And so it begins...

Today is the first day of my pre-sleeve surgery two week liquid diet. The plan is to have a shake at 9am, noon, and 2pm (with a 4th at home for "dinner".) I also have 8 oz of chicken broth for 4pm or so. Then I brought sugar free popsicles, jello and gum along with vitamin water & decaf tea, so I can have a little something every 30 minutes or so.

I also plan to drink a lot of water which will mean a ton of bathroom trips.

I'm finally updating my weight ticker today. I gained exactly 20 pounds from the night that my band slipped (or whatever happened) until this morning. It was only just over 4 months. I'm hopeful that weight will come off quickly.

The even better news is that even with all this nonsense, I have kept off 46 pounds from the beginning. So, I'm not starting over. I'm just starting again. Interestingly, I didn't get to my goal weight the first time. In fact, I didn't even get within 20 pounds of it. It will be interesting to see if I can get there this time.

Here is me today:

I hated pictures of me prior to weight loss surgery. But then for a long time, I loved (or at least didn't mind) them. I just realized that I really don't like them again. :-) My hair that I feels looks so sassy in real life looks...well, not sassy. I don't really mind the rest of me in this picture. The shirt is cute and jeans are jeans. Interesting. Overall, I just don't feel good on the inside, so I don't really feel good on the outside.

I'm looking forward to:

• Not feeling like I could be a fire breathing dragon (that should be fixed with the hernia repair.)
• Not feeling like I have a caterpillar in my chest (also hernia.)
• My clothes fitting again. 
• My arms not hurting because I'm stretching the skin at the scars from my plastic surgery.
• Working out again!!!!!!!
• Feeling like I have control over my own body again.
• Sleeping better!

 All of those things will come, I just have to be patient and take it one day at a time.

Not too long ago, someone told me that I didn't seem like a person that cared about her weight. I think that they meant that I was confident about myself and wouldn't allow weight to change that. I also think they meant it as a compliment. And there is some truth to that. I no longer let my weight define me. However, the bottom line is that I feel like crap. I didn't used to feel like crap. And I don't want to feel like crap anymore. If someone else that is overweight doesn't feel like crap, they might choose a different path and that is absolutely A-OK!

Hugs!