This has become my new mantra. I am a badass unicorn.
There are many, many reasons why I'm so much happier now than during any other time in my life, but I think I discovered another one today. Talking about judgement the last few days got me thinking.
The other day, I mentioned being bullied when I was younger and how that got me all insecure about myself and how I pretty much became a kind of bully myself. Remember that? Yeah, fun times. Anyway, I think that because I had all these insecurities about my body and my sad athletic ability, I avoided things I was bad at. I just didn't do them. I completely took myself out of the situation because if I didn't do it, I couldn't fail. By the time I was in high school and college, I mostly kept myself within the known.
That alone isn't the horrible thing. What is horrible is that while I kept myself to the things I was good at, I started to judge those that weren't as good as I was. How easy to feel superior when you are only doing the things you do well. Now, I don't think I was doing it consciously. I don't think I was ever a bad person, but I do think I fell into a trap of making myself feel better by ignoring my weaknesses.
These days, I look at things differently. I do, I try, I push at everything. I see success differently. No longer is being the best the most important thing. Now success is working as hard as I can and ultimately doing better than I did before. That is true for work, weight loss, working out, my relationships...everything.
I'm far from perfect. I still judge. I still don't work as hard as I should sometimes. I still get cranky and say things I wish I hadn't. But I try to acknowledge that and vow to do better next time.
CrossFit has been so good for me in that it has been such a tangible example of my life plan. I am a S-L-O-W runner. I know that every single time, I am going to come in last. I'm not good at this. That's okay. I just keep working as hard as I can until I'm done.
Today, the workout was the "Abbate" which is one of CrossFit's Hero WOD's named for a fallen soldier.
- 1 mile run
- 21 Clean & Jerk
- 1/2 mile run
- 21 Clean & Jerk
- 1 mile run
There is nothing in me that thinks I'm good at this. When I post about it here, I'm not trying to impress anyone. What I am is AMAZED. I don't care that I was dead last YET AGAIN today. I don't care that I had to walk about 1/3 of the last mile. What I care about is the fact that 3 years ago, I wouldn't have been able to do this. Today I did it. I would have NEVER thought it possible.
I sometimes wonder if people get annoyed with me talking about this all the time. But then I realize that I talk about it because it has done so much for me. CrossFit along with Jazzercise has put me in the best shape of my life at almost 38 years old. I talk about it because I want EVERYONE to feel like I do right now.
I'm not your average CrossFitter. I'm just me. I'm unique. I'm special.
I'm a badass unicorn!