My "But For" System Continues

The weekend was awesome! The weather was beautiful, we spent a lot of time outside, I went for a run and cooked healthy meals. But for all of the alcohol consumed, it would have been a stellar-ly healthy weekend.

Food

Breakfast - Yogurt and fresh fruit
Lunch - Home Chef steak, potatoes and asparagus
Snack - apple
Dinner - Chicken salad

But for the Krispy Kreme I ate this morning, it would be a fantastic food day! Honestly, things are going really well here. I'm not losing weight like I would hope, but I'm eating pretty clean and healthy and I'm maintaining like a champ. I will take it.

Fitness

I went for a run at lunch today. I really do feel like I'm making progress. There is no denying that losing 15-20 pounds would make things tremendously easier, but I'm working with what I got. I haven't been using my Fitbit to pace my running. I think I'm just going to run (and live) without it the next few weeks. My hope is that when I start using it again in a few weeks, I might see a positive uptick in the pace. Wouldn't that be fun?!

Fashion

Today's Gwynnie Bee dress:

I have worn this same dress in about 30 different patterns, it seems. It is easy, comfortable, non-wrinkly and just easy. It is nice to try bold patterns that I might not otherwise wear because I wouldn't buy them. Wearing them once then moving on has proven ideal for me.

The next three weeks are going to be challenging. I have my uncle's funeral this weekend and a trip next weekend to Vegas which will bleed into the following week. My goals are simple. Enjoy my family and my travels without using them as an excuse to go off the rails. Things are all easy peasy lemon squeezy until I step on the scale and gain 5 pounds without even knowing how it came about.

Hugs!

Wednesday

Yesterday was just a blah day. I really couldn't even get myself to post because I didn't feel strongly enough. Who knows what was up. I'm much better today!

Last night I met the Debster for grilled cheese sandwiches and the King and I. We had such a great time, as we always do.

Food

Breakfast - someone brought in bite sized cupcakes. Assholes. I ate four which is about the equivalent of a full cupcake. Not a super start to the day.
Lunch - Home Chef pork loin with sauteed cranberry pecan brussel sprouts (yum!)
Snack - granola bar (thank goodness we ran out of cupcakes)
Dinner - Home Chef steak and wasabi mashed potatoes

Fitness

After starting my day with a sugar crash, I didn't want to do anything at lunch. Luckily Godmother was going for a run, so I decided to go along. I ran about 2 miles which isn't so bad. I guess I'm getting another running speed. I was so slow there for a while that I was either running (taking every bit of effort I had) or walking. Today I know I wasn't at the top of my game, but I still was "running". So that tells me I now have a turtle speed in addition to my snail speed. :-)

Fashion

I'm sad that you can't get the full effect of this outfit through the picture. I am rocking it today, my friends. It started with a black on gray lace skirt from Gwynnie Bee. I have had it for a while and it just felt overly dressy. I wasn't sure what to wear with it. When I put on this hot pink shirt, it dressed it down a little and the short sleeved sweater and boots pulls it all together. I always want to look my best but I don't often FEEL pretty. Today I FEEL it.

Tonight I'm getting a long needed massage. Hoping for a somewhat normal day tomorrow and then it is the weekend. Woohoo!

Hugs!

Monday Rambles

I'm finally feeling better and am looking for normalcy to come back to me. However, things are super crazy at the moment. Sadly, my uncle passed away this weekend. He had been through rough times and he is in a better place, but it is never easy to say goodbye. Plus, I know it is particularly difficult for my dad.

Additionally, the funeral is in the Indianapolis area Easter weekend which also happens to be Final Four weekend. I ended up deciding to fly into Louisville instead. Getting a hotel has also been challenging. I actually accidentally booked a hotel in North Carolina. Oops. Glad I could cancel!!

The silver lining, as with most funerals, I will get to see family. Since I'm flying into Louisville, I will get to see my nephews and niece which makes me very happy. Plus, there will be various cousins at the funeral and that will be nice.

Food

Breakfast - Home Chef Breakfast Scramble (This was awesome because I received enough for two big portions that I was able to separate into 4 smaller ones.)
Lunch - Plated Shepherd's Pie (I actually tried a couple of Plated meals this week and I will say that this was freaking awesome.)
Snack - It was Dessert Monday at work, so I had some Banana pudding.
Dinner - Plated Cod with potatoes (I have Home chef steak or pork loin as options as well, but I figure I should probably eat the fish first...)

Fitness

I ran at lunch. It was my first exercise since getting sick last week. It felt pretty good. I ran slow, but I did run the whole thing.

Fashion

My Gwynnie shirt is too dark to see in a picture today, but just know I look awesome. :-)

I'm a little blah today, but I think I didn't sleep well last night. I'm sure tomorrow I will feel better. I am feeling quite loved today though. I had several friends in Indy offer up rooms or their houses for me to stay which was so sweet. I got several emails, texts and messages and a friend even sent flowers, which was totally above and beyond. Sometimes you just realize how blessed you are, you know?

I'm planning to get a charm bracelet with the names of my nephews, niece and godsons. Which one do you all like better:

 Hugs!

Still Recovering

Sheesh. This whole stomach bug thing has really knocked me for a loop. I'm truly trying to make an effort to be patient...

Checking in with my food & fitness is kind of pointless because I'm living on soup and saltines with activity consisting of remaining awake. Good times.

I do, however, like my Gwynnie dress of the day:

The jacket is mine and I think it really pulls it all together. Be patient with me while I figure out the best way to take selfies in my new office set up. This worked okay though, I think.

I really want to get my eyelashes back. For those of you that have come on board recently, last year I had faux eyelashes for a while and I loved them. I realized this weekend that I was waiting until I lost weight to do it. While I think it is great to reward yourself for weight loss (or any kind of goal meeting), I have promised myself that I won't wait to "live" until I lose weight. I can think of a different reward, but I think I was waiting on the eyelashes because somehow I didn't deserve them or something. So, it's going to happen. I just have to coordinate an appointment...who knows how long that will take. :-)

Tonight the NCAA tournament begins and it is one of my favorite times of the year. Once a Hoosier, always a Hoosier. Basketball is in our blood.

Hugs!

Being sick sucks.

This week has NOT started out the way that I expected. When last I posted, it was Sunday and I was preparing for a work trip to Maryland. I had a hard time getting to sleep, but that isn't unheard of for a Sunday. At midnight, I woke up terribly nauseated.

Now let me tell you, I DO NOT throw up. It has been about 10 years since it has happened. When I woke up, I tried to will it away, but it just wasn't happening. For about the next 6 hours, I spent between 3-4 of it in the bathroom at one point just laying on the floor trying not to pass out. It was absolutely horrible.

Around 6am, I realized there was no way I was getting on a plane and sent all the emails and phone calls needed to cancel my travel plans. I actually took a sick day from work and spent most of the day in bed. So ridiculous.

I'm better today, although I still have a low grade fever so I'm working from home trying to keep from passing it on to my coworkers. I'm hoping that it fades by the afternoon so I can go into the office because I'm not a fan of sitting around home by myself.

I'm drinking Gatorade and eating soup and saltines. I'm guessing that will be the plan for the next couple of days. Hopefully by Thursday, I will be back to normal.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Making Time

Super busy today! Last night at the Dallas Grilled Cheese Company was so fun and the sandwiches were totally amazing.

 

We have been trying new restaurants once a month since October 2004. Craziness. We have a lot of fun together!

Food

Breakfast - meatloaf, egg, coffee
Lunch - Leftover BFF's GF meatloaf (I didn't even realize I had two kinds of meatloaf today until I logged it.) with shoepeg corn and cucumber salad
Snack - apple
Dinner - Home Chef Chicken and Mushroom tacos

Fitness

I ran at lunch today. It wasn't my best run, but I do seem to be getting more consistent. I'm going to leave for yoga in about 10 minutes.

Fashion

Today's Gwynnie Bee outfit:

Have to make it quick today, but I will leave you with this little funny I saw today on FB:

Hugs!

Be happy!

I've never been a perfectionist. I mean, I might want to get all the answers right on a test or something, but I never really fretted if I didn't. While I always want to win, I just don't get that worked up if I don't. I think this is something that has changed in me over the years. I let go more. But I have never been a perfectionist.

Yet I have always approached weight loss that way. It's all or nothing. It is perfection or giving up. It's strange. Why would would I approach what comes the most difficult to me in this way?

I have tried diet after diet, but I would always sabotage myself. (Richard had a great post about this today.) People are just different. Some people don't have to work that hard at being thin. Some people don't have to work that hard to get themselves to eat healthy. Some people don't have to work that hard to be kind to others. Some people don't have to work that hard to learn. Everyone is different.


Through the years, although I was a positive person, I was never really happy...or at peace. I totally lived my life for when I was 50 pounds lighter (or some other random weight). I had totally conflated being happy with being thin. Who knows what I missed out on because of my insecurity. But in 2009, I had had enough. I was 35 and in a downward spiral. I had to change and I did. But interestingly, even though I did change on the outside...

Original - Lowest Weight - Current

I have changed even more on the inside. I suppose I'm still quite insecure, but I have learned to focus inward. I want to leave the day a little brighter, a little happier, a better place than when I woke up, and that is where I put my focus.

Which bring me back to the beginning. If I'm going to be kind to others, I need to be kind to myself! It is a work in progress, but I'm getting there. Perfect should not be the enemy of good and I have really changed many habits for the good:

1. I hardly ever eat fast food when I used to have it multiple times a week.
2. I cook clean and low carb. (I hardly ever have pasta which used to be my "go to".)
3. I work out A LOT. (I didn't work out regularly until I was almost 30 and I started running at 35! At 40 I'm in WAY better shape than I was at 25.)
4. I used to drink about 10 diet cokes a day and now I might have one about once or twice a week.
5. Since moving downtown, I choose to walk. I often take the stairs. I walked to church on Saturday when I could have easily driven the roughly 2 mile round trip.

Right there, five quick things that I do now that I didn't used to do. That may not be perfect, but it is good! My blog has been a little retrospective lately, but I needed a gut check.


Food

Breakfast - Leftover Breakfast Meatloaf, boiled egg, coffee
Lunch - Leftover Home Chef Honey Chicken Thighs, sweet potato wedges and cucumber salad

Snack - I'm hoping to not need one but if I do, I have an apple.
Dinner - GRILLED CHEESE (?!?!)

Tonight is my girls dinner and BFF has chosen a grilled cheese restaurant. I'm going to enjoy the heck out of it!

Fitness

Yoga felt great last night. I did every single move for the first time! Some weren't held long or done perfectly, but I was at least able to give every thing a shot. Progress!

I went to run at lunch today and I had forgotten my sports bra. There are many things I can work around, but that is just not one of them. So I went for a walk instead. I didn't get my heart rate up the same way, but I still burned way more calories than sitting still.

Fashion

Today's Gwynnie shirt. I wore this out on Saturday and I really like it!

You can't tell, but it is actually blue-green sparkles.

I will leave you with:

This is from the Mavs halftime performance last month.

Hugs!

Here I Am!

Today is one of those days that I made a decision. Today, in the olden days, I would have not blogged thereby setting off a chain of events. I don't know what those events might be, but history tells me it wouldn't be so great in the long run.

Why would I have not blogged today? Because it is Monday and I had a (super amazing totally fun) weekend of eating, drinking and not working out that resulted in the same old, same old Monday morning bloat that I complained about last week. Well, I'm down a half pound from last week, so I guess there is that. Who wants to hear about my never-ending hamster wheel of bad choices, I mean really.

Then I realized the fact that I am on this "Never ending quest" is right there in my title. So who the hell cares. I have to blog every Monday to remind myself that I have to work hard Monday-Thursday so I can enjoy my weekends and not end up back where I started. Would I like to maintaining at about 20 pounds less? Sure. But I'm not sure that is the most important thing to me.

That made me realize that I actually AM different today:

A. What other people think about my body and all that is related to it is mattering less and less to me. I care what people think about the content of my character, my work ethic, my attitude and SO many other things. But for the first time in my life, I'm not motivated by the fear of being put down for my weight or inability to control it.

B. My never ending quest isn't to be thin. It is to be a good, happy and peaceful person. Part of that is health, part of that is feeling pretty, and part of that is balancing nutrition with my love for pizza.

C. Getting myself in line every Monday doesn't make me hate myself anymore. It makes me proud of myself that I have found a way to grab hold whenever I slip. I no longer see it as failure but as a success.

D. This is what happy feels like. :) So I must be doing something right. Onward!

So back to writing about my intentions for the day!

Food

Breakfast: I made a batch of Slow Cooker Breakfast Meatloaf a few weeks ago and froze half. I broke it out this week. I forgot how much I liked it. I had a slice with a boiled egg and some coffee.
Lunch: Leftover Home Chef Honey Chicken Thighs with cucumber salad
Snack: Apple & yogurt
Dinner: Leftover Home Chef Chicken Tacos

Let me talk just a little more about Home Chef. I'm in love with this service. I cook everything up on Sunday (which I know wouldn't be for everyone, but works for me) unless BFF & I eat some over the weekend. This Friday, BFF came over and I fixed Swiss Style Potato and Leek Rosti with garbanzo bean salad. I was worried that it wouldn't be great, but since we don't eat meat on Fridays during Lent, I gave it a shot.

They were DELICIOUS!

I would have never in a million years made something like this and I'm so glad I tried it. Basically it was little hashbrown patties made from grated potatoes and sauteed leeks. Super simple flavors.

I made up the chicken thighs and chicken taco filling yesterday for the upcoming week and both were amazing when I test tasted them. I know that this system isn't right for everyone, but it is really good for me. It gives me lots of variety while eating clean and healthy.

Fitness

I didn't realize that I hadn't posted in so many days. I blame the weather which messed up my routine (we were off work on Thursday) which causes me to lose focus. Anyway, when I last left you, I was nervocited about a new yoga class. I'm happy to report that while it was super mega hard, it was great! I will definitely go back when given the opportunity. It was more pilates than yoga, so lots of glute and ab work, which let's face it...who couldn't use that? I'm still heavy enough that planks get really tough on my wrists. But I worked REALLY hard and burned twice as many calories as my regular yoga class. It wasn't relaxing like regular yoga, but it was a good workout!

I didn't end up running my 5K on Saturday, but I did run on Friday. Today I ran at lunch...on the treadmill since it is raining so bonus points. I walked for a minute after the first mile, but then ran through 31:00. I really hope that it is nice enough tomorrow to go outside to run at lunch. I just like it so much better.

Tonight I'm going to my normal yoga class. I think it is going to feel great!

Fashion

Today's Gwynnie dress:

And a couple of fun things to leave you with:

Shout Out to Sarah for checking on me and for being altogether awesome. If you don't follow her, you should.

Hugs!

Just another Tuesday

Yesterday was stellar. If I had time to work out twice a day every day and still have a life, I would might be thin... I dropped much of the weekend bloat. I have no idea why my body does that, but I'm used to it.

Food

Breakfast - yogurt & granola bar
Lunch - Home Chef Gorgonzola Pork Chop Almondine (this meal was a little more high calorie than most because of the Gorgonzola cheese, but it is perfect for lunch on a running day!)
Snack - Fresh strawberries & pineapple with some mixed nuts.
Dinner - Home Chef Beef Enchiladas. I haven't tried these yet, but I made the filling over the weekend and it looks good!

Fitness

Ran at lunch today. I couldn't take another day on the treadmill so I convinced Godmother to go outside even though it was raining. I'm a bit of a drowned rat, but I don't regret it for a second.

I'm nervocited to try a new yoga class today. It is at the same place that I usually go it is just a different class. This one is more Pilates based and I think it will probably be more challenging. The room temp is still "just" 90 degrees though. I'm not ready to go back into the 100 degree class yet.

Fashion

Today's Gwynnie dress with my own cardigan:

I'm not 100% they go together but I liked the combo so I went with it. Here's a selfie just because I'm feeling good and loving myself right now:

Even with the post workout hair and all my makeup run off... I am who I am and I'm finally getting cool with that.

I think I should be fine the rest of the day. As long as I can get myself to yoga (both Debster and Lizard are going as well), I don't foresee any challenges.

Hugs!

Reset...click, click

Yowza, I was NOT good this weekend. Being iced-in obviously does not work for me. I did not work out, I ate like crap and just was not productive at all. Time for one big fat reset.

On a positive note, I will say that I didn't buy a lot of snacks so even though I did not eat super healthy the last few days, I didn't go crazy. It wasn't like the old days where I used a break in my routine as an excuse to live on mac and cheese and Doritos. But still, my bloat from this morning tells me that I made a ton of bad choices.

Monthly Check In

I knew that February was going to be challenging. I had a work trip and several nights out. It could have been disaster. But until the past few days, I did a great job of staying focused and otherwise, would have had a really good month. I ended up losing 2.2 pounds this month which isn't astounding but I will never begrudge a loss.

Measuring showed the biggest loss on my arms, 1/2 inch loss on each. Another 1/2 inch around the waist and 1/4 inch around the neck. It isn't as exciting as last month, but again...right direction.

I'm ignoring my weekly check in because with the bloat I have today, I'm at almost a 4 pound gain for the week which I know is not real. We will see where I land over the next few days.

Food

My Home Chef meals look fantastic this week! I ran out of free boxes, but I will let you all know when I get more if you are interested in trying it. This week I chose steak with roasted root vegetables, gargonzola pork chops almondine and beef enchiladas.

Breakfast - coffee, boiled egg, & peach greek yogurt
Lunch - steak & roasted root vegetables
Snack - the company is having dessert today so I will have a small serving of whatever is provided
Dinner - beef enchiladas

Fitness

I was supposed to have a work lunch today that was cancelled. Luckily I had my running clothes packed so I will run at lunch AND I'm going to Jazzercise tonight. That should help jumpstart me for the week!

It is a fairly routine week so there shouldn't be many challenges. It is the perfect time to get myself refocused before I can really get off the rails.

(I wrote this post in the early morning, but I waited to publish until after my run. I actually did it. I wasn't able to run the whole thing today. Between being on the treadmill and several days of lethargy, I couldn't make it happen. But I did run about 2/3 and my Fitbit said I burned 490 calories in 35:00, so that's awesome.)

Fashion

Today's Gwynnie dress (the blazer is mine):

There will be challenges in March, just like every month. But I am learning to live my life and stay on my path at the same time. I think the key is catching myself during times like this and righting the ship quickly instead of dragging my feet. That is quite a mixed metaphor, but you get the idea.

Losing weight over 40 is WAY harder than just a few years ago. But I'm discovering that focusing on how I feel vs. what the scale says helps. The scale and my body will catch up eventually.

Hugs!