Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Clarity and Committment

Like many people, I write in my blog for many reasons:
  1. To work through issues in my head.
  2. To psych myself up.
  3. To chronicle my progress.
  4. To keep myself on track.
There are probably many other reasons, but the main focus is that I write for me.  It was an absolutely million dollar bonus that I met so many wonderful people and that I get amazing feedback from your comments.  Sometimes when I write, I'm pouring out what is in my head but I don't always do the best job of putting that accurately into words.  After the comments I received yesterday, I realized that my post did not properly reflect what I was thinking.  So I'm shooting for a little more clarity today.

I am so proud of my successes.  I only have to look to the side of my blog to see how far I have come.  When I look in the mirror, I'm quite pleased at what I see.  I feel good in my clothes and I like to show off my hard work.  I don't nitpick at every little thing and I don't want to be someone that I'm not. 

However, pictures can be a little different.  I used to hide from the camera or at least completely avoid looking at the pictures.  Life is no longer like that.  I don't hide from the camera and I look and enjoy the pictures I am in.  But sometimes, I don't like pictures of myself.  I think that everyone, even people without major body issues feel that way sometime.  But when I see a picture of myself I don't like, I try to determine why.

I never want to be the person that doesn't like the things that makes me me.  But if there is something bothering me that is "improvable", then I want to identify it and perhaps work on it.  When I looked at the picture yesterday, I didn't see myself as I was 3 years ago, but I did see some things I didn't like.  I did not mean to say that I was ugly or "less than" somehow.  I was just being my analytical accountant self.  :)

What this boils down to is that I didn't mean to sound down on myself.  Quite the contrary!  I'm not listing things I need to be "normal", I'm listing things that would make me feel hot.  HA!  I'm not being depressing, I'm being shallow!!  (That was a joke!!  :) ) 

Thank you all for caring about me and saying those super awesome things!  Please don't EVER stop caring about me, I just wanted you to know that I'm all good.  I swear!!

Now on to something completely unrelated.  I have committed to do Murph on Memorial Day.  Who or what is Murph you say?  Well, it is a CrossFit WOD that was named in honor of a fallen soldier.  My box has a Memorial Day Murph & BBQ every year.  This is Murph:
  • 1 mile run
  • 100 pull ups
  • 200 push ups
  • 300 air squats
  • 1 mile run
It is brutal and crazy.  I'm sure it is going to take me FOREVER.  But it will be my last workout before my surgery so I can give it absolutely everything I got.  Kind of like running my first 5K, finishing this will make me feel a sense of accomplishment like I can't even explain.

I'm nervous for obvious reasons, but I also have anxiety because it is at a special time.  Everyone from every class does this at once, so I won't be surrounded by my Donut Crew in my safe class.  Ha!  The good news is that so very many of the people that will be there have visited my class before so I know them or they were in my Fundamentals group last summer.  It will be fine, just like it is always fine.  But I'm proud of myself for doing something that scares the ever-living shit out of me. 

Too bad I don't have a badass unicorn shirt.  I would totally wear it for Murph!



Darlin1 said...

Shallow is good ;-).......I's part of what makes you and the rest of us special!


~Lisa~ said...

I am so amazed at your success - and most of all your drive!! You give me the push I (very) often need to keep this derriere moving!!

Thank you for being my inspiration!!

Dawnya said...

You need a badass unicorn shirt for this. You are going to rock the Murph.