Friday, June 28, 2013

Fitness Fridays!

Two weeks in a row I have made it to CrossFit on Friday.  Woot woot!  Last night I got home to no internet and no TV.  I actually read a book.  *gasp*  I ended up in bed early, so getting up wasn't too big of a deal.

When we got there this morning, we ran our typical 400m and just did a couple warm up exercises.  Then we had mobility work, stretching shoulders, foam rolling, etc.  At about 20 after, the trainer corralled us for "the rest of our warm up."  Heh.

2 rounds:
10 wall balls
10 sit ups
10 push ups
10 pull ups
10 kettlebell swings

I still crack up at what is considered a "warm up".  Anyway, our WOD was:

5 rounds:
12 Deadlifts
9 Hang Power Cleans
6 Push Jerks

12:00 cutoff.  I made it using 65# in 8:35. For 8 minutes and 35 seconds, I used every muscle I had, my heart was pounding out of my chest and I fought to find a breath.  It was awesome.  :-)

Quick demos:

Hang Power Cleans:
Push Jerks:

I'm feeling very strong today!!  65 pounds starts feeling really daggone heavy after some of this.  Ha!
Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Ten Things Thursday

1.  CrossFit was super fun this morning.  I love all of the trainers, but my favorite was there today.  Plus we did atlas stone work.  Here is what I mean:
These always make me feel so badass.  And here are the bruises to show for it!

These are my shoulders even though it is hard to tell.  Looks like I have some scary rash.  Ha!

2.  My friends at work got Chipotle for lunch yesterday and even though I wanted some for dinner all day after that, I went home and had my healthy dinner as originally planned.  One of my employees went to Chipotle today and asked if she could pick me up something and I held fast.  I'm so proud!!

3.  We had our work birthday celebration today and they are brought in my favorite cupcakes.  All of the healthy eating and working out makes me feel totally fine eating this joyous treat!  The no Chipotle rule was put into effect as soon as I found out we were getting bundtinis.
4.  I'm a bit of a Stella & Dot fanatic.  These are my two newest purchases...
5.  Rangers beat the Yankees again today!  Woohoo!  They had a real run of bad games, so it is nice to see them winning again.  Although I'm not sure what I'm going to do tonight since there is no game to watch!  #firstworldproblems
6.  I believe I have convinced myself to get up early for CrossFit tomorrow.  I don't usually go on Fridays, but I only went twice last week because of the Tulsa trip.
7.  We are leaving for Louisiana on the 4th for a few days.  I wonder if I can get myself to go to CrossFit Monday-Wednesday next week.  I will have to make that a goal!
8.  Have you ever shopped on Zulily?  I bought a dress but I'm nervous it won't fit.  I have a bad time with stuff off the internet.  Fingers crossed!
9.  All of the work is so I can look like this again...
10.  I got a compliment today.  After Godmother & I worked out at lunch, we got on the elevator to go back upstairs.  A cute guy got on with us and he had a Whataburger bag.  We were teasing him that we were going to steal it from him.  Anyway, he said, "I like your heels" with a little smile.  Hmmm...  First, thank you!  Second, do straight guys say heels?  Not sure, but either way it was a compliment.  Here are the heels in question:

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Mini-goal Reached

I got on the scale this morning and even though it is not official weigh in day, I reached one of the mini goals I have set for myself. 

In late February, I got on the scale and was distraught at the number I saw.  I had managed to gain 7 pounds since coming back from the Olympics and that was on top of the 10 pounds I had gained after plastic surgery which was on top of the 10 pounds I gained from my lowest.  I was so upset so I decided to join Weight Watchers. 

The problem was that after a week, I didn't really DO Weight Watchers.  I pretty much just buried my head in the sand and didn't want to face the problem.  Unfortunately, I did that for about 3 1/2 months and managed to gain another 7 pounds.  The sad fact is that if I am not actively working on maintaining my weight, I'm going gain.  I have found that I do a better job of maintaining when my plan is to maintain than when my plan is to lose.  It is a bit mindboggling.

Well, anyway...I have managed to get through that bit of weight I gained after joining Weight Watchers and I'm again going steadily in the right direction.  The key for me will be to stick with it.  Right now I feel in control and right now I feel it is doable.  That is a good feeling.

My next mini goal is 1.8 pounds away and that will put me at my lowest weight this year.  Once I get to that point, I will really feel like I'm getting somewhere. 


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Feeling Happy!

I really tried not to be disappointed with my small weight loss from yesterday.  I really did!!  A loss is a loss and that is a good thing.  But I just knew how hard I worked and I was confused by how my body reacted. 

That said, I didn't let it get me down.  I worked out twice yesterday (CrossFit & 30 minutes on the elliptical at lunch) and followed my nutrition plan.  I followed the thought that if I am going to have to work that hard to lose a half pound a week, then I need to get on it because it is going to take a LONG time!

This morning I got on the scale and I was three pounds lower than yesterday.  I'm not going to lie, I was relieved.  I wasn't crazy.  Yesterday's weigh in was a fluke.  Whew!  Now I just need to keep at it.  I'm fired up to possibly have one of my best weight loss weeks evah!  Let's do eet!

This morning at CrossFit, we ran another mile.  I'm happy to say that I was faster than last week by at least 15 seconds.  It is actually even more than that, but I stopped to get my water bottle when I came in the door before I walked over to the clock.  I feel like it is more representative of where I am right now, so that was a good way to continue the morning. 

Tonight BFF & I are going to see Flashdance, the Musical.  I have never seen the movie, but I'm familiar with it.  I'm sure it will be fun to see.


Monday, June 24, 2013

Weigh In Day and other Ramblings

Good morning!

Loss for the week:  0.4 pounds
Total 40 by 40 loss:  3.4 pounds
Total left to lose:  36.6

Not exactly what I was hoping.  My first reaction was disappointment.  How much does it suck to work really hard and not see the results that you want?  I was looking for something in the 1.5-2.0 range, so less than a half pound is a bummer.  BUT...then I realized A. a loss is a loss.  B.  I have lost for two weeks in a row and will be going for three weeks in a row which I have only done once this year and only once last year. 

Onward!  I have my meals planned out for the week.  I think I did a really good job of planning this week.  We shall see how I feel about it by Thursday.  Ha!  I also have my fitness planned for this week, the goal is:

CrossFit - M, T, Th (and Friday if I'm feeling sassy)
Lunch workout - M, W, Th
Jazzercise - W or S if I don't go to CF on F.

Remember that workout I had on Friday?  I knew it was a tough one, but wow...I was SO sore all weekend.  Honestly, I think I overdid it and I was borderline in pain.  My legs and glutes were sore Friday afternoon though Sunday morning and then my abs took over.  I was a little sore this morning, but nothing that would hold me back.  CrossFit wasn't too intense today, but I do feel like I got some good strength training in.  For those that care about that kind of thing, we did Power Cleans (10:00 OTM, 95#), Clean Shrugs (3x5, 115#), & Chin ups.  I'm still using 2 green bands to assist, but it is getting better.

I had a slow weekend so I tried to be a little productive.  I met the Debster for a movie on Saturday morning.  We watched Man of Steel.  I'm not sure if the movie is really good or if he is just really hot, but I enjoyed it.  Sunday afternoon, I worked on my closet a little bit.  I went through all of my shoes and tried to cull out the ones I don't wear anymore.  I have a ton of shoes, people.  Anyway, these are the ones I'm getting rid of:
Most of them are old and worn out sneakers, but there are a few nice work shoes in there too.  In fact, there are a couple of gently used pricey ones in there.  If anyone wears a size 10 and is interested in some new shoes for the price of shipping, I would be glad to take pics and send.

I cooked last night and BFF came over.  I made a Mushroom Cauliflower Pie from Shelly's Eggface blog.  It was pretty good and definitely good on the WW points.  I made it with some ham steak and it was a nice dinner.  I'm looking forward to the leftovers.


Friday, June 21, 2013


I had forgotten what it was like not to be hungry all the time.  For the last year, I have had a very loose band, subconsciously thinking I will "do it on my own."  The first 35 years of my life should have told me I couldn't.  Anyway, during that time, I wasn't hungry 100% of the time like I was pre-banding, but functioning with normal portions was just damn near impossible, it seemed.

This fill was the first time in a really long time, where I got some satisfaction.  I was slightly concerned that I would be too tight, but as time progresses (and I remain somewhat patient), I think it will be fine.  I got hungry this morning, but after getting up, working out for an hour, driving to work, getting ready and having coffee...I SHOULD be hungry.  That is normal.  I don't expect to never be hungry, but when you eat a "normal" portion and you are hungry in an hour, it is really hard to watch your calories.

So, yay.

I do think I'm getting a bit dehydrated, so I'm trying to be conscious of that today.  Water, water, water.

CrossFit was a beating today.  I worked hard, but I didn't do very well.  We did back squats...20 of a row.  Yeesh, that was hard.  My last 5-7 were crap form, but I got them done, so whatevs.  I was at 125# which is pretty damn heavy when you are squatting 20 times.  20 times is A LOT in case I haven't made that clear.

Then we did Presses.  I like Presses.  But I really struggled this morning.  We were supposed to do 5 sets of 5.  I did 2 sets of 5, then 4, then 3.  I didn't even get to the last set because we ran out of time.  I was disappointed until I realized that I had gone up 10# from last time instead of 5#.  For a Press, that is ridiculous.  Now I'm mad and I want to try it again.  Oh well.

At the end, we were supposed to do 150 Double Unders & 150 Situps.  (A double under is one jump, two passes of the jump rope.)  I can't do double unders, so the scale was to do 3:1 singles.  That meant 450 jumps.  Damn.  I got to about 375 and then I just had to stop and move to the situps.  I did my situps and finished in 16:06.  It was ugly. 

But I went and I did it.  Next week I will do better.

Just a week and a half into my challenge and I'm seeing a difference.  Definitely losing the bloat which is nice.  I'm frustrated that I let myself gain so many extra pounds before getting into gear, but I did, so what's done is done.  Boy, I sound cranky or down today.  I'm really not.  In fact, I'm in a really good mood and excited for the weekend.

Have a good weekend!  I hope I have good news for you on Monday!


Thursday, June 20, 2013

Arm update and other TTT nonsense

Good morning, pretties. 

1.  Solidly into my second week of 40 by 40 and I'm doing swimmingly.  I was concerned yesterday that I might be too tight, but I was able to eat mashed potatoes and mushy mac and cheese last night successfully, so I think I will be fine if I am just patient.  You know how good I am at that!  /sarcasm

2.  Rangers won last night!  They have been struggling, so it was nice.  I also got to see most of the game before I had to go to bed because of CrossFit curfew.  This is my favorite Ranger.  He hasn't been doing so well lately and he is about to lose his starting spot, but he sure is cute.

3.  I got up for CrossFit this morning.  It was MUGGY!  We warmed up and did some strength drills.  The trainer said we needed to be done by 10 'til to be sure and get in our mile time trial.  HAHA!  That was cute.  Anyway, I'm quite sad to say that it was my slowest mile since starting CrossFit.  I did my best so I'm not going to beat myself up.  But I do want to get better, not worse.  I know I need new shoes, so that will happen this weekend.  Plus, I just need to be more consistent.  I will make an effort.

4.  I'm going to workout at lunch as well.  I plan on doing the elliptical for 30 minutes.  If I CrossFit in the morning, that will be 5 workouts for the week.  With all that was going on, I think that is a big success. 

5.  You may remember that I had arm surgery last year to remove the loose skin and tissue on my upper arms.  I wanted to post some progress pictures.  I don't think they look as dramatic as it feels..

This is before:
This is about 6 months later:

This is today:
This is my scar:

It still has a bit of healing to do, but most people don't even notice it.  In fact, we had to take a few pictures in different light and at different angles to get it to show up in the picture.  Like I said, I don't think the pictures show a dramatic change but in real life it is quite different.  My arms actually fit into clothes that they didn't before!  Plus, I don't mind going sleeveless.  And the best part is when I'm working out, I don't think someone is sneaking up behind me because my arm flab is flopping around.  Ha!

6.  I'm going to see the Superman movie this weekend with my fab friend Debi.  I lurve her.  :-)

7.  I forgot to tell you yesterday that we saw Traces on Tuesday night and it was good!  It was like a very good episode of So You Think You Can Dance.  If it comes to your town and you like dancing, you should check it out.

8.  I've spent a lot of money the last couple of months...traveling, my birthday, just buying stuff.  I had started investing each month at the beginning of the year and in addition to that, I was trying to pad my savings account.  I did really well for about 3 months, but then the last few months, not so much.  I would really like to up my monthly investment next year, so I need to get better.

9.  My jeans feel a little looser today.  Not dramatically, but these are my FAT jeans and they were getting unbearably tight.  I haven't fit into my "normal" jeans in months.  My skinny jeans seem like a distant dream.  But they fit once and they will fit again.

10.  Why is flying so darn expensive?


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Well, I'm not hungry...

This fill has definitely helped in that I'm eating little and not getting hungry.  But I'm still on liquids with no chance of solid eating at the moment and I'm hoping that it settles more in a couple of days.  I do not think it is healthy to not eat solid foods.  But I know from my past that it can take a few days.

I always have trouble eating healthy enough (or low cal enough) when I'm on liquids.  I vowed to be different this time.  I ended up being over my points yesterday because I had a drink last night.  But I had whiskey with a no-cal mixer, so that was a good choice.  Also, I did not have any ice cream or anything like that which I usually allow myself during this phase. 

B:  coffee, slim fast
L:  broccoli cheese soup
D:  broccoli cheese soup & tomato soup
S:  whiskey drink

Since I didn't work out yesterday, I was a little over, but I'm still really pleased.  I'm planning for a similarly successful day today!

This morning I was listening to a news story on the AMA and its decision to classify obesity as an illness.  I have mixed feelings.  I think that it is a positive step to help physicians, insurance companies, patients, etc. work on this seeming systemic issue.  However, in my mind, being obese isn't the same thing as being sick.  And I don't think I like the idea of people thinking of me as sick.  Maybe I need to change my mindset as well.  I don't know.  What do you think?

I refuse to believe that everyone is the same and fat people are just lazy or eat too much.  It is much more complex than that.  But I believe that the biggest issue is our culture.  Some people talk about how much of our social structure revolves around food and while that's true, I think that wouldn't be such a big issue if we ate differently. 

Eating healthy is WAY more expensive that eating crap.  Eating healthy is more difficult than eating crap.  Eating healthy often calls attention to yourself in group settings.  For an obese person, that can be difficult.  Going on a diet, taking meds, heck...even having surgery isn't a quick or easy answer. 

The best answer for me has been pre-planning.  If I can plan my meals for the week on Sunday, then I know that I am probably going to have a successful week.  If I'm in a situation where I can't or don't plan, then most likely I will not be successful.

Speaking of planning, I must make myself go to CrossFit tomorrow.  If I don't, give me hell!


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Weekly weigh in

Did you miss me?  I had a wonderful vacation.  BFF & I went to Tulsa to see the USA Men's Volleyball team play France in World League play.  I tried to eat/drink what I enjoyed, but to not make excuses to eat things I didn't really want/need. 

After doing SO well (and spending so much time hungry) Monday-Thursday, I didn't want to ruin it on vacation.  I'm happy to say that I lost 3 pounds this week.  I know the first week is always the best, so I'm not getting cocky or anything.  I'm just happy that my hard work paid off.  Four pounds to go to my first mini goal and 37 more pounds to go in my 40 by 40 challenge.

Today was my fill appointment.  I know I had a rough time last week with my hunger.  I know realistically that it would be hard for me to sustain my good behavior this way, but my biggest fear is being too tight.  To me, that just isn't acceptable.  Seeing that I had very little issue eating sushi rolls (in one bite, albeit chewed well) and pizza.  I felt that I should proceed.  The doc checked out my band and it looks great!  She gave me another baby fill of one tenth of a cc.  Everyone marveled again about how sensitive I am.  Yeah, yeah, I know.  Anyway, I'm hoping this will do it.

I am sipping at my coffee and it is going down, but it is definitely slow.  I will have to follow the liquid diet for two days rule this time for sure.  I feel confident thought, like always, that the swelling will go down in a couple of days.  Then I'm hoping that I can proceed with good healthy food in proper portions along with my exercise plan.

No working out today.  Tonight BFF & I are going to some show that is similar to a Cirque type performance.  Hopefully it will be fun.  I'm trying to convince myself to go to CrossFit Thursday and Friday in addition to the elliptical tomorrow and Thursday.  The other option would be Jazzercise Thursday and Saturday instead.  That would be good too, but I need to be more consistent with CF.

I have only lost weight two weeks in a row twice so far this year, so I'm committed to making sure that happens this week.  I often use a liquid diet to eat things I want like ice cream, etc.  Not this time!  Logging everything like I should.

Hope your week has started off well!


Thursday, June 13, 2013


I cannot remember the last time that I wrote a Ten Things Thursday!!

1.  I had sushi/hibachi at lunch today, so the tightness scare yesterday was BS.  I did manage my portion well, so that's a victory!

2.  I skipped CrossFit this morning.  *gasp*  I decided to go to Jazzercise tonight instead.  But I usually flake out by the time the end of the day starts creeping around, so I took away that option.  I had BFF ride to work with me today.  Since she is the instructor, I HAVE to go.  Genius, I think!

3.  My brother has texted me, emailed me and called me all in less than a week.  I haven't talked to him this much in ages and I love it!

4.  BFF & I are going to Tulsa tomorrow for the USA Volleyball World League game.  My Volleyball boyfriend isn't playing this season, so that is sad news.  But I feel sure I will find someone to watch! 

5.  Speaking of sports, my Rangers are having a tough go right now.  They have lots of players on the DL though so it is hard to tell if they should be better or not. 

6.  After we leave Tulsa on Sunday, we are going to a casino resort and having a spa day.  It will be a nice long weekend.

7.  I'm going to take workout clothes and my hope is to fit in a workout on Saturday morning.  It will be tough though.

8.  It has been a busy, but very productive week at work.  I like it when things get accomplished as opposed to just feeling scattered.

9.  I got a flat tire last night.  My low tire light came on and so when I got home, I checked the air.  One WAS lower so I drove to the gas station and tried to air it up.  Now matter how much air I put in it, the reading stayed the same.  So I drove to Firestone (ain't nobody got time for that!) and had them check.  The guy told me, "you can put in all the air you want and it isn't going to matter because there is a nail in it."  HA!  At least I wasn't crazy.  I decided to have them do an oil change while I was there and all in all, it worked out fine.

10.  I find myself getting a little ADD this afternoon.  I think it is time for vacation! 

Talk to you next week!


Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Day 2 and All Is Well

Dieting is hard.  I spent most of the day yesterday hungry and I still had to use some of my activity points for an extra snack.  It is easy to remember why my natural state is fat.  I worry that a fill will make me too tight, but I have to try.  I can't sustain this type of hunger for the time it would take me to reach my goal.  The fill is in a week.  In the meantime, I deal.

Yesterday was a really good day, "healthy" wise.  I told you about my CrossFit morning, but then I also ellipticized for a half hour at lunch and I was flying! (for me anyway)  I wanted to start running again, but my feet hurt too much to run when I'm exercising this much.  So, I decided on the elliptical.  I have gotten to where I can sustain about 6mph over 30 minutes.  I will get up to 7.5 and be as low as 5, but it averages out to about 6.

After work, we went to the Rangers game for our monthly Interesting Dinner.  If you have been following me for long, you might remember that I started this group in late 2004.  Some of the attendees have changed, but we have only missed about 5 months in all that time.  Amazing!  Anyway, BFF chose the Captain Morgan Club at the Ballpark for dinner and it was Yu Darvish bobblehead night.  She loves Yu, but we were very sad that we were just slightly too late to get one.  Booo!  

Aren't we adorable?  I had to be creative, but I had the inside of 1 and 1/2 veggie tacos, about 2/3 of a serving of Mexican rice and a few shoestring french fries.  Not too bad.  I was satisfied for about 2 hours and then I was hungry again.  Sigh.

We lost.  :-(

On the way out to the car I was whining to BFF that I was hungry.  I told her to remind me of that when I was complaining post-fill.  She asked me what I would be complaining about then and I told her it would be that I couldn't eat what I want.  She giggled and said "deal."  I did manage to not eat anything when I got home, so go me!

This morning, my scale continues to reward me.  It gives me the motivation to have another good day.  We are going on vacation this weekend, so that will be tough for me.  But my goal is to log everything which should at least help me keep things in perspective. 

Also this morning, I can't even get my coffee down.  WTF?  I never have that problem.  Ever.  This thing is a daggone mystery that is fo sho.

I have been looking at some pre-extra pounds pictures lately to get some inspiration.  I will leave you with a couple...


Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Day 1 in the Books

Day 1 was quite successful.  Now I just need to do that about 300 more times.  :-)  In addition to CrossFit in the morning, I did a 2 mile jog walk at lunch.  Also I ate very well and in the evening I went Support Group.

I will say that even though I ate well all day, I did have to use a few of my activity points (I'm tracking using WW) and I was still somewhat hungry most of the day.  I think that it showed me that my next fill is needed.

On my way home from Group last night, I called my mom (to keep myself from thinking about food) and as we were talking she mentioned how I hadn't been to Group in a long time.  When I thought about it, I realized that it had been almost a year.  I think I went once after my plastic surgery last year, but then after that, there was always an excuse not to go.  Don't get me wrong, getting from work over to the meeting, then getting home and packing for the next day, eating and getting to bed on time for CrossFit curfew is challenging.  But once a month, I should be able to do that.  And it helps keep my head in the game. 

I stopped blogging in October, so about 7 or 8 months ago.  I started gaining weight 14 months ago.  I think after a few months, I just didn't want to face it, so I stopped my accountability measures (group and blogging.)  I tried several half-assed times to start things up.  I even started a new blog at one point, but my heart just wasn't in it.  It is my Never-Ending Quest for a reason. 

I also stopped my progress pictures in April 2012.  Methinks there is a pattern here.  I will commit to starting that back up at the end of this month.  I might move to quarterly at some point, but I really need all the accountability I can get apparently. 

Food plan:
B - coffee, egg beaters with mushrooms & cheese
L - homemade chicken salad with crackers
S - prosciutto wrapped mozzarella & sugar free popsicles
D - Inside of two fish tacos & a small amount of rice & beans

I went to CrossFit this morning and we did Snatches, Snatch Balances and GHD sit ups.  After a 1/2 mile run and various warm up calesthenics, of course...

1.  Snatches - we did 2 Snatches 10:00 OTM (on the minute) and I used 65# which is slightly more than in this video.  I love how I react at the end, all ain't no big thing.

2. Snatch blance - we did 5 sets of 2 and I used 60#.  I don't have a video of myself here.
3.  GHD situps - we did 50 of them and they were supposed to be weighted, but I decided that my extra pounds were enough.  Ha!  These are really tough on the lower back and I didn't want to hurt myself. And just to be clear, I was happy if I made parallel.  I do remember being better at these a year ago, so I have work to do to get where I was before. 

Today WILL be another fabulous and successful day.  See you tomorrow!


Monday, June 10, 2013

40 by 40 (or Here We Go Again...)

Before I get started with the 40 by 40 commentary.  I have a story. 

A while back I was talking to my mom about dieting.  She mentioned that she was going to dinner with friends and she was going to have to eat dessert which was going to mess up her food plan.  I asked why she had to eat dessert and she explained that her friends don't have weight issues and never have to diet.  So when she refuses dessert, they insist or she feels like they don't understand. I think she feels like they think, "oh, here we go again."

Soon after that, I was talking to a friend about her sister.  She said that she loves her sister, but she gets so annoyed because when her sister is on a diet, they can only go certain places to eat.  I asked if that wasn't a good thing that she was trying to focus on her nutrition.  My friend (who is very sympathetic to my challenges) kind of commented that it just gets annoying because she will diet for a while and then will stop and then will start again...and everyone is like "here we go again."  I talked to her a little bit more about my mom's story and about myself, how I have to work really hard to lose weight and how that isn't easy to do all the time so it comes and goes.  I think it gave her another perspective.

Cue to a little later and I was talking to BFF about my 40 by 40 plan.  Just to be clear, BFF is like a sister to me and there are few that would want success for me more than her!  I forget her exact words, so I don't want to misquote.  However, I know that her point was that she has known me long enough to see my ebbs and flows and she supports whatever I need to do to be successful.  But for just a minute...instead of hearing the support...I just heard "here we go again." 

When I first got my lap band, I decided to show, not tell.  It wasn't a secret, but I was so convinced that I would be successful that I let that success do my talking.  I was successful!  I'm still successful!  But now I need to refocus and I need to stop with the half-hearted stuff, because while that helps me maintain, it does NOT help me lose.  I think in my head I feel like "here I go again."  I need to insist to MYSELF that I can do this and that I WILL do this.

Which brings me to my 40 by 40 Challenge.  My goal is to lose 40 pounds by my 40th birthday.  I just turned 39, so I have a year.  I went back and looked at the things that helped make me successful before and I'm returning to those behaviors:
  • Pre-plan and log food.  This is a big deal.  If I don't know what I'm eating for the entire week on Sunday, then I know by Thursday, things will not go well. 
  • No bread.  This is the only thing I'm ruling out.  (Except one vacation pizza exemption for this weekend.)  Bread is my gateway food.  If I'm eating it, I have a tough time controlling it.  I gave it up fully for nine months and then controlled it for over a year.  Time to take it away for a while!
  • Drink in moderation. 
  • In fact, everything in moderation. It all depends on if it fits in the food plan for the day.
  • Blog and other accountability.  I need to tell myself what I'm doing each day and I need to tell people how I'm doing.  I tend to hide it when things aren't going well. 
  • Work out.  I usually do well with this, but I need to push it.  I pulled out my FitBit and I'm going to give tracking a go.
I'm getting a fill on 6/18, so that will help.  For almost a year, I didn't have much restriction.  I was trying to do it on my own.  I'm not good at that, obviously.  It will limit what I can eat which will be annoying because I haven't dealt with that in a long time, but it will help with the hunger.  If I sacrifice now, in a year, I won't remember all the sacrifices, but I will be happy with the results!

One thing I wish I would have blogged more is what I ate.  I'm having trouble finding good things to make and bring for lunches.  I need some good ideas.  Today, I had egg beaters with mushrooms & cheese for breakfast.  I made chicken salad with light sour cream & mustard for lunch.  A prosciutto wrapped mozzarella stick for a snack.  Also have sugar free Popsicles and some soup if I need it.  Dinner is a spinach salad.

One day at a time, right?!


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Thinking back...

One of the things I decided to do when committing to my Journey 2.0 (part of the never ending quest, you know) was to read my blog from the beginning.  It starts around Fall 2009 with me thinking about the possibility of LB surgery.

Last night, I read about 12 months worth...from thinking about it, to doing it, to losing 75 pounds.  It was quite an interesting read.  I forgot how miserable I was.  I mean, logically I know that I'm not as bad off today as I was then, pre-surgery.  But I have forgotten how different life is.

During the months immediately preceding surgery, I wasn't even able to Jazzercise anymore.  My feet were hurting so badly that I couldn't.  In fact, I was wearing anti-inflammatory patches on my feet on a daily basis just to get through a work day!  I was wearing Crocs or Clarkes everyday too.  It isn't like I was trying to wear uncomfortable cutsie shoes.  I had totally forgotten about that.  It took MONTHS for my feet to feel better enough to work out regularly without constant pain.

Also, I was sad.  I hated my looks and just didn't feel well about life.  Even though I'm self-conscious about the excess weight I have gained these last few months, I'm not sad or depressed.  It is a completely different mindset.

I never want to go back there.  I read about a lot of my activities in that first year and it made me remember how much I sacrificed.  In the end, those things were no big deal, but at the time, it was HARD!

For some reason I had it in my head that I lost weight the first 9 months without really trying.  Ha!  I was "dieting" by the 3rd month and was starting my fitness focus by month 4.  I did not eat bread AT ALL for nine months.  Nine months.  Day-um.  Go me. It is a good reminder of what I'm going to have to do.

CrossFit was extra fun today.  It was all about thrusters, box jumps and tabata drills.  I can't wait to hear how Robyn & Cat do at CrossFit tonight!

Going to see Sister Act, the musical tonight.  That should be fun.


Monday, June 3, 2013

40 by 40

Hi.  Remember me?  I sort of disappeared for a while.  There were a few reasons for that, but it was nice to break away for a bit.  But lately, I decided that I need to recommit to losing weight.  I need to because if I don't now, I never will.

Let's recap, shall we?  I got my LapBand in January 2010.

Through the first 11 months, I lost 79 pounds.  Woohoo!! 

During the 5 months after that, I lost another 16 pounds for a total of 95 pounds.  And boy, did I look great!  And I felt great too!

I went up and down, but basically maintained that weight for another year.  I started CrossFit and working out a lot along with eating healthy and I felt so pretty and just fantastic overall!

Then in May 2012, I decided to have plastic surgery to fix my wiggly arms and my draggy boobs.  I stopped exercising (because of the recovery) and then immediately went on the BEST TRIP EVER to the Olympics. 

By the time I got back from my trip and decided to get back into reality, I had gained 19 pounds.  Wow.  That's no joke.  Time to get it together. Except since then, I have gained another 7 pounds.  Sigh. 

I do NOT regret having the surgery or going on that amazing trip.  However, I learned a lot about myself and will make different choices in the future regarding recovery and travel.  What's done is done.

I do want to mention that I still feel good about myself.  Forgive me for losing battles with Blogger and pictures...but this tilted picture is how I look today.  This is actually me yesterday after shopping for a dress to wear for my birthday party.  What I'm fighting for now is to feel better while I'm working out (the extra pounds has made it A LOT tougher) and to just feel comfortable in my own skin.  There for a while I really felt good and I want that back.

I turn 39 on Friday and I realized that the time is now.  I stole some inspiration from a friend who vowed to lose 40 pounds by her 40th birthday and she is kicking all sorts of ass!  I decided that I was going to shoot for that too.  I went back and looked at what made me successful in the beginning and realized that for 9 months, I did almost everything right.  And then for another 6 months, I did most things right.  I finally came to the realization that nothing I am doing now is really living like I want to lose weight. 

I will enjoy my birthday weekend and then next week this goes into effect:
  1. One quick rule to say that there is no going off the rails this week.  No use in gaining 5 pounds that I would just have to lose again.  Normal rules apply this week.
  2. No bread.  I didn't eat bread for the first 9 months of my journey and ate it VERY moderately after that until mid-2013 which is when I started gaining weight.  Bread is my gateway food and it must stop. 
  3. Limited alcohol.  No beer.  No calorie mixers only.  Limited to 2 drinks per week.
  4. Log food and exercise through WW or Fitbit.
  5. Work out.  CrossFit 3x, Something else 3x.  Every week.
  6. Blog again.  It is one of the ways I'm most accountable to myself. 
Some things I'm doing to motivate myself:
  1. I ordered some 4x6's of pictures of me at my lowest weight and I plan to put them around (my desk at work, my refrigerator, my car...) places I might need a reminder for what I'm doing.
  2. I'm going to go back and read my blog from the beginning to remind myself how far I have come and how I WILL NOT let myself ever get back in that position.  And also to remember what I had to sacrifice to be successful and how it was hard, but worth it in the end.
  3. For every five pounds I lose, I get a reward.  I don't know what yet. 
I'm not sure why I feel this time is different than the other 20 times I have decided between then and now that THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT.  But one time in January 2010, it WAS different.  This time can be too. 

I will lose 40 pounds before my next birthday.  And THAT journey commences on June 10, 2013.

Hugs!  :)