Wednesday, April 30, 2014


I won my diet bet!!

I weighed before I went to bed last night and based on that, I did not think I would win.  I thought I would be about a half pound over.  I got up this morning for CrossFit and took a quick peek.  I did it!  I got off and weighed again just to be sure.  It was the same!  Woohoo!

So, I jumped off the scale, grabbed my phone and went to the app to check in.  I had ALL sorts of trouble.  I submitted the wrong weight at least twice in my haste.  Finally, I got on the app where I needed to be.  I moved the scale in front of the phone and hopped on it.  Suddenly, I had gained almost a full pound.  Uh...hell no.

This is when my scale decides to go crazy??  I know moving it was part of the problem but I had to be in front of the mirror.  After re-trying about 15x, it finally showed the original weight, but by the time I could snap the pictures, it disappeared.  Ugh.  After 15 more times, I finally got everything sent and submitted via the app.  Or so I thought.  When I hit the button, the screen just kind of disappeared.  When I went back, it showed my unverified weight from the last unofficial weigh in...not what I had just entered.  Son of a...

I tried again.  This time, instead of using the app, I used the actual website.  After another scale dance, I finally got the photos and got them submitted.  I even got an email saying that the pictures had been received.  Whew!  I'm just waiting for them to be verified.

By this time, it was too late to go to CrossFit which wasn't even that upsetting.  I was exhausted.  HA!  But then I started feeling guilty.  If it took that many times weighing, maybe I didn't really win and I was being dishonest.  With a big sigh, I hopped back on the scale (that had been moved back to its normal position) and I was another pound down.  Heh.  That made me feel a whole lot better.  It has been a very long time since I have succeeded with a weight loss goal.  It feels good.

This worked for me so well that I have started another one.  This one lasts 6 months and you have to lose 10% of your body weight.  There is a weigh in each month and they break it down this way:
  • Month 1 - 3%
  • Month 2 - 3% (6% cumulative)
  • Month 3 - 2% (8% cumulative)
  • Month 4 - 1% (9% cumulative)
  • Month 5 - 1% (10% cumulative)
  • Month 6 - maintain
This will keep me from procrastinating (hopefully!) like I did this past year with my 40 by 40 challenge.  If I am successful with this challenge, I will be back where I was prior to my plastic surgery and only a few pounds from my lowest weight ever as an adult.  I will keep you posted!  A coworker is doing this one with me too so that it extra support and motivation.  She won today's bet as well!!

Also, I'm wearing a new dress that I bought over the weekend and I feel great!  Again, I don't think the picture does it justice, but here it is:

Monday, April 28, 2014

Facebook is bad for blogging...

During Lent, I was so great about blogging daily and keeping myself on track.  I was faithfully reading other blogs and staying motivated.  As soon as Lent (and my Facebook hiatus) ended, I stopped being so dedicated to blogging.  There is absolutely no question that blogging is an important tool for me with weight loss so I have to be better. 

My diet bet ends tonight at midnight!  I'm not quite to my goal because I had a bit of Monday bloat.  But I think that if I'm super strict with my intake today and I Jazzercise tonight, I should get there.  Fingers crossed!

This weekend was super fun.  BFF & I left about 9am Saturday morning for Germanfest.  We had to run a few errands, but then headed up 35 with our Starbucks.  The little town was adorable.  We got there before noon so the festival wasn't very crowded.  We had a traditional German lunch with sausage, kraut, potatoes and assorted veggie salads.  We walked around the different booths and I bought a cute flower to hang on the wall that was made from small horseshoes.  I also bought a gooey butter cake that is now in my freezer.  I was so impressed I didn't scarf it down!

Then we sat and watched the local high school German dance group perform for a while.  They were adorable.  Once we had enough of the festival, we went to the downtown shops.  There were only a few, but they were nice.  I bought a maxi dress and BFF got some fancy pants like the crazy ones I sported a few weeks ago.  Hers have more colors and are a little more wild, but they are so her!

Then it was time for the casino.  We stayed for a few hours and BFF left $200 richer.  I was not a big winner, but I spent less than usual so no complaints from me!

Yesterday, I bought the cutest shirt from Old Navy and I'm wearing it today with my new Toms.  I felt so stinking cute.  Until I had my picture taken, that is.  I'm definitely at the point where I feel smaller than I actually am.  I'm going to post the picture even though I don't like it.  I know I feel good and that is what is important!

I lost another 6 tenths of a pound this week.  That is four solid weeks in a row of weight loss.  I haven't had that since July of last year. 

Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast:  coffee with cream, meatballs, babybel
Lunch:  natural lunchable type thing
Snack:  protein pack
Dinner:  tbd

Today's Fitness Plan:
CrossFit: Fail!  I got up this morning and didn't want to go.  I somehow convinced myself that it would be better for my diet bet if I would do cardio, so I'm going to Jazzercise tonight.  I still plan to CF three times this week, so all is well.


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Mid-week, mid-crazy

Work is particularly crazy right now, but I'm not complaining!  I would much rather be busy than bored.  I have an off-site event this afternoon, so I'm trying to wrap up things so I can head over there right after lunch.

BFF & I went out for sushi last night and then went to see Beauty & the Beast.  It was really good!  I was very skeptical when D1sney started doing musicals, but they have all been quite good.  The sets are fantastic and the lead (Belle) was cast perfectly.  I'm still singing to myself.

The Rangers are doing well in Oakland, so that's good even though I don't really get to watch the west coast games.  Today is in the afternoon, so I'm hoping I get home without hearing the score so I can watch.  We shall see.

Today, my weigh in was below my diet bet target!  However, I didn't have clothes on, so that means I need to lose more.  I kind of forgot about that.  I will weigh with my clothes on tomorrow morning and see where I am.  It is just running shorts and a thin t-shirt, so hopefully it isn't too much!  I have a week.

Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast:  Starbucks latte, boiled egg, babybel
Lunch:  soup
Snack:  I will be at an off-site event, so I have no idea what will be available.  Nothing good for me, probably.
Dinner:  quinoa chili

Today's Fitness Plan:
Nothing.  WHAT??  Yep, nothing on the schedule.  However, I thought I might try to do some chores around home tonight so that would be the something that is better than nothing.

Hope you all are well!  Back to work, I go.


Monday, April 21, 2014

And the long holiday weekend is over...

I hope you all had a nice weekend!  Mine was extra long.  We left work at lunch on Thursday to go to the Rangers game.  It was most excellent.  It was a bit of a rainy day, but we were dry and happy in a suite courtesy of my awesome company. 

Saturday night we went to see the 0ld 97's play.  They are awesome.  And Sunday was full of church and adopted family time.  I did catch up on The Following over the weekend.  That show is uber creepy.  I also started watching Silicone Valley.  I'm still deciding if I love it or not.

I kept my diet bet in mind all weekend and did totally great, right up until Saturday evening.  I didn't give up any kind of foodstuff for Lent, but I committed to logging food.  And I did it literally religiously right up until the end of Lent.  Sigh.  I was NOT a good girl Saturday night or yesterday.  BUT, I still managed to lose 6 tenths of a pound last week and have a solid opportunity to win my diet bet that ends next Wednesday. 

Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast:  coffee with cream (x2), hard boiled egg, babybel
Lunch:  chicken noodle soup, cheese & crackers
Snack:  if needed, greek yogurt
Dinner:  quinoa chili (courtesy of BFF)

Today's Fitness Plan:
CrossFit: check!  It was back squat day again.  I went up 5 pounds, so I'm at 135# now and I was feeling solid.  We also did Romanian deadlifts which help strengthen your lower back.  I need that.  We ended with 100 abs of your choices.  I did 20 GHD sit ups, 40 medicine ball sit ups (10#), & 40 medicine ball trunk twists.  Not cardio intensive but I great strength workout.  At lunch, I walked leisurely on the treadmill for 15:00 and leisurely rode on the bike for 15:00 while I read.  I'm really getting into Doctor Sleep.

Today was my first day back on Facebook after giving it up for Lent.  I missed keeping up with everyone, but I think it was actually nice to have the break. 


Wednesday, April 16, 2014


This week is a short work week for me.  Our offices are closed on Good Friday and Thursday afternoon, our home office is spending the afternoon at the Ballpark.  YAY! 

Speaking of the Rangers, I stayed up a tad too late last night because we were actually winning.  Woohoo!!  It would be awesome if Fielder's HR means that he has found his bat.  He's in a bit of a slump and we need some offense action. 

Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast:  coffee with cream (x2), boiled egg & 1/2 chicken burger patty
Lunch:  soup, cheese & crackers
Snack:  greek yogurt
Dinner:  Leftover chicken fried rice
Snack:  pudding & peaches

Today's Fitness Plan:
CrossFit - check!  Also, planning to leisurely walk at lunch and read.

I finished The Shining yesterday so now I'm ready to start Doctor Sleep.  This morning when I went to the basement (where the locker rooms are located) of my building, I walked past the boiler room and tried not to get nervous that it might explode or something.  I haven't been this scared of boiler rooms since Freddy Krueger!  Just kidding.  Mostly.  I do now want to go rent the movie though. 

I almost talked myself out of going to CrossFit this morning.  I don't know why I do that.  I feel SO much better after and I have never once regretted going once I was done.  I just kept putting one foot in front of the other until I got myself there.  We had a very brief warm up and our trainer had a little game for us.  We made three circles which one person in the middle.  The person in the middle would hold on to a weight plate in each hand at their sides, so holding on with their fingertips.  The rest in the circle would squat and pass around a medicine ball until the person in the center dropped the weights.  The two with the least amount of time had to do penalty burpees...only 5 though so it wasn't too punitive.  I'm happy to say that I held them the 2nd longest of the girls. 

Our workout was twofold.  A. 2-2-2-2-2 Deadlifts at 90% of 1 rep max.  My one rep max was 225# but it was a long time ago.  Instead of 200#, I used 185# and it was still really heavy.  I've got to be more consistent if I'm going to get stronger.  B.  3 rounds: 400m run & 50 push ups.  There was a 15:00 cutoff and she didn't want us to scale the runs, so I scaled to 25 regular push ups per round.  I thought about scaling it to 50 knee push ups, but I went with 25 regular.  I'm not really sure which is better, but I finished in 14:12.

This morning I was talking to my mom about how well I seem to be doing.  She mentioned that my band is really helping me.  And she is totally right.  But also, there is something different about this time.  I'm LETTING it help me, I guess.  Many other times, while my band helped my ginormous appetite, I offset that with bad choices.  Right now, I seem to be willing to make better choices, even when I really don't want to do it.  I've blogged every day and I've logged in MFP for the last 45 days straight (I'm sure that is a record for me).  I've got to take advantage of it while I feel this way! 

One of the very talented girls in our construction group brought homemade Easter cookies and cupcakes today.  I'm staying very far away from that side of the building!!


Tuesday, April 15, 2014


Good morning!  I got out of bed this morning for CrossFit, saw that it was 36 degrees outside, then turned around got back into bed.  I realize that it was much worse in other parts of the country, but I'm so done with it.  It isn't supposed to be that much warmer tomorrow morning, but I will have to wrap my head around it and deal.

That sounded grumpy, but I'm not grumpy at all.  I was slightly annoyed that I had to drag out my winter coat this morning, but I still have a smile on my face!

Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast:  coffee with cream (x1), boiled egg, 1/2 chicken burger patty
Lunch:  soup, cheese & crackers
Snack:  Greek Yogurt (if I'm really hungry, I might change this to mixed nuts)
Dinner:  Leftover 6-layer dip, tortilla chips & pulled chicken

Today's Fitness Plan:
CrossFit.  Fail!  Plan B - Jazzercise.  I believe it is a kickboxing type Jazzercise class, so that should kick my butt nicely.  In addition, I'm going to go to the gym during lunch and leisurely work out on the treadmill or bike while I read.  I'm almost done with The Shining!

I was talking to my mom last night about how focused I seem to be on my weight loss goals right now.  I mentioned that I was still about 20 pounds from my lowest size.  She asked if I thought I would lose that by the end of the year and a light bulb went off in my head.  I'm a procrastinator.  I gave myself a year to lose 40 pounds in my self imposed 40 By 40 challenge and after a nice start, I think I subconsciously started procrastinating.  I didn't mean to do it.  But now that I look back, I think that is EXACTLY what I did.

Now that I'm too close to the end date to reach my birthday goal, it would be easy to feel like a failure.  But I'm smaller than I was this time last year AND I'm solidly on a downward trend.  I will not allow myself to see that as a failure.  What I will do is work as hard as possible for these next 7.5 weeks to get as close to that goal as possible.

Then I will continue to fight this battle I have in the best way I can.  It is only a failure if I quit.  Band or no band, I knew this was a lifelong struggle, a never-ending quest if you will.  And some days, that is just going to be overwhelming.  But there will be times, like right now, where I am motivated and I will use those times to fight to make sure I never get myself in the position I was in five years ago. 

I'm not saying I will never participate in another challenge.  Heck, I'm part of a diet bet right now!!  I just won't allow them to define my success.  I define my success.  And I will not let perfect be the enemy of good!!


Monday, April 14, 2014

Weekend Wrap Up and other assorted things...


After work on Friday, BFF & I went to Taverna for dinner and then tried the local frozen custard.  It was okay, but not as good as Woolley's, that stuff is heavenly.  After that, we headed to the opera.  We have season tickets to the musicals at this venue, but this was the first opera experience.  Our musical tickets are about 10th row center.  These tickets were located about 5 rows from the top.  It was very steep and my fear of heights came out.  I just wanted to jump off and fly down to the stage.  It is such a weird feeling.  I spent the first half keeping myself from hyperventilating.

But after intermission we moved over a seat which gave me some room and extra air and I was able to relax.  I enjoyed the second half immensely.  If you are a first time opera goer, I think the Barber of Seville is a wonderful choice.


We were late getting home after the opera and it took a while for me to get to sleep.  I actually woke up to the alarm at 9:30.  I can't remember the last time I needed an alarm at 9:30!  I went and got my lashes filled and a pedicure...rough life.  I did some other errands and chores and then it was time to leave again.  BFF & I went to Gloria's this time for some Tex Mex.  I was very pleased both nights with my choices and my portions.  The ballet was wonderful.  The first half was split into three sections and our friend's niece was in the first part.  She is really good!  The second half was the Firebird where she played a princess and it was lovely.


After church, which was the very long Palm Sunday Mass, we had breakfast.  It was a rainy and gloomy day, so I spent most of the afternoon flipping my closet.  This year was a lot more fun than last year because everything fit!  Last summer, I was about 10 pounds heavier than I am now.  I had wanted to lose 40 pounds this year, but I'm not going to turn up my nose at what I have done. 

I spent the late afternoon watching the Rangers then catching up on TV. 

Other randomness

This morning I was slightly disappointed that I had "only" lost 4 tenths of a pound this week.  But after my almost 4 pound loss last week, it was great that I kept going in the right direction.  I quickly got over it. 

The big excitement of the day for me was at CrossFit this morning.  Today we worked on strict pull ups which I cannot do.  If I used two very heavy duty bands, I have been able to do them, but mostly I hang on the bar tensing my shoulders trying to will some movement.  Today, with only one green band, I did a full on strict pull up.  I don't have video, but this is an example:

I know it doesn't seem like much and honestly, most everyone else can do it.  But I still weigh a whole lot and I have been working at this for almost 3 years.  I almost couldn't believe I had done it.  I was really proud!! 

I got several awesome emails and comments from last week's post about happiness.  It is so great to hear about the different ways people find happiness.  No two stories are alike.  I think the important part is figuring out what is right for you and not spiraling and wallowing in unhappiness.

Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast:  coffee with cream (x2), boiled egg, 1/2 chicken burger patty
Lunch:  chicken soup, cheese & crackers
Snack:  Greek yogurt
Dinner:  leftover 6-layer dip with tortilla chips. 

Today's Fitness Plan:
CrossFit, check!  I'm also planning to walk somewhat leisurely at lunch.


Friday, April 11, 2014


I was reading a blog yesterday that was talking about happiness and what you do when you aren't happy to turn things around for yourself.  It got me to thinking...

Several years ago, I was in a dark place.  I was struggling physically, mentally, spiritually, name it.  The thing that got me out of it was focusing on others instead of myself.  I began to realize that the more I made others happy and the better life decisions I made (i.e. limiting gossip and judgement), the happier I became.  I am a strong advocate of "fake it until you make it".  I acted happy even when I was miserable.  Once I started focusing on others and how my choices affect other, happiness started coming naturally and I wasn't having to fake it anymore.

After a while, I started to think that was the answer to life.  If you made decisions throughout your day that positively affect others, then you will automatically find happiness.  It certainly worked for me!  But since then, I have realized something that has made me a little sad.  Not everyone gets happiness from making other people happy.

Some people have apathy toward the feelings of others so it doesn't occur to them that they can derive pleasure from someone else's happiness.  Their happiness seems to stem solely from how life affects them.  When they are sad, I don't know how to advise them not to be.  That's when I realized how fortunate I am.  For many reasons, but this one is a biggie.  It gives me so much more control over my life because only I choose how I treat other people, but no one can control how other people treat them.  One of the many blessings I can count.

I have a busy weekend ahead.  Tonight, BFF & I are going to the opera.  I haven't been to the opera since I was a child, so it should be interesting.  It is the Barber of Seville which sounds like a good one, and I'm excited.  Tomorrow, we are going to the ballet.  Our friend's niece is in Firebird.  What a weekend of culture!

Today's Fitness Plan:  CrossFit.  Check!  After not working out Tuesday or Wednesday, it was important to me that I work out before the weekend.  Unfortunately, I miscalculated on the first part where we did 2 Cleans on the minute for 10 minutes.  I meant to do 105#, but I only did 85#.  Not horrible, but I need to start increasing my weight.  The WOD was 3 rounds of 400m run & 20 overhead squats.  I scaled the run to 200m and used 55# on the squats and finished in 10:45.  Overhead squats are tough! 

Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast:  coffee with cream (x2), boiled egg (x2)
Lunch:  mac and cheese & mashed potatoes
Snack:  greek yogurt
Dinner:  TBD but probably gnocchi

Diet Bet Check-in:  My weight has been holding steady since Tuesday which is good because of all the meals out and no exercise, but if I'm going to succeed on my diet bet I have to forge ahead.  First, I went to CrossFit this morning even though it wasn't convenient.  Second, I'm staying in for lunch and having a controlled (albeit not super healthy) lunch.  Lent will be over soon.  Lastly, I will also plan to have a weekend like the last one where I did not bring a bunch of treats into the house.  I will focus on small controlled meals and keeping myself busy.  We will see how I do!


Thursday, April 10, 2014

Ten Things Thursday

1.  We went to Ser Steakhouse last night which was super fancy and quite delicious.  I had two drinks, nibbled on the cheese plate and had about 1/2 my halibut with a few bites of side items.  All in all, I would say that I managed well.

2.  The scale stayed steady this morning that backed up my choices.

3.  I have a meeting all morning and have to work in an allergy shot and a workout today.  Right now, I'm leaning toward working out right after my meeting and getting a shot after work. 

4.  I committed to BFF that I am going to CrossFit tomorrow even though it will be inconvenient for our evening plans to not commute together.  She was on board, so we will figure it out.

5.  We are going to see the opera Barber of Seville tomorrow night.  I haven't been to the opera as an adult so I'm not sure how I will like it.  I love musical theater, ballet and the symphony, but I have never been a fan of the opera style of singing.  So, we will see.

6.  I had a horrible nightmare last night that a girl pulled a gun on my coworker.  I defended my coworker and as I did, the girl put the gun to my mouth and shot.  I realized I was going to die and said to my coworker "Tell my mom I love her." and then my mind raced as to all other things I wanted to say but I couldn't say anything because I was dead.  It was super freaking creepy.  I woke up to this feeling of warmth crawling over my body.  I was quite happy to still be among the living, but it took a while to get back to sleep.

7.  BFF and I wore the same shirt this morning in different colors.  We had no idea that we even had the same shirt.  I'm sure everyone is going to get a kick out of it.  Sometimes I feel like we share a brain.

8.  I sucked down my latte this morning like it was water.  I might have to have another cup of coffee.  I guess dying in my sleep was more tiring than I realized.

9.  I just decided I'm not working out today.  But I will eat well!

10.  Hugs!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Love my girls.

Last night was so fun!  I have dinner once a month with the girls and we call it Interesting Dinner.  Each month someone chooses where we should go and it is always somewhere different.  This group has been going (different individuals throughout the years) since October 2004! 

Last night we went to a place for Spanish tapas.  We started with a cheese plate and then each of us ordered two plates to share.  The waiter would bring out a plate or two at a time and there was enough on each plate for a bite or two for each of us.  It was perfect for me!  A bite or two here, then wait five minutes, then a bite or two there, then wait five minutes.  It was expensive, but it was a fun experience and the food was unique and delicious.  ShareBear even ordered the octopus and as the most conservative eater in the bunch, we were shocked!  But it was good and she even had a few extra bites.  The scallops and lamb dishes were my favorites!

This morning, I was another couple of tenths down on the scale which is great after a feast like that!  I have lunch AND dinner out tonight, with no working out, it is going to be a challenge.  But I feel motivated, so hopefully I can stick to my plan.  We are having Mexican for lunch so my plan is to have tortilla soup which should be fine.  The trick will be staying out of the chips & salsa/queso.  I think if I weren't going out to dinner, I would limit myself to one serving, but I'm going to try and abstain today.  Surely I can do that once, right?

Tonight, we are going to a steakhouse, so my plan is to order the fish and just take small bites, chew and leave time in between bites.  I will have drinks, so I have to be extra conscious of the eating side of things.  I will get back to normalcy tomorrow.

I got my feelings hurt this morning.  Someone that I care about was not nice to me.  I don't think that it was truly directed at me but it was very hard to tell and it upset me that I was treated that way.  I decided to let it go.  I did nothing wrong and the other person reacted badly in the situation.  I can't control how other people react, I can only control myself.  So head down, get to work and don't worry about other people.

Rangers won last night, so YAY!! 


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Remembering the past correctly.

I go back and read my blog sometimes.  When I wonder what I did at a certain time or I need to try an remember something.  Lately, I have been going back and reading from the beginning.  Why did I do this?  What did I want and expect?  How did it go?  Were my thoughts at the time the same as I remember them now?  How can I motivate myself to success?

Memory v. Blog

Memory:  I remember having a really rough year.  I had gained more weight and was the biggest I had ever been.  I remember being super uncomfortable at a Mavericks game and on an airplane.  I remember a picture that made me cry.

Blog:  That was all true, but it was more than that.  I had forgotten that I could no longer Jazzercise because of the pain.  I had REALLY forgotten that I could only wear crocs or orthopedic type shoes and some days I still had to wear flector patches on my feet just to get through a work day.  I had forgotten how much I had withdrawn into myself and just yearned to fade into the woodwork instead of being so grossly fat. 

Memory:  Pre-surgery and post-surgery dieting was night and day.  I had to make good choices but the weight melted off the first year.  Then I started to exercise to jumpstart it.

Blog:  Wow...I had really forgotten.  ONE MONTH IN and I was chiding myself for the bad food choices I was making.  I was struggling to stay under 2000 calories a day sometimes.  I did NOT remember that.  I was six weeks in when I did my first fitness "focus".  6 WEEKS!!  I could barely jog 30 seconds under 4mph.  I still had to diet, no question about it.  But the band did make my efforts successful.

Memory:  It took about 9 months for me to start feeling "good" about myself.  I was always a cheerleader for myself but at the 9 month mark, I was feeling good, but also, it started getting harder.

Blog:  I was definitely always a cheerleader and looked at things in the best way possible.  I still do.  I had faith in myself that it was going to happen, I just had to keep fighting.  But dude, I was constantly "failing" from the beginning.  Good food choices are always hard, no matter what.  Band or no band, those choices have to be made.  It makes so much sense because the last several fills, I haven't been making good choices. didn't work out.  Also, it was about 6 months in that I started focusing on fashion which is 20 pounds (and a whole lot of toning) more.  So I felt "good" about myself sooner than I remembered.  It is all relative. 

Memory:  Vacations were hard.  I had to really work at what I could eat, I had to give up a lot food-wise and made things complicated for traveling companions, but I had fun!

Blog:  If things were complicated for me or my travel buddies, I didn't blog about it.  Actually, I tended to do better on vacation because I was active and I didn't mindlessly snack.  In fact, as I lost weight and got more energy, I wasn't sitting around at home so much and it was easier to stay away from the mindless snacking.

Bottom line, it has never been "easy", good choices have to be made, but utilizing the band can help me make them if I choose to do so.  Also what I noticed while reading my words from the past, I had a tendency to think "oh, bless your heart" when I started talking about how I was going to make better choices "from now on" or whatnot.  Those were my own words and they were making me want to roll my eyes at the "here we go again" of it all.  I can't imagine how my loved ones must feel.  I can totally see where it would get old and truly bless them for sticking with me.  But I know that is how I roll.  I cheer lead and pump myself up to get motivated because inevitably, I'm going to have down times.  Another big thing I learned is that you have to do everything you can when you are motivated, because sometimes the down times just won't let you do much of anything.

Same story, different year.  But I'm motivated.  So let's see what I can do with it!

If I squint, I'm starting to see the badass unicorn again.  This is going to happen.
Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast:  coffee with cream.  (The slimfast & peanut butter did not hold me over at all yesterday, so I'm going to try a boiled egg and 1/2 chicken burger patty.) 
Lunch:  potato soup
Snack:  greek yogurt
Dinner:  It is girls dinner night and we are going out for tapas.  As long as I eat responsibly, stay away from alcohol and sweets, I should be a-okay.
Today's Fitness Plan:
CrossFit:  check!  We were supposed to work on handstands today, but I mostly just watched everyone.  My allergies are horrible and the drainage and dizziness just wouldn't allow for being upside down.  WOD:  5 rounds interval style:  300m row, 7 Power Cleans, 12 Lateral Burpees.  I had to scale.  I worked for 20 minutes, still only got in 4 rounds and scaled the burpees to 9 regular ones.  As long as I work out hard, I have no issue with scaling.  I will get there someday!  :-)
And now what you have all been waiting for...the fancypants!  When I was in the locker room getting ready this morning, the adorable and tiny girl in there getting ready with me said "you are so brave."  Ha!  I have to say that I don't like the picture, because I don't think it is flattering. But I do LOVE the pants! 


Monday, April 7, 2014

Getting Started

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!!  What a good weekend I had.  Friday afternoon, BFF, another coworker, & I headed out to C0wboys Stadium to watch the final four practices and all-star game.  We had tickets to a suite which was cool.  Turns out...we were the only people that went.  We have a fully stocked (food & drinks) suite with waitstaff all to ourselves.  We were like rock stars.  Since BFF has given up alcohol for Lent, I felt is was my obligation to utilize the full bar.  And so I did. 

However, I continued to use my "loved ones" promise and with BFF right there, it wasn't difficult.  I enjoyed my drinks, but I ate extremely responsibly.  Saturday, I kept myself very busy in the morning.  It cost me some cash at the mall, but I was able to stay busy all through the morning and not snack.  I bought food for lunch and dinner at the grocery store like a normal human.  It was beautiful.  BFF came over for dinner and brought me a small tots from Sonic which I swapped out for the mashed potatoes I was going to eat. 

Sunday, I ate breakfast out with BFF as usual, but I didn't eat as much.  I ate my eggs, a few potatoes and the fruit out of the yogurt parfait.  We had musical tickets in the afternoon.  We went to see Pageant which is basically a "Miss" Pageant in drag.  It was hilarious and fun.  I had a pack of M&Ms during intermission, but the good thing about that is that they are individual packaged and I ate the right sized portion.  For dinner, I had some potato soup I had made the day before.  And for a snack, I "splurged" with the cucumber salsa I made from Laura Belle's blog.  Yummmy!

All through the weekend, when I went to make a choice, I thought of BFF, mom or dad.  It didn't work every time (i.e. M&M's), but it did help me make better choices.  Like eating the potato soup I made Sunday night instead of picking up Fuzzy's.  Or not picking up a cookie at the mall on Saturday.  Every good choice helps.

Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast - coffee with cream (x2 I need an extra shot today), Slim Fast, 2T peanut butter
Lunch - potato soup
Snack - Greek yogurt (if needed)
Dinner - veggie omelet
Snack - cucumber salsa with tortilla chips  (if needed)

One thing I have to get past is waste.  For example, I buy Greek yogurt for healthy choice snacks in case I get hungry.  If I don't get hungry, I shouldn't eat them.  If they never get eaten, I just need to throw them away.  But sometimes I get in my head that I need to eat them BECAUSE they are going to go bad.  I need to stop that.  Yes, waste is bad, but I need to focus on what I need at the moment. 

Today's Fitness Plan:
CrossFit - check!  I felt strong today.  I went up another 5 pounds on my 3x10 back squats and another 5 pounds on my 5x5 Romanian deadlifts.  At the end we were supposed to do 200 double unders which I can't do, so the sub was 400 singles (jump rope.)  Every time you break, you had to run 200m.  I only got to about 300 before I had to leave to get to work, but I'm sure I ran at least a mile.  Sheesh.

So, this weekend at the mall?  I bought some pants.  They aren't just any pants.  They are some special pants.  I'm trying to get my confidence up to wear them tomorrow.  If I do, I will take a picture.  Let me just say that they are not the kind of pants that blend in.  I have tried them on 100 times since I bought them and I love them.  But they will take some confidence.  :-)

I feel good today.  Staying in control and doing the right thing makes me feel good.  One day at a time.  Last week, I lost 3.8 pounds which is great for me, so I'm not going to qualify it.  I just have to keep it up.  One good week does not a trend make.  But getting started sure feels great!


Friday, April 4, 2014

My Motivation

Good morning!  Checking in before the weekend.  So far, so good with the diet bet.  I mentioned yesterday that I have a hard time limiting my calories when on liquids, so I'm glad to move on to "regular" food, but I will stick to either very mushy things or very crispy things (like crackers) for a few days.

Yesterday was a big success.  I was another 2 tenths down.  I'm worried about today.  We are spending the afternoon and evening at C0wboys Stadium for the events today.  There will be food in the suite as well as different types of concessions.  Another kink in the action is that I can't eat meat today.  BFF & I agreed to eat lunch before we go, so that will help a lot.  My plan for dinner is to find something I can eat, get a small portion, take small bites and chewchewchew. 

I have been chugging a lot of water which tells me I don't have a ton of restriction, but I'm trying to trick my head into believing I do.  :-) 

What I have to remind myself is when I "want" to eat something...that what I really want is to fit back into my size 12s and feel comfortable in my own skin again.  I'm not far away.  This is not some pipe dream.  It will just take effort and dedication.  I once gave up bread and other trigger foods for almost an entire year.  There isn't any reason (other than my own demons) that I can't do it for a month. 

The truth is that I gave up a lot during those months where I lost weight.  At my worst, I was pushing 300 pounds and day after day, I made the decision to do what needed to be done.  I was so tired of being tired, of being looked at/judged, of being sad.  There were times that I had to give up things and as a result, my BFF had to give up things.  I know that wasn't fun for her at times too. 

That is what I'm really thinking about today...if I'm going to "pretend" to do this, then I really HAVE to do it.  Because if I'm going to have my loved ones giving things up to help me on my journey then I have to truly put in the effort and be successful.  It is one thing for me to sacrifice at times, then sabotage myself at others.  It is annoying, but the only person I'm hurting is myself.  But if I'm asking THEM to sacrifice?  Then I damn well better have something to show for it, because otherwise it just isn't fair.

After losing a sh*t ton of weight and gaining a bit back, I may not be comfortable in my own skin, but I'm no longer tired and sad.  I no longer stand out as the morbidly obese person that was more likely to die than see her neice get married.  So, it's harder to find that motivation now.  I've been searching for it, but coming up empty.  I realized that I should be motivated by my loved ones that want so very much for me to succeed and would do anything they could to make it happen.  But they can't will it, I have to do it.

I don't mean to imply that I want to lose weight because other people want me to.  What I mean is that I want to lose weight for various reasons and I'm using the love of my family and friends to motivate me to do it.  I hope that makes sense.  I'm even going so far as to picture a family member or friend in my mind and think of all of the ways that person has supported me and loved me. 

Today, for instance, I'm thinking of BFF.  No one has had to put up with more on this little quest of mine than her.  There are not enough words in the world to explain her awesomeness.  I'm so fortunate to have a friendship like hers that I can depend on.  I, in turn, want to be the best friend I can be.  So, today, I make good choices for her. 

Saturday and Sunday will be for my mom & dad.  They have always been my biggest cheerleaders and love me no matter what.  They have been working on their health this year in a big way and the have lost 10 and 25 pounds, respectively.  They understand my struggle and I guarantee that if they could do it for me, they would.  This weekend, I will make good choices for them.


Thursday, April 3, 2014

Ten Things Thursday

1.  I forgot what it was like to not be at least slightly hungry all the time.  This fill wasn't aggressive, but in these first few days, I'm not starving immediately when I wake up and when I do get hungry, I'm satisfied with an appropriate amount of food.  Shocking!  Shocking that this tool I purchased and had implanted in my body would work like that.  :-)

2.  I have a hard time staying in my calorie range when on liquids, but I did have an acceptable deficit yesterday.  It will be easier for me to be in the right range when I can start eating solid food.  Just being on the liquids though has cleaned out my system a bit.  I was 1.6 pounds down yesterday and another .8 pounds today.  I need to lose another 3.6 pounds before I feel like I'm in new territory. 

3.  I have this issue where it seems like I can either eat well or work out like a beast, but I can't do both.  I'm sure it is just mental.  I worked out yesterday and I will again today, but I haven't been able to get up for CrossFit.  I'm sleeping horribly which I think is stemming from allergies.  That, coupled with the somewhat drastic change in my eating habits just has me not wanting to get up and conquer WOD's.  I would like to go tomorrow, but I have this feeling that I won't.

4.  Today's Nutrition Plan:
  • Breakfast - coffee with cream (x1), Lean 1 Smoothie King chocolate smoothie with peanut butter
  • Lunch - Tomato soup
  • Snack - greek yogurt
  • Dinner - Soup and Mashed potatoes
  • Snack - butterscotch pudding
5.  Last night I was hungry when I got home from work (which is totally appropriate), so I thought I needed something more substantive than the soup and mashed potatoes I had planned on.  I fixed some rice instead of the soup.  I ate about two bites and realized that I wasn't ready for rice yet and trashed it.  I finished my mashed potatoes and I was still hungry.  I fixed the soup and after eating half, I realized I was satisfied and disposed of the rest.  This is a big deal.  This is the thing that I can't do when I'm not restricted and my hunger overtakes me.  This is exactly why the band helps me be successful WHEN I USE IT CORRECTLY.

6.  My boss gave my fellow VP tickets to a suite at the Final Four practice day tomorrow.  There were four tickets and he didn't have anyone else that wanted to go so he offered up some tickets to me and BFF.  I believe it is free to the public, but the tickets are for a suite that has free food and whatnot.  I thought it was kind of a cool thing to do.  In the late afternoon there is an all-star game and I found out that one of my favorite IU players is playing in it, so that made it even cooler!  I wish my stinking IU shirt fit, but I'm pretty sure I can't lost 15 pounds by tomorrow.  Bummer.

7.  We had some drama around the office yesterday.  There are a bunch of apartments being built across the street from our office and a portion of them collapsed.  Lots of drama!  Someone was taken to the hospital, but he didn't seem to be badly hurt.  It is little disturbing to see a pile of rubble where a building once stood. 

8.  Today's Fitness Plan:  20:00 treadmill walking uphill, 5 rounds: 5 burpees, 10 situps, 15 squats.  Yesterday I did this but with push ups instead of burpees.  I thought the burpees would help give me some good quick cardio.

9.  About five years ago, I essentially changed careers.  The company I have worked for since 1998 had difficult times during the last recession (as many companies did.)  We sold a huge portion of our company and laid off another 200 or so employees.  I think there were 24 of us at our smallest.  I had been in charge of a large accounting group, but after the layoff, I became in charge of that accounting process (which was now outsourced so my role was more review), cash management, insurance, taxes and keeping track of our multiple legal entities.  It was crazy times.  Over the last five years, things have shifted.  All of the accounting and tax functions have shifted over to my VP counterpart.  My group does the cash management, insurance, entity management and manages any legal situations that might arise. 

At this point my job is about 90% risk management (only about 2% accounting which is interesting since I'm a CPA) and I have learned a ton about insurance over this time.  Now I've decided to learn more and get one of the insurance industry certifications.  That means I have to read and study.  I really never thought that after my CPA exam, I would be doing something like this.  I'm not a big fan of studying.  I never have been.  But I know it will be good for me and it will be good for my company.  I'm just getting started so I will keep you posted.

10.  Hugs!  :-)

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Diet Bet - day #1

I think I mentioned yesterday that I joined a Diet Bet.  I have to lose 8.75 pounds by April 29th.  That is a ton, but I'm motivated!  Mostly I'm motivated by the fact that 3 of my friends are doing it.  That sense of community is what inspires me.  That is one of the biggest reasons I love the blogging community.

Yesterday was a big fat success.  I had a high calorie smoothie, but otherwise I did spot on.  Today is another day of full liquids. 

Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast:  coffee with cream (x1!), smoothie
Lunch:  soup (either tomato or broccoli/cheese) 1/2 serving
Snack:  rest of soup
Dinner:  soup (opposite kind) & mashed potatoes
Snack:  butterscotch pudding

Today's Fitness Plan:
I'm not feeling great...allergies.  It's like little creatures are taking over my body.  I'm fighting it, but they are just killing me.  I'm going to force myself to do something today.  Maybe it will help to sweat it out a bit.

Two TV comments:  Do you watch How I Met Your Mother?  I absolutely loved the finale until the last few minutes.  That last item ticked me off.  And The Good Wife?  Best show on network TV.

I watched baseball last night.  We lost opening day and things weren't looking super great last night, but the Rangers won in a walk off which was fantastic!  Love, love, love. 

You know, I have been "trying" to lose weight for a while without success, but this effort feels different.  I have a different kind of motivation than I have had in a while.  But I have to show, not tell for it to be true.  Time to make that happen.


Tuesday, April 1, 2014


I got up this morning with a little pep in my step.  I went to the new medical facility nearby to get my fill.  It was closer than the other location and the facility is smaller so it was easy breezy!  They did raise the price from $50 to $75 but I think that is still a good deal.

I always have to giggle when they numb me because it hurts the same amount either way.  I would rather they just get to it.  Anyway, the person that does it (I think she is a PA) is very nice and we spoke about how I was doing and what I want.  When I had my unfill, they took out .4cc.  She said that if she puts in .3cc, things flow well.  I prefer to start out slow and I can go back in a month if I need to, so I asked to stay with that.  I drank my water and was good to go.  I love that they look at it on x-ray so I have confidence that the band looks good and all is well.

I stopped by the local Smoothie King to get breakfast.  It has been a while since I went so I asked the guy for something with peanut butter.  I should have discussed it more because the small even had 700 calories.  I immediately emailed Debi and asked her for a better option because she is a SK expert.  Now I know what to order tomorrow morning!

I also had a latte this morning, so I'm practically done with calories for the day.  Sheesh.  I always have trouble staying in my calorie ranges when doing liquids.  Some people have no idea how you can gain weight on a liquid, let me show you.  Ha!

I was satisfied with my smoothie until about 1:30pm so I fixed myself some soup.  I've had only about 1/4 of it and I'm feeling satisfied.  I'm going to try VERY hard to focus on my portions and not just eat what is there.  That is my #2 problem outside of weekend sabotage.

Also today, I joined a Diet Bet.  Have you done that?  I did one once, but basically just donated my money to help someone else lose weight.  Ha!  I signed up, but then never paid any more attention to it.  This time I'm really going to work at it.  My Leapster friends were doing it, so I jumped on the bandwagon.  Basically, you put in your money and if you succeed at the challenge, you get to split the pot with all winners.  Worst case if you succeed, you get your money back.  But there are always people like me (last time) that don't succeed, so chances will win more than you put in.  The challenge is to lose 4% of your total weight in 4 weeks.  I have to weigh tonight to get my actual weight with pictures to submit, but I'm signed up.  I will keep you apprised of my progress as I go!

I also like the Diet Bet because it gives me a time frame.  I want to work one day at a time, but I can assess the situation in four weeks.  I do realize that this is a forever journey, but sometimes that gets overwhelming.  Four weeks of focus seems doable. 

I think I mentioned yesterday that I have been re-reading my blog.  I'm trying to figure out the secret to my successes and what I did during my "failures".  One thing that I noticed was that the more active I was, the less failure I had.  Even going on vacation, I did better because I was on the move.  I don't necessarily mean working out or that kind of active, but busy.  The more down time I have, the more sabotage that occurs.  This weekend, I have a lot of downtime so I'm making plans for myself. 

While I was writing this post, I got a call from the CFO's admin that the CFO said that there was someone waiting for me in the lobby.  WTH?  This isn't exactly a place where we have walk ins.  Anyway, I went out there and two things:
  1. The CFO totally sold me out because it was a cold caller for something or other.  Sure enough when I was done, he came around the corner giggling.  Chicken!
  2. They brought cake balls.  Salted Caramel Cake Balls.  God is laughing at me.  :-)  Just for the record, I did not eat even a smidgen of cake ball.