I will work on fighting the urge to justify myself at things like CF by bringing up my band and weight loss and focus on talking about it when I truly think it would be beneficial to others.

Sleep is Good

I slept like a log last night and it was AWESOME!  Just an extra hour of sleep and I feel so much better.  I think I will be good to go getting up for my 4th day of CrossFit this week.

Hugs!

Boring Days, Make for a Happy Me!

I know that a lot of blog posts are routine and boring these days, but I know you can tell from my tone that this routine makes me a very happy girl!

Goal Check

1. Weight loss goal - 1.8 pounds.  The scale isn't moving, but then again, I need to do better on #2.
2. Make good choices.  This all goes well until I'm home for the evening.  I have to keep snack foods out of the house.  I will make this the plan for next week, because I'm not doing a good job sticking to good choices when the bad choices are so close at hand.  I'm not proud of that, but there you go.
3. CrossFit goal for the week - 3.  Today, I'm 3 for 3 this week.  I''m going to try to stretch my goal and go on Friday.
4. Try yoga.  Check!
5. Organizing.  I set a goal of going through everything on the floor of my closet.  I did the very minimum to reach my goal.  I had hoped to do more, but there you go.  I'm not setting a goal for today, but I would like to be done with the organizing everything in the room by the end of the weekend.  I think I can do that!

CrossFit

CrossFit was super fun today.  The WOD was for completion, not time.  You went to each "station" and did your thing.

1. 5 Rope Climbs - well, I cannot climb a rope.  So I would sit on my butt and pull myself to a standing position using my upper body as much as possible.  I did that 10x.
2. 10 Atlas Stone Lifts from group to shoulder - I used a 93# stone.  I tried the 116#, but while I could get it in my lap in a squatting position, I couldn't get it rolled to my shoulder.  Maybe next time!
3. 20 Box Jumps - I used an 18" box which was tough for me, but I did it.
4. 30 Toes to Bar - I still can't even hang from the bar since surgery.  So I laid flat on my back holding a pole behind my head.  Then I would lift my toes up and touch the pole behind me.
5. 40 Kettlebell Swings (unbroken) - I used a 26# KB but I'm thinking I should have tried heavier.  It was tough, but I still think I could have pushed myself more there.

Fun class!!

What is Wrong With Me?

That was rhetorical and kind of a tease.  I'm just so darn content.  I honestly think if my wardrobe fit my current body, I would be fine to stay were I am.  I'm wearing an outfit that fits well today and after my workout, I feel strong and happy.  It is odd for me to feel content with my body which is why I keep wondering what is wrong.  :-)

I know I will be upset as I go into winter and can't wear anything, so I will continue to work.  If only I just hated food.  Life would sure be easier.

Bandy Band Band

I'm super tight this morning.  That should make for an interesting day.  I'm going to happy hour tonight with my CF girls which should be super fun, but I hate it when I can't eat in front of people.  And I can't drink without eating something.  Oh the weird challenges we face.

Hugs!