I was having a very "is this really the right answer??" sort of day. I'm freaking out about the pre-op diet. I'm worried I won't be ready to come back to work when I need to. But most of all I feel fat. I stopped and thought about it and realized it has been almost 2 weeks since I posted to my blog. I realized that I just need to take some time and figure out what is REALLY bothering me.
What is really bothering me is that I feel fat. I tried on a pair of fat pants this morning and they were too small. So I had to wear my fatter fat pants. Sigh. I feel guilty, because I should be eating better in anticipation of this life change, but so much of me wants the tastes of things that I'm going to have to give up. I know I can do this when it is time. I'm very good about sticking to it when I have made that decision. But I just can't get myself to do it now. That's when I realized it...I want to do this now. I want to do this so much and I can't seem to do it on my own.
My banding date is still 56 days away. I know I had no choice (financially) but to schedule it in 2010. Since I'm a corporate controller, I had to schedule it after the year-end books were closed which puts me at the end of January. So, I had no choice and that is that.
56 days... Of that I will be spending 8 in Louisville with my family. I have two nephews and a niece, so I feel sure I won't have much time to dwell on much of anything!!
That leaves 48. I have 3 sets of theater season tickets (yes, I have a slight addiction) so 5 nights between now and then, I have wonderful shows to see! 101 Dalmatians tonight, next week is Christmas with the Rat Pack, the following week is South Pacific and I have August: Osage County and a Broadway "spoofish" show in January. Each of those days, I have something FANTASTIC to look forward to!
That gets me down to 43 days. I have two LAP-BAND® Support Group meetings and my pre-op appointment. That leaves 40 days! I have 4 parties in December (including one I am hosting!) and a trip with friends to the Gaylord Texas ICE exhibit. Also, some friends from work and I are going to volunteer at an assisted living facility one day which will be fun. I should probably throw New Year's Eve in there too! I'm now at 36 days.
If I really think about it, I will be on my pre-op diet for 14 days and even though it is going to be super hard I will be DOING something that is moving me toward my goal.
All of that gets me to 22 days. That seems more reasonable. I can get through 22 days! And during that time, while I may not be "dieting", I'm doing things that will help me later. Like I've been trying new protein sources, especially liquids. I have also experimented with not drinking while eating. I'm cutting down on Diet Coke. I was drinking 7-10 a day and I'm currently at 1-5 per day. I will get there! I'm also trying to find non-caffeinated drinks that I like. I am researching how to cook, what to order at restaurants, & what I will need to moderate/give up completely/learn to like.
So, I guess I am doing okay! Whew.
What is really bothering me is that I feel fat. I tried on a pair of fat pants this morning and they were too small. So I had to wear my fatter fat pants. Sigh. I feel guilty, because I should be eating better in anticipation of this life change, but so much of me wants the tastes of things that I'm going to have to give up. I know I can do this when it is time. I'm very good about sticking to it when I have made that decision. But I just can't get myself to do it now. That's when I realized it...I want to do this now. I want to do this so much and I can't seem to do it on my own.
My banding date is still 56 days away. I know I had no choice (financially) but to schedule it in 2010. Since I'm a corporate controller, I had to schedule it after the year-end books were closed which puts me at the end of January. So, I had no choice and that is that.
56 days... Of that I will be spending 8 in Louisville with my family. I have two nephews and a niece, so I feel sure I won't have much time to dwell on much of anything!!
That leaves 48. I have 3 sets of theater season tickets (yes, I have a slight addiction) so 5 nights between now and then, I have wonderful shows to see! 101 Dalmatians tonight, next week is Christmas with the Rat Pack, the following week is South Pacific and I have August: Osage County and a Broadway "spoofish" show in January. Each of those days, I have something FANTASTIC to look forward to!That gets me down to 43 days. I have two LAP-BAND® Support Group meetings and my pre-op appointment. That leaves 40 days! I have 4 parties in December (including one I am hosting!) and a trip with friends to the Gaylord Texas ICE exhibit. Also, some friends from work and I are going to volunteer at an assisted living facility one day which will be fun. I should probably throw New Year's Eve in there too! I'm now at 36 days.
If I really think about it, I will be on my pre-op diet for 14 days and even though it is going to be super hard I will be DOING something that is moving me toward my goal.
All of that gets me to 22 days. That seems more reasonable. I can get through 22 days! And during that time, while I may not be "dieting", I'm doing things that will help me later. Like I've been trying new protein sources, especially liquids. I have also experimented with not drinking while eating. I'm cutting down on Diet Coke. I was drinking 7-10 a day and I'm currently at 1-5 per day. I will get there! I'm also trying to find non-caffeinated drinks that I like. I am researching how to cook, what to order at restaurants, & what I will need to moderate/give up completely/learn to like.
So, I guess I am doing okay! Whew.
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