We had a wonderful time last night! I had a thought last night. I lived most of my life worrying what others would think and modifying my behavior because of that. Interesting because I think sometimes I still came off as bossy/selfish/etc. because I wasn't happy in my own skin. I think my brother is more the opposite. He would rather live his life for himself with little regard for what others think. I'd like to think that we are both going to end up in a "happy medium" area where we are happy with ourselves and others want to share in that. It is a nice feeling that we could be on our way to being friends.
I want to share one of my favorite parts of the night. It is a little selfish on my part, but it also warms my heart. In our conversation, he mentioned being amazed at his kids' swim practices and how they swim constantly for 60-90 minutes. I responded that I was never Ms. Athlete, but I'm impressed that I was able to get through my swim practices in high school. He looked at me funny and asked if I was on the swim team when he was in school. I told him that I was when he was a senior. He said he never knew that. I told him I know and he never came to any of my events...not that I'm bitter or anything. I laughed because I'm really not bitter...that was something I got over LONG ago. I mentioned that everyone goes to basketball games where we grew up, so it was a little different trying to compare me going to all of his. He said, "Yeah, it would be like comparing you going to my track meets and you didn't do that." Blink, blink. I told him that I went to his track meets and tennis matches and everything else. I said that I would do those things for all of my family if I were closer because that's just how I am.
I told him that one good thing about me is that I don't hold a grudge and none of the past would keep me from having a relationship with him now. I could tell he was sorry for past issues and even though I don't NEED it, it was nice to hear. I love my brother very much and I want nothing more than for him to be happy. But being happy is a choice that one has to make for themselves, so that is up to him. I hope that he is on his way. I know that our relationship took a GIANT step forward last night and I love that.
Our company is having a cookout at lunch today. I decided to bring a salad that had to be made this morning. So I got up early and got to chopping. I halved 1.5 pounds of grape tomatoes, diced a pound of mozzarella cheese, and cut up an avocado (should have been 2 but one wasn't ripe enough). I added 3 cups of thawed frozen corn. For the dressing, in the blender, I mixed 1.5 cups of cilantro, juice and zest from one lime, 1/2 cup of EVOO, salt & pepper. I didn't love the taste, so I added a bunch of garlic. Now it is yummy!
Anyway, at the end of my chopping, I managed to cut my hand. Dude, if I would have chopped for 30 minutes only to bleed in the food, I would have been furious! But I managed to get it cleaned up without contaminating the food. Whew. Then I proceeded to drop a portion all over my dressed self. Ugh. So anyway, all done, tastes decent and I was on my way to work. As I was waiting for the elevator in the building lobby, I realized that I have a silver dollar sized piece of avocado along with other dribblings all over the bottom of my jeans. I looked like a homeless person fresh from the dumpster! Lord have mercy. Anyway, hopefully people will like the freshly made salad and my efforts will be worth it.
I'm off to Florida this evening to visit my folks. I'm looking forward to spending time with them! And I'm also ready to SHOP! My mom is the best shopping partner ever. I have been saving up and trying not to shop much (even though I need EVERYTHING) because I know we are going to power shop like nobody's business. New clothes...here I come!!
Postive Affirmations (Little notes of happiness to myself.)
You have come a long way, baby! I'm so proud of all that you have accomplished on the outside, but what is truly the most remarkable is what you have accomplished on the inside. The peace you have been able to create in your life has made you a better person, friend, daughter, sibling...everything. I hate that you had to go through such darkness, but finding the light makes it all worthwhile. And this is just the beginning!!
I will be back on Tuesday. Happy Easter and God Bless!!