My Motivation

Good morning!  Checking in before the weekend.  So far, so good with the diet bet.  I mentioned yesterday that I have a hard time limiting my calories when on liquids, so I'm glad to move on to "regular" food, but I will stick to either very mushy things or very crispy things (like crackers) for a few days.

Yesterday was a big success.  I was another 2 tenths down.  I'm worried about today.  We are spending the afternoon and evening at C0wboys Stadium for the events today.  There will be food in the suite as well as different types of concessions.  Another kink in the action is that I can't eat meat today.  BFF & I agreed to eat lunch before we go, so that will help a lot.  My plan for dinner is to find something I can eat, get a small portion, take small bites and chewchewchew. 

I have been chugging a lot of water which tells me I don't have a ton of restriction, but I'm trying to trick my head into believing I do.  :-) 

What I have to remind myself is when I "want" to eat something...that what I really want is to fit back into my size 12s and feel comfortable in my own skin again.  I'm not far away.  This is not some pipe dream.  It will just take effort and dedication.  I once gave up bread and other trigger foods for almost an entire year.  There isn't any reason (other than my own demons) that I can't do it for a month. 

The truth is that I gave up a lot during those months where I lost weight.  At my worst, I was pushing 300 pounds and day after day, I made the decision to do what needed to be done.  I was so tired of being tired, of being looked at/judged, of being sad.  There were times that I had to give up things and as a result, my BFF had to give up things.  I know that wasn't fun for her at times too. 

That is what I'm really thinking about today...if I'm going to "pretend" to do this, then I really HAVE to do it.  Because if I'm going to have my loved ones giving things up to help me on my journey then I have to truly put in the effort and be successful.  It is one thing for me to sacrifice at times, then sabotage myself at others.  It is annoying, but the only person I'm hurting is myself.  But if I'm asking THEM to sacrifice?  Then I damn well better have something to show for it, because otherwise it just isn't fair.

After losing a sh*t ton of weight and gaining a bit back, I may not be comfortable in my own skin, but I'm no longer tired and sad.  I no longer stand out as the morbidly obese person that was more likely to die than see her neice get married.  So, it's harder to find that motivation now.  I've been searching for it, but coming up empty.  I realized that I should be motivated by my loved ones that want so very much for me to succeed and would do anything they could to make it happen.  But they can't will it, I have to do it.

I don't mean to imply that I want to lose weight because other people want me to.  What I mean is that I want to lose weight for various reasons and I'm using the love of my family and friends to motivate me to do it.  I hope that makes sense.  I'm even going so far as to picture a family member or friend in my mind and think of all of the ways that person has supported me and loved me. 

Today, for instance, I'm thinking of BFF.  No one has had to put up with more on this little quest of mine than her.  There are not enough words in the world to explain her awesomeness.  I'm so fortunate to have a friendship like hers that I can depend on.  I, in turn, want to be the best friend I can be.  So, today, I make good choices for her. 

Saturday and Sunday will be for my mom & dad.  They have always been my biggest cheerleaders and love me no matter what.  They have been working on their health this year in a big way and the have lost 10 and 25 pounds, respectively.  They understand my struggle and I guarantee that if they could do it for me, they would.  This weekend, I will make good choices for them.

Hugs!