Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!! What a good weekend I had. Friday afternoon, BFF, another coworker, & I headed out to C0wboys Stadium to watch the final four practices and all-star game. We had tickets to a suite which was cool. Turns out...we were the only people that went. We have a fully stocked (food & drinks) suite with waitstaff all to ourselves. We were like rock stars. Since BFF has given up alcohol for Lent, I felt is was my obligation to utilize the full bar. And so I did.
However, I continued to use my "loved ones" promise and with BFF right there, it wasn't difficult. I enjoyed my drinks, but I ate extremely responsibly. Saturday, I kept myself very busy in the morning. It cost me some cash at the mall, but I was able to stay busy all through the morning and not snack. I bought food for lunch and dinner at the grocery store like a normal human. It was beautiful. BFF came over for dinner and brought me a small tots from Sonic which I swapped out for the mashed potatoes I was going to eat.
Sunday, I ate breakfast out with BFF as usual, but I didn't eat as much. I ate my eggs, a few potatoes and the fruit out of the yogurt parfait. We had musical tickets in the afternoon. We went to see Pageant which is basically a "Miss" Pageant in drag. It was hilarious and fun. I had a pack of M&Ms during intermission, but the good thing about that is that they are individual packaged and I ate the right sized portion. For dinner, I had some potato soup I had made the day before. And for a snack, I "splurged" with the cucumber salsa I made from Laura Belle's blog. Yummmy!
All through the weekend, when I went to make a choice, I thought of BFF, mom or dad. It didn't work every time (i.e. M&M's), but it did help me make better choices. Like eating the potato soup I made Sunday night instead of picking up Fuzzy's. Or not picking up a cookie at the mall on Saturday. Every good choice helps.
Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast - coffee with cream (x2 I need an extra shot today), Slim Fast, 2T peanut butter
Lunch - potato soup
Snack - Greek yogurt (if needed)
Dinner - veggie omelet
Snack - cucumber salsa with tortilla chips (if needed)
One thing I have to get past is waste. For example, I buy Greek yogurt for healthy choice snacks in case I get hungry. If I don't get hungry, I shouldn't eat them. If they never get eaten, I just need to throw them away. But sometimes I get in my head that I need to eat them BECAUSE they are going to go bad. I need to stop that. Yes, waste is bad, but I need to focus on what I need at the moment.
Today's Fitness Plan:
CrossFit - check! I felt strong today. I went up another 5 pounds on my 3x10 back squats and another 5 pounds on my 5x5 Romanian deadlifts. At the end we were supposed to do 200 double unders which I can't do, so the sub was 400 singles (jump rope.) Every time you break, you had to run 200m. I only got to about 300 before I had to leave to get to work, but I'm sure I ran at least a mile. Sheesh.
So, this weekend at the mall? I bought some pants. They aren't just any pants. They are some special pants. I'm trying to get my confidence up to wear them tomorrow. If I do, I will take a picture. Let me just say that they are not the kind of pants that blend in. I have tried them on 100 times since I bought them and I love them. But they will take some confidence. :-)
I feel good today. Staying in control and doing the right thing makes me feel good. One day at a time. Last week, I lost 3.8 pounds which is great for me, so I'm not going to qualify it. I just have to keep it up. One good week does not a trend make. But getting started sure feels great!
Hugs!
Ladybug
Monday, April 7, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
My Motivation
Good morning! Checking in before the weekend. So far, so good with the diet bet. I mentioned yesterday that I have a hard time limiting my calories when on liquids, so I'm glad to move on to "regular" food, but I will stick to either very mushy things or very crispy things (like crackers) for a few days.
Yesterday was a big success. I was another 2 tenths down. I'm worried about today. We are spending the afternoon and evening at C0wboys Stadium for the events today. There will be food in the suite as well as different types of concessions. Another kink in the action is that I can't eat meat today. BFF & I agreed to eat lunch before we go, so that will help a lot. My plan for dinner is to find something I can eat, get a small portion, take small bites and chewchewchew.
I have been chugging a lot of water which tells me I don't have a ton of restriction, but I'm trying to trick my head into believing I do. :-)
What I have to remind myself is when I "want" to eat something...that what I really want is to fit back into my size 12s and feel comfortable in my own skin again. I'm not far away. This is not some pipe dream. It will just take effort and dedication. I once gave up bread and other trigger foods for almost an entire year. There isn't any reason (other than my own demons) that I can't do it for a month.
The truth is that I gave up a lot during those months where I lost weight. At my worst, I was pushing 300 pounds and day after day, I made the decision to do what needed to be done. I was so tired of being tired, of being looked at/judged, of being sad. There were times that I had to give up things and as a result, my BFF had to give up things. I know that wasn't fun for her at times too.
That is what I'm really thinking about today...if I'm going to "pretend" to do this, then I really HAVE to do it. Because if I'm going to have my loved ones giving things up to help me on my journey then I have to truly put in the effort and be successful. It is one thing for me to sacrifice at times, then sabotage myself at others. It is annoying, but the only person I'm hurting is myself. But if I'm asking THEM to sacrifice? Then I damn well better have something to show for it, because otherwise it just isn't fair.
After losing a sh*t ton of weight and gaining a bit back, I may not be comfortable in my own skin, but I'm no longer tired and sad. I no longer stand out as the morbidly obese person that was more likely to die than see her neice get married. So, it's harder to find that motivation now. I've been searching for it, but coming up empty. I realized that I should be motivated by my loved ones that want so very much for me to succeed and would do anything they could to make it happen. But they can't will it, I have to do it.
I don't mean to imply that I want to lose weight because other people want me to. What I mean is that I want to lose weight for various reasons and I'm using the love of my family and friends to motivate me to do it. I hope that makes sense. I'm even going so far as to picture a family member or friend in my mind and think of all of the ways that person has supported me and loved me.
Today, for instance, I'm thinking of BFF. No one has had to put up with more on this little quest of mine than her. There are not enough words in the world to explain her awesomeness. I'm so fortunate to have a friendship like hers that I can depend on. I, in turn, want to be the best friend I can be. So, today, I make good choices for her.
Saturday and Sunday will be for my mom & dad. They have always been my biggest cheerleaders and love me no matter what. They have been working on their health this year in a big way and the have lost 10 and 25 pounds, respectively. They understand my struggle and I guarantee that if they could do it for me, they would. This weekend, I will make good choices for them.
Hugs!
Yesterday was a big success. I was another 2 tenths down. I'm worried about today. We are spending the afternoon and evening at C0wboys Stadium for the events today. There will be food in the suite as well as different types of concessions. Another kink in the action is that I can't eat meat today. BFF & I agreed to eat lunch before we go, so that will help a lot. My plan for dinner is to find something I can eat, get a small portion, take small bites and chewchewchew.
I have been chugging a lot of water which tells me I don't have a ton of restriction, but I'm trying to trick my head into believing I do. :-)
What I have to remind myself is when I "want" to eat something...that what I really want is to fit back into my size 12s and feel comfortable in my own skin again. I'm not far away. This is not some pipe dream. It will just take effort and dedication. I once gave up bread and other trigger foods for almost an entire year. There isn't any reason (other than my own demons) that I can't do it for a month.
The truth is that I gave up a lot during those months where I lost weight. At my worst, I was pushing 300 pounds and day after day, I made the decision to do what needed to be done. I was so tired of being tired, of being looked at/judged, of being sad. There were times that I had to give up things and as a result, my BFF had to give up things. I know that wasn't fun for her at times too.
That is what I'm really thinking about today...if I'm going to "pretend" to do this, then I really HAVE to do it. Because if I'm going to have my loved ones giving things up to help me on my journey then I have to truly put in the effort and be successful. It is one thing for me to sacrifice at times, then sabotage myself at others. It is annoying, but the only person I'm hurting is myself. But if I'm asking THEM to sacrifice? Then I damn well better have something to show for it, because otherwise it just isn't fair.
After losing a sh*t ton of weight and gaining a bit back, I may not be comfortable in my own skin, but I'm no longer tired and sad. I no longer stand out as the morbidly obese person that was more likely to die than see her neice get married. So, it's harder to find that motivation now. I've been searching for it, but coming up empty. I realized that I should be motivated by my loved ones that want so very much for me to succeed and would do anything they could to make it happen. But they can't will it, I have to do it.
I don't mean to imply that I want to lose weight because other people want me to. What I mean is that I want to lose weight for various reasons and I'm using the love of my family and friends to motivate me to do it. I hope that makes sense. I'm even going so far as to picture a family member or friend in my mind and think of all of the ways that person has supported me and loved me.
Today, for instance, I'm thinking of BFF. No one has had to put up with more on this little quest of mine than her. There are not enough words in the world to explain her awesomeness. I'm so fortunate to have a friendship like hers that I can depend on. I, in turn, want to be the best friend I can be. So, today, I make good choices for her.
Saturday and Sunday will be for my mom & dad. They have always been my biggest cheerleaders and love me no matter what. They have been working on their health this year in a big way and the have lost 10 and 25 pounds, respectively. They understand my struggle and I guarantee that if they could do it for me, they would. This weekend, I will make good choices for them.
Hugs!
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Ten Things Thursday
1. I forgot what it was like to not be at least slightly hungry all the time. This fill wasn't aggressive, but in these first few days, I'm not starving immediately when I wake up and when I do get hungry, I'm satisfied with an appropriate amount of food. Shocking! Shocking that this tool I purchased and had implanted in my body would work like that. :-)
2. I have a hard time staying in my calorie range when on liquids, but I did have an acceptable deficit yesterday. It will be easier for me to be in the right range when I can start eating solid food. Just being on the liquids though has cleaned out my system a bit. I was 1.6 pounds down yesterday and another .8 pounds today. I need to lose another 3.6 pounds before I feel like I'm in new territory.
3. I have this issue where it seems like I can either eat well or work out like a beast, but I can't do both. I'm sure it is just mental. I worked out yesterday and I will again today, but I haven't been able to get up for CrossFit. I'm sleeping horribly which I think is stemming from allergies. That, coupled with the somewhat drastic change in my eating habits just has me not wanting to get up and conquer WOD's. I would like to go tomorrow, but I have this feeling that I won't.
4. Today's Nutrition Plan:
6. My boss gave my fellow VP tickets to a suite at the Final Four practice day tomorrow. There were four tickets and he didn't have anyone else that wanted to go so he offered up some tickets to me and BFF. I believe it is free to the public, but the tickets are for a suite that has free food and whatnot. I thought it was kind of a cool thing to do. In the late afternoon there is an all-star game and I found out that one of my favorite IU players is playing in it, so that made it even cooler! I wish my stinking IU shirt fit, but I'm pretty sure I can't lost 15 pounds by tomorrow. Bummer.
7. We had some drama around the office yesterday. There are a bunch of apartments being built across the street from our office and a portion of them collapsed. Lots of drama! Someone was taken to the hospital, but he didn't seem to be badly hurt. It is little disturbing to see a pile of rubble where a building once stood.
8. Today's Fitness Plan: 20:00 treadmill walking uphill, 5 rounds: 5 burpees, 10 situps, 15 squats. Yesterday I did this but with push ups instead of burpees. I thought the burpees would help give me some good quick cardio.
9. About five years ago, I essentially changed careers. The company I have worked for since 1998 had difficult times during the last recession (as many companies did.) We sold a huge portion of our company and laid off another 200 or so employees. I think there were 24 of us at our smallest. I had been in charge of a large accounting group, but after the layoff, I became in charge of that accounting process (which was now outsourced so my role was more review), cash management, insurance, taxes and keeping track of our multiple legal entities. It was crazy times. Over the last five years, things have shifted. All of the accounting and tax functions have shifted over to my VP counterpart. My group does the cash management, insurance, entity management and manages any legal situations that might arise.
At this point my job is about 90% risk management (only about 2% accounting which is interesting since I'm a CPA) and I have learned a ton about insurance over this time. Now I've decided to learn more and get one of the insurance industry certifications. That means I have to read and study. I really never thought that after my CPA exam, I would be doing something like this. I'm not a big fan of studying. I never have been. But I know it will be good for me and it will be good for my company. I'm just getting started so I will keep you posted.
10. Hugs! :-)
2. I have a hard time staying in my calorie range when on liquids, but I did have an acceptable deficit yesterday. It will be easier for me to be in the right range when I can start eating solid food. Just being on the liquids though has cleaned out my system a bit. I was 1.6 pounds down yesterday and another .8 pounds today. I need to lose another 3.6 pounds before I feel like I'm in new territory.
3. I have this issue where it seems like I can either eat well or work out like a beast, but I can't do both. I'm sure it is just mental. I worked out yesterday and I will again today, but I haven't been able to get up for CrossFit. I'm sleeping horribly which I think is stemming from allergies. That, coupled with the somewhat drastic change in my eating habits just has me not wanting to get up and conquer WOD's. I would like to go tomorrow, but I have this feeling that I won't.
4. Today's Nutrition Plan:
- Breakfast - coffee with cream (x1), Lean 1 Smoothie King chocolate smoothie with peanut butter
- Lunch - Tomato soup
- Snack - greek yogurt
- Dinner - Soup and Mashed potatoes
- Snack - butterscotch pudding
6. My boss gave my fellow VP tickets to a suite at the Final Four practice day tomorrow. There were four tickets and he didn't have anyone else that wanted to go so he offered up some tickets to me and BFF. I believe it is free to the public, but the tickets are for a suite that has free food and whatnot. I thought it was kind of a cool thing to do. In the late afternoon there is an all-star game and I found out that one of my favorite IU players is playing in it, so that made it even cooler! I wish my stinking IU shirt fit, but I'm pretty sure I can't lost 15 pounds by tomorrow. Bummer.
7. We had some drama around the office yesterday. There are a bunch of apartments being built across the street from our office and a portion of them collapsed. Lots of drama! Someone was taken to the hospital, but he didn't seem to be badly hurt. It is little disturbing to see a pile of rubble where a building once stood.
8. Today's Fitness Plan: 20:00 treadmill walking uphill, 5 rounds: 5 burpees, 10 situps, 15 squats. Yesterday I did this but with push ups instead of burpees. I thought the burpees would help give me some good quick cardio.
9. About five years ago, I essentially changed careers. The company I have worked for since 1998 had difficult times during the last recession (as many companies did.) We sold a huge portion of our company and laid off another 200 or so employees. I think there were 24 of us at our smallest. I had been in charge of a large accounting group, but after the layoff, I became in charge of that accounting process (which was now outsourced so my role was more review), cash management, insurance, taxes and keeping track of our multiple legal entities. It was crazy times. Over the last five years, things have shifted. All of the accounting and tax functions have shifted over to my VP counterpart. My group does the cash management, insurance, entity management and manages any legal situations that might arise.
At this point my job is about 90% risk management (only about 2% accounting which is interesting since I'm a CPA) and I have learned a ton about insurance over this time. Now I've decided to learn more and get one of the insurance industry certifications. That means I have to read and study. I really never thought that after my CPA exam, I would be doing something like this. I'm not a big fan of studying. I never have been. But I know it will be good for me and it will be good for my company. I'm just getting started so I will keep you posted.
10. Hugs! :-)
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Diet Bet - day #1
I think I mentioned yesterday that I joined a Diet Bet. I have to lose 8.75 pounds by April 29th. That is a ton, but I'm motivated! Mostly I'm motivated by the fact that 3 of my friends are doing it. That sense of community is what inspires me. That is one of the biggest reasons I love the blogging community.
Yesterday was a big fat success. I had a high calorie smoothie, but otherwise I did spot on. Today is another day of full liquids.
Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast: coffee with cream (x1!), smoothie
Lunch: soup (either tomato or broccoli/cheese) 1/2 serving
Snack: rest of soup
Dinner: soup (opposite kind) & mashed potatoes
Snack: butterscotch pudding
Today's Fitness Plan:
I'm not feeling great...allergies. It's like little creatures are taking over my body. I'm fighting it, but they are just killing me. I'm going to force myself to do something today. Maybe it will help to sweat it out a bit.
Two TV comments: Do you watch How I Met Your Mother? I absolutely loved the finale until the last few minutes. That last item ticked me off. And The Good Wife? Best show on network TV.
I watched baseball last night. We lost opening day and things weren't looking super great last night, but the Rangers won in a walk off which was fantastic! Love, love, love.
You know, I have been "trying" to lose weight for a while without success, but this effort feels different. I have a different kind of motivation than I have had in a while. But I have to show, not tell for it to be true. Time to make that happen.
Hugs!
Yesterday was a big fat success. I had a high calorie smoothie, but otherwise I did spot on. Today is another day of full liquids.
Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast: coffee with cream (x1!), smoothie
Lunch: soup (either tomato or broccoli/cheese) 1/2 serving
Snack: rest of soup
Dinner: soup (opposite kind) & mashed potatoes
Snack: butterscotch pudding
Today's Fitness Plan:
I'm not feeling great...allergies. It's like little creatures are taking over my body. I'm fighting it, but they are just killing me. I'm going to force myself to do something today. Maybe it will help to sweat it out a bit.
Two TV comments: Do you watch How I Met Your Mother? I absolutely loved the finale until the last few minutes. That last item ticked me off. And The Good Wife? Best show on network TV.
I watched baseball last night. We lost opening day and things weren't looking super great last night, but the Rangers won in a walk off which was fantastic! Love, love, love.
You know, I have been "trying" to lose weight for a while without success, but this effort feels different. I have a different kind of motivation than I have had in a while. But I have to show, not tell for it to be true. Time to make that happen.
Hugs!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Randomness
I got up this morning with a little pep in my step. I went to the new medical facility nearby to get my fill. It was closer than the other location and the facility is smaller so it was easy breezy! They did raise the price from $50 to $75 but I think that is still a good deal.
I always have to giggle when they numb me because it hurts the same amount either way. I would rather they just get to it. Anyway, the person that does it (I think she is a PA) is very nice and we spoke about how I was doing and what I want. When I had my unfill, they took out .4cc. She said that if she puts in .3cc, things flow well. I prefer to start out slow and I can go back in a month if I need to, so I asked to stay with that. I drank my water and was good to go. I love that they look at it on x-ray so I have confidence that the band looks good and all is well.
I stopped by the local Smoothie King to get breakfast. It has been a while since I went so I asked the guy for something with peanut butter. I should have discussed it more because the small even had 700 calories. I immediately emailed Debi and asked her for a better option because she is a SK expert. Now I know what to order tomorrow morning!
I also had a latte this morning, so I'm practically done with calories for the day. Sheesh. I always have trouble staying in my calorie ranges when doing liquids. Some people have no idea how you can gain weight on a liquid diet...here, let me show you. Ha!
I was satisfied with my smoothie until about 1:30pm so I fixed myself some soup. I've had only about 1/4 of it and I'm feeling satisfied. I'm going to try VERY hard to focus on my portions and not just eat what is there. That is my #2 problem outside of weekend sabotage.
Also today, I joined a Diet Bet. Have you done that? I did one once, but basically just donated my money to help someone else lose weight. Ha! I signed up, but then never paid any more attention to it. This time I'm really going to work at it. My Leapster friends were doing it, so I jumped on the bandwagon. Basically, you put in your money and if you succeed at the challenge, you get to split the pot with all winners. Worst case if you succeed, you get your money back. But there are always people like me (last time) that don't succeed, so chances are...you will win more than you put in. The challenge is to lose 4% of your total weight in 4 weeks. I have to weigh tonight to get my actual weight with pictures to submit, but I'm signed up. I will keep you apprised of my progress as I go!
I also like the Diet Bet because it gives me a time frame. I want to work one day at a time, but I can assess the situation in four weeks. I do realize that this is a forever journey, but sometimes that gets overwhelming. Four weeks of focus seems doable.
I think I mentioned yesterday that I have been re-reading my blog. I'm trying to figure out the secret to my successes and what I did during my "failures". One thing that I noticed was that the more active I was, the less failure I had. Even going on vacation, I did better because I was on the move. I don't necessarily mean working out or that kind of active, but busy. The more down time I have, the more sabotage that occurs. This weekend, I have a lot of downtime so I'm making plans for myself.
While I was writing this post, I got a call from the CFO's admin that the CFO said that there was someone waiting for me in the lobby. WTH? This isn't exactly a place where we have walk ins. Anyway, I went out there and two things:
I always have to giggle when they numb me because it hurts the same amount either way. I would rather they just get to it. Anyway, the person that does it (I think she is a PA) is very nice and we spoke about how I was doing and what I want. When I had my unfill, they took out .4cc. She said that if she puts in .3cc, things flow well. I prefer to start out slow and I can go back in a month if I need to, so I asked to stay with that. I drank my water and was good to go. I love that they look at it on x-ray so I have confidence that the band looks good and all is well.
I stopped by the local Smoothie King to get breakfast. It has been a while since I went so I asked the guy for something with peanut butter. I should have discussed it more because the small even had 700 calories. I immediately emailed Debi and asked her for a better option because she is a SK expert. Now I know what to order tomorrow morning!
I also had a latte this morning, so I'm practically done with calories for the day. Sheesh. I always have trouble staying in my calorie ranges when doing liquids. Some people have no idea how you can gain weight on a liquid diet...here, let me show you. Ha!
I was satisfied with my smoothie until about 1:30pm so I fixed myself some soup. I've had only about 1/4 of it and I'm feeling satisfied. I'm going to try VERY hard to focus on my portions and not just eat what is there. That is my #2 problem outside of weekend sabotage.
Also today, I joined a Diet Bet. Have you done that? I did one once, but basically just donated my money to help someone else lose weight. Ha! I signed up, but then never paid any more attention to it. This time I'm really going to work at it. My Leapster friends were doing it, so I jumped on the bandwagon. Basically, you put in your money and if you succeed at the challenge, you get to split the pot with all winners. Worst case if you succeed, you get your money back. But there are always people like me (last time) that don't succeed, so chances are...you will win more than you put in. The challenge is to lose 4% of your total weight in 4 weeks. I have to weigh tonight to get my actual weight with pictures to submit, but I'm signed up. I will keep you apprised of my progress as I go!
I also like the Diet Bet because it gives me a time frame. I want to work one day at a time, but I can assess the situation in four weeks. I do realize that this is a forever journey, but sometimes that gets overwhelming. Four weeks of focus seems doable.
I think I mentioned yesterday that I have been re-reading my blog. I'm trying to figure out the secret to my successes and what I did during my "failures". One thing that I noticed was that the more active I was, the less failure I had. Even going on vacation, I did better because I was on the move. I don't necessarily mean working out or that kind of active, but busy. The more down time I have, the more sabotage that occurs. This weekend, I have a lot of downtime so I'm making plans for myself.
While I was writing this post, I got a call from the CFO's admin that the CFO said that there was someone waiting for me in the lobby. WTH? This isn't exactly a place where we have walk ins. Anyway, I went out there and two things:
- The CFO totally sold me out because it was a cold caller for something or other. Sure enough when I was done, he came around the corner giggling. Chicken!
- They brought cake balls. Salted Caramel Cake Balls. God is laughing at me. :-) Just for the record, I did not eat even a smidgen of cake ball.
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