Clarification and Realization

My upcoming surgery will be a revision to gastric sleeve with a hernia repair. I'm sorry I wasn't clear on that in the last post. Honestly, my mind was racing for days after my second opinion appointment and I was still a little all over the place.

When I mentioned it to BFF, she said "well, yeah, you were selling the bypass pretty hard." That stopped me in my tracks. It was a rather innocent thing for her to say and yet it hurt my feelings tremendously. I had to make myself stop and think why that was, because I generally find when someone says something that is not meant to be hurtful but is...the problem is typically on the receivers end.

It hurt because she was right. I wasn't really able to admit that to myself until this morning. I'm the rational one that does all my research. I'm methodical and work to take the emotion out of decision making. The irony (and problem) is that is exactly  what I was doing! I didn't want to have gastric bypass. I originally went to the doctor in October to have my lap band removed. Full stop. But this doctor looked at me and said how lucky I was that I went to him. That all of these other doctors would try to sell me on the newest thing, but the only thing that would fix me long term was gastric bypass. I mean, he didn't use those exact words, but that was the pitch. He even told me what to google so I would find supporting research (and I did!)

I was willing to have this surgery that would change me for the rest of my life because I was all but guaranteed that it would fix me. Now that I know curing acid reflux with bypass is far from certain, I'm no longer willing to go down that path. Don't get me wrong, bypass is right for a lot of people and I support them in their journey. But cost/benefit, risk/reward for me in my situation, it doesn't make sense. My new doctor gave me additional information and I was able to find more online and understand that there isn't really enough data yet to support or refute the sleeve's effect on acid reflux.

I'm upset that I allowed myself to be misled. I don't think I was lied to or anything that egregious...I just think that the pros and cons were not presented equitably. I thought that I was taking the emotion out of it by listening to the doctor that said bypass was the answer and you will handle it no problem. But the thing is, when it comes to your health, sometimes you have to listen to your emotions. Maybe that was my lesson to learn?

I also wonder what would have happened if I would have gone to the second doctor from the beginning. I wasn't thinking revision then. It is possible I would have had the band removed and the hernia repaired without the revision. After four months of fighting my weight and remembering why I got the band in the first place. As annoying as all this is, at least I can learn some things from it. :-)

 Sidenote: there are other factors I haven't gotten into on this blog, like how all the doctors (except for the named doctor) have now left the original practice. (Red flag!!) The lack of communication with the case workers and even more worrisome, their questionable dealings with the insurance carriers. (Definite red flag!) My point is that there were many issues that just screamed "get out of there". It took me a while, but I did!

Bottom line, I feel good about moving forward with my new doctor and my new surgery choice. As I mentioned before, the anxiety of all this process has melted away. I didn't realize how tense and irritable I have been for months. My friends said they noticed a difference almost as soon as I was done with my appointment. I think I knew the right answer, I just needed a doctor to give me all the facts so I could make sure. 

Now, to focus on this week. Two weeks ago, when I was on the verge of full-fledged panic, I knew that I needed to take some control. While I did that on the surgical side, I did something else as well. I ordered a month of Medifast. I HAVE to stop the bleeding. I wanted to lose weight to hang glide in Rio, but I have actually GAINED weight. I know that I will be having the surgery and will likely lose enough through that process, but I can't wait. The anxiety is gone, but between my hernia and the added weight, I still physically feel like crap.

I've never done Medifast before, so this should be interesting. Today's meal plan:

• Breakfast - Medifast oatmeal
• Snack - Medifast shake made with milk
• Lunch - sauteed shrimp with mushrooms, zucchini and asparagus.
• Snack - Medifast crisps
• Snack - Medifast Ziti meal
• Dinner - Salad

I'm already regretting it, but what are you going to do. :)

Hugs!