WTF Wednesday

So, this is the third time I have started this post. The first time, I just quit. The second time I finished it but the blogosphere ate it somehow. Third times a charm?

I have been a bit frustrated. Since the beginning of August, I have been eating paleo and working out hard core. Even though I was feeling good, I was getting frustrated that I just seemed to be treading water as far as weight is concerned. So I went on vacation and used it as an excuse to behave poorly. It isn't like I went crazy, I just ate and drank what I wanted when I was hungry. I came back from vacation 5 pounds heavier. Le Sigh.

Back to the hamster wheel. I was happy that Facebook gave me a bit of a reality check though. Being frustrated that I'm treading water at this size beats the hell out of being frustrated at treading water at my former size. 

In addition to the 50 or so pounds that separate these times in my lives (the left picture is not at my heaviest and the right isn't at my lowest), there is also a significant difference in my strength and muscle tone. I may never be thin, but I can absolutely be healthy and strong. I know that this is a lifelong battle and my life will be full of resets. As annoying as it can get sometimes, it's okay. I have to believe that if I continue doing what is right, it is the best thing for my body whether or not the weight comes off.

I was telling BFF this weekend that if it wasn't for truly wanting to go hang gliding in Rio, I wouldn't even care as much. I'm learning to be happy with the body I have and working to make it strong.

I never thought I would get to the point that I didn't hate my body, but I'm actually getting there. I love that I can see muscle definition even if there is a little cushion around it. I have had two doctors lately tell me that it is obvious I work out a lot. That feels good!

However, no amount of body acceptance and love will overshadow that if I want to do this thing, I need to be lighter. The same would apply to anybody, it's not like anyone is picking on me. It is just how it is.

So, the bottom line is, how do I get that done? How do I stop losing and gaining the same 10 pounds as I have since late 2012 and actually break past it? I've tried positive rewards (like hang gliding) and negative consequences (like Diet Bet). I have tried Weight Watchers, Paleo, logging food, working out more, blah, blah, blah. What will it take for me to actually do it?

On another note, I have developed bicep tendonitis. That might also be a source of frustration. The one thing I'm good at controlling (working out) is limited. Yesterday I got up and went to CrossFit but instead of the WOD, I ran. It is dark in the mornings and it really isn't safe to run in my neighborhood, but my gym is in a really nice neighborhood with a hotel with a lot more activity in the morning. I was going to do the same today, but I didn't want to get out bed and convinced myself that I would run at lunch instead (which is fine.) Well...the work gym and locker rooms are closed. So...I have to really want it. I will have to change in our office bathroom, go outside in the heat and come back and get ready in the office bathroom. It isn't ideal, but that's what happens when you put stuff off. Tomorrow I will just get up and do what I should.

**Update** So I just went to go work out. I had to go back and forth to my office because I forgot my sunglasses, then my phone with the running app...all the things that I don't normally need to use downstairs, but need for outside running. The big bathroom stall was occupied, so I changed in the little one which is not easy, but damn it...I was running. When I was done, I went out to the sitting area where I left my bag to put on my sneakers and lo and behold...no sneakers. I just lost it. I absolutely couldn't contain the sobs. It might be the most defeated I have felt in a long time, but I dried my eyes, changed back into my work clothes and got myself together. *&$#^Q(*&^(*#!!!!!!!!! But shit happens. I will run tomorrow. **Update**

Some things I'm super happy about:

My Rangers are leading the division! Woohoo! Just a month ago, everyone had written them off. But here they are, not just fighting for a Wild Card spot, but for the pennant!! Plus we have tickets for the game tomorrow night and Saturday night. I can't wait!!

 We booked our tickets to Rio! We don't have return tickets yet, but one thing at a time. Ha! We were able to book first class to Miami then business class to Rio for an acceptable amount of miles. There was a strong chance that they were going to be charging more miles, but it didn't happen and I'm super excited. Crossing my fingers that next week will provide the same opportunity for the return flight!

 My mom has decided she is going to come for a visit next month. We always have fun when we are together, so I'm looking forward to it!

My life is really great. It seems like a weight problem should pale into comparison with everything else. Yet, it doesn't really feel that way. I just have to keep reminding myself that...

HAHAHAHA!!!

Hugs!

Dizzy as a Bee

Third day in a row at CrossFit this morning. Feeling strong, baby! Interestingly, I have been getting vertigo the last several days, weeks even maybe. But the last few days it has been particularly bad. I noticed it a lot when I turn over in bed and I get the spins. Or when I tilt my head to neti pot and get dizzy. There is no accompanying shortness of breath, nausea, or weakness...just vertigo.

I started doing some checking and apparently it can be caused by tight neck muscles. Who knew? It would make sense though because with the extra CF, my traps are rocks on top of my shoulders. I bought some essential oils a while back but hadn't used them. Last night I broke out the Panaway oil which is a mix of wintergreen, helichrysum, clove & peppermint.

I added some of the oil to some fractionated coconut oil (fyi, I don't know what fractionated means, I just know that this type of coconut oil is a liquid as opposed to the solid that I cook with...) in a roller bottle. I rubbed some on my muscles and massaged the best I could. I will do that each night and see if it helps.

Also, I scheduled a 30 minutes neck and shoulder massage tomorrow along with a 90 minute full body next week. I'm also planning to go to yoga tonight. I'm hoping that the combination of all things will make the vertigo go away.

Today's workout:

• 40-30-20-10 Kettle bell Swings - I started with 35# and got through 30 but then switched to 25#. 100 is a lot! :)
• 5-10-15-20 Handstand push ups. I tried to kick up in a handstand today which is normally no problem for me, but the vertigo just wouldn't allow it. I did my push ups off the side of the box today.
• 8:00 EMOM (every minute on the minute) 1 high hang snatch + 1 hang snatch + 1 overhead squat. I used a 55# barbell and felt quite strong for this section of the workout.

I plan to take tomorrow off, but go back on Friday then Jazzercise on Saturday.

I still don't think this pic does my hair justice, but since I chopped it off, I wanted you to see.

Hugs!

Getting Stronger

The CrossFit consistency is paying off. The scale still refuses to budge (except to go in the other direction. I'm actually up 2.5 pounds from the beginning of the month. Le Sigh.) HOWEVER, I have noticed some non-scale victories that are really important:

• First and foremost, I feel GOOOOOOD! Not just okay or pretty good, I feel awesome. 
• I feel stronger. This morning I did 50 pull ups. Not just that, I actually decreased the size of resistance bands I've been using to help me do them. This seems like a small thing, but it is actually a really big thing. It has been on my bucket list for a long time to be able to do just one unassisted pull up and it seems like it might actually be possible with some really hard work.
• My cardio capacity is increasing. Things that were impossible just a few weeks ago are happening now. They happen SLOWLY, but they happen. 
• Saturday I wore a dress that I had slowly started to phase out of my rotation because it was too tight. It was decidedly NOT too tight on Friday.

I had promised myself that in August, I would commit to eating Paleo and put a focus on CrossFit. My plan was to reevaluate at the end of the month. I still have about a week to decide how to approach September.

I have a very real goal of losing weight for a specific reason, namely hang gliding while in Rio. I absolutely have to lose pounds if I'm going to do that. What I have to decide is whether what I'm doing now is correct and my body will catch up OR whether I need to make some sort of change.

I joined Amy's next diet bet for a little extra immediate motivation. Wish me luck!

If you are interested in the food side of my week, you can read more here.

Hugs!

Monday, fun day?

Happy Monday! I can't tell you the last time I had a weekend with absolutely nothing on the calendar. It was delightful!!

Friday night, BFF & I got pedicures after work then went to our respective homes for dinner. I was proud of myself for not picking something up, but then ended up eating Ore Ida french fries for dinner. Not cool! But the good news is that they are all gone. So...

Saturday I got up and went to Jazzercise. We did one routine at the end during the strength portion that has all but killed me. You start by laying on the ground and then pick your booty off the floor so you are on your feet and shoulders. And we pretty much stay like that through the whole song. Sometimes you just pulse up and down. Other times you walk your feet. Other times you bring your knee up to your chest. But never do you lower your booty to the floor. Sheesh! I can still feel it!!

After church on Sunday, BFF and I came back to my apartment and I cooked. You can actually read all about it here. I started another blog that focuses on food. My biggest reason in starting it was to review restaurants about their gluten free-ness. Since I'm the social planner and pick most of the restaurants, I always like to make sure BFF (who is gluten free) has options. One of the best resources is blogs, so I'm contributing to the cause. It will also have some recipes and other food related commentary.

Sunday I did chores and sat around catching up on TV. It was amazing! I don't have lazy weekends like this very often, so I took every advantage.

This morning I got up at 5am and got over to CrossFit. It is getting a tad easier now that I'm going a little more consistently. The strength portion of workout was 5 rounds of 5 reps (5x5) overhead squats. To me this is a really hard move because everything is so much heavier when you put it over your head! I got up to 75# this morning which is good for me (at my fittest a few years ago, I got up to 105#). I might have been able to go a little heavier, but since I tweaked my back a little the last time we did squats, I tried to be careful.

This is an example of what it looks like. 

The conditioning WOD was Helen. 3 rounds: 400m run, 21 kettlebell swings & 12 pull ups. I swear that running never gets easier for me. Ugh. I used a 25# kettlebell instead of the prescribed 35#, again, just to be careful with my back. All seems well, so I think I can push it more next time.

I still use two bands to assist my pull ups, but I have graduated to one big one along with the smallest one. My goal is to drop the second one soon. Baby steps. My coach was helping me with my form today. I could feel the difference so I'm hoping I can build on that.

The scale seems to be stuck. I took measurements and frustratingly, those don't seem to be much different either. However, I'm wearing (comfortably) a pair of pants that I haven't worn comfortably in quite a while. So either, I wasn't measuring myself fairly or I'm just crazy. Could be either, who knows.

Bottom line: I feel great! Honestly, that is the most important part, truly. But it doesn't mean I don't want to lose weight, if for no other reason than I still have some to lose if I'm going to go hang gliding in Rio. But I KNOW I'm doing the right things because I can feel my body responding in good ways. I just have to keep myself encouraged.

Hugs!

Transitioning from summer travel mode to normalcy...

I have a love/hate relationship with summer. Summer is hot. And work is busy. And it is hard to stay in a routine. And it is hot.

BUT...Summer means travel and I do love that. I made it to Louisville, Chicago, Washington D.C., a Texas ranch, a Dallas staycation convention, Louisiana and NYC. If I were filthy rich, I would travel constantly. But I'm not and it is still flipping hot.

Although I'm proud to say that I have somewhat stayed on track this summer. I think when I checked in last, I mentioned that I had new weight loss inspiration...hang gliding in Rio! That actually seems to be working. Except during trips, I am eating Paleo and committing to CrossFit at least 3x per week.

I decided to make a goal of losing 30 pounds over the next year. I won't lie, I'm reaching for 30 so 20 seems more doable. Ha! As of today, I'm 5 down. I think what is really getting it done is that I'm not eating any bread or grain carbs at all. In addition, I'm severely limiting sugar and drinking, particularly during the week. But being consistent is making it (a little) easier.

CrossFit wins are coming faster now that I'm really focusing on being there 3x a week. My kick up to a handstand is looking stellar. And I did a version of a hand stand push up progression!!! I had to stack an ab mat on top of a 15# plate on top of a 45# plate, but I did it. It looks kind of like this:

Also, I hurt my back a bit one day doing squats. I rested a couple of days and got right back to it. My core is strengthening!

Thanks to Miss Amy for giving me a kick to post. My mind is a little scattered, but after a break it is hard to get back to it. I needed to pull off the band-aid and make it happen. Here is me doing that. :)

Here are some pictures from my fun summer:

In NYC with one of my former blogger friends Liz from the Bronx.

BFF & I took 4 kids (ages 2-12) to the circus. The wine and sushi came after!!

BFF's birthday. The hen of the woods mushrooms at this place made me cry. Yumilicious.

These will be my Rio companions!!

I hope you are all well out in Blogland. I look forward to getting back to some normalcy!

Hugs!