Monday, February 6, 2012

What did I think was going to happen?

When you see a pattern emerge, it is rarely coincidental.  But it isn't always easy to determine cause and effect since sometimes it is a little more circular than linear.  As you may or may not have noticed, I have taken a little break from Blogger. 
  1. I haven't been blogging. 
  2. I have gained weight. 
Those are two facts and I 100% believe they are related.  What I honestly can't tell you is which one causes the other.  I don't know if I'm busy, so I stopped keeping up with blogger/blogging and with that I was too busy to focus on my healthy eating choices.  Or did I consciously stop blogging so I wouldn't have to account for my poor choices.  I'm embarrassed to say that it could as easily be the latter.

Well, I'll be damned.  The more I put it into words, the more I think it is actually that.  I guess in the end it doesn't matter, the outcome is the same.  If you notice my daisy ticker at the is now almost negative 5 pounds.  Holy crap.  I created that ticker to show more progress, but instead I went backward.  I can't blame it on bloating.  Hell, I have been working out, so I can't even blame it on lack of exercise.  It was bad eating and too much eating.  Simple as that.

Okay, so what am I going to do about it?
  1. Scheduled a fill for 2/14.  The timing is no coincidence.  I think my Band doc is the perfect V-day date!  I've been hungry a lot lately and I make poor choices when I'm hungry.
  2. Start logging again.  I did so well for several weeks, logging my food and drink.  Then I just stopped.  Time to start again.  If I don't write down what I'm eating, it only takes me about 2 days to get to the point that I stop paying attention. 
  3. Quit using "I'm busy" as an excuse.  We all know that we have time to do the things we want to do.  So, I will start blogging again every day.  Additionally, I will start reading YOUR blogs each evening because, honestly, I need you.  When I hide from you, I lose myself. 
  4. I will continue to workout at my current pace.
As truly pissed at myself as I am at the moment, I want to remind myself of a few things:
  • The "fat pants" I am wearing today are a size 12, not 24.
  • I am 7 pounds from my lowest, not 17...or you know, 70.
  • This is how it works.  You lose sight of your goals for a bit and then you put yourself back on track.  That is why I got a Lap Band.  Time to remember the past and what I'm fighting against.  I'm not there, just working to keep myself from ever going back.
  • I am still 13.80 pounds and about a size and a 1/2 under what I weighed in on this day last year. 
So, I have beaten myself up, set some goals and reminded myself that this isn't the end of the world.  I just hit a warning zone and it is time to take significant action.

I will let you know how the day went tomorrow.

<3 & Hugs!!


Kristin50 said...

You are doing fabulous! Don't beat on yourself to harshly!


A.J. said...

I applaud your ability to take an honest inventory of your habits and behaviors and formulate a plan to correct them. I also applaud your ability to keep the "beating yourself up" to a minimum by employing some great perspective. The self abuse thing is really counter-productive and I think it is one of most difficult mental/emotional elements for WLSers change/let go of. Way to get back on track.

Jessica said...

yay for getting back on the horse! You can do it!

Laura Belle said...

great post! Simply great! I needed to hear this too. Lets get back on the wagon together~!

Stacey said...

Great post! Sometimes we need a reality check to understand how far we have come, but also how far we are still going to go. :)

Ronnie said...

Way to be honest with yourself... I wonder if my lack of weight loss this week has anything to do with not blogging as much. Will have to explore further.

Love you!

Anonymous said...

Good that you caught yourself a 7 pounds- you can get that back under control in no time.

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

I love this line: When I hide from you, I lose myself.

I agree. Same here. You're gonna be okay Beth. I just know it.

Andrea said...

I'm getting a fill on 2/14 too! I thought it was the perfect gift to myself :)

I think you've got a good plan in place to get back on track!