Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Making it happen

I think I cleared my head a bit and I'm in a better mood today.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still frustrated.  The jeans that I had in the "donate" pile because they were entirely too big were a challenge to put on this morning.  I work at nutrition and fitness harder than most people I know (not all, of course), but many...and yet, here I am.  I don't think that is something you ever just shrug off.  But in the grand scheme of things, I'm back on board.

Getting ready at home after CrossFit is a definite improvement.  It makes things less stressful the night before and as I walk out the door in the morning.  I don't have to worry about anything, but getting dressed and getting myself to the box.  When I get home, I worry about everything else.  I got to work at exactly 8:30 again today, so I feel good that this is the go forward plan.

I have to get up at 5:30 (which is REALLY early for me), so I get in bed at 9:30, lights out by 10:00.  As I walked into my bedroom last night, I wondered how my upstairs neighbors had installed a washing machine in their bedroom!  After a little while, I realized that it was a treadmill.  It was still before 10pm, so I didn't feel like they were being rude or anything, but once it hit 10:00 and lights out, I was annoyed.  At 10:35, they slowed to their cool down and quit around 10:40.  By then, I couldn't sleep and it was 11:30 the last time I looked at the clock.  Bleh!

But they are flaky, so surely they won't keep to this committment for longer than a few days, right?  I mean, seriously.  Who runs for an HOUR on a treadmill consistently?  Please say "no one".

But I did get up for CrossFit and had a successful day.  We did one rep maxes for Front Squats and Push Presses.  These are examples to show you what I mean.  I can't figure out how to move a video from Facebook to here, so you don't get to see me.  This is a front squat and this guy is lifting a bajillion pounds.  I lifted 145#.

The one in the middle is a Push Press and I lifted 105#.  I was really pleased with that!  Kinda felt a little of the Badass Unicorn for a minute.  Man, I want more of that feeling. 

Tonight I'm meeting my sorority daughter for dinner.  She is just the sweetest and I love getting to spend time with her!  We always meet at Mexican place between our respective cities.  My plan is to be satisfied with a healthy salad...not the taco one with sour cream and cheese...yum!  If I say it here, I must do it.  A fajita salad with salsa for dressing it is. 


Monday, October 22, 2012

Keep up the fight!

Good morning!  It is Monday and time for my regularly scheduled flogging.  I work SO hard for five days only to sabotage myself on the weekends.  I lost 1.2 pounds this week and that would be super fine, if not for the ginormous gain last week.  Boooo!

I honestly don't mind going "off plan" when it is worth it.  Hell, it isn't even really "off plan", it just part of "the plan."  Like at Fearing's the other night.  That opportunity only comes up so often, and I'm a big believer in enjoying things like that.  The food and drinks were so worth it that I didn't give it a second thought.

But this weekend, we went out to dinner on Saturday and it wasn't worth it.  I had been wanting to try the place, but I was very disappointed.  The drinks were bad, the food was barely okay and yet I ate too much.  That is such crap.  I knew it when I was doing it that it was dumb.  But I did it anyway.  Those are the times I need to figure out how to just stop.  And then I proceeded to eat like crap yesterday. 

It is nights like that when I get mad that I'm a fat person.  I may be many sizes smaller than I used to be, but no matter how much weight I lose, I will always be a fat person.  This weekend, things would flutter through my mind like I wish my issue was alcohol or drugs instead of food.  Or that I had a "real" disease.  Obviously (or at least I hope it is obvious) I don't truly feel that way.  Alcohol & drug addiction is terrible and I would never wish disease on anyone.  But in very weak moments, I get sad that everyone can see my biggest shame.  And society makes it worse.  You have to eat and when you are trying to eat healthy, people think nothing of peer pressuring you to eat something that is not.

It is not polite society to offer drinks to an alcoholic, but offering cake to someone trying to follow certain nutritional guidelines?  Totally normal.  In fact, in many circles it is rude to not eat something offered to you, particularly if it is homemade.  And the thing that is REALLY pissing me off at this moment is that my friends aren't even like that.  I don't have that excuse in my regular routine.  So as hard as it is for me??  It is even harder for someone else. 

One of the thoughts that keeps me going..."Everyone has scars.  Some are just more visible than others."  I don't know if I heard it somewhere or not, but I said it one day (referring to my arm lift scars) and it has turned out to be one of my life mottoes.  I get so down on myself when I fail.  My failure is eating/drinking calories that I shouldn't.  When I do that, I don't lose weight.  People can see that.  Everyone knows that I'm trying to lose weight and yet every week, I'm roughly the same size. 

Everyone gets to judge that I work and work and work at this, but I'm pathetic because I can't get it done.  I know people that love me don't judge, but I would be kidding myself if I think there aren't people who do. 

If somebody else's failure is that they drink too much or don't spend enough time with their kids or they gamble or whatever...I don't "get to" see that.  But then I realize that if I did, I would not want to judge them.  So, then what does it matter?  Everyone has scars.  Everyone has demons.  I hate that mine is food, but it is.  And so I will fight it every day, every week, every year.  And probably most every week, I will have to pick myself up and dust myself off and keep fighting.  Because the problem is there...my choices are to fight or to give in.  Fighting is really frustrating and really hard.  But the alternative?  Honestly?  It's death.  Or at least misery. 

When I think back to life approaching 300 pounds, I remember why I'm in this fight.  For me, winning is not wearing a size six.  Winning is every time I have this talk with myself and I don't give up.  And the biggest thing is to remember that most people are fighting their own demons and they aren't paying attention to my fight.  If they are, they shouldn't be.

I'm not going to give up.  And whoever you are?  I don't want you to either.


Thursday, October 18, 2012

Checking In

I'm very busy, but in a great way!  I feel like I'm doing well with the Fresh Diet.  I have meals I have to eat outside of the plan, but I think I'm making the right choices.  I got way off track with my Fredericksburg trip, but I'm happy to say that I'm back to what I was before the trip.  It would be great if I could make additional progress over the weekend!

I did splurge last night because I had a work function at Fearing's which is arguably the best restaurant in Dallas.  It was delicious and an overall super fun evening.  If I was rich, I would go there a lot. :)

I am proud to say that I went to CrossFit Tuesday evening.  I'm not sure how often I will go at night, but at least I got over that hump of giving it a try.  I'm walking with Godmother at lunch.  I always enjoy that anyway.  On Monday, I'm going to give the whole "getting ready at home after CF" thing a try.  Hopefully that will cut down on some of the time needed the night before and I can get back into a groove of going.

I started taking B12 again yesterday as well.  I was low last year when I had my annual blood work so I started taking it.  I can't remember if I noticed a difference or not, but I ran out around the Olympics and I never refilled again.  Hopefully, starting back up will help me get over the tiredness I have.  It isn't horrible...just enough to make me talk myself out of doing things.

Tonight is Citizen's Fire Academy.  That should be fun!  This weekend there is a lot of fun things going on as well.  Looking forward to it!


Tuesday, October 16, 2012


I snuck a peek at the scale this morning and I was 3 pounds down from yesterday.  That is a little more reasonable! 

Yesterday I stayed on track with the Fresh Diet.  I added in my coffees, but that's it.  Good!

I blew off CrossFit again this morning.  Bad!

I'm going to try taking some B12 to see if it can help me out of this energy slump.  I feel fine, just really, really tired.  I worked out after work for many years, but now that I have gotten used to filling my evenings with other things, I don't want to go back to that.  HOWEVER, if I don't, I have to get better about getting up for CrossFit and/or working out at lunch.

Today, I didn't get up for CF and I have lunch plans.  I did bring my workout clothes so I need to do something after work today.  I texted a CF friend to see if she was going this evening.  I don't know why I have so much anxiety about going in the evening.  Actually, that's a lie...of course I know why.  I'm scared.  I'm used to 6am and people there know me and know I work hard, even if I'm consistently the slowest person there.  I don't want to feel judged.  :-)  Sigh.  I need to conquer that.

I also think I might try something different next week.  Usually, I pack all my stuff the night before and get ready at work after CF.  I think that I might try going home after working out instead.  I think it will only add about 30 minutes and would be less stressful.  It is just a thought. 

I don't want to be a person that makes excuses not to work out.  So, I have to figure out how to make it all work without sacrificing having a life.  I know I can do it.  I just have to be patient and not give up on finding the right balance. 


Monday, October 15, 2012

I was bad and I feel bad.

The alarm for CrossFit went off at the normal time this morning, but I rolled over and turned it off.  I felt guilty, but more tired than guilt, so back to sleep I went.  I'm going to work out at lunch so that isn't even why I'm bad. 

Fredericksburg was so much fun. 

We left Friday morning and got into town early afternoon.  We enjoyed all the little shops before we changed and went out to dinner.  We had a blast together!  The only thing missing was ShareBear.  She just wasn't up for going yet, but I know we will go again when she can be with us!

Saturday morning, the limo picked us up and we went on a wine tour.  The limo was a bit extravagant, but we agreed it was so worth it for everyone to be able to enjoy the wine and not worrying about who will drive.  We also stopped at Opa's to buy some sausage.  It is so very yummy.

After a very late lunch, we rested for a bit.  We went to Hondo's for dinner and I think the plan was to listen to the live music, but we were so spent that we went back to the cabin.  It was a relatively early night.  So much for being party animals.  Ha! 

A huge storm came through in the night which with the tin roof made for some sleepy girls in the morning.  But we still had an enjoyable ride back.  Lizard was so sweet to drive us!

This morning, my scale told me that I gained 4.2 pounds over the weekend.  That is a big fat bummer.  But my jeans fit better than they have all summer, so I know that I'm going in the right direction and My Fresh Diet will help me lose the Girls Weekend Bloat.  Yes, that is a thing.

After three days of not-so-great eating and lots of drinking, I think my body was ready to get back to some healthy food.  I was supposed to meet a friend for dinner tonight, but I asked her if she wouldn't mind meeting for coffee instead.  I can have a decaf coffee as a pre-dinner snack and we can visit, then I will go home and eat my brie cakes.  I was also supposed to meet my old boss for lunch, but I rescheduled so I can work out and eat the food I was delivered.  Those are some good choices!! 

So even though I feel bad for missing CrossFit today and for eating/drinking too many calories this weekend, I feel like I'm handling the fallout in the right way.  I've always said that I'm going to live and I think I'm getting to a right balance.  I guess I might change my mind if this "bloat" turns out to stick around...

I don't have any real hiccups in my schedule until Thanksgiving.  Let's see what I can get done in these 5 weeks!!


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Beast day!

I deadlifted 225# today!  YAY!!  It wasn't a personal record because it was the same as I did pre-surgery.  BUT...I'm proud that I haven't lost any ground after taking the summer off.  Next time I'm going for more for sure!!

Nothing too exciting to report today.  I stayed on track with my Fresh Diet yesterday.  Food was good.  I'm getting used to the smaller portions and not getting as hungry in between.  I really thought working out would would make it worse, but it seems to be making it better.  Very curious.  We will see if it lasts.

The food was good yesterday, of course.  My favorite thing of the day was my morning snack of Asian Style Brocco-Slaw with Shredded Turkey.  I'm interested in my lunch today because it is a breaded catfish.  I think I'm going to try and cook it in the convection oven instead of the microwave.

I went to Group last night.  It was a small crew but I got to see my BBF Debi, so that was awesome! 

Mom & I talked this morning about Thanksgiving and whether we want to do an actual Thanksgiving dinner.  I told her that it is entirely up to her and Dad, but I was fine with just some Turkey & Noodles.  We did that last year and it gave us the gist without the ton of leftovers.  Plus, I'm considering doing the Turkey Trot this year which means that we would be away from home for the morning, so cooking a turkey doesn't seem like the best idea.  But if that is what we decide on, we will work it out.  We shall see.

I've also been keeping an eye out for fun things to do so we don't sit around at home the whole time.  I know we are going to make a trip to IKEA.  Did I mention that my dad isn't able to make the cabinet for me like he had hoped?  The transport just won't work.  No biggie.  He can help me pick out something at IKEA and put it together.  I'm still very excited!

There is a Toulouse Latrec exhibit at the Dallas Museum of Art that I thought they would like too.  I haven't found a theater option yet, but I know I will.  We have already done the Nutcracker numerous times and we did the Rockettes a few years ago.  So, I'm on the lookout for something else fun.

Currently I'm reading a book called Drop Dead Healthy.  It is a good read and interesting at the same time.  You might want to check it out!


Monday, October 8, 2012


We all make choices.  Especially about how we spend our time.  There is NEVER enough time to do all the things we want to do.  We justify, rationalize, make excuses, but the bottom line is that we make time for the things that we want...the things that are important to us.

This is on my mind for two reason.  The first is CrossFit.  I made it back this morning...yay!!  As I was logging my results, I realized that it had been almost THREE weeks since I had been.  That is a long time for something that I say is a priority for me.  I started thinking about what made me choose to not go for three weeks.  I went out of town twice and then was sick and didn't feel like going.  In fact, during today's workout, I thought I was going to cough up a lung, so I probably was wise to sit out during my sickness.

My point is that for three weeks, there were things that I wanted to do more than I wanted to get up and CrossFit.  And that's okay.  Pres pointed out that I was slacking last week and after I really thought about it, I didn't feel guilty because I knew that I was prioritizing in a way that was right for me.  Today I'm back in the game and I plan to go three days this week before I leave town yet again.  I'm very comfortable with those choices.

The second reason is because I totally slacked off last week with my organizing goals.  We all have these things we want to get done around the house, right?  Build a patio, change up the kid's room, make the office more usable.  Whatever they are, we all have these household goals.  I WANT my spare bedroom to be organized, neat & tidy.  But obviously not enough to take the time to get it done.  I will continue to chip away at it, so I can be done when dad comes to visit, but I really wanted it done this weekend and I chose to do other things.

One a good note, one of the other things I chose to do was to clean out my pantry which was productive!  I also went through my winter clothes because it dipped into the 30s last night, which means fall is coming soon.  Not this week, really, but it is coming.  Most of my winter clothes are still too small, but I'm getting there!!

Speaking of...one thing that I'm super proud about from last week?  I stuck with The Fresh Diet all week!  I had one complete meal off while we were in Tyler Friday night and I had some supplemental snacks throughout the week, but I stuck with it in a very doable way.  I'm happy to say that I was rewarded on the scale.  In addition to keeping off the 3.6 pounds I lost while sick, I lost 1.8 pounds this week!!  I would have been thrilled to keep off the 3.6 and call it even since I think it was just dehydration, so I feel this was a HUGE win!

This week is going to be a little more challenging since I have meetings tonight & Thursday night and a show on Wednesday.  Then I'm out of town Friday-Sunday.  I would love it if I could lose even a tenth of a pound this week.  Just something to keep me on track and keep me going.

I hate that I have to make so much of my life about food.  I wish I could just shoot from the hip and eat to live.  But for the first time in my entire life, I have sustained control over my body for a significant period of time and it has given me confidence and security.  I'm not going to let that go.  If it means spending a lot of time consciously deciding about every single bite I put in my mouth?  Then so be it.  That is a choice I'm happy to make!!


Friday, October 5, 2012

Much better!

Mere moments after I posted yesterday, I felt better.  As soon as I wrote everything down and saw that there is nothing that is a big deal or really anything that has all that much to do with me, I realized that there was nothing to fret about. 

I know that I'm a broken record on my blog, but I truly believe that most things don't really have anything to do with you most of the time.  And rarely do you know every piece of someone's story.  The only thing you can control is your reaction.  My choice is happiness! 

This evening BFF, Lizard & I are driving to Tyler for ShareBear's mom's funeral home visitation.  ShareBear has such a wonderfully close family and they are supporting each other during this tough time.  I know that I will face burying my mother (and father) one day, but it isn't something that I like to think about.  I send prayers of love and peace to SB's family as they grieve and celebrate their mom's life.

On a much less serious note, the Rangers are in the Wild Card game tonight.  It is a must win or the postseason is over.  I sure hope they bring their A game.  Actually, the A's kicked their butt, so maybe that is the wrong word.  Play well, Rangers!

Last night was my 2nd Citizen's Fire Academy.  I missed last week while I was in Chicago.  In the first part of last night we talked about special rescues like confined spaces (i.e wells), collapses (like trenches, holes or buildings), swiftwater (flooding), etc. 

They did a demonstration of an air gun that would throw a hook out so they can save people from a boat during swiftwater rescue.  It was cool.

After a break, we split into groups and the firemen walked us through the three trucks.  They have a Mobile Command Center (although I'm sure it is called something else).  It has a couple of areas with computers, tv's etc that they can use to help during disasters, like floods.

Then we talked about the Engine.  This is the big one with all the hoses.  It was interesting to talk to the guys about their experiences going out on calls. 

Last, we met in the emergency truck/ambulance to talk with the paramedics.  (FYI...all but 3 of the firemen in my city are paramedics.  They joke that they are a paramedic station with some fire trucks.  Paramedics are called upon much more than firemen.)

This was probably the most interesting part of the night for me even if I do get squeamish talking about medical stuff.  I have to fast forward tv shows sometimes when it gets to be too much!  These guys were very engaging and told us about their job in an interesting and fun way.  Plus, they weren't tough to look at either!

All in all, I'm enjoying my commitment to the Citizen's Fire Academy and I look forward to next week!


Thursday, October 4, 2012

I'm Grumpy

I'm Grumpy because...

  1. Politics.  You don't see/hear much good political debate because so many of the people that want to talk about it are people that want to roll you over with their side of the argument.  So many lies spewed as fact, opinion spewed as fact...yes, I'm sure from both sides.  I think we have an amazing country.  Bush didn't destroy it.  Obama is not destroying it.  We need to look within ourselves and remember the ideals we have in common.  This shit makes me grumpy.
  2. Death.  ShareBear's mom is in hospice.  She has fought hard over the last several years and she is an AMAZING woman.  She has struggled against the odds and just can't fight anymore.  Literally as I typed those words, I got an email from ShareBear that she has passed on.  I am a woman of faith and I'm glad that when it was time, that God took her peacefully and quickly. 
  3. Family.  My brother is married with three youngish children.  I am single with no children.  Every year for Christmas, I go wherever they are, whenever they want me.  All I ask is they give me enough notice to get a decent price ticket.  However, my brother gets annoyed with the thought of having to plan for Christmas in September or October.  So every year it is a struggle to pin down things enough to buy a ticket.  This year I have been trying to wait, just hoping that they would tell me when to come.  They haven't and ticket prices have already raised over $100 since I first asked.  I know that it has nothing to do with their love for me, but on days like today, it sure feels like my brother doesn't care if I visit for Christmas or not.  That makes my heart sad which makes me grumpy.
  4. Baseball.  I realize that baseball shouldn't be on the same level as my previous items, but whatever.  The Rangers should be at the top of the AL and last night they lost an important game which means they are playing in the Wild Card game tomorrow night.  If they lose, their postseason is over.  I have ALCS tickets and it appears that the Rangers shouldn't even make it to the ALDS.  After THREE years, I finally get playoff tickets and it looks like it is for naught.  Damn it.  Maybe they will look better tomorrow, but based on last night?  There is nothing to indicate they will be any better.  G-R-U-M-P-Y!!
  5. Diet.  I'm hungry.  Quite honestly, this could be the number one reason I'm cranky, who knows.  I really don't care the circumstances, dieting is hard.  My food is absolutely delicious, but "right-sized" portions have never really been enough for me.  I'm working hard to train myself to make that be enough, but it is hard.  It will always be hard.  That makes me sad and yes, grumpy.
Most every single day, I choose happiness.  In fact, I'm guessing right after I post this, I will choose happiness.  I do not like to wallow, I do not like to feel bad, I do not like to have anger.  So I will choose to let this all go because there is not a damn thing I can do.  I feel happiest when I'm giving and not being selfish.  Every once in a while, I feel that is taken for granted, but honestly, the only one that can make me feel that way is me.

It is a choice.  No one else can control my reactions.  I am in charge of me.  Be gone bitterness, there is no place for you here.


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Chill out, Chica

I often have to remind myself that life is not a race.  I don't feel I have to justify taking a week to rest and rejuvenate to anyone else, so I'm unsure why I feel the need to justify to myself.  I think in the past, I have used excuses to be lazy (whether that is laziness regarding working out or just being productive), to eat what I want, etc.  I get concerned that if I let myself walk down that road, that I will end up close to 300 pounds and sad as hell again.

I didn't do anything when I got home last night.  Again.  And I started freaking out when I went to bed last night because of my goals (food, water, work out, organizing), I really only did well with food and water.

Then I had an epiphany.  That is a big stinking deal.

Working out is going to ebb and flow as will DIY projects, but eating and drinking healthily is really the key to keeping myself in control. 

Speaking of food...my meals yesterday were absolutely delicious!  However, as I feared, the fruit for breakfast didn't keep me full at all and I was hungry most of the day.  This is such a Bandster's Dilemma, right?  I'm eating perfect portions that should keep me satisfied all day with the proper restriction.  However, if I go get the proper restriction, I wouldn't be able to eat half this food.

I have to make a choice.  Either I'm restricted and eat accordingly, or I'm on the loose side and eat accordingly.  Either way there are pros and cons.  Yesterday afternoon, I ate 12 almonds to supplement my food.  Last night, I had a serving of tortilla chips and a spoonful of nut butter.  I only hate when I was hungry and I tried to eat bits at a time to satisfy myself.

At first I was frustrated because I "cheated", but then grew to realize that I actually did something really amazing (for me.)  I was hungry all day yesterday, but I stuck to my meals.  I was still hungry, so I ate a little.  I didn't eat a whole jar of nut butter and cry into my tea.  I just ate a little to help fill me up.  And I did get satisfied without going overboard.  I need to see that for the success it is.

I'm setting expectations in my mind that other than a walk today at lunch, I won't give myself hell for not working out the rest of the week.  I will go to CrossFit on Monday rejuvenated and ready to kick ass.  I won't worry about my at home projects until the weekend when I can put my focus to it.  There is no reason to stress about artificial deadlines.  Done.

What am I going to do today to help myself with the food & water issue?  Well, first, I have eggs for breakfast today (Crustless Tomato, Basil & Quinoa Quiche), so that should help.  I will eat that at 10am.  I'm hoping that will hold me until 1pm when I will eat my lunch (Lean Turkey Meatballs with Fresh Marinara Sauce with Roasted Kabocha Squash with Wild Mushrooms and Spaghetti Squash in Fresh Basil Pesto.)  It has a lot of words, but it is roughly the size of a standard Lean Cuisine.

Since I'm walking with Godmother at lunch, I should be able to distract myself even if I do get hungry.  My afternoon snack (Chicken Skewer with Tequila Lime Glaze) is planned for around 4pm.  It would be super great if I could make it through the work day without having to supplement.

Tonight, my dinner (Mushroom Souffle & Gruyere Cheese Panini on Whole Wheat Ciabatta Bread) is roughly the size of a twinkie.  No joke.  The dessert is cherry & chocolate peanut butter cookies which are actually 2 decent sized cookies.  If I NEED, I will supplement with one serving of almonds.  That's my plan.  I'm going to do this, damnit!!

It is kind of good that I have this week to focus on my food.  I know that adding fitness might make me hungrier, but maybe if I do it a step at a time I can get my body used to it. I wish that I didn't focus on food so much.  Truly.  But if I didn't, I would eat horribly.  I just have to accept that this is the only real way for me to lose.  I've shown that I can maintain, so I just have to get it done.


Tuesday, October 2, 2012


This is the first morning in a while where I didn't want to cry at the thought of getting out of bed.  :-)  I'm still stuffy and my body isn't ready for anything crazy, but when I woke up, I felt better than when I went to bed.  PROGRESS!!! 

My immediate thought was, "I should go to CrossFit tomorrow!"  Heh.  I might need to back off a little and hold off for that next week.  But no matter how bad I feel, I still feel lazy if I don't work out.  But I'm walking at lunch tomorrow, so that should make me feel better.  The weather is cooling down...maybe I can get myself to do some walking this weekend before jumping into CrossFit craziness on Monday.  That sounds like a good plan.

Goal check:
  1. Food - I followed My Fresh Diet yesterday very well.  I will get into it more in a bit, but other than the meals made for me, I only had a few nuts and tortilla chips.  It isn't ideal, but it is a start.  Going from vacation eating to 3 small meals and 2 small snacks is tough, so I feel I did well.  If I can do the same today, I will be happy.
  2. Work out - I addressed that above.  Nothing yesterday or today, but I have noticed a tremendous difference in how I feel, so I'm getting there!
  3. Water - I drank 80 ounces of water yesterday which was a bit shy, but I will take it.  Going for 100 today!
  4. Organizing - I get a big FAIL here.  I was so tired when I got home last night that I did nothing but sit on my butt and watch TV.  Well, I guess I did read a bit too, but still.  I'm hoping that since I feel better today, I will have more energy to get some things done.

Fresh Diet

Let me just tell you how WONDERFUL the food tastes.  That was my biggest concern, but I feel quite confident that while I might have things I like more than others...I'm going to be able to eat what they make for me.

Yesterday's breakfast was just the best.  It was basically eggs with salsa and cheese and it was fan-freaking-tastic!  My salmon lunch was good, but salmon isn't my favorite, so it doesn't get an excellent distinction.  :-)  My dinner was an Asian salad and it was really quite good.  I was surprised because the ingredients didn't seem flavorful (lettuce, bok choy, alfalfa sprouts, & chicken) but the dressing made it really tasty!

Fresh Fruit Salad with Apple, Red Grape, Grapefruit,
Pineapple, Honeydew, & Blackberry Ricotta Cheese
(I'm a little concerned that the lack of protein will make me hungry earlier...we will see.)

Stuffed Chicken Asiago & Tarragon with Whole Wheat
Linguine Pasta and Roasted Red Peppers

Afternoon Snack
Avocado & Cream Cheese Stuffed Baby Tomatoes

Greek Salad with Bulgarian Feta Cheese, Cucumber,
Grape Tomato, Romaine Lettuce & Basil Vinaigrette

Apple Cinnamon Cheesecake

Today was the first time in a while...before the Olympics...that I didn't have to struggle putting on my favorite jeans.  They are still tight and I have a long way to go, but I feel progress.  So, I'm excited to stick to my plan today.  It is so much easier knowing that it is going to taste good!!


Monday, October 1, 2012

Post Chicago Blues

I had a wonderful time in Chicago!!  Even if I was sick the whole time.  It is amazing how a little rum can make you feel like you AREN'T sick...well, at least temporarily.  Now I'm home and my goal for the week is simply to get through it so I can sleep all weekend.  :-)  I am better today, but I'm still quite congested, tired and a bit achy.  But there is no question that I'm much, much better.

I think I'm going to wait and post about Chicago tomorrow.  Today I have a few other things to thing about...

I actually lost a pound in September.  That is far from my goal, but seeing as I was on vacation two weekends in a row, I'm going to take it. 

My goals for October are going to be behavioral.  Hopefully if I follow them, I will have success on the scale!  This is the plan for this week:
  1. Food - follow the Fresh Diet (more on that below) every single day.  I will give myself a one meal off just in case I need it, but I have no work lunches and no night/weekend plans, so there isn't any reason that I can't start this first week off right.
  2. Work out - this week I need to focus on getting better.  I plan to walk at lunch with Godmother on Wednesday, but that is the only thing set in stone.  If I feel much, much better at the end of the week, I will go to CrossFit, but I'm going to play that by ear.  This infection knocked me on my ass and I need to make sure I kick it.
  3. Water - Drink 100 ounces of water (plain water) each day.
  4. Organizing - Now that my vacations are over, it is time to get back to organizing.  Today's goal will be to go through all of the clothes in the spare room to sort (keep, donate, trash).  By the end of the week, I would like to have the spare room completely ready for my dad to bring the shelves.  (That isn't happening until Thanksgiving, but no need to wait.)  If there is more time, I would like to get started something new.  I think I will start with the kitchen.
As I mentioned before, today is the first day of my Fresh Diet.  Today's Menu:

Southwestern Style Scrambled Eggs with Fire Roasted Corn,
Fresh Salsa, Bell Peppers, Pepper-Jack Cheese & Nine Grain Toast

Chia and Pink Peppercorn Crusted Salmon with Minted Balsamic Glaze
With Creamy Parmesan, Parsnip and Potato Mash and Exotic Mushroom Ragout

Afternoon Snack
Cherry Vanilla Cheesecake

Asian Style Chicken Salad with Baby Bok Choy, Watercress,
Alfalfa Sprouts, Water Chestnuts, 7 Sesame Soy Dressing

Chocolate Dipped Strawberries with Creamy Vanilla Ricotta Cheese

The servings are small (as they should be since they are "right-sized" for individual servings and not what a typical restaurant might have).  I'm hoping that they will have a lot of flavor, but I guess I will be able to let you know tomorrow!!

I'm committed to doing this for one month whether I like it or not.  I think after a week, I will know how I feel about it.

Have a great week!


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

A Reunion & A Plan!


So last weekend was my 20th High School Reunion.  Sheesh.  How is it possible that I'm THAT old?  It just isn't, right? When I got to town I immediately hooked up with my HS BFF.  I tagged along with her all over town as we were in the parade, ran some errands, ate dinner with friends and then headed to the Pavilion.

This is me and HSBFF.  We were practically inseparable from the time we met in fifth grade when I moved to her elementary school until we graduated.  She is the most amazing person and when I'm with her, it is like time stood still.  <3

This was at the Pavilion Friday night.  It is a neat concept.  All the different classes having reunions have designated gathering spots inside, but basically the whole town shows up.  One thing I rediscovered about myself is that I don't remember much from high school.  Many of my friends were entertained as they watched me sputtering when I didn't recognize someone...which was constantly. 

On Saturday, I took a little tour of the town, driving by my old houses and schools and going out to the cemetery to visit the graves of my grandparents and sadly, some lost friends.  I'm struck every time I go there how many graves there are for young people.  I don't know if that is normal or just the tragedy of my hometown, but it makes me sad.  Saturday night was my reunion and we had fun with the photo booth!!

Most of my closest high school friends didn't come to the actual reunion for various reasons, but I hung out with most of these folks at one time or another.  At least I can say I knew ALL of the them as soon as I saw them.  :-)  Yes, my reunion WAS in a bowling alley.  That's how we roll.  I was also the only person there in a skirt.  What of it?  

I got home with three days to prepare for Chicago.  I would gripe about my brilliant planning, but it isn't like I could reschedule either trip.  It will all work out.  I did laundry last night and I will do so again tonight, then pack tomorrow.  No time for anything but work and chores, but it will all get done.  I will get back to my regularly scheduled life next Monday!!

Fresh Diet

I have been doing great with fitness lately, but my issue is my diet...as always!!  So, I was looking for something to help me.  I considered Weight Watchers because I know that it works, but basically it is just logging your food and staying within set Points...which is pretty much the same as logging your food and staying within set calories.  I'm not doing that, so I'm not sure that WW would be the right answer.

But what is??  As I was catching up on emails from the weekend, I noticed one from My Fresh Diet.  They were offering a 31 day plan at a deeply discounted price.  I had tried them through a 2 Day Groupon long ago but they were entirely too expensive for me to consider doing longer term.  The discount was significant enough for me to take another look.

Basically, it is a cross between Nutri-System and My Fit Foods.  Each night, they will leave the next day's food at my door.  There is breakfast, lunch, dinner, 2 side items and 2 snacks.  They are all freshly made/vacuum sealed and right-sized portions.  So you have the convenience of something like Nutri-System, but without the preservatives, more like the meals I love at MFF. 

I decided to give it a shot.  It is still quite expensive, even with the deep discount.  However, as we all know, if something works, it is worth it.  I will try the 31 days and see what happens.  If I lose weight, I might try another month.  If not, it will be on to something else.  But it is worth a shot. 

My biggest fear is that I won't like the food.  My tastes have really changed and expanded since being banded, so I think there is a good chance it will all be fine.  But obviously, if I don't like the food...it won't work.  My second biggest fear is that I won't do it.  That a perfectly planned meal will be there right in front of me and I will choose to eat crap anyway.  There is no one that could do anything about that but me. 

Y'all are going to have to help me be accountable to that!!


The last problem that I have with starting this plan on 10/01 is that I'm too tight.  I kept thinking that it would all work out, but I have to face facts that the band is just too tight.  I can't eat "normal" food and I end up turning to sliders.  No bueno. 

I call a new fill center in Dallas that is much less expensive than my surgeon's office and they are supposed to call me back in the next couple of hours with an appointment time tomorrow.  The are 1/3 of the price of my normal place, they are half the distance, and they still do the fills under a fluoro.  It is at a medical facility and the fills are done by certified professionals.  I will be a Guinea pig for the locals and let you all know how it goes. 

I'm a little worried that this unfill will push me back to too loose, but that is just something I will have to deal with.  Being too tight is just not good for me and can lead to health problems.  This is what needs to be done.

You guys know how much I love a good plan, so here I go!!

See many of you ladies in Chicago in just a few days.  Can't wait!


Monday, September 17, 2012

Preparation is the Key

Let's start with an assessment of last week's goals, shall we?
  1. Goal loss for the week - 1.8 pounds.  And I...drum roll, please...GAINED 2 tenths of a pound.  What the everloving f**k?  I will circle back to this in a bit.
  2. Make good choices.  I didn't eat for three days, so I wasn't able to make many choices at all.  The weekend was a big fat bad choice all around.
  3. CrossFit - Goal 3, Actual 4.  YAY!
  4. Try yoga.  I went to yoga with Lizard on Monday and then I went myself on Sunday.  YAY!!
  5. Organizing - I addressed everything in the closet.  I think all that is left is to go through the books and come up with the sketch for my dad to build the cabinets. 

I'm not sure what to do here.  I mean I KNOW what to do.  I apparently just don't want to do it.  I know that today, I feel 100x better than I did two Mondays ago.  The commitment to CrossFit is making my body stronger and it just feels good.  I have gained two pounds in those two weeks, but I don't feel like I have...if that makes sense. 

I'm a little concerned that I'm letting the scale control me.  I think I'm going to not keep track of my weight the rest of the month.  I need to focus on the habits, not the weight.  Usually I don't let the scale dictate decisions, but I'm not going to lie...right now I just want to eat cake.  ALL the cake!  But I won't. 


I will say that I'm proud of myself for not panicking Wed-Fri when I was having band trouble.  Now I have no idea if it was the weather or what, but I was fine on Tuesday, then BAM Wednesday I couldn't eat.  I was actually patient for once and it worked itself out. 

I honestly thought that the choices I made would have put me at a loss for the week.  And they didn't.  I don't know if not weighing will help me stick to better choices, but I guess I can give it a shot. 

This week feels too much like I just want to say NEVER MIND.  But I know I don't want that.  I will focus on fitness and let the nutrition catch up.


This is actually where the title comes in.  Yesterday after yoga, I felt nauseated.  I don't know if I'm just not used to it or if it was a reaction from the SEVEN mosquito bites I got (West Nile!!), but I just didn't feel good.  Plus I didn't sleep well Saturday night.  So during dinner, I decided to have a drink (unusual for me) and decided that I didn't have to go to CF.

BUT...I packed my bag and got everything ready as though I was going to go.  I told myself that if I didn't, it would be just fine.  But since I was prepared, I went and I'm SO glad I did.

We did squat balances today.  Any time I have the barbell over my head, I think it is difficult.  I did 3 rounds of 5 reps with just the bar (35#), 3 rounds of 3 reps with 45#, and 3 rounds of 1 rep with 55#.
We ended with 12:00 (:30 on, :30 off) kettlebell swings.  I used a 26# kettlebell.  THAT was rough!!

Sometimes I don't give enough credit to myself when we don't have big cardio days (like today).  But here is what we did for a warm up...which is pretty typical:
  • 400m run
  • 10 arm circles each way
  • 10 trunk twists each way
  • 10 push ups
  • 5 inch worms
  • 40 high knees
  • 40 butt kicks
  • 25 jumping jacks
  • 10 air squats
Now that isn't a ton, but pre-CrossFit, that would have been a workout for me.  So, I need to give myself some credit.


I liked yoga and I think the stretching will really help me.  I'm going to try to go, but Sundays are hit and miss.  I won't be able to even try it again until October. 


It is amazing what you can get done when you do a little at a time.  I have really been ignoring this room and in two weeks, I will have it completely sorted without feeling like I took up too much time.  YAY!! 

I think that I'm going to try and stick with this type of goal.  Let's see how much I can accomplish before I get tired of it!

New Goals:
  1. No weight goal for the week.
  2. Make good choices.  This is always going to be a goal for me.  Sometimes I'm just better at it than others.
  3. CrossFit - 3x
  4. Other fitness - 1x  (If I do anything while I'm traveling, it is bonus!)
  5. Organizing - I want to finish the sketch for my dad and one shelf of books tonight.  I have a play tomorrow night and my first Citizen's Fire Academy on Thursday, so I really only have tonight and Wednesday...plus I need to pack.  So if I get 4 shelves and the sketch done, I will be happy.
I'm not sure how this post reads, but I'm actually really happy for a Monday and I FEEL great.  If I fit into my clothes, I would be ecstatic.  I gotta keep that in perspective.

Monday hugs!

Friday, September 14, 2012


I loved this picture and wanted to share.  Even though I felt like crap yesterday, going to CrossFit four times in one week makes me feel like a badass.  (Watch out, got a badass over here...)  I look forward to October when I can work on going more.

Yesterday sucked.  I'm so tight that even liquids can cause issue, though I can do water fine.  At the end of the day, I was able to eat a little something which was nice.  I just had my coffee this morning and I'm afraid today is going to be similar.  I wonder if it is the weather?  Since I was able to get nutrition and water, I'm going to give it until Monday.  If I'm still like this though, I will have to get some taken out.  But hopefully, it will get back to normal on its own.

CrossFit was great this morning, as usual.  We did overhead squats and push jerks.  Overhead squats are hard because you have the barbell above your head and it is a real balancing act.  As you squat, that barbell wants to move and knock you off balance.  I did 5 sets of 5 at 55, 60, 65, 70, & 75#.  It had been so long since I did a push jerk, I didn't even remember how.  I did 3 sets of 3 at 55, 75, & 85#. 

I saw this today and I thought it was an excellent comment.  I have A LOT of interests and most of the time, they eventually fall by the wayside.  But I'm committed to CrossFit right now and I like that.  I struggle with my food.  I always have and I guess I always will at varying degrees.  But I can fight from this angle too and it makes me feel powerful instead of helpless.

In the past, three days of limited eating would have been the perfect excuse to avoid working out.  But now?  I work out in the mornings, so it doesn't really feel any different.  No excuses!  And while I may have not lost a lot of weight yet, after just a few weeks back, I absolutely notice a difference in my body. 

Have a great weekend everyone!!


Thursday, September 13, 2012

I talk a lot.

Goal Check
  1. Goal loss for the week - 1.8 pounds.  Not only was I down the 1.8 pounds this morning, but I was down another .8 from that.  But I don't think it means very much...see below.
  2. Make good choices.  I didn't make great choices yesterday, but then again, I couldn't eat.
  3. CrossFit - 3 for 3 this week.
  4. Try yoga.  Check!
  5. Organizing - I didn't have anything planned for yesterday and I didn't do anything.  Today I would like to address the clothes hanging in the closet.
Tight is Bad

I'm still super tight.  I hate this so much I can't even tell you.  I can't even get my coffee down easily this morning.  Water I can do just fine.  In the past, I would call and schedule a small unfill because I just hate being like this.  I am not a patient person.  But I'm considering doing another day of liquids and seeing how it goes.  If I still feel bad tomorrow, I will go in.

At $150 a pop, I can't keep going in and out for little tweaks.  If I go in for an unfill now then that is how it is going to have to stay.  Bleh.  This is the band stuff that I know I signed on for, but I still hate!

I hope when I check in with you all tomorrow that I'm all better!

I had a hard time eating last night and I told them all about being stuck.  That brought up a whole other thing...


Last night I had a really good time at my Ladies Night CrossFit Happy Hour.  I did figure out something about myself.  I know I have always been a very open person, but I think that in some ways, I'm using that as a shield. 

Let me explain...  I have always thought that there were two reasons that I'm so open about my Lap Band, weight loss, etc., but really, I think there are three.

1. I want to help people.  Whether someone directly could benefit from the Lap Band or they have a friend/family member that could, I want people to see what living with a band is like.  The good and the bad.  People need to make informed decisions without scare tactics OR sugar coating.  I know that I have directly affected the way people feel about gastric banding either for themselves or for a loved one. 

2.  I want people to feel free to ask questions.  I have gigantic scars down my arms.  I don't ever want anyone to feel like they can't ask me what is up with them, so I freely offer information.  That sometimes leads to #1.

Not everyone wants to share their personal lives with others and that is A-OK!  But this is right for me.  However, when talking to a CF friend last night, she asked me if she could ask some questions and I told her (of course) that I was an open book.  She said that I had hinted at past things and so she wanted to ask about them.

I certainly didn't mind telling her anything at all, but it made me wonder how I bring it up on a regular basis.  I think I have realized that I talk about it (especially at a place like CF) for a third reason:

3.  I don't want people to think I'm lazy, fat or bad at things.  So by telling everyone or reminding them constantly about where I started, it somehow makes me feel better.  They won't think I'm lazy or fat if I tell them I used to weigh almost 300 pounds.  They won't think I'm bad at this if they understood that just 3 years ago I couldn't even walk a full day without pain patches on my feet. 

I'm not upset at myself, because I think it is valid.  But I have to stop apologizing for myself.  As I sat last night and listened to a few of the girls talk about there healthy Paleo diets, I knew that I'm not like them.  Not in a good way or a bad way...just different.  I made the comment that even though I know it isn't the CrossFit philosophy, I know that if I were naturally skinny, I probably wouldn't work out.  I thought they were going to choke on their drinks.  :-)  Now don't get me wrong, if I all of a sudden got skinny now, I think I would still work out.  But if I started out that way, I just don't think I ever would have gone the workout route.  That route BEGAN because I wanted to lose weight.  I have a shitty relationship with food.  It is better than it used to be, but I'm guessing it will never be normal. 

I am not naturally skinny and I have a shitty relationship with food, so I do work out.  I work out more than the average person.  But I hang out with people that work out more than me so I often start feeling like I"m less than.  I have to remind myself that I have a great balance to my life.  I work out, I work, I have fun and there is nothing for me to feel guilty about or apologize for.  I do want to stress that none of these girls make me feel this way...this is an internal thing that I have always struggled with and I'm just starting to break through and conquer it.

I will work on fighting the urge to justify myself at things like CF by bringing up my band and weight loss and focus on talking about it when I truly think it would be beneficial to others.

Sleep is Good

I slept like a log last night and it was AWESOME!  Just an extra hour of sleep and I feel so much better.  I think I will be good to go getting up for my 4th day of CrossFit this week.


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Boring Days, Make for a Happy Me!

I know that a lot of blog posts are routine and boring these days, but I know you can tell from my tone that this routine makes me a very happy girl!

Goal Check
  1. Weight loss goal - 1.8 pounds.  The scale isn't moving, but then again, I need to do better on #2.
  2. Make good choices.  This all goes well until I'm home for the evening.  I have to keep snack foods out of the house.  I will make this the plan for next week, because I'm not doing a good job sticking to good choices when the bad choices are so close at hand.  I'm not proud of that, but there you go.
  3. CrossFit goal for the week - 3.  Today, I'm 3 for 3 this week.  I''m going to try to stretch my goal and go on Friday.
  4. Try yoga.  Check!
  5. Organizing.  I set a goal of going through everything on the floor of my closet.  I did the very minimum to reach my goal.  I had hoped to do more, but there you go.  I'm not setting a goal for today, but I would like to be done with the organizing everything in the room by the end of the weekend.  I think I can do that!

CrossFit was super fun today.  The WOD was for completion, not time.  You went to each "station" and did your thing.
  1. 5 Rope Climbs - well, I cannot climb a rope.  So I would sit on my butt and pull myself to a standing position using my upper body as much as possible.  I did that 10x.
  2. 10 Atlas Stone Lifts from group to shoulder - I used a 93# stone.  I tried the 116#, but while I could get it in my lap in a squatting position, I couldn't get it rolled to my shoulder.  Maybe next time!
  3. 20 Box Jumps - I used an 18" box which was tough for me, but I did it.
  4. 30 Toes to Bar - I still can't even hang from the bar since surgery.  So I laid flat on my back holding a pole behind my head.  Then I would lift my toes up and touch the pole behind me.
  5. 40 Kettlebell Swings (unbroken) - I used a 26# KB but I'm thinking I should have tried heavier.  It was tough, but I still think I could have pushed myself more there.
Fun class!!

What is Wrong With Me?

That was rhetorical and kind of a tease.  I'm just so darn content.  I honestly think if my wardrobe fit my current body, I would be fine to stay were I am.  I'm wearing an outfit that fits well today and after my workout, I feel strong and happy.  It is odd for me to feel content with my body which is why I keep wondering what is wrong.  :-)

I know I will be upset as I go into winter and can't wear anything, so I will continue to work.  If only I just hated food.  Life would sure be easier.

Bandy Band Band

I'm super tight this morning.  That should make for an interesting day.  I'm going to happy hour tonight with my CF girls which should be super fun, but I hate it when I can't eat in front of people.  And I can't drink without eating something.  Oh the weird challenges we face.


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Getting on it!

I like the idea of doing something nice or good on 9/11.  I think that would be the perfect memorial...to make this day all about giving and charity (in its greatest sense.)  I'm not sure what I will do, but I pledge to do something.

Goal check:
  1. Weight loss goal for the week - 1.8 pounds.  The scale is moving in the right direction, so I will take it.
  2. Make good choices.  I logged my food yesterday and although I was absolutely under my calories burned, there are a couple things I could have done differently to do better.  I will make an effort to make those changes today.
  3. CrossFit goal for the week - 3.  Today was my 2nd.  I'm actually going to try to go 4 times this week to give myself a little wiggle room to meet my goal of 3 classes each week in September. 
  4. I went to yoga last night.  In public.  More to follow.
  5. Organizing...I got home after yoga last night, had some dinner and sat in front of the TV.  About a quarter to nine, I kept thinking that I was bored.  Then suddenly I remembered that I hadn't done my organizing for the day.  I got up and did it!  I'm so proud of that.  Tonight, I have to do at least everything on the floor of the closet, but since I have some extra time, I'm going to tackle as much of the closet that I can.  The room already looks better!!

I went with Lizard to yoga last night.  It was not a typical yoga class, but seemed to infuse more pilates and ab work.  It was not a "hot" class even though it was hot and I was sweating bullets.  Plus, it was REALLY crowded.  We were on the late side, so Lizard & I didn't get to be side by side which was fine.  But I didn't even get my mat and towel down in time and it was all messed up the whole time.  I had to focus to get myself to calm down and get into the class mode.

I felt good about what I was able to do.  The instructor corrected me a few times, but also told me my posture was excellent when we were balancing on one leg.  Woot woot!  Honestly, the worst thing for me was being within inches of other hot, sweaty bodies.  If there would have been more room, I think my like would have gone from a 6/10 to 8/10. 


There were 23 people there at 6am this morning.  Yikes!  That is A LOT of people.  I remember last winter when only one other person was there with me one morning. 

WOD was 5 rounds:  5 Back Squats, 10 Push ups, 5 sit ups.  The prescribed weight for the back squats was your body weight. ...  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  I might squat SOMEBODY'S body weight, but it ain't going to be MINE.  :-)

I went with 105# which was the heaviest I have done.  It worked out.  I actually had the hardest time with the sit ups.  I used to be so good at those.  I really need to work on my abs.  From the deadlifts and yoga yesterday and the sit ups this morning, the sides of my lower back are very sore.  Not in pain...just sore.  I should be good to go tomorrow.

FYI...our warm up run was 800m this morning and I totally made it!


Monday, September 10, 2012

There is no crying in CrossFit. Mostly.

Good Monday morning!!

There is no crying in CrossFit.

I'm starting with a bit of a different CrossFit story today.  It is Monday, so not easy to get out of bed for 6am class, but it was deadlift day.  I love deadlift day!  I'm strong and I like to lift.  I pushed the 3x800m runs that we had to do after deadlifts straight out of my mind and I got moving.

I realized this morning that after only about a month back at it, I notice that more eyes light up when they see me and I can feel mine doing the same.  It's funny how close you get with people when you work your ass off side by side a few times a week.  I had a new lifting partner today and she was nice.  I lifted 175# 5 reps, 3 times.  That is the amount I lifted the last time back in April, so I feel good.  Everything I have lifted since I have gotten back, I have met or exceeded pre-surgery weights.  It feels good to move forward so quickly!

Then it was time to run.  Bleh.  We took off on the first 800m.  I was so far behind after the first one, it was almost comical.  It took me 6:55 to run the first one.  I couldn't even keep a steady run, I had to walk short bursts about 3 times.  When I got back, I waited the required three minutes between runs and then went back out.  I was all by myself at this point.  I actually felt better this time and I ran the whole thing.  I had a slower time (7:13) than the first one, but I was proud that I ran it all.

When I got back from the second run, it was just me and the trainer.  I started singing..."i'm lonely...so lonely."  He giggled and just told me to keep at it.  Ha!  Most people finished by the time I was heading out for my last run.  As I did, a guest (a guy visiting from Baton Rouge) ran out with me and said "it's me and you, let's go!"  He was done with his runs.  And he chose to go out and run with me so I wasn't alone.  Wow.  He doesn't even know me.  That made me just a little verklempt. 

I couldn't talk after about 200m, but he understood and just kept pace with me.  He would push me a little, but back off when I fell behind.  We turned around at 400m and headed back.  As we approached 600m, I could see the class coming at me.  Crap.  Crap, crap, crap.  There's more.  I’m not done.  I started to panic, but what the hell.  If I could do 3x800m, then I could do more.  As they reached me, they turned around and started running with me.

There wasn't more.  They just didn't want me to finish alone.  I have tears in my eyes as I write this.  Not only did they run me in, they cheered and pushed me and I finished my last 800m in 6:47.  My fastest time of the day.  They did not have to do that.  Not even remotely.  But they were not going to leave one of their own behind.  And I AM one of theirs.  I am an athlete.  I am a CrossFitter.  Thank you Donut Crew.  You are changing my life.  :)

Goal Check
  1. Lose 1.6 pounds.  I GAINED 1.8 pounds.  What the everloving f*ck?  Sigh.  It is possible it is water retention from the additional weighlifting.  But it is possible it is not.  My punishment or precaution (whatever) is that I have to log food this week.  My goal for the week is to at least lose what I gained this week.  I would like to lose more, but being realistic, I will leave it at that.
  2. Make better choices.  Obviously how I did on this one is up for debate.  I thought I was doing mostly well, but my weight gain says otherwise.  Today, my plan is oatmeal for breakfast, soup with some cheese and crackers for lunch, and yogurt for a snack.  That should all be good choices.
  3. CrossFit - last week I had a goal of three classes and I met it.  This week I want to go to 3 as well.
  4. I am going to try yoga tonight if my friend can take me.  She is a member and can bring me as a guest.  If she can't, I will do some extra walking.
  5. I finished my organizing goal last week!  YAY!!  Today, my goal is to go through every purse/bag in my closet.  I tend to leave junk in them and they need to be emptied before they are sorted.
I am obviously not very happy that I gained weight last week.  HOWEVER, I can say that I am feeling better overall.  I went back and read the first 6 months of my blog and I realize that it has always been a struggle.  There is no expectation that it should not be a struggle now.  I just have to keep at it eventually it will work out.


Friday, September 7, 2012

Ready for the weekend!

Good morning!!

Goal check:
  1. Goal for the week - 1.6 pounds.  That particular thing is not going well.  I'm actually up a pound.  I'm going to continue and push through and see if it is just water retention.  If I actually end UP for the week, I'm going to have to do something else on the nutrition side...like logging.  Booo.
  2. I still feel like I'm making decent choices, which is why I don't understand the gain.  Maybe too many crackers?  I don't know. 
  3. I went to CrossFit this morning.  3 of 3.  The three days in a row were tough, but doable.  Next week, I would like to attempt M, T, W, & F because I think the week of Chicago, it might be tough to get in 3x.  We shall see how it goes.
  4. I ran 4 x 400m today.  It was SOOOOOOOOOO SLOOOOOOOOOOOW.  But I pushed through.
  5. I reached my organizing goal yesterday of sorting through everything just outside the closet door.  (I swear it doesn't look like a hoarder's place, but there are a lot of stacks.)  Tonight, I would like to sort through what is on the desk.  This is actually a big thing to tackle. Additionally, over the weekend, my homework is to address everything else in the room that is not on a shelf or in the closet. 

It was my 100th class!!  Our WOD was 5 rounds of a 400m run and 15 snatches.  FIFTEEN is A LOT!!  In looking at what I have done before, I had done a workout with 30 snatches and used 55#.  There was no running that time, but I figure "what the hell".  55# is the lowest you can do without having to use the trainer weights and who wants to do that??  I'm a big girl.  :)

The real catch came when Bach said that there was a 20 minute cutoff.  Well, I knew that was going to be a problem because I figured it would take me around 15 minutes just to do the running part.  But I gave it a go.  The running is still going hard for me.  I don't know what the problem is.  I don't think it is mental, but maybe it is.  I just feel like I'm wheezing from the start. 

Anyway, as I came in from the 4th run, time was already up.  I went ahead and finished the 4th set of snatches and finished in 23:30.  So, the bad is that I didn't finish the WOD today.  However, the good news is that I ran a mile and did 60 (SIXTY) snatches at 55#.  I think that kicks a little ass.


Totally random.  Last night I was dreaming that I was watching these two guys talk.  Guy #1 was the lab technician at this medical/science lab and guy #2 was telling him that he needed to put in more security.  G1 ignored him.  Then it was night and I could see G2 breaking into the lab.  G1 was there and caught him.  G2 started to explain that he was doing it to show how easy it was to break in and why he needed more security.  G1 looked at the door and said that the break-in looked like the work of...[insert name of some famous thief, I can't remember what it was but I knew that it was a famous thief].  As G1 said that, G2 said it with him and G1 realized that G2 actually WAS the famous thief right at the moment that G2 snapped G1's neck.

WTF?  Seriously.  WTF?  This woke me up in a cold sweat at 3:30am and it took me about 30 minutes to get back to sleep.  A.  Where on earth did this come from?  B.  Why would it scare me?  Crazy.

Organizing Surprise

I was talking to my dad last night about my reward of an Ikea cabinet once I organize my spare room.  He offered to MAKE one for me!  I would just have to pay for the materials.  My dad has always been in construction.  In fact, he built a couple of different houses that we lived in while I was growing up.  Furniture making isn't his specialty, but he can certainly make something that would be very functional and custom for me.  YAY!!  It will be cheaper and I can make it exactly how I want it.  I just have to sketch it for him and give dimensions.

Now I just have to figure out what I want.  I have an awesome dad.  :-)


Thursday, September 6, 2012

TTT - Hey, I look Sporty!

1.  Goal check:
  1. Goal for the week - 1.6 pounds.  No change on the scale so far this week, but I'm not discouraged!
  2. I made mostly good choices yesterday.  After dinner snack was a little suspect, but not too bad.  Lunch ended up being tasty.  I'm hopeful for today's as well.
  3. I went to CrossFit this morning.  2 of 3.
  4. I walked for 30 minutes at lunch yesterday, but of it only 2 minutes were running.  The air was just too warm and still.  I figure that 28 minutes of walking is better than quitting, so that's what I did.  Better luck next time.  Plus, I did run some at CF today.
  5. I reached my organizing goal yesterday and tackled the spot right outside my closet door.  In addition, I went through things under (yes, I said under) my desk.  Tonight it will be the stack of stuff on the other wall. 
2.  Today we did Front Squats and Push Presses at CrossFit.  I am very proud to say that I PR'd (personal record) on both.  I squatted 100# which was 5# more than last time.  I push pressed 75# which was also 5# more than last time.  YAY!! 

After the weightlifting portion of the workout, we did sprints.  Sigh.  For 10 minutes, on the minute, we would do shuttle runs (20m/40).  So, when Bach said "start", we would run 10m, turn and come back, then run out 20m and turn and come back.  Then we would rest until the next minute started.  So, 10 total.  I, of course, was SOOOOO slow compared to everyone else.  She would yell times for everyone as they crossed the finish line and I would hear them start around :15.  My first 9 times were :25-:27, so about 7-10 seconds behind everyone else.  For 10 agonizing times, there would be :07-:10 where everyone was done and looking at me amble my way to the finish line.  It sucks to finish last, but when you have to do it 10 TIMES in 10 MINUTES, it is a tad exceptional.  It should have been a humiliating experience.  Except...
...this is true.  Every single time, many of the crew would yell encouragement, clap, cheer, whatever.  And on my very last sprint, I made it in 24 seconds which was my fastest of the day.  I wanted to throw up, but I pushed it as far as I could.  There are some gyms where being that far behind is embarrassing...what a loser.  But here, I pushed it as far as I could and what I got back was respect.  That's why, even though I felt like I was in hell for 10 minutes this morning, I plan to go back tomorrow.

3.  The title comes from the fact that Bach told me I looked "sporty" this morning.  I laughed, but maybe I do look sporty in my tank and bright kicks.

4.  You know what's interesting?  My two nephews & niece all run cross country and track.  They have absolutely no issues trying to run.  Why did I get all the recessive running genes?  I'm so thrilled for them, but couldn't I have gotten just a little bit?

5.  On another note, I priced my ideal organizing cabinet and it costs almost $800 (just for the frame).  That doesn't include that boxes and such I would put on the shelves.  Wowza!  I might have to do some thinking on that, but at least I'm getting started. 

6.  I'm looking forward to the weekend.  I have some things to do, but it isn't overly stuffed.  Perfect!

7.  I'm getting my hair cut on Saturday and I'm really glad.  It needs it.  I have been growing it out for over a year now.  Snails pace!!

8.  I ordered my Olympic photo book last night and it is supposed to be here next week!  I thought that since I never did an Olympic post, when it comes in, I will scan a few of the best pages and do a post then.

9.  I'm going to see The Producers on Sunday.  Fun!!

10.  Trader Joe's Peaberry (I think) coffee is awesome.  I can't keep from drinking multiple cups.  Delish!


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Let's start this off right!

I realize that it is September 5th (Happy Birthday to my awesome godson!!), but it is really the first/second day to implement my little plan. 
  1. Loss goal for the week - 1.6 pounds.  Deadline, Monday 9/10.
  2. Make good choices.  I would say that I did that for the most yesterday.  I did have some kettle corn last night (darn Trader Joe's!!), but not too much and now it's gone.  Ha!  Today, I have a My Fit Foods meal for lunch and leftover pork loin for dinner.  It is all calorie/health appropriate, but I hope my lunch is tasty and not bland.  When my meal options don't taste good, I tend to supplement it.  My goal is to not do that today.
  3. I went to CrossFit this morning.  1 of 3.
  4. I'm going to run a mile at lunch today. 
  5. Tonight, my organizing goal is to go through the stack of stuff right in front of my closet. 
I'm going to try to assess myself every time I blog to see if I can help keep myself on track this time. 

You know I'm not done talking about CrossFit... It was a great day today!  After 3 weeks back, the warm up is getting a little easier.  I still hate the running though and I know that we will have a running day coming up so I really need to get on that.  I am seeing more and more familiar faces each day now that I'm meeting the new people.  NSV:  I wore a tank top today.  One of the trainers told me he didn't know I had a tattoo (because it is always covered by my T-shirts.)  I didn't feel too self-conscious, but I was glad there were no pictures taken today.  Baby steps!!

The WOD for today, were 3-3-3-3-3 Hang Power Cleans adding weight each round.

When I looked up my previous weights, I noticed that I capped out at 95# pre-surgery.  I decided to just go for it and start at 85#.  There are only 3, right?  Right.  So one of the 3 Beckhams (there are 3 recent college grad girls that I believe played soccer that are ridiculously adorable and I call them the Beckhams in my head.  Hopefully I will be able to tell them apart eventually) came over to partner with me and I'm glad she did because I think it pushed me a bit.

I did the first round of 3 with 85# and that crap was heavy!  I decided to stick with it for another round.  On the 3rd and 4th rounds, I added 5 pounds each.  On the 5th round, I added another 5 pounds which put me at 100#.  I had never cleaned over 95# under any circumstances.  I did two (yaaaaaay!), but then I couldn't finish the third.  My arms were just jelly.  But still!!  I did something today that I have never done before.  I cleaned 100#!!!

Then it was time for the OTM (on the minute) Ladder (basically you do one of whatever is prescribed in the first minute, 2 the second minute, 3 the third...) which starts out easy but then gets hard fast.  Once you get to a round that you can't complete, you are done.  We had to do kettlebell swings and box jumps.  Learning from the last time we did this where I was done early, I picked the smallest box.  I picked out a 18 lb kettlebell which in retrospect was probably too light, but I just never know with the KB.

We started and I was fine.  At about the fourth minute, I realized that I couldn't sustain jumping, so I simply changed my box jump to a step up/step down.  It is easier, but I was still getting a tremendous amount of cardio.  I'm proud to say that I was part of the last group that capped out at the 15 minute round.  So I did 120 kettlebell swings and 119 step ups in 15 minutes.  Not bad!! 

If you made it through all of the boring exercise talk...  I'm so glad that I have my mojo back.  I don't like be "down" and for weeks...months, really...I was talking myself up every day and choosing happiness every day.  But I finally don't have to choose, because I just am.  It is nice to be back.


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Holiday Hiccup

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend!!  I definitely did.  My mom came to visit and we always have fun together. 

Friday afternoon we did a little shopping.  Not a lot, but I promised her I would take her to Chico's so we spent a couple of hours at the mall.  I think only two things were purchased, so that's pretty good.  Then we met BFF for dinner at an English restaurant. 

Saturday we had a lazy morning but in the afternoon, BFF met up with us and we went to South Fork.  Are you a Dallas fan?  I never really watched so it didn't mean a ton to me, but my mom watched the 80s series AND watches the new one, so she really enjoyed it.  It was mind-numbingly hot outside.  After South Fork, we had an early dinner at Whiskey Cake which I was introduced to at a blogger meet-up.  Delicious!!  Then we went to Ikea.  That place is nuts!!

Sunday we went to church and then out to breakfast.  Then after a little rest, we went to see You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown put on by our local community theater.  They did a really great job!!  Too cute!  After, we went to dinner at Pluckers.  (You can see by now, I wasn't trying so hard with the "good" choices.)

Monday, after a lazy morning, we took a field trip to Trader Joe's.  Now I visited one in Chicago, but since I wasn't at home, I really didn't get much.  This time, I stocked up.  WAAAAAYYYY to many snack foods.  I'm not sure if I think it is a good thing that it is so far away or if I wish there was one closer so I wouldn't feel the need to buy ALL the food when I make a trip there.  Last night I grilled pork loin and veggies (creminis, brussel sprouts, and cauliflower).  Delish! 

All in all, we had a nice weekend and I think my mom had a nice time.

Now...in my quest to make good choices, I would give myself a "C" for the weekend.  Most of that is due to the fill I got earlier because I literally COULD NOT eat as much.  Friday & Saturday, I feel like I made better choices for the most part.  However, on Sunday and Monday, I did not make good choices hardly at all.  Thank goodness for the fill.  It got me though the weekend and this week with no gain.  No loss...but no gain.

  1. I have 1.6 pounds to lose before I reward myself with some new tennis shoes, so my goal is to hit that this week. 
  2. I will make good eating choices this week.  (Side note:  I ate a small horse yesterday and today I can barely get my SlimFast down.  WTF?  I know y'all feel me.)  I have leftovers and plenty of good choices of food.  I just have to make them and not fall into the trap of eating the snacks I bought over the weekend.  (Maybe I can freeze some of them...)
  3. I will go to CrossFit W, Th, & F in order to hit my goal of going 3x per week. 
  4. I need to get back into "running".  You know I use that term loosely.  But I need to get back to at least where I was before.  I plan to run 1 mile at 5mph tomorrow at lunch.  We will see how I do with that.  I will walk the rest of the time for a total of 30 minutes.
  5. I will pick one organizing thing to do at home each day (see below.)
I have been wanting to change up my spare room and get more organized.  Usually, I just throw "crap" in the room to get it out of the way and now things are stacking up.  Visitors can barely wedge themselves in there.  During my trip to Ikea, I saw SO MANY options to help me organize my stuff.  However, my favorite options aren't cheap.  So, I told myself I need to earn it.

I have to organize the room first.  Even if it is in clothes baskets/boxes/etc.  Once everything is organized, I will earn my cabinet.  My aggressive goal is to do that by Thanksgiving when my dad is coming for a visit and he can help me with it.  That is 75 days away.  There is absolutely no reason I can't meet that goal other than laziness.  Time to get it done.


Thursday, August 30, 2012

My abs weep.

Remember how I did all those sit ups on Tuesday?  O. M. G.  My abs hurt so much that I can't even stand up straight.  However, they will stretch out eventually and I feel the best I have in months.  :-)  Abs be damned!!

I'm looking forward to my mom flying in tonight.  We always have a good time together.  I don't have any big plans, but enough to keep us busy.

Tonight is my last night of Jazzercise.  I've decided to change up my schedule a bit for a few months which means I won't be able to work in my normal Jazzercise classes.  I will still be doing CrossFit though.  I love Jazzercise and I'm sure I will be back to it someday.

Tomorrow my company is having a cookout and short day.  I probably won't get a chance to check in before the weekend, so have a wonderful holiday!


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Feeling Great!

I was just thinking this morning that it is so nice to feel like myself again.  After my surgery, during recovery and even after my vacation, I just didn't feel like myself.  I don't like it when I'm not cheery, damnit.  :-)

Last night I went to pick up the Skittle and I'm glad to say that she looks as adorable as ever.  They had to replace the fender and another small part, then they painted the front end and the door.  She looks really nice.  Hopefully nothing falls off later or anything!!

There was no question last night about me going to CrossFit this morning.  I went home and packed my bag first thing.  I went to sleep at a reasonable hour.  I did wake up in the middle of the night with my arm insicions hurting.  I was laying on my arms at an angle that made them burn.  No bueno.  But I went back to sleep.  Then I got up and drove to class.  I was super excited to see THREE of my donut crew girls there which helped me get to know a couple of the new girls since they all know each other.  I knew 2-3 of the guys too.  It felt a little more comforting.  I only quit about FIVE times in my head during the 1/4 mile warm up run.  Baby steps!!

During the rest of the warm up, I still felt woefully out of shape.  But that's the thing with cardio, you have to just keep doing it.  It will get better with time.  The WOD:

Back Squats:  2 sets of 5, then 1 max rep
Press:  2 sets of 5, then 1 max rep
5 sets of 5 pull ups (add weight each rep)

Last night I looked up what I had done last time which was pre-surgery, so... sometime in April or May.  Yeesh...that was a LONG time ago.  I squatted 105# and pressed 65#.  The girl I partnered with this morning said those sounded like good weights to her, so I went for it.  My cardio was shot, but it was time to see if I retained any of my muscles.  :)

Back squats basically work your legs.  Since the weight just rests on your shoulders, your upper body doesn't work a lot.  I did my two sets of 5 reps at 105#.  It was hard, but I managed.  I actually squeezed out 9 during my max reps.  Y'all, I'm not going to lie.  I was SO excited!!  Next time I will get to move forward and that is awesome.

I love this video.  It really shows the difference between these three moves.  We did the Press today which is the one on the left.  It is ALL upper body.  You can't use momentum from your legs or bouncing.  With 65#, I was able to do my 2 sets of 5 and on my max rep, I did 6.  I felt strong!  And again so excited because I'm right where I left off as far as strength.

Then it was time for pull ups.  I knew I couldn't do weighted pull ups, heck I can't even do unassisted pull ups.  So, I set up my band to do assisted pull ups:

You can see what I mean here, but I have to use the strongest green band.  As soon as I hung from the bar, I knew it wasn't going to happen.  The new boobies and the pecs over them said "absolutely not, sister".  So the coaches told me to do push ups instead.  I'm not sure how long it will be until I can do pull ups again, but seeing as I can still feel my pecs (2 hours later), I think it is going to be quite a while.  That's okay though, I'm not going to do anything that will cause problems and I know if I'm patient, eventually I will be able to do everything. 

I used no weight for the first set, 10# for the second, 15# for the third and fourth, and 25# for the fifth.  Not bad!

I'm trying really hard not to be embarrassed by this picture.  I'm mostly having success.  :)  I just have to keep working!!  And keep reminding myself that I would have HATED a picture like this three years ago...heck, I couldn't have held myself on the bar three years ago.

When I got to work, I got a call from my city's fire department, and I have been confirmed for the Citizen's Fire Academy that starts in a few weeks.  Basically it is a 3 hour class once a week for 9 weeks to learn about the fire department.  I thought it sounded like a fun thing to do.  They aren't 100% sure that they are going to have enough people, so fingers crossed!  I changed my entire schedule for this, so I will be bummed if they cancel it.  But no big deal, I'm all flexible and "go with the flow" these days, right??

My mommacita is coming to visit and is supposed to get in tomorrow night.  Hopefully Isaac won't get in the way, but I think she should be okay.   Speaking of Isaac, thinking of all my Gulf Coast bloggy buddies!!  

My whole body aches when I stretch...and it is AWESOME!!  

Big hugs!!