Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Chill out, Chica

I often have to remind myself that life is not a race.  I don't feel I have to justify taking a week to rest and rejuvenate to anyone else, so I'm unsure why I feel the need to justify to myself.  I think in the past, I have used excuses to be lazy (whether that is laziness regarding working out or just being productive), to eat what I want, etc.  I get concerned that if I let myself walk down that road, that I will end up close to 300 pounds and sad as hell again.

I didn't do anything when I got home last night.  Again.  And I started freaking out when I went to bed last night because of my goals (food, water, work out, organizing), I really only did well with food and water.

Then I had an epiphany.  That is a big stinking deal.

Working out is going to ebb and flow as will DIY projects, but eating and drinking healthily is really the key to keeping myself in control. 

Speaking of meals yesterday were absolutely delicious!  However, as I feared, the fruit for breakfast didn't keep me full at all and I was hungry most of the day.  This is such a Bandster's Dilemma, right?  I'm eating perfect portions that should keep me satisfied all day with the proper restriction.  However, if I go get the proper restriction, I wouldn't be able to eat half this food.

I have to make a choice.  Either I'm restricted and eat accordingly, or I'm on the loose side and eat accordingly.  Either way there are pros and cons.  Yesterday afternoon, I ate 12 almonds to supplement my food.  Last night, I had a serving of tortilla chips and a spoonful of nut butter.  I only hate when I was hungry and I tried to eat bits at a time to satisfy myself.

At first I was frustrated because I "cheated", but then grew to realize that I actually did something really amazing (for me.)  I was hungry all day yesterday, but I stuck to my meals.  I was still hungry, so I ate a little.  I didn't eat a whole jar of nut butter and cry into my tea.  I just ate a little to help fill me up.  And I did get satisfied without going overboard.  I need to see that for the success it is.

I'm setting expectations in my mind that other than a walk today at lunch, I won't give myself hell for not working out the rest of the week.  I will go to CrossFit on Monday rejuvenated and ready to kick ass.  I won't worry about my at home projects until the weekend when I can put my focus to it.  There is no reason to stress about artificial deadlines.  Done.

What am I going to do today to help myself with the food & water issue?  Well, first, I have eggs for breakfast today (Crustless Tomato, Basil & Quinoa Quiche), so that should help.  I will eat that at 10am.  I'm hoping that will hold me until 1pm when I will eat my lunch (Lean Turkey Meatballs with Fresh Marinara Sauce with Roasted Kabocha Squash with Wild Mushrooms and Spaghetti Squash in Fresh Basil Pesto.)  It has a lot of words, but it is roughly the size of a standard Lean Cuisine.

Since I'm walking with Godmother at lunch, I should be able to distract myself even if I do get hungry.  My afternoon snack (Chicken Skewer with Tequila Lime Glaze) is planned for around 4pm.  It would be super great if I could make it through the work day without having to supplement.

Tonight, my dinner (Mushroom Souffle & Gruyere Cheese Panini on Whole Wheat Ciabatta Bread) is roughly the size of a twinkie.  No joke.  The dessert is cherry & chocolate peanut butter cookies which are actually 2 decent sized cookies.  If I NEED, I will supplement with one serving of almonds.  That's my plan.  I'm going to do this, damnit!!

It is kind of good that I have this week to focus on my food.  I know that adding fitness might make me hungrier, but maybe if I do it a step at a time I can get my body used to it. I wish that I didn't focus on food so much.  Truly.  But if I didn't, I would eat horribly.  I just have to accept that this is the only real way for me to lose.  I've shown that I can maintain, so I just have to get it done.



JRD said...

Beth Ann you are singing my song, sister!! I have been wanting to post something similar to the beginning of your post for the last few days. I basically took most if September off from real focus on weight loss and exercise. When my head finally came back in the game in the last week or so, I did waste some time beating myself up, because "why do I do that? Get all focussed and kick ass and then falter and take time off! How much further along would I be. If I don't kick the crap out of myself, I'll fall into old habits, stop yoga, start eating bad food, and regain everything". Well, guess what? Not anymore. This is for life, not for arbitrary deadlines, as you put it. Some absurdities creep in! But the only way forward is through these times. I am SO proud of you for the focus on your food. You are making GREAT choices!!! Hugs!!!

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

I tried using almonds as a snack this week. Um yes - I ate the whole can in one day. Oopsie. Apparently I don't know what portion size means.

FitBy40 said...

your will power is amazing to me. I have none. I try to eat one portion of something and next thing I know, I've eaten the whole damn bag! I hate that about myself. I have almost nothing left in my band at this point so I'm hoping after my Upper GI, if all is well in there, to get a tiny fill and get things under control again.
You're doing great and I'm so proud of you!

Sarah said...

You are doing so well to have so much control. I'm with the others, if the band doesn't stop me, nothing else does. xx