Monday musings

First off...shout out to one of my blogging besties, Brandi (aka Justawallflower) who is blogging again.  Go say hello!  <3 you B!!

Also, I forgot to weigh this morning.  My first thought was that is awesome because I'm not obsessing, but then realized it was more likely because I didn't do well this week and I subconsciously didn't want to know.  I honest to God did forget, but I think if I would have had a stellar week, I woudn't have.

I'm going to visit my brother and his family this weekend.  I'm super excited.  I haven't seen them since Christmas, so the kids will have changed a lot.  There will be a lot going on as they are an active family so I don't expect to gain lbs while I'm there.  September should be a good month for me to focus back on fitness and nutrition and have another good month!

This weekend was quite productive.  Saturday I decided to really clean out my closet.

I tried on every piece of clothing in that closet and categorized it into the following:

1. Fits and is season appropriate - back in the closet.
2. Fits, but is more fall/winter - back in the closet but to the side.
3. Slightly too tight (would fit within 5-10 pounds) - folded and stored in chest of drawers.
4. Significantly too tight (would fit in 15+ pounds) - folded into baskets and put in the storage closet. 
5. No longer want (for any reason) - bagged for Goodwill or trashed.
6. Costumes or related - folded and boxed up for storage.

I wish I would have taken before and after pictures of my closet.  This took me about 4 hours on Saturday.  My closet was overflowing but now it is straightened up and everything that I can see fits, and is seasonally appropriate. 

The best part of the day was trying things on.  This is one of my favorite dresses and while it is too snug to wear, I'm SO CLOSE.  I have no doubt it will look fantastic for next summer.

There were quite a few things from two summers ago that I will need to lose at least 15 pounds to wear.  I fully believe that I will be back in them next summer. 

This is going to be a super busy week.  I will only get to work out once (and that is on the treadmill, so no CF or Jazzercise) before I leave to see my family.  Tomorrow night I get to see Book of Mormon!!  I can't wait!!

Hugs!

I got the eye of the tiger...

...a fighter, dancing through the fire

Cause I am a champion and you're going to hear me ROAR!

I can't tell you how much I am loving that song right now!! 

Yesterday, I was walking through the lobby and I tripped over my own feet.  When I looked down, this is what I saw...

Thank goodness for super glue!!

I tried on my Zulily dresses and they fit!!  So exciting.  Here is one of them (ignore the sports bra and other randomness)...

I have to stop buying stuff though.  My goal of saving money this year is only going about 1/2 as well as I would like.  And this is why.  Must do better!  At least I have gone to discount shopping and my days at Nordstrom and the like are pretty much over.

I went to CrossFit this morning for the fourth time this week.  I feel good about that.  We got our picture taken.  I don't feel so good about that.  Whatevs.

We worked on pistols today.  They are one legged squats.  I can't do them but today, I was able to do an assisted one.  You are supposed to squat on one leg with your other leg out in front of you.  Kind of like this (without the horse)...

 

For the first time, I was able to tuck one leg behind the other and squat down and come back up.  I have a long way to go, but it is definite progress. 

Our WOD:
30 Power Cleans (65#)
30 Overhead Kettlebell Lunges (26#-15 on each side)
30 Medicine Ball Sit ups (10#...all of the 14# were taken)
30 Kettlebell High Pulls (26#)

I finished in 8:00.  Not bad.  I thought I was going too low on my cleans, but 30 is A LOT!  It was probably right.  I should have used a 14# medicine ball though.  I stink at lunges, but they are getting an itsy bitsy bit better.

I will leave you with a pic my BFF sent me this yesterday.  It made me laugh because it is so true for me...

Happy weekend!

Hugs!

TTT

1.  Listen to your Body.  I knew something was up, but I questioned myself.  Today, I just bit the bullet and told the doctor I wanted to come in.  It was worth it to me to pay the fee even if I ended up doing nothing.  The good news is that there is no damage or anything.  The bad news is that I was WAY too tight.  When I swallowed the barium, it just sat there.  She wasn't sure how anything was getting through and I think she didn't really believe that I had eaten anything.  I had and I'm sure it would go through eventually, but it was obviously so tight that no one should be living like that.

She took out .3 cc's which for me is a ton.  I'm sure I will be back in a couple of months to get more put in to help with the awful hunger pangs I will inevitably have, but that's okay.  Right now I just feel better.

2.  I have got to start drinking more water.  During this tight time, I stopped drinking much and I have got to do better.

3.  I'm less sore today!!  I mean I'm still sore, but I don't feel like I'm going to fall apart.  Tonight I will go to Jazzercise and hopefully that will work out even more of the soreness.  The kicker will be getting myself up to go to CF tomorrow, but I NEED to do it.  If I'm going to get to my goal, I MUST do things that I don't really want to do.  Call me on it tomorrow if it doesn't happen.  :-)

4.  Shout out to Laura Belle (originator of the TTT) and her beautiful new baby girl!!

5.  My baseball boyfriend got a home run last night.  <3 

There is no Rangers game tonight, so I'm not sure exactly how I will spend the hour and half I have between getting home from Jazzercise and having to go to bed in time to get enough sleep for CrossFit.  Maybe an episode of True Blood...I'm like 6 weeks behind!!

6.  I'm going to see Book of Mormon next week and I'm SO excited!!!

7.  My FitBit tells me that I'm sleeping a little better.  Instead of waking up 6-9 times for a total of 90 minutes, I'm only waking up 2-4 times for a total of 30-45 minutes.  Progress!

8.  My new Zulily dresses are supposed to be delivered today!  I really hope they fit.  They weren't super expensive, but I will be so super sad if they don't. 

9.  I started watching Orange is the New Black.  I like it.  It is an interesting show.  I'm only about 2 or 3 episodes in but I definitely want to continue watching.

10.  I'm reading Zealot.  It is amazing how controversial it is.  People get very riled up.  I have found it to be a very good and interesting read.

Happy almost Friday!!

Hugs!

It's a different day.

Let's start where I left of yesterday.  I was frustrated.  I felt disgusting and was just unhappy.  I started feeling sorry for myself (which is not something I like to let happen).  I skipped my afternoon workout and went home to wallow in my patheticness.  Lovely, eh?

When I got home, I decided to try on some old jeans to figure out how much work I had ahead of myself in order to get in them.  Not my "skinny" jeans I wore when I was at my lowest, but my "regular" jeans.  GAP 14s, and bigger size 12s like Cato, Bandolino & Gloria Vanderbilt.  I was shocked.  SHOCKED, I say.  All of the 12s fit great!  The GAP 14s were snug, but doable. 

Because of my blog and my weight tracking log, I know that on November 4, 2010 I weighed 3 pounds less than I do now.  My blog was all about how I was just able to fit into Cato size 14s.  Now...my Cato 14s are my fat pants and I have been wearing them even as I have lost the last 10 pounds or so.  What that tells me is that my body at this weight with CrossFit is a little different from my body at this weight before I started muscle training.  It was a nice reminder that the scale isn't the end all be all.  I know that, but I don't always remember. 

Since I didn't work out last night, it was important for me to get up for CrossFit this morning and I'm glad I did.  I have really enjoyed the workouts this week!  Here is today:

Warm up - easy today.  400m run, 25 jumping jacks, some windmills and other similar stretches, lunges, 5 inch worms. 

A.  10:00 OTM (on the minute) 1 Clean - 1 Front Squat - 1 Jerk.  A clean is a lift of the barbell from the floor to shoulders while squatting.  Then once you are standing, you do another squat.  Then reset and push the barbell over your head with a little pop.  I used 85#.

B.  We did 5 sets of 8 of these rows that I can't remember what they are called.  You bend over so your knees are bent and your chest is parallel with the floor.  You lift the barbell from the floor to your chest and back down.  I used 65#.

C.  20-15-10 Deadlifts (85#) & Wall Balls (14#).  This is where things got super awesome for me.  I paired up with a really nice girl that I have seen before, but didn't know well.  She went first and finished in 4:58.  I went next and for something that sounded kind of easy (and started out easy), by the 15th wall ball, I realized that it was not going to end easy.  As I started the last round, I heard her yell "you are even going to beat me!"  Now, know that she wasn't being mean at all.  She was being supportive and was just kind of shocked.  I was too!  I finished in 4:38!!!  It made my day!

I am beyond sore.  I can't imagine how I will feel tomorrow.  I'm planning to go to Jazzercise tonight and I'm hoping that will help work out the kinks.  I plan to go to Jazzercise tomorrow night and then CrossFit on Friday morning.  With Jazzercise, that puts me at 8 workouts for the week.  Perfect!

Hugs!

Blah, blah, blah...dead horse.

Weekly Weigh In
Loss for the week:  1.8 gain
Total Challenge Loss:  8.8
Total Left to Lose:  31.2

I think I skipped posting yesterday because I didn't want to post that.  Last week, I only worked out 4 times.  In addition, I was not feeling well and so I didn't eat well.  I know that in order to lose weight I have to diligently watch what I eat (at LEAST M-F) and work out 6+ times per week.  So, it is no big shock that I had a gain, but it sure is frustrating.

I was talking to a friend at CF and we were sharing out frustration with how difficult it is for us to lose weight.  There we are, consistently at CF and maintaining a super focus on what we eat, and yet we just tread water when it comes to weight.  Blah, blah, blah...dead horse.  It's frustrating, but I have to deal with it or be fat. 

I have been having trouble with my stomach for about a week.  I got really sick after dinner last Tuesday and it seemed to do something with my band.  I spoke with my doctor's office and they told me to go on acid reflux medication and use strict band rules when eating and see what happens.  The hope being that it fixes itself and I wouldn't need an unfill.  So yesterday, I was the perfect little bandster and no acid reflux.

I only had some cheese and coffee for breakfast.  Small bites, chew, chew, chew.  Lunch, I had 1/2 of a large cup of tortilla soup.  Small bite, chew, chew, chew, swallow, spoon down, wait 30 seconds (ish), repeat.  I only got through 1/2 the cup but I was satisfied and my band wasn't yelling at me.  I did the same thing with the rest of the cup in the afternoon.  I had some soup and some mac and cheese (that I was annoyed with myself for eating, but whatever) and the day ended with me in a perfect calorie zone. 

It's obvious that I had 100% forgot how to eat like a person with a functioning lap band.  My hope is that I will continue this and be able to drop the medication (once the swelling subsides) and use this to aid my weightloss.  I will still have to work out like a crazy person because that's how things go.  But if I can actually get this done, I know it would make me very happy.  I have 3 weeks left in this month of my Challenge and while I'm currently up one pound, there is no reason why I can't turn that around for a successful loss.

I went to CrossFit yesterday for the first time in almost 2 weeks.  It went REALLY well, but I was so sore this morning.  I made myself go again today even though I had an eye doctor appointment and could have slept in.  YAY me!  It was another really good day.  I'm proving to myself that I am a highly muscled person under all this pesky fat.  :-)

Hugs!

Ten Things Thursday

1.  I'm feeling SO much better today!  I really have no idea if I had a little food poisoning or if it was the mother of all stuck episodes, but whatever it is...it is over.  Thank goodness!! 

2.  Zulily is from the devil.  I don't look at the daily emails, but if I visit the site, inevitably I will buy something.  Must stop that. 

3.  I can tell I'm starting to feel better about my body because that's when I want to buy new clothes.  That's a good thing, but I need to knock it off.  Not the feeling good...the buying.

4.  Plane tickets are so ridiculously expensive right now.  It should NOT cost $550 to fly to visit my parents in Florida.  That is crazy.  I will probably have to fly a discount airline which is fine, but then it doesn't help me gather miles for my Olympic trip. 

5.  My Rangers won again last night.  They are doing well!  I hope they aren't peaking too early.

6.  Today is a holy day of obligation for the Catholic church.  I made a promise to myself that I would attend mass on the holy days this year, so I'm going at lunch.  I don't talk about it much, but I love going to church and I always feel better after I go. Mostly I only go on Sundays, but I do like these random weekdays sometimes.  It is some peace in the middle of chaos.

7.  That made me think about the actual holy day.  It is the Assumption of Mary.  We celebrate Mary's ascension into heaven upon her death.  Several years ago, I went to Ephesus and visited the house that is said to have been where Mary lived her last years.  I have a picture on my office wall that I took of a beautiful tree with pink flowers growing on it.  It was taken at that house and it brings back great memories of that trip.  I hope I get to return to Turkey someday.  It was one of my favorite places that I have visited.

8.  Now I'm thinking about travel.  Heh.  Why don't I have a billion dollars?

9.  I don't have a lot of plans this weekend, so that is nice.  I am planning to go see my friend Debi for lunch on Saturday which will be super fun! 

10.  I haven't been sleeping well for a while.  I'm afraid my sleep apnea is back.  That makes me just want to work that much harder.  I would really like to get back to peaceful sleeping.  It will happen.

Hugs!

What day is it??

I love Wednesday simply because I love the camel commercial.  :-)

Last night was our August Interesting Dinner.  As many of you know, I get together with the girls once a month and we go somewhere for dinner.  It started in late 2004 (YES...almost 9 years ago) with a group of four.  People have come and gone, but the group still gets together and it is so much fun.  This month was ShareBear's time to pick.  It is restaurant week in Dallas, which is a charity event where restaurants offer up a special 3 course menu for $35 and a portion goes to charity.  We went to Y.O. Ranch Steakhouse.

The food was delicious and the company was stellar.  I will say that I must have gotten something bad or had an allergic reaction to something because I got quite sick on the way home.  I'm still feeling slightly puny, so I'm not sure what's up with that.  I'm feeling a little better though.

Today is my only workout twofer for the week.  I was going to get up early and come workout before work tomorrow, but I think I'm going to catch up on my sleep.  Vacation really wore me out!!  I will get back to the craziness next week.  I still plan to Jazzercise tomorrow and Saturday and workout in some capacity TBD on Friday.  Even with vacation, I ended up losing 1.6 pounds last week, so this week might just be all about maintaining. 

Hugs!

Vacation & 40 By 40 Update

Vacation was great!!  Mom is recovering from surgery, so she was struggling a bit and tired, but so glad to see us.  We ate well, we drank well and we lazed like nobody's business.  It was positively delightful!  My parents are awesome.

I enjoyed wearing halters!  I went shopping and was pleasantly surprised at the sizes that I was able to wear.  I even bought a size M jacket from Ann Taylor and a size XL dress that looks smokin! It is for Fall though so it will be a little while before I can wear it. It is still the middle of summer in Texas! It is frustrating how this process seems to take forever, but I did get some validation that it IS working.  

Loss Goal: 40
July Loss:  5.0
Total Loss:  9.8
Left to Lose: 30.2

If I can keep losing 5 pounds per month, I will be thrilled.  That 5 pound loss even includes this Florida trip will all of its eating, drinking and laziness.  I have a couple of weeks before my trip to Louisville to see my brother and his family.

It gets frustrating working out twice a day and eating like a little birdie most of the time.  But it makes it all worth it when I can enjoy a vacation with its splurges and STILL lose weight toward my goal. 

This week is going to be a challenge.  I have a work lunch and my monthly dinner today, so no workouts.  Tomorrow, I will be able to work out at lunch and after work.  Thursday, I have church at lunch, so I'm trying to convince myself to work out before work and then after work.  Not sure about Friday either.  Saturday I will Jazzercise in the morning.  Next week I can get back to CrossFit.

Hugs!

Burdens

Everyone has a burden, their own cross to bear, their specific demon, their Achilles heel.  However you say it, every person is dealing with something. 

 

Unfortunately, obesity is a totally visible fight.  You don't have to talk about it publicly or even acknowledge it, but there is no denying or hiding it. 

 

It is frustrating.  Someone can be a complete and utter asshole, or ridiculously lazy or even dumb and they do not get the public scorn that an obese person gets.  For example, an obese person's PERCEIVED laziness is often judged more harshly than a thin person's ACTUAL laziness.  "Why don't they just work out?"  "Why don't they just eat less?" 

 

Why don't you just not be a jackass?

Of all the burdens that come to mind: health issues, health issues of a loved one, poverty, drug or alcohol addiction...food issues/obesity, while hard to live with is preferable over all those things in my mind.  Additionally, I would rather struggle with food than have to struggle to be kind. 

The older I get, the more I realize that other people's opinions of me are less important than how I feel about myself.  If I am kind and my loved ones can rely on me, I can go to bed each night knowing that all is good in the world.  When I lash out and say something mean or I gossip or I hurt someone's feelings in anger, that's when I start getting anxious and insecure.  When I'm living right, the anxiety and insecurity melt away.

It took a while, but I believe that this burden has helped teach me humility and charity.  I may have some pretty ginormo thighs, but I would like to think that my pretty ginormo heart is what leaves the strongest impression.

Hugs!

New 'do

I'm going to visit my parents this weekend.  They live in Florida and they have a pool.  It occurred to me on the way to work yesterday that I don't have a swimsuit.  Oops!  Off to Target I went last night after work to see what kind of sadness was left in the swimsuit section.

I wasn't sure what size I would wear.  I grabbed the 3 XL suits they had and then an assortment of the smaller plus sized suits.  The good news was that the XLs were a perfect fit.  The bad news is that brought my options down to the three.  I settled on a simple blue one piece.  You know, if my thighs weren't so freaking huge, I would be pretty okay with my body.  I mean I would still strive to make it better, but my thighs...they are just beyond.  Working on it...anyway.  The one piece looks fine.  I have a pair of shorts I can wear over it and I bought a simple black cover up.  It will do.

I got my hair done on Saturday.  I've been getting frustrated with my long hair and decided to get it cut.  You can see how it looked before in July picture on the right of my blog.  Here is what it looked like after:

It was okay, but it didn't really excite me much.  Plus it was a nightmare when I tried to work out yesterday at lunch.  It is too short for a ponytail and I didn't have the time to wash and redo it.  So I went back today and got it chopped.

It really is more "me" and it will be so much easier to deal with for working out.

I'm going out for sushi tonight with BFF.  It has been a while so I'm excited!  I don't seem to be very tight band-wise, so I shouldn't have a problem eating it and it will be oh so yummy.  Plus it is relatively healthy as far as going out to dinner goes. 

Hugs!!

Wake Up Call

Last night I had a bit of a wake up call.  Okay, now I have Adam Levine in my head, but that's a regular occurrence so moving on...

For the last several weeks, I have been super diligent about logging my food and activity during the week.  I have been shooting for 750-1000 calorie deficits per day and succeeding!  I did not log on Saturday or Sunday with the thought that I was roughly breaking even on those days.  After further review (and two weeks in a row of less than a pound weight loss), I discovered that is SO not the case.

I lie to myself.

I honest to God thought I had gotten past this.  I find comfort in the fact that I really don't think I was doing it on purpose.  Let's review the week, shall we?

	Burned	Eaten	Deficit
Monday	2,590	1,329	1,261
Tuesday	2,521	1,120	1,401
Wednesday	2,217	2,361	(144)
Thursday	2,644	1,529	1,115
Friday	2,262	2,660	(398)
Saturday	2,552	2,843	(291)
Sunday	2,062	2,270	(208)
	16,848	14,112	2,736

Let's evaluate...  Obviously, Monday and Tuesday were great.  Both days I went to CrossFit and also worked out at lunch.  I also averaged about 1200 calories which is my goal.

Wednesday was BFF's birthday.  I only worked out in the morning AND I was significantly higher on calories.  I will say that I didn't have nutrition information for my meals out that day, but I did try to log conservatively.  In looking back at my food log, the one thing that stands out is that I had a cupcake and ice cream that afternoon for over 500 calories.  Even if I would have just cut out the ice cream, that would have made a difference and it would have put me at a calorie deficit for the day.

Thursday I worked out at lunch and went to Jazzercise, so the calories burned was great!  I was 300 higher on my calories than I would like, but honestly, most everything on the menu that day was good calories.  Happy there.

Friday.  Oh, Friday.  I did go to CrossFit, but honestly, CrossFit isn't great cardio and doesn't burn a lot of calories (however, it does build muscle to help you burn more calories throughout the day, so I'm not complaining!)  But obviously, my problem here was calories.  We had a catered lunch and looking at my food diary, the only thing that I probably should have changed was the bread.  I had given up bread for a while, but the dinner roll looked so good (and it was!) that I ate it.  If I would have cut that out, my lunch would have been fine.  But the big no-no was the piece of chocolate cake I had.  Don't get me wrong, it was delicious.  But I should have at least cut it in half. 

For dinner we went to Joe's Crab Shack.  I thought I was doing well getting a steampot, but that sucker had over 1000 calories!!  WOW!!  Okay, well, lesson learned there.  Looking back at my food diary, I wish I would have cut the roll and the cake in half.  That would have left me close to breakeven for the day.

Saturday I went to Jazzercise so my calories burned was good.  But in a week moment, I let myself buy Ritz chips at the store.  It had been a long time since I had gotten them.  But just like Nutella, I cannot ration Ritz chips.  I can tell myself I will.  But I won't.  I CAN'T BUT THESE ANYMORE.  Period.  Full Stop.  If I would have made a different choice, I feel confident I would have saved at least 500 calories for the day.  I can't ignore that.

Sunday is almost always my rest day.  My issue with food on this day is that I had the chips & guacamole at Chipotle.  If I would have cut the chips in half I would have been under breakeven.

This analysis helped me see that just a few tweaks (not starvation, not banning all treats) would have changed my calorie intake by over 1,500 which is close to 1/2 pound.  These are the choices I need to focus on.

I know that my detailed analysis of food intake is probably not fun reading, but this exercise was very helpful to me. 

Goals for the week:
8 work outs
750-1000 calorie deficits M-Th
Make good choices while on vacation F-M.

All in all, the scale is going in the right direction and I'm feeling so very good!  That is the most important thing.

Hugs!

TTT

1.  I want to apologize to my readers for the word verification that I have apparently had up.  I hate those things!  Not sure why it was on, but it is now off.  :)

2.  The rest of BFF's birthday was awesome!  We went to the Ranger game.  The Rangers had two walk off wins in a row, so I was kind of worried that we might witness a loss.  But they came through and had a THIRD walk off in win in a row.  We were so stoked.

3.  I will also say that for as much as I disliked the FancyPants picture from yesterday, I did like the picture we took last night.  I'm not sure I love how my hair looks, but that's just being picky. 

I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm getting there. 

4.  I was proud of myself for passing on ice cream last night when I really wanted some. 

5.  Also, I had decided that since I told Godmother that I would work out with her at lunch today, that I would skip Jazzercise tonight.  But the when I logged onto Facebook this morning, someone had posted:  Don't complain about the results you didn't get from the things you didn't do.  Wow...that was appropriate.  I brought my Jazzercise stuff.

6.  I'm going to Florida next weekend to see my parents.  It will be a little harder to get in my workouts, but if I'm disciplined, I can get in eight and then enjoy my weekend.

7.  I can't believe it is already August.  Lots of fun things coming up.  The trip to Florida and another trip to Louisville at the end of the month to see my brother's family.  A couple of shows including the BOOK OF MORMON!!!!  And yes, I totally just screamed that.  I am so excited.

8. Saving money is hard.

9.  I think I like myself with shorter hair.  As I was sitting here writing this, I was looking at the picture above compared to some pictures from the Olympics that SIL put in this year's calendar which is hanging on my wall.  No, granted, I was about 10 pounds lighter at the Olympics, but I was softer because I hadn't worked out in two months.  So I would say kind of comparable.  I like the Olympic ones better.  But that length of hair is so difficult when you are working out because you can't put it up but it is too long to just wash and go.  I'm getting my hair done on Saturday and I'm going to keep it as-is, but the wheels are turning.  Here is a picture of what I'm talking about:

 

Also, those boys were adorable.  German hockey players.  :-)

10.  Tomorrow is Friday and that is worth a little Woohoo!! 


Hugs!