Chill out, Chica

I often have to remind myself that life is not a race.  I don't feel I have to justify taking a week to rest and rejuvenate to anyone else, so I'm unsure why I feel the need to justify to myself.  I think in the past, I have used excuses to be lazy (whether that is laziness regarding working out or just being productive), to eat what I want, etc.  I get concerned that if I let myself walk down that road, that I will end up close to 300 pounds and sad as hell again.

I didn't do anything when I got home last night.  Again.  And I started freaking out when I went to bed last night because of my goals (food, water, work out, organizing), I really only did well with food and water.

Then I had an epiphany.  That is a big stinking deal.

Working out is going to ebb and flow as will DIY projects, but eating and drinking healthily is really the key to keeping myself in control. 

Speaking of food...my meals yesterday were absolutely delicious!  However, as I feared, the fruit for breakfast didn't keep me full at all and I was hungry most of the day.  This is such a Bandster's Dilemma, right?  I'm eating perfect portions that should keep me satisfied all day with the proper restriction.  However, if I go get the proper restriction, I wouldn't be able to eat half this food.

I have to make a choice.  Either I'm restricted and eat accordingly, or I'm on the loose side and eat accordingly.  Either way there are pros and cons.  Yesterday afternoon, I ate 12 almonds to supplement my food.  Last night, I had a serving of tortilla chips and a spoonful of nut butter.  I only hate when I was hungry and I tried to eat bits at a time to satisfy myself.

At first I was frustrated because I "cheated", but then grew to realize that I actually did something really amazing (for me.)  I was hungry all day yesterday, but I stuck to my meals.  I was still hungry, so I ate a little.  I didn't eat a whole jar of nut butter and cry into my tea.  I just ate a little to help fill me up.  And I did get satisfied without going overboard.  I need to see that for the success it is.

I'm setting expectations in my mind that other than a walk today at lunch, I won't give myself hell for not working out the rest of the week.  I will go to CrossFit on Monday rejuvenated and ready to kick ass.  I won't worry about my at home projects until the weekend when I can put my focus to it.  There is no reason to stress about artificial deadlines.  Done.

What am I going to do today to help myself with the food & water issue?  Well, first, I have eggs for breakfast today (Crustless Tomato, Basil & Quinoa Quiche), so that should help.  I will eat that at 10am.  I'm hoping that will hold me until 1pm when I will eat my lunch (Lean Turkey Meatballs with Fresh Marinara Sauce with Roasted Kabocha Squash with Wild Mushrooms and Spaghetti Squash in Fresh Basil Pesto.)  It has a lot of words, but it is roughly the size of a standard Lean Cuisine.

Since I'm walking with Godmother at lunch, I should be able to distract myself even if I do get hungry.  My afternoon snack (Chicken Skewer with Tequila Lime Glaze) is planned for around 4pm.  It would be super great if I could make it through the work day without having to supplement.

Tonight, my dinner (Mushroom Souffle & Gruyere Cheese Panini on Whole Wheat Ciabatta Bread) is roughly the size of a twinkie.  No joke.  The dessert is cherry & chocolate peanut butter cookies which are actually 2 decent sized cookies.  If I NEED, I will supplement with one serving of almonds.  That's my plan.  I'm going to do this, damnit!!

It is kind of good that I have this week to focus on my food.  I know that adding fitness might make me hungrier, but maybe if I do it a step at a time I can get my body used to it. I wish that I didn't focus on food so much.  Truly.  But if I didn't, I would eat horribly.  I just have to accept that this is the only real way for me to lose.  I've shown that I can maintain, so I just have to get it done.

Hugs!