Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Okay Blogger friends...has anyone done CrossFit?  If so, thoughts?  Tonight, after a margarita and queso, I'm thinking I might start the 4 week introductory course in July.  I'm sure I will change my mind by then, but I thought I would collect some info.  :)  Spill it!


I'm back!!

I can access Blogger from work again which is really helpful because I don't seem to keep up well from home.  I kept myself busy all weekend, but as of this morning, I'm now 414 blog posts behind.  Whoa! 


I had the afternoon off and went to take my car in AGAIN.  I have a loaner and they are supposed to have it fixed and for good this week.  I will believe it when I see it.  Then I went to the Mall to pick up my packet for my 5K and while I was there I picked up a couple of different water bottles for running.  I enjoyed a nice evening at home watching TV!!


I got up and went to Jazzercise which was a nice way to start off the day.  I ran some errands and then went to see the Conspirator in the afternoon.  If you haven't seen it, I recommend it.  I have no idea if it is at all historically accurate, but it was entertaining!  After the movie, I went to church then out to dinner with my friend Ben.  I ended up going to bed early.


My totally LAZY day!  I sat around all morning and watched the Indy 500 festivities and race.  Then I went to my friend's house to play in the pool for a little bit.  Then I went home and watched the Nascar race and caught up on some other TV.


5K day.  This one I ran with my friend, Alisha, from my support group.  Or rather, we started running together and I told her not to let me hold her back.  Girl kicked my butt!!  My pace was off from last time by 26 seconds per mile, so I ended up almost a minute and a half slower than the last race.  But it had a lot more hills than the last one, so I'm not going to be too disappointed.
This is us before we started. 

This is us after...all sweaty and gross, but victorious! 

Random:  okay, so you all remember the guy that poked me on Facebook?  Well yesterday, he "liked" this picture and "liked" a friend's comment telling me that I look AMAZING.  Isn't that interesting?

Anyway, I'm meeting my sorority daughter for dinner tonight which will be lots of fun!! 

Oh wait...monthly weigh in.  Damn it.  I knew I was avoiding something.  Anyway, this month is the first time I have gained weight over the course of a month (except for when I was deflated for my tonsillectomy).  I'm not going to lie, I was disappointed.  Especially after all my tough talk about hitting 100 pounds this month.  Ugh.  Anyway, I sucked it up and updated my ticker. 

I have reasons and excuses, but it is what it is.  June will be better, I have no doubt.  This little bump doesn't take away my happiness.  Just reminds me that it is a lifelong journey and I need to continue to bring my focus back to center as often as necessary.

Happy short week!


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Life without Blogger...

...at work anyway.  It's probably for the best, but it is always such a nice diversion from my day.  I have been unable to access from work for two days, so I'm afraid it might be permanent.  Oh well.

Last night was a total blast!  We went to dinner at a pizza joint.  The pizza was good...but the dessert was ridiculous.  Ridiculously AWESOME!  It was called a sundae stack.  It was a solid chocolate bag/box filled with Blue Bell Ice Cream, Marshmallow Creme, fresh berries, graham crackers, pecans, cinnamon sugar and goodness knows what else I have forgotten.  I will seriously go back just for that dessert.

After dinner, we went to see 9 to 5 and if you have a chance to see it, I would highly recommend it.  Diana Degarmo from American Idol played the Dolly Parton character and she was spectacular!  It was silly, wonderful fun.  As a special bonus, we caught the last few minutes of the Mavericks game.  Go Mavs!!

Tomorrow is Friday and I'm ready for a nice holiday weekend!


Wednesday, May 25, 2011


I was scheduled for a fill today or at least to talk to the doc about whether I needed a fill.  I was tight all day yesterday and woke up this morning gurgling.  I weighed and I was even down a few tenths.  I think my Grandma (who I talk with in heaven a lot...if that's crazy, whatever) was giving me a sign that tightness/looseness isn't my issue.  So I cancelled.

I talked to my mom this morning and told her that I was going to relax a bit.  I have working at this for over a year and I have to accept that either I get on it or the weight loss is going to slow down.  For over a year, I gave up a lot of things, like eating what my friends ate or going somewhere that I thought would be a trigger, etc.  Over a year later, I'm the smallest as I've ever been and I'm ready to be more social and do more things.  Today, it is more important to me to go out to dinner with my friends instead of working out, for example.  And I think that's okay...I just have to realize that if I don't work at it as much, I won't lose weight as much. 

A month or so, I got sick and was dehydrated and I think that showed false numbers on my weightloss.  This month will be the first month (outside of when I was deflated) that I will gain weight.  Even though I KNOW it is because of the timing of that sickness, I realize now that it still depressed me a bit.  But now that I know that, I can move on. 

Debi said that she wanted to do a mini-challenge, kind of hard core (I believe her words were "balls to the wall") for a short period in June and invited me to join her.  She is doing 2 weeks, but I am doing 10 days.  10 days of doing perfectly what the best dieter in the world should do...well, I do have to live my life in there, but you know what I mean.  It starts on 6/13 and I will keep you updated. 

I'm going to see 9 to 5, The Musical with my friend ShareBear tonight.  Not sure where we are going to dinner but she will pick something great, I know!  I love theater nights. 


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Random Rant :)

I'm feeling much more than "fine" today.  Y'all's comments always lift me up so much.  Thank you, friends.

Commence random rant:

I am beyond tired of selfish people.  For the last couple of years, I have been working really hard (inside and out) to find a place of peace and happiness.  One thing that used to derail my day was selfish people.  I would be so annoyed with someone's actions that I would go off the rails.  That would cause me to lose MY WAY and I would be so wrapped up in my anger that I would miss out on the happiness around me.

I came to realize that while people can hurt you, you control your reaction.  For instance, a friend or loved one might do something to hurt you once and it is hard to get over.  But if they continue to do it again and again and you keep reacting in the same way...then I think some of the blame for your unhappiness comes from you.  I realized that if I reacted with peace and love, than more often than not, peace and love would return to me.  And if it didn't, I modified my relationship with that person.  I don't mean I cut people out entirely...just modified my expectations of the relationship.  What a freeing feeling to release your expectation of some people.  Don't get me wrong, I have AMAZING close friends and I still put my full faith in them!  I just don't set myself up for heartache with people who consistently disappoint.

That being said, I'm feel like I'm surrounded by selfishness at the moment.  In fact, I think if everyone I knew read this post, there would be MANY that would think this is about them.  The funny thing is that I feel this so widespread, it truly isn't about any one person in particular.  I just wish people would start considering other people's feelings more.  Everyone is so wrapped up in how THEY are affected or how THEY were wronged instead of looking how they are affecting OTHERS. 

I admit that I still have to consciously make myself stop and think about my actions.  And sometimes I want so bad to be whiny and selfish (and sometimes that wins.)  But I promise, in the end, being the better person feels SO much better. 

This was NOT about YOU.  Or you know what...if you think it was, then maybe take a moment and think about why that would be.  And DO BETTER!

::Deep Breath::  Sorry about that...

On a happy note, Go MAVS!!  I stayed up and stayed up last night even though I was tired, but when they were so far behind at the end I turned it off.  I can't BELIEVE I missed the comeback.  But YAY!!  I will miss the game tomorrow night because I'm going to see 9 to 5, the Musical.  Jealous?!  Yeah, you should be.  :) 


Monday, May 23, 2011

I'm doing fine.

-adverb,  Informal . in an excellent manner; very well

This is what fine ACTUALLY means.  In my office, "fine" means something very different.  When one of us says, "it's fine" or "they're fine", what we really mean is that "they are doing the minimum amount required by the agreement/scope of work/job description so I can't officially complain, but I'm disappointed in them because they can do better." 

So, I'm fine. 

Food:  Obviously still my issue.  I noticed this weekend that I'm able to eat a whole lot and I get hungry quickly.  But I also have a little heart burn every once in a while.  I decided that I will go see the doc and have a talk about what to do and go from there.  I have limited my chocolate and that really helped on that side of things.  But my problem now is volume.  I will work on it and get an expert opinion and go from there.

Exercise:  I'm doing okay.  (or Fine.  Heh.)  I'm doing my normal 3 days a week Jazzercise which is what a "normal" person might do.  But without the lunch work outs and extra stuff I do, I just don't lose.  I told the President of my company that I wanted a running coach and he said that he "might be able to help with that".  I'm not sure whether to be excited or terrified!  :)

I got a little frustrated this weekend.  We went to Granbury for the afternoon which is a little town that has a downtown cluster of fun shops.  We had lunch and did some wine tasting and shopped around.  I tried on several things at a couple of boutiques.  EVERY SINGLE ITEM was too small.  I tried the biggest size in every situation whether it be a L or XL and not one of them fit.  My BFF tried to make me feel better telling me that things didn't fit her either.  [Sidebar:  I don't care if you are a size 0 or a size 20, if you try on something in "your" size and it is too small, it sucks.  It makes you feel bad and that is no fun.]  The difference for me is that I can't just suck it up and go get the bigger size...there is no bigger size.  I have lost over 90 pounds, wear size 12 dresses and jeans and I could not fit into ANYTHING in those two stores.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed about it or anything...I'm just annoyed.  And it makes me realize that there are many reasons that I don't want to be "done" yet.

I know I'm sort of all over the place today and I'm sorry about that.  I'm busy and I'm behind on everything and I'm not thinking cohesively.  It will all work out eventually though.

I should know this week what tickets we will get for the 2012 London Olympics.  My fingers are tightly crossed!!!


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Super fun night!

I have 10 minutes before I go to yet another training on yet another day...!  I'm behind on reading blogs, answering emails, work, life, BUT I'm going to blog.  It's what keeps me going!

Last night was a blast!!  The Spiral Diner (vegan) was FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC!  I had a coconut limeade to drink and with a little rum it would have been perfect.  :)  We started with some hummus and tortilla chips which was delicious.  BFF & I shared the nachos for dinner.  BEST nachos I've every had.  Seriously!  The toppings were and in-house made vegan cheese, quinoa, black olives, corn, "taco meat", guacamole, vegan sour cream and probably something I'm forgetting.  I couldn't believe how much I loved it!!

Then BFF & I went to see Rock of Ages.  Cheesy spectacularness!!  The music was fun, the cast was great and the storyline was pure Velveeta.  Perfect!!  Constantine was excellent in his role.  I had no expectations but I thought he did a really great job.  If you like musicals and/or 80s hair band music, you should totally see it!  :)

It will be nice to get back to Jazzercise tonight.  Two days off and I'm starting to get used to it. 


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Happy Wednesday!!

Good Morning!  I'm off for more training today.  I have it every day this week.  Lucky me!

BUT...one of my coworker friends flew in from DC for the training today.  Tonight, she is coming to dinner with me, BFF & Lizard.  We are going to a Vegan Diner.  Interesting, huh?  My coworker eats vegan mostly, so I thought it would be fine to try.  Their menu is very diner"esque", just no bacon, I guess.  Ha!  I will let you know.

Then after dinner, BFF & I are going to see Rock of Ages.  I can't wait!  This is one that I have been looking forward to for a while.  Then tomorrow it is back to work for more training.

I can't believe May is more than half over.  Where does the time go? 

Have a great Wednesday!


Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Tuesday doesn't usually ramble this much...

So Blogger goes down for a day and I go AWOL.  :)  I had a super busy weekend and I missed you guys!


Work is work is work.  After, we went to see Bridesmaids.  It was more chick flick than I had anticipated, but it was a nice balance.  I loved it!  At one point, I was hiding my face and laughing so hard I couldn't make a sound.  :)


Jazzercise, errands, a show.  BFF, another friend, & I went to see Broadway, Our Way done by the Uptown Players.  They are a very liberal group, but one of the best regional theaters I have ever attended.  We had a blast!


After church, I met the fabulous Fluffy for some lunch and light shopping.  If you all don't follow her, you should.  First, she is a cool, nice person and I'm glad to count her as my friend.  But beyond that, she had her surgery long ago and has SO much Band wisdom to impart.  She doesn't tell you it is easy, but she doesn't martyr herself either.  It is what it is and she is straight up about it.  This time she made me look at a couple of my challenges in new ways and I walked away from her feeling reinvigorated.  Thanks Fluffy! 


That brings me to my big revelation of the day...I cannot have chocolate in my home.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up chocolate.  Not at all.  But I need for it to be a concious choice that I make to give myself a treat because I truly want it and not a mindless action to have something because it is there.  I went through this with ice cream several months ago and stopped keeping it around.  Recently I started again and I have 1/2 pint of Dulce de Leche in my freezer that I haven't touched in weeks.  It probably isn't even good anymore.  So, I have a precedent for success.  :)

For the longest time, just making sure that my treats were within my calorie count would keep me in check.  That is no more.  No problem.  I gave what was left of my stash to BFF to take to work yesterday.  Last night for my treat, I had some sugar free pudding.  And GASP...I was fine.  I knew I would be, I just had to get it out of the house to make it happen. (Oh, and Tori, I tried coffee without cream on Sunday and I liked it!  Who knew??  :))

It's funny (well, not really funny, but you know what I mean), for a fleeting moment, I thought I might need a fill.  But when I added up the calories I was getting from chocolate, I saw pretty quickly that wasn't the case.  I'm where I need to be and I think I hunger and satisfy like a "normal" person, I just have to make the good choices that ANYBODY has to make when they are trying to lose weight.  Sometimes, I just need a reminder!


I got the pictures from my last 5K yesterday.  I kid you not that when I first went to the website link, I started to scroll down because I didn't recognize myself.  I'm not sure if it the hair, the fact that you can see space between my legs, or what...but it took a bit for me to realize it was me.  Check out my thumbs.  That is how I run (and Jazzercise), like I'm hitchhiking.  Or as Lizard says, I'm saying "thumbs up" to running.  Ha!
Final thoughts

Next week I find out what Olympic tickets we get.  I really, really hope that we got what we want!!!  I have training at work ALL WEEK, so no lunch workouts.  Plus I have dinner with a friend tonight and theater tickets tomorrow night, so I'm going to have to make sure I get to Jazzercise on Thursday, Friday & Saturday.  That will be good though since I need to catch up on my Jazzercise class goal anyway.  Oh, and if I didn't mention it before, I now have plane tickets and my hotel reservation for Chicago!  YAY!!

I almost forget, I lost a pound last week.  After feeling like I was going off the rails, I will totally take it.  Just a couple more pounds and I am back in business.  :)

I will catch up on all your fun posts over the next few days.  Have a great week, angels!


Thursday, May 12, 2011

Thursday's Thoughts

Good morning, angels!  I don't know about you, but I'm glad that the weekend is almost here.  From now until mid-July, I have one super fun thing after another.  YAY!!

I can feel the energy I have this morning after working out yesterday.  I hadn't done anything since my walk on Sunday, so it felt good and I REALLY pushed myself.  I hope that I can push myself the same way at Jazzercise tonight.  For the 2nd week in a row, I'm only going to Jazzercise twice.  My goal is 150 classes for the year, so I need to start planning better.  I think I will be able to go 4 times the next couple of weeks, so that should help me catch up a bit. 

So, a guy I used to work with poked me on Facebook last night.  Poking is an odd thing, I think.

Several people have asked me about my dress and sandals that I had on the pictures yesterday.  The dress came from Ross last summer and the sandalas are from DSW.  I LOVE both places because you can get super cute things for bargain prices.  I have always loved Ross's dresses, but now I buy everything there.  And I love DSW's clearance rack.  That's the only place I look in the store and last time I found this pair of brown gladiators and a pair of black gladiators.  I was all set and both were 40% off!

It's funny, I noticed this morning that I had stopped doing the positive affirmations.  But I realized that right now I don't need them.  I'm feeling really good!  I guess it is something to break out when I'm down and need to remember the important things.

Have a great day!


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Lovely Lady Hump-Day! :)

Interesting Dinner

It was time again for my monthly girls' Interesting Dinner.  Sadly, one friend lost her SIL to a devasting fight with cancer yesterday so she was unable to join us.  I know that sometimes death is not the worst thing, but it doesn't make it easy or less sad.  My heart and prayers are with that family.

On the more joyous side of things, it was another lovely dinner with my girls.  Aren't we a cute crew?  :)  I was determined to enjoy my food selections without going hog wild.  I avoided alcohol and dessert completely.  I had one bite of the complimentary cornbread (delish!) and one bite of the spanakopita Cowgirl & KK ordered (I don't like cooked spinach, not not as delish).  I decided against a soup or salad and just had my entree...6 ribs with a side of slaw and a side of onion strings.  In the time it took for everyone to eat their entire dinners (and then some), I had eaten 2 ribs.  Chew, chew, chew.  Ha!  And about 1/2 of the onions.  I'm eating the rest for lunch today.  Not a bad choice for me.


Hey!  I have 100 followers!  How the heck did that happen??  I started this for myself as a documentation of my journey.  I wanted to be able to see how far I had come and to be able to reflect on my feelings at different stages of all this.  I did think if it could help one person, then it would be worth it to make it public.  Never in a million years would I think that people would really want to read it!  And I never thought that I could love people so much that I have never seen face to face.

I think of so many of you as not just "blog" friends, but friends.  You inspire me, motivate me and just make me so happy to be part of this community.  I can't wait to see each day what you all are up to and what you have to say.  You truly make a difference in my life and I can't thank you enough for that.  For those of you going to Chicago, I have a hug waiting for you! 


I finally made myself run 2 consecutive miles today.  It has been quite a while (over a month) since I have done that.  It amazes me how much I want to quit during that first mile.  Then I wanted to quit after a mile and a half, but I pushed it to two.  Then I wanted to quit, but I had told myself I was going to run for 30 minutes, so I kept going.  In fact, I ended up going for 32 minutes and 2.5 miles.  I feel so good! 


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Email me! :)

I have a new email address:


As soon as I figure out how to display it on my page, I will do that.  Feel free to email me anytime!


Terrific Tuesday

Yesterday's Post

I thought a lot about my post yesterday.  First, I had to laugh that so many of you thought I was talking about poop.  My apologies!!  I do want to stress that I KNOW I'm not failing in any way.  I have come so far and have had lots and lots of success.  I'm not sad or depressed and I'm not beating myself up.

I just like to do my best and I know right now that I'm not.  I'm doing okay and that is perfectly fine.  But I want to do better.  I still want to lose at least another 25 pounds and I'm not going to do that by coasting.  My BFF makes no bones about the fact that she works out a lot so she can eat what she wants and I think that is FANTASTIC!  She is also at or very near her goal weight.  When I'm at or near my goal weight, I hope that is my mentality too.  But I have to get there first!

Yesterday, I had around a 250 calorie deficit.  Not bad at all, especially for me on a day with no exercise.  But I can do better.  I didn't go crazy with the treats, but I still had too much last night.  It's not like I'm expecting myself to go without.  I'm not.  But I would like to learn how to be satisfied with a small treat...and not have to have so much.  Baby steps!

I have my girls dinner tonight.  Normally, I eat whatever I want on these occasions.  I also normally work out at lunch on these days.  I'm not working out today because I have a chiropractor appointment.  My plan is to forgo alcoholic beverages and dessert.  I will focus on enjoying my entree.  That is my baby step of the day. 

Also, for those of you that mentioned it, I do log my food.  I log all of my food and exercise.  For a long while logging kept me from overindulging.  But right now, it isn't working for me.  I just have to keep focused and figure out the best course of action.  One day at a time.


I'm so proud of my nephew.  He is 13 and has joined the track team.  He runs the 1600 & 800 meter races and he is sweeping the field.  He just continues to win and win and I LOVE that for him!!


One of the things that has changed in my life over the last couple of years is my focus on love for others.  I was always worried about me, me, me and what I wanted and what would make ME happy.  Not that I didn't always love people, I did.  But now I try to put others first.  What I have found is that if I focus on love and making other people happy, my happiness follows automatically.  The thing is though, I had to let go of my pride and my ego which was really, really hard.  But once I did, I felt so free.  Other people's opinions just don't have the hold on me that they once did.

I have several people in my life right now, at least one in every circle, going through a struggle.  They each are drowning trying to keep control in situations where they don't necessarily have it.  I just continue to pray that they will find peace in the realization that everything is not always about them.  I know that was my hardest lesson (and there are many days I realize I'm still learning it!), but once I truly realized it, I became genuinely happy.

My second greatest lesson I have learned is that it is not mine to judge.  Everyone is responsible for their own path.  All I can do is love them and offer a place in my heart. 

Upcoming Fun

I was just looking at the calendar and I realized that my life is so awesome.  :)  I have so much upcoming fun that I hardly know what to do with myself.  Just a peak for you...  This month I have tickets to THREE awesome musicals.  I LOVE theater!  A girls outing and four dinners with different friends. 

In June, I'm celebrating my birthday with Fuzzy's tacos and Bowling for Soup (my most favorite band evah!).  YAY!!  We have tickets to the IndyCar race at TMS, tickets to TWO more musticals, plus concert tickets to see NKOTBSB (if you know who that is...I like you automatically!)  We have vacations in Vegas and then in Long Beach. 

I mean seriously...I could burst from the fun!!


Monday, May 9, 2011

Coming clean to myself.

I think I've become apathetic about the food side of my stool.  (If you all don't follow Fluffy, you should.  I LOVE her posts.)  Anyway, the post that I linked to illustrates our journey as a stool.  One leg is the Band, one leg is our diet/food, and one leg is exercise.  My Band is working just fine and I exercise more than most people I know.  So why am I not more successful right now?  There is no question that the issue is 100% because of my food intake.

Every time I get into a rut, I come up with some new fabulous exercise plan.  I average between 30-40 minutes of organized exercise PER DAY.  Now, I don't exercise every single day of the week, but I might do 60 minutes or more in one day.  I log every bit of organized exercise I do and since the beginning of the year, I have averaged 35 minutes of activity per day.  I started logging my exercise about 3 months after my surgery in January 2009 (when I started getting serious about the fitness part of things) and since then I have averaged just over 30 minutes per day!  I'm guessing in the year before I was Banded, I averaged more like 5 minutes per day.  (Complete side note...I used to think that I worked out at least 30 minutes per day.  I mean I went to 60 minute Jazzercise classes all the time, so I had to average at least 30 minutes, right?  When I started actually logging my exercise, I realized that I wasn't even close to that.  Between vacations, sickness and other reasons for missing, I wasn't even averaging 2 classes per week.  That's when I realized that I was only averaging about 5 minutes per day and I needed to focus more on fitness.)

So, I feel like even though I have some specific fitness goals I want to meet, I do have that side of things covered.  However, I feel like it is also my crutch.  Even today, I started thinking about what more I could do with exercise to help with my situation. 

But the problem isn't lack of exercise!  The problem is food!  ::deep breath::  I get so damn frustrated at myself. 

In the interest of being objective as possible, I want to acknowledge that my food issues are NOT like they used to be.  I managed to gain 20 pounds in the 3 months leading up to my surgery...now that was gluttony (and sloth.)  And I'm not gaining weight now...I'm still on a losing trend albeit a very slow one.

I think that I could maintain without too much effort right now.  Working out at a pace that I enjoy and eating how I am.  I eat very well during the week, then have what I want on the weekends.  I think I could maintain forever that way.  And I think because I'm the smallest I've ever been, I'm getting less motivation to work harder.  You know what I mean?

I have to figure out how to translate the dedication I have to fitness to my diet.  Could I get another fill?  Sure, I probably could.  But I really don't think that is the issue.  I don't think my problem is hunger.  I think my problem is making excuses.

I'm not exactly sure yet how I'm going to go about conquering this.  But I do know that I will work at it until I'm satisfied.  I think that is the key.  If I knew that I were doing my best, I wouldn't be disappointed in myself.  But I'm not. 

How do I go from okay/acceptable to great?  I will think more on this and get back to you.  I just needed to get it out.


Saturday, May 7, 2011

Speaking of accountability...

I ran my 5K this morning.  Bad news first...I haven't been working on my cardio enough.  :)  Usually I'm limited because of the restraints of my body, i.e. my feet, knees, etc.  However, this time, it was quickly apparent that my lungs were going to be the problem this time.  I ran the first mile and just as I was getting to the first mile marker, we turned into the wind.  I had taken a couple of sips of water at the water stand around 3/4 of a mile in.  But with the wind coming at me and my lack of endurance, I started to dehydrate quickly.  I pushed myself another 1/2 mile and realized I wasn't going to make.

No worries though, I walked about a 1/2 mile (although I ran up a hill during that stretch which made me a bit proud) which got me to the next water station, just over 2 miles into the race.  I drank the water which gave me some pep.  The last mile and change, I would run 1/10 and walk 1/10.  If I would have had more water, I could have done more.  I'm going to look into a water bottle belt for next time.

Onto the good news...it would have been super easy to walk more.  I was by myself and no one would have ever known.  But I wanted to do my best, the best that I could do today.  I did that and I will never be disappointed in myself for doing my best.  As I approached the finish line, with 1/10 to go, I ran as fast as I could go.  I kinda felt like I was going to puke and I didn't think I would make it, but I did. 

The best news is that according to my watch, I beat my best time.  My last 5K, I believe I clocked 13:36 mile pace and (again, according to my watch and not the official chip time), this time I paced at 13:11!!  I would say that is progress.  :)  I look forward to seeing the official results.  However, the organizers don't seem all that organized, so I'm not quite sure when that will be. 

My next race is Memorial Day.  I'm running that with a friend and I'm going to let her pace it.  But I'm also running one on 6/04 by myself and my goal will be to run more and faster.  I will let you know how they go!

But the worst news is that I ate like crap today.  No excuses.  Crap.  That is why I'm writing this, honestly.  I wanted to take ownership of my crappy eating day and put it behind me.  Normally, I would just let that be my excuse to eat like crap and be lazy tomorrow.  But I don't want that to happen.  So, I plan to eat within my normal calorie ranges tomorrow.  In addition, I plan to at least take a walk.  It will probably be to hot for me to get myself to run, but I can get myself to walk to the tanning salon.  I know I won't make up all the calories I wasted today, but I won't let it get out of control. 

Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend!!


Friday, May 6, 2011

Running Accountability & Juggling Priorities


I took a look at the 5Ks I have done:

09/04/10 - 48:04
10/30/10 - 45:14
12/04/10 - 44:21
02/26/11 - 42:26

The first three were close together and I was really focused on my running.  The 4th was quite a bit later because I had been out of commission for a month for the tonsillectomy.  I know in that time I started to slack off on my running.  My race tomorrow will mark 70 days since the last one and since I log all of my exercise, I can tell you that I have run only 12 times since then.  And only twice in the last 30 days.  Yikes.  Time to refocus.

I think having those 5Ks looming over me is my best motivation.  I want to improve every time and this is the first time I'm worried about doing that.  Today I identified 2 or 3 more races that I will sign up for in June & July.  (It is going to be so darn hot...but I still need to do it!)  I'm trying to make sure they are close to home so I won't be stressed about getting there, etc. 

Also, with my Garmin watch giving me accurate results, I will learn a lot as I go. 

Juggling Priorities

As you know, I make a lot of goals.  And trying to make sure they all get accomplished...along with living everyday life can get a bit stressful.

Things I need to do today:
  • Get gas.  I meant to do it on the way to work this morning, but I forgot.  Not sure if I have enough to cover all these miles.
  • Get my car fixed (an everyday issue that I have to deal with today because my door handle fell off.  Heh.)
  • Pick up my packet for the race tomorrow.  (I COULD pick it up tomorrow morning, but I'm stressed about going alone and I don't really know where I'm going.  So I thought if I could get my packet tonight, that would help me tomorrow.)
  • Go to Jazzercise - I made a goal of attending 150 classes in 2011 which is roughly 3 per week. As of this morning, I'm 2 classes behind for the year.  I can't go tomorrow because of the race and I don't want to continue to get behind.  Plus June vacations are going to put me down even more.
  • Tan
I don't want to give up Jazzercise for the run, but I don't want to give up the run for Jazzercise.  This would be and mostly is all very doable.  The problem is that the car shop is about 30 minutes west of where I work, then the packet pick up is another 20 minutes southwest of that.  Jazzercise is roughly 45 minutes back east, just south of where I work.  Then home is about 15 minutes back west.  So, in order to get it all in, I'm going to have to drive in a big gigantic circle and be quick about it.  I have decided that if something breaks down, i.e. the car takes longer to fix than they said, then I will skip Jazzercise.  The race is tomorrow, but I have more time to deal with my Jazzercise goal.

I still think I can do it though and once I'm done, it will still only be about 7pm.  Plenty of time to relax before I have to go to bed.  The race is at 8am, so I think if I leave by 7am, I should be fine.  So that's not too horrible.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!  I will check in with you tomorrow about the race.  :)


Thursday, May 5, 2011

Thursday meanderings...

I wrote out a beautful new blog post and closed the window instead of submitting it.  Sigh.  I hate when I do things like that.  What is funny though, after I finished writing this version, I figured out that the other one was saved as a draft.  Oops!  Oh well, I liked this one better anyway.  :)


We all know that feet can expand and shrink based on weight.  Last time I was measured and purchased running shoes was in October or November, I think.  So, I thought that maybe my feet aren't as wide since I've lost quite a bit of weight since then.  I originally measured 10.5D, but yesterday I measured 10D.  So my feet shrunk in length but not width.  That just seems very weird to me.  Also, I used to roll my feet out as I walked/ran, but apparently I don't do that anymore.  Losing weight changes so many things you don't even think about!


I am changing my approach to running.  When I first started running, I looked at programs like Couch to 5K where you walked and ran with the purpose of eventually running the whole thing.  My problem was that I was SO SLOW.  I walked slow, I "ran" slow.  And I was lazy.  I would walk instead of run.  So, I just decided that I was going to run the whole way each time I ran and just try to increase the distance each time.  Having that mentality worked really well for me and I ran the whole way for all my 5Ks.  However, I have plateaued in my running and I need to change something if I'm going to get better. 

When I run at home, I run around my block.  There is sidewalk for most of the way and it measures right at 1.75 miles.  That worked out so well for a while because that was what my training runs measured for the most part.  Well, now I want to increase my distance.  I realized in my head last night that one reason I kept just running the one loop is because I knew I couldn't run a whole 2nd loop.  So I would just stop after the first. 

A lot of my friends are having super success with run/walk programs.  So last night, I gave it a shot.  I had been worried in the past that I would rely too much on walking and not run enough.  But I have really learned to push myself.  I ran the first loop fully even though my lungs were screaming at me.  Then I walked for about 1/2 mile and ran another 1/4 mile.  Then I walked the remainder of the loop.  Now, 1/4 mile isn't a TON more, but it is something.  Next time, hopefully it will be 1/2 mile more and so on.  This probably seems so logical to you all, but for some reason, it was like a breakthrough for me.  :)


On the way home last night, I stopped at Cato for a size check.  Honestly, I was probably procrastinating running, but whatever.  They only had one size 10 Classic Fit, so I tried them.  They were tight, but they FIT!!

Let me say that Cato jeans run big.  Today, I'm wearing size 12 Levi's and they fit perfectly.  No way I would be able to get into 10s at this point.  But the important thing is that I fit into and purchased a size 10 pair of jeans.  That has never, never, never happened in my life.  I went back in my blog posts and my last size check where I ended up fitting in size 12s at Cato was on 3/18.  That was only 7 weeks ago.  Holy cow!! 

The bad thing about Cato is that they tend not to carry jeans in the summer.  I should have picked up a size 8 for when I get curious later!  :)


Last night my mom and I were talking about a family friend.  I mentioned that I thought I was probably smaller than her now.  My mom laughed and said that I was clearly smaller than she is.  She said that she is bordering on chubby.  I said that I border on chubby and mom said that I didn't.

I thought about that for a long while last night.  Yes, I fit myself into a size 10 pair of jeans yesterday and rationally, I wouldn't expect to think a person that could fit into any size 10 pants would be chubby.  BUT, by medical standards, I'm still obese.  How can a person that is obese, not be at least borderline chubby?

I recognize that I have a waist.  I also know that most of the issues with my belly and arms are from saggy skin, not fat.  However, when I look at my thunder thighs, it is hard to imagine that people wouldn't still consider me on the chubby side...

Sigh.  I'm trying.  I really am.  My mind is just taking longer than my body to get used to all of this.  To imagine that someone could meet me now and just by looking at me, not think or recognize that I have/had a weight problem?  Inconceivable.  I have ALWAYS been the fat one.  I mean, I'm cool, I'm fun, I'm funny, I'm smart...but I'm also fat.  That was just always part of the package.  Even though I KNOW I'm getting smaller, I just can't not think of myself as fat.

If you would have told me when I was busting out of 24Ws that I would still think of myself as fat in a size 10/12, I would have laughed my head off.  Ridiculous!  I mean, size 10 was my goal for crying out loud!  That is where I thought I should be. 

I don't think that when/if I fit into a size 8 or size 6, I will suddently think I'm skinny.  I think that as I continue to work on my body, I have to also work on my mind.  Baby steps.

Love you, angels!  And thank you for sharing my journey with me.  It makes it so much better.


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Accountability Post

Thank you for the guilt and the peer pressure!  I actually ran tonight.  I ran 2 miles and walked a mile and a half.  YAY!  My lungs feel ready to explode, but otherwise, I feel great!


I need some peer pressure.

I'm buying some new running shoes at lunch today.  I need to run tonight after work.  I have 5Ks coming up and I'm totally behind on my running goals.  It is like I just stopped running. 

Tell me to run tonight.  I need guilt and peer pressure.  Bring it on!


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

BACK in business.


I went to the chiropractor at lunch yesterday.  He said I was perfect!  Well, he said my spine is perfect, but I will take it.  Apparently, I have a very straight spine and even hips.  Good to know.  No arthritis, no degeneration, no nothing.  So, the issues I'm having are muscular and should go away with a little bit of treatment and TLC.  YAY!!


I woke up for yoga this morning, but decided that it with my back hurting still, it would be silly to do morning yoga.  I decided to move this particular activity to next week.  That said, I think it WOULD be beneficial to do evening yoga, epecially on nights I don't Jazzercise.  Like tonight.  Hmmm...I will let you know how that turns out.


It is AMAZING the difference a day of tracking my food makes.  I feel so much more in control!  Technically, I allow myself anything I want to eat, it just has to fit into the calories for the day.  It really works for me.  So, where I have been eating several pieces of chocolate after dinner each night, last night I had a junior sugar daddy and one piece of chocolate because that is what fit into my calorie schedule.  I didn't feel deprived, but I feel in control. 

I'm shooting for an 800 calorie deficit each day, so I would like to burn 2400 and consume 1600.  Yesterday, I ended up burning 2546 and consuming 1575 for a deficit of 971.  Good day!  Now I just have to string MANY of these kinds of days together.  :)  Century Club...here I come!!  (I still have to work off some of the chocolate bloat from the weekend though...)


I LOVE cheese.  I purchased some cheese at the store this weekend, but since I usually shop at Target, it wasn't anything that exotic.  I had a cheese & cracker selection for dinner last night that included smoked cheddar (not my favorite), harvarti, semisoft goat cheese, & gouda.  It was delicious!  But I want some good, stinky cheese.  My problem is that I don't know what kinds to get.  I go to a place with a big selection like Central Market and I just don't know.  Any of you love cheese and can give me some pointers?  I tend to like the softer stuff as opposed to the really hard.  And I noticed last night that I enjoyed the sweet flavor of the goat cheese a lot...much more than the smoky flavor of the cheddar.  Anyway, if you have any suggestions, let me know!


Monday, May 2, 2011

I'm blaming Bin Laden for not doing yoga this morning.

It is the beginning of May and time to get busy.  So far, I'm not off to the best start.  I was supposed to do a 5K yesterday, but it was raining in a monsoon sort of way, so we bailed.  Although I didn't exercise per se, I did straighten up my apartment for a 2-3 hours which got me moving some.  This morning was to start my routine...yoga in the mornings, then either lunch or after work workouts.  I stayed up watching the news, so I didn't get up to do yoga.  But tomorrow I will!  My goal is to do it at least 3 times per week, so technically it isn't an issue.

My replacement Body Bugg (RIP Jax) is in place.  She has been affectionately dubbed "Jill" after Jillian on the Biggest Loser (and Jax and Jill?  It was just natural.)  My overall goal is to average 1500 calories consumed per day and burn an average of 2500 calories per day.

At the beginning of the year, I committed to attending at least 150 Jazzercise classes over the course of the year which equates to roughly 3 classes per week.  I'm slightly behind from vacation and being sick, so I need to focus on getting in as many classes as possible.  Additionally, I have REALLY slacked off on running.  Bailing on Sunday's 5K didn't really help that. 

My goal this week is to do the following:
  1. Yoga - T-F mornings (4 sessions for a total of 80 minutes)
  2. Jazzercise - Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday (4 classes for a total of 210 minutes)
  3. Running - Training run on Wednesday & 5K on Saturday (2 sessions for roughly 80 minutes)
  4. Other - 2.5 mile walk at lunch on Tuesday (45 minutes)
It seems like when I take a break from exercise (for whatever reason, vacations included), I get sick and just feel bad in general.  I have been slacking off from keeping up with blogs, I have not stayed active, etc.  It seems to come in waves for me.

So, it is get back on track time which is my FAVORITE time!!  Today at lunch I'm going to meet with a chiropractor.  I've always been a little skeptical of them, but I think I'm having sciatic nerve issues and I want to get it corrected before I have too much trouble.  I'm already having a really hard time sitting through a movie or a play. 

I enjoyed my chocolate binging last week, but now it is time to put it away.  This WILL be the month that I hit 100 pounds lost.  I AM committed to my goals.  I CAN and I WILL do this!!

Hugs y'all!!