Wednesday, March 28, 2012

There is a first time for everything...

Work is crazy as ever and I didn't make it for a check-in yesterday.  But I had to come tell you about what happened yesterday because it was something new for me!

I have had my Lap Band for over two years.  Sometimes I'm tight and can't eat what I want and sometimes I'm loose and can eat anything.  But I have always been able to take medicine, even large pills.  Sometimes when I'm tight, I can feel them making their way through and it can be uncomfortable, but I have never had to spit them up or anything like that.

Yesterday, I took a large pill around 8am.  I had taken a similar pill twice a day for the prior week.  Although I noticed it didn't go right through, I paid it no mind.  This happens all the time, it would find its way shortly.

I went to work and drank my coffee.  Ate my oatmeal although I didn't finish it.  Went to lunch and realized that I couldn't even eat broth soup.  Wha?  It didn't hurt like I was stuck, I was just uncomfortable and nothing would stay down.  I ended up eating some cookies at 3pm which isn't healthy, but hey, they went down just fine!!

At 4:30 in the afternoon, I hiccuped.  Along with the hiccup, up came something perfectly pill shaped which then melted away.  WTF?  How is this even physically possible?  I just don't understand. 

So, there is my pill PB story.  Two years in and it is a first.  As far as PB stories go, it is pretty lame.  But I am for sure glad it is something I don't have to deal with on a regular basis!!  I ate around 800 calories yesterday and that's stretching it, I think.  I lost 3.8 pounds overnight.  Ha!  I'm guessing I will probably find them again before tomorrow morning, but it was fun to see!


Monday, March 26, 2012

Just another manic Monday...

Hi all!  I'm glad to say that I among the living.  But I think this crud might be with me for a long while!

I have a few quick bullet points before I jump back in to catching up here at work:
  • Downton Abbey is awesome.  If you have any interest in watching this show whatsoever, you should do so.  It is so fun.  I watched the first season this weekend and I'm ready to watch the second as soon as I have some free time!
  • I got random fun (yet boring) Olympic news.  They are going to ship my tickets to me here in the States prior to the Games.  YAY!  That means I have access to the tickets which means that there is an opportunity to allow someone to use the tickets I bought by mistake.  If any of my UK friends (or anyone else planning to be in London for the Olympics) are interested in swimming qualification tickets, let me know.  I will have more details when I get them.
  • Also speaking of the Olympics, would any of you awesomely creative people have any interest in making some signs for me?  I would like a few cloth (for easy travel) signs to take with me to hold up at the various events.  I'm not crafty, so I was looking for someone that might like that kind of thing.  I keep trying to get my teacher friends to do it as a school project.  :)  I will pay for them, of course and will work very hard to get them on TV!!  Ha!
  • In wight related news, I haven't tracked anything, nor worked out, nor denied myself much of anything during this past week of misery (eyeroll).  How I was breakeven on the scale this morning is a mystery.  I really, really hope that Jazzercise invigorates me this evening and I can get started back into my normal routine!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Well that sucked.

I last left you happy to have a day off working out.  I do know that I felt a little off that day, but I just thought it was allergies.  By noon I was feeling miserable and by the time I got home for the evening I realized that I was sick. 

I called the doctor first thing in the morning and got an 11am appointment.  Turns out that I had a sinus infection and the doctor was pretty sure I had strep throat.  (With no tonsils! Bleh!)  I told him that I have to pay 100% of costs up to my deductible with my new insurance plan so he asked me if I wanted the strep test.  I asked if it would make a difference.  He said that his treatment for a sinus infection would be the same as strep, so no.  Nice little savings there!  I went, got meds and was home doping up by 1pm.  I was psyched that my antibiotic was a powder that you mix with water, so that was cool.  I believe my comment to my Leapsters was that they were oral...Maria reminded me that all of them are oral.  Ha!  I blame the sicky and drugs.

By 8pm I was disappointed because I thought I should feel "more" better.  It was a miserable night and yesterday I woke up not even wanting to get out of bed.  Bleh. 

Today, thankfully, I am on the mend.  Work is crazy nuts, but I just need to get through the day and then I can rest up over the weekend!  I think I realize that now that I no longer have my tonsils, I have lost my early warning system.  In the past, my throat would have hurt so much on Tuesday that I would have gone to the doctor a full 24 hours earlier.  Now, by the time I realize I'm sick, it has knocked me on my ass.  So, the con is that I will probably have to take more sick days than in the past, but the pro is that I never feel like I'm swallowing glass.  So, net-net, I'm good with that.

Happy Birthday to my BBF, Debi!  ( #4 :-) )

HUGS! (with a mask so I don't give you cooties.)

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Beth Ann's Day Off

I'm in an excellent mood today even though the D/FW skyline is gray.  I'm playing hooky today.  Not from work, but from working out.  That rarely happens without a very good reason.  It was actually an accident.  I took the Skittle in today for routine maintenance so BFF picked me up and brought me to work.  She will drop me back after.  So, no CrossFit or Jazzercise.  I thought I had lunch plans so I didn't bring clothes to work out at lunch, but it turns out that they are actually on Thursday.  I started to feel guilty, but then I realized that was silly.  I have a free day!  Woohoo!! 

I think BFF & I are going to Boston's for lunch today.  I will need to check out the menu and figure out what I'm going to eat so I don't do a mid-week sabotage.  Those are only allowed on the weekends.  Ha! 

It's weird because I don't have anything to say.  That surely doesn't seem right.  I do have a question though...I'm looking for new food ideas for things I can make on the weekend and reheat throughout the week.  Gluten free would be a bonus.  What are your favorite meals?


Monday, March 19, 2012

It's Nutella's Fault

I did great last week!  Not only did I complete all my intentions, I actually maintained EXCELLENT calorie ranges for me.  Woohoo!!  And then came Saturday...

Every time, people.  I certainly don't need any sympathy because it is insane the way I continue to sabotage myself.  I admit that I did not overdose on queso this weekend, so that's great.  BUT...I discovered Nutella.  Now I have had Nutella on dessert pizza or in fondue or some other thing at a restaurant, but I have never had it just at home in a jar.  I needed peanut butter and thought Nutella might be a nice alternative.  HAHAHAHAHA!!!

I can honestly say that I had no will power this weekeing when it came to that stuff.  I have already determined that I will not be buying it again.  And I'm happy to say that at least I got the small jar!!  :)  I will do my best to portion out what's left. 

Okay, now that is all out, I do want to say that I did a few things last week that I'm glad of:
  • Like I mentioned before, Mon-Thurs were stellar and Friday wasn't bad.
  • I finished another book, so that is three for the year.  Right on schedule after lagging behind early!  (11/22/63, The Fault in Our Stars, & Unbroken)  I started Sarah's Key and I've already gotten a good start. 
  • I got a couple of drawers cleaned out.  I crashed and burned when it came to my household organizing goals for the year.  But I don't want to let that keep me from doing SOMETHING.  So, two drawers it is.  It is something.
Here it is, a new week.  I talk to people a lot about weightloss journies.  They talk about how they just can't keep at it and they quit.  I laugh and tell them to read my blog.  I pick myself up and set myself straight almost EVERY SINGLE WEEK! 

I may not be setting any records and I still get frustrated...but for the first time ever, I had two back-to-back years of actual weight loss (small or large).  AND even as I continue to "not lose", I can see changes in my body.  So, I don't want people to see my continued psyching myself up as a loss (the bad kind).  Because to me, it isn't.  Every time I get back on the horse is a win.  Because in the days pre-band, I wouldn't do that.  Well, maybe after I gained 10 or 50 pounds.

So, all you fellow peeps out there that feel like you are treading water:  appreciate the fact that for once, you aren't drowning!!  Onward!

Hmmm...I'm awfully cheerleaderish today.  Ha! 


Thursday, March 15, 2012

I Love Rock and Roll

Last night ShareBear & I had a fabulous time!  We went to Gloria's in Uptown and grabbed a little dinner.  I had a skinny mojito with my black bean soup and I'm happy to say that it all went down fine! 

If you like musical theater and you like old school rock and roll, you would like Million Dollar Quartet.  The show is a recreation of a night in 1956 when Carl Perkins, Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash and Elvis Presley were together at the Sun Records recording studio.  There wasn't a tremendous amount of plot, but the musicians were so talented and the music was super fun!  I have a total crush on the guy playing Johnny Cash.  :) 

It was another late night though and I was tired this morning!  I just found out that IU plays at 9pm tonight, so I don't think I'm going to get any more sleep.  Ha!  That's okay.  I can sleep this weekend.  Go Hoosiers!  I have won my brother's NCAA tourney pool the last two years, but I think my streak comes to an end this year.  I absolutely cannot bring myself to pick Kentucky.  But if Kentucky loses, I suppose I have a shot. Probably not though.

I love me some college hoops, so this is one of my favorite weekends of the year.  Let the games begin!!

Oh...I have been neglectful in my intention check ins, but I want you to know that I'm doing really well!
  • Wear fitbit.  Check!
  • Work out.  Check!
  • Drink water.  Check!
  • Log food.  Check!
  • Everyday replace snack with fruit.  Check!
  • Avoid queso.  (I had some last night at dinner but it was controlled, so I will take that as a partial win.  The true test will be over the weekend!)
The scale is rewarding my efforts, as it does.  But weekdays are not my issue.  I have to keep it going through the weekend so I see results on Monday!!


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Quick update

Work is really kicking my butt the last couple of days...but in a good way if that is possible.  :)

Last night BFF and I went to see In The Heights.  We had dinner first and I have been noticing that I am having trouble eating out post-fill.  It is like I get stuck and can't eat the whole time we are there.  I walk to the bathroom and back, but can't shake the stuck.  Then as soon as we are done and walk to the car, I'm fine.  I wonder if it is just stress or something?  I don't know.  Regardless, it is just another thing to deal with but I'm sure it too will pass. 

The show was WONDERFUL.  I saw in on Broadway a few years ago with the original cast and loved it.  This was a different cast but they did a really good job. 

This morning I took off work and went to the 9:30am CrossFit.  The WOD was a mile run + 300 jump ropes (3 burpees for every breaking in the jumping) with a 25:00 cut off.  Can I tell you how much I didn't want to go?  But I did.  And I was rewarded with my best 2 mile time ever.  I was surprised that I even beat my best treadmill time by 8 seconds. 

I finished my mile, 57 jump ropes with one 3 burpee penalty.  Not bad!  I'm definitely seeing improvement even if it is coming slower that I would like.

Tonight ShareBear and I are going to dinner and out to see Million Dollar Quartet.  I think it is going to be fantastic!

Gotta get back to the grind, but I hope you all are having a FANTASTIC week!


Monday, March 12, 2012

Weekend Recap and Intention Check-In

Weekend Wrap Up

Friday was a super busy work day.  Just one of those days that it was nose to the grindstone from start to finish.  I think more days are going to be like that for a while.  We are ramping up (YAY!) and our Accounting Manager just had a baby and will be out for 3 months.  I'm very excited for her, but several of us will be covering for her while we take on new duties.  Better than the alternative, right?  Don't let me kid you, I love being busy.

Usually I am filling time on a Friday afternoon, but instead, I barely made it out by 5:20.  Jazzercise starts at 5:30, but I booked it as fast as I could and I got in there mid-2nd song.  Not bad!!  I did the 30 minute Express class, then stayed for the Ballet Body class after.  It was a really interesting class.  My arms which had done a bunch of push presses that morning screamed at me.  :)  But I made it through!  My calves are still sore today.  Wow!!

Saturday morning, I got up and went to pick up my basket from the food co-op.  I wish I would have taken a picture, but here was what we got:
  • 10 Bananas
  • 2 containers of Blueberries
  • 1 Pineapple
  • 10 Apples
  • 9 Oranges
  • 4 Cucumbers
  • 1 bunch of Green Onions
  • 1 bunch of Asparagus
  • 9 Poblano Peppers
  • 1 bunch of Carrots
  • 15 small red/yellow/orange Bell Peppers
  • Kale
  • 1 head of Leafy Lettuce
I could have had my own Farmer's Market out of my trunk!!  I spent the rest of Saturday on my couch.  It was raining and I pretty my just spent the day in a vegetative state.  It was SPECTACULAR!  I did manage to get up and get ready so we could go to church at 6pm.  I decided that it was better than getting up Sunday morning after a Spring Forward night.  :)

Sunday I did chores around the apartment, went to the store and cooked.  I made two different meals for BFF & I to share over the week.  In the crock pot, I made pot roast, potatoes, carrots, poblanos and green peppers.  The French Onion Soup mix I have isn't gluten free, but I did have some GF Cream of Mushroom soup, so I put that in there with lots of garlic, minced onions, salt and pepper. 

In the rice cooker, I made rice with chicken, salsa, lots of peppers, cheese, and green onions.  I packed up the rice for leftovers and made some broiled asparagus to serve with the pot roast.  It was all pretty good for not having a recipe!  And both of us have leftovers for the whole week.  I also made some vinegar cucumbers for lunch today!

BFF came over and we watched Game Change and had dinner.  All in all, it was a nice relaxing weekend.

Intention Check-in
  • I will wear my Fitbit everyday.  Check!  (7 for 7)
  • I will log my food everyday.  Check!  (7 for 7)
  • I will work out at least 5 times.  Check!  (6 times and if you consider Ballet Body a separate class from the Express Jazzercise class, then 7 times!)
  • I will drink at least 2 of my big bottles of water per day.  Eh.  (I would say 5, possibly 6 for 7 on this one)
Although I need to work on the water item more, overall, I did well with these goals for the week.  But it is apparent that I have to do something more.  I logged what I ate on Saturday and Sunday, but I had entirely too many calories.  This has ALWAYS been my M.O.  I will be good during the week, then sabotage myself on the weekends.  If I just wanted to maintain, this wouldn't be a huge deal, but I still would like to lose more. 

So, what am I going to do?  Here are this weeks intentions:
  • Wear Fitbit everyday.
  • Log food everyday.
  • Workout 5-7 times.
  • Drink at least 68 ounces of WATER everyday.
  • Replace weekday snacks with fruit.
  • No chips and queso this week.  (This is typically only a problem on the weekend.)
Believe it or not, I think that last one is my #1 reason I don't lose weight.  Too much chips and queso.  I'm not saying I'm cutting it out forever.  In fact, that would just ensure that I get some on the way home tonight.  Ha!  But I am saying that I will not have it this week.  :)

I lost 2 tenths of a pound this week and that is just silly.  When you consider how much I work out, I just take in too many calories.  This is not the volume issue that made me balloon up to almost 300 pounds.  I don't need to eat that much anymore.  This is just making poor choices and making excuses to justify those poor choices. 

Now that I have a routine of logging and tracking, it is time to change up the choices.  Today's meal plan:
  • Breakfast:  oatmeal
  • AM Snack:  banana
  • Lunch:  leftover pot roast
  • 2nd Lunch (I have found this works better for me):  cucumbers and granola bar (if needed)
  • PM Snack:  apple
  • Dinner:  mexican rice
  • Late Snack:  pot roast (if needed)
This probably sounds like a lot to many of you, but it is not for me.  Now that I have put it out there, I have to stick to it, right?! 


Friday, March 9, 2012

I kicked ass today!! :)

Intention Check-in
  • I will wear my Fitbit everyday.  Check!  (4 for 4)
  • I will log my food everyday.  Check!  (4 for !)
  • I will work out at least 5 times.  Check!  (4 for 4)  (Actually 5 for 5 since I already have today's workout in!!
  • I will drink at least 2 of my big bottles of water per day.  Check!  (4 for 4)
It's kind of annoying that I have had to check in like this everyday, but for once, I have done it!  Now the real test comes over the weekend.  I sure hope I have good things to report on Monday!!


So, remember how I told you that today's WOD was the 3rd workout of the 2012 CrossFit games?  Yeah, I did that!!  :)
  • 15 Box Jumps (16" box)
  • 12 Push Press (55#)
  • 9 Toes to Bar (I did straight leg sit ups instead)
I have a special flailing arm technique for my box jumps, as exhibited here...

And Bach got all overachiever-like and took some video.  Try not to be jealous of my amazing moves!

All joking aside, I really worked hard and I fell good about what I did.  I finished 6 full rounds and then another 10 box jumps.  That was right in line with what most people did so I feel like I'm getting a better idea of what my modifications should be.  I love that I did 100 box jumps, but I think I'm even more proud of my 72 push presses.  That got REALLY heavy!! 

One last thing, I knew I couldn't do a "toes to bar" move before we even started, but I wanted to try it during the warm up.  I walked up, swung my legs and I'll be darned if I didn't move some.  I still was about a foot away from the bar with my toes, but considering in the past, I didn't move at all?  Yeah, I will take that!  Bach giggled and asked me if I surprised myself.  I totally did and I'm sure it showed on my face!

Enough about that...

I'm skipping Jazzercise tomorrow morning to go pick up my food co-op basket.  So, I'm trying to convince myself to go to class tonight.  After the 30 minute express class, they are doing a new class (well, new for us) called Ballet Body.  It is 45 minutes long and incorporates ballet moves for toning.  I really want to try it, so I hope I can get myself motivated to go. 

Have a wonderful weekend!!


Thursday, March 8, 2012

10 Things Thursday

Intention Check-in
  • I will wear my Fitbit everyday.  Check!  (3 for 3)
  • I will log my food everyday.  Check!  (3 for 3!)
  • I will work out at least 5 times.  Check!  (3 for 3)
  • I will drink at least 2 of my big bottles of water per day.  Check!  (3 for 3)
Feeling good!  The scale was very nice to me this morning.  I have no idea if it was a fluke or if it is rewarding me for good behavior.  I guess I will know tomorrow! 

I forgot my bottle of water this morning, so I'm going to have to track my ounces.  I will need to drink 4 bottles of the water they provide at work to meet my goal.  I can do it!

10 Things Thursday (Can you believe I have never done this?  My first 10TT!!)

1.  The Surgeon's office didn't contact me back.  Unfortunately, I have heard from more than one person that said they were not contacted back that way (different surgeons) either, so it seems pretty common.  Guess I'm just going to have to call.  Maybe I will shut my door at lunch today and just do it.  What am I?  12?  :-)

2.  It's funny how your outlook changes with control.  When I didn't feel in control of my eating habits, I felt fat and dumpy.  After 3 days of being in control, I feel so much better about myself.  It just goes to show that your outlook relies less on reality than perception.

3.  I think my intention check in actually counts for a thing, right?

4.  I am busier at work that I have been in a LONG while, but I love it.  I'm doing things that interest and challenge me, so I don't mind being busy.

5.  I really need a pedicure.

6.  I'm getting my hair cut on Saturday, so maybe I will make it a pamper day and go get pedi after.  And probably a mani because my nails are looking nas-tay!

7.  Did I tell you all about my food co-op?  A friend at work told me about it.  You pay $15 and you get a huge supply of fresh food and vegetables, mostly local, but all fresh from farms.  BFF & I are splitting one this week and I pick it up Saturday morning.  I'm excited to see what is in it so I can plan a fun dinner for Sunday.  I love surprises!!

8.  Conversation with my mom yesterday. 

Me:  So I found out that Friday's CrossFit WOD is going to be the 3rd WOD of the CrossFit games which gets announced tonight.  I'm nervous! 
Mom:  Why? 
Me:  Because the first WOD was Burpees which is my least favorite thing in the world.  And the 2nd WOD was Snatches which is the most intimidating CF move for me. 
Mom:  So what is your 3rd least favorite thing?
Me:  Box Jumps.  Yeah, the WOD will definitely be box jumps.  Ha!
Mom:  Have Bach take a picture of you doing that because I've seen those and they look crazy.  I can't believe you do those.
Me:  (with sarcasm)  Okay mom, when they announce the WOD is box jumps, I will make sure Bach takes a picture of me.

...Later that evening, I check Facebook...

CF Games WOD #3...AMRAP 18:00:
  • 15 Box Jumps
  • 12 Push Press
  • 9 Toes to Bar
What are the effing odds??  HAHAHAHAHA!!!  Okay, then.  Box Jumps it is.

9.  That was a long one.  Hmmm...I think I want a new TV in my bedroom.  But I told myself that I would stop buying stuff, so I have to figure out how to earn it.  I will noodle on that.

10.  I love my Fitbit!  One of my favorite things about it is the information about my sleep.  It shows movement when you sleep and determines your sleep efficiency.  I'm in the 96-97% range every night which is so cool.  That is such a difference pre-tonsilectomy and weighloss.  Life is good.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Progress seems to be today's theme...

Lots of topics today...

Intention Check-in
  • I will wear my Fitbit everyday.  Check!  (2 for 2)
  • I will log my food everyday.  Check!  (2 for 2!  And yesterday I was even more on target.)
  • I will work out at least 5 times.  Check!  (2 for 2)
  • I will drink at least 2 of my big bottles of water per day.  Check!  (2 for 2)

Interesting Dinner

I had a nice time with my girls last night.  I was proud of myself for limiting myself to one drink and ordering the grilled salmon with a baked potato. 
Can I just say that I do not like this picture of me?  I have gotten over the need to NOT show pics of me, so this is on Facebook and I'm not trying to hide it.  But that doesn't mean I like it.  :)  Progress?


We worked on Skin the Cats today.

See how this guy is all slow and controlled?  Yeah, I'm not.  BUT, when I first started, I had to fling my body up, hook my foot around the strap holding the ring, then use my leg strength to pull my body over.  Now, I still have to use my foot as leverage, but I don't have to fling myself and I have good control when I'm coming back over.  It is so awesome to see PROGRESS!

WOD was 7:00 AMRAP: 21-15-9 Cleans and Thrusters.  I used 60# which was probably 5-10# too heavy.  We were supposed to get through at least one full round and start on another.  I don't think anyone in the group got through a full one.  21 is A LOT!  I finished the 21 round and 15 Cleans, but then only got 8 of the Thrusters in.  I was proud of myself because I pushed myself...hard!


On my way out, Bach mentioned that she was watching me throughout the WOD because I was as white as a sheet and she was worried.  She asked if I was okay.  I told her I was fine, just pushing hard and that I knew when I needed to stop for a rest.  I told her I wouldn't keel over on her.  Ha! 

I told my mom about it when I called her on my way to work and told her that it was interesting because people usually can't tell how hard I'm working just by looking at me.  She told me it was because I had been hiding my deficiencies from people for years.  And she was SO right!  I was always so scared of being labeled the fat girl, that I would work on my breathing so it didn't seem like I was panting on steps.  Or I wouldn't be the first person to suggest stopping for lunch even if I was STARVING.  I remember Master Bruce getting on me to push harder at points where I couldn't breathe and showed surprise when he saw my heart rate was well over 200.

Now I try not to mask every little thing.  I'm not sure I would be talented enough to make the blood run out of my face (or not) while working out, so maybe it isn't the best example.  But, I know now that I'm not perfect and I certainly don't need to act like it in front of others.  I just work my hardest and let the rest go.  :)

Plastic Surgery

So...I emailed a potential surgeon for a consultation.  I have no idea if they will email me back or not, but I wasn't ready to call them for some reason.  Yes, I'm aware that is probably weird.  Anyway, a friend of mine from Group just used this guy for her arms and she was gushing over him.  I thought I would go in and discuss what he thinks the right procedure(s) would be for me, determine relative costs and recovery.  I don't think I would do anything until 2013, but who knows.  It never hurts to have the information. 


Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Intention Check In and I Don't Suck

First, let me check in on yesterdays intentions:
  • I will wear my Fitbit everyday.  Check! 
  • I will log my food everyday.  Check!  (I will admit that I had more calories than I would have liked, but I logged everything!)
  • I will work out at least 5 times.  Check!  (Well, I worked out once for the day which is the point.)
  • I will drink at least 2 of my big bottles of water per day.  Almost!  I had about 8 ounces left in the bottle, but I drank over 20 ounces when I got home, so I made it in spirit.  :)
One successful day in the books!  Super duper pooper scooper.

My challenge for today will be dinner.  It is my monthly dinner with the girls and we are going to an Italian place.  Currently, my plan is to allow myself to have a mixed drink and eat the grilled salmon with a baked potato.  Even though I really want some sort of yummy pasta.  :)

Now...onto other things.  I realized something.  It isn't earth shattering or anything, but it made me think.  I will never stop trying to get better or do more.  That's great, right?  Right.  The problem is that I have to stop and appreciate what I have done or where I am before I move to the next thing.  That's my problem.

For instance, today at CrossFit, we had a 20:00 AMRAP (as many rounds as possible):
  • 6 Deadlifts (135#)
  • 7 Burpee Pullups (I did burpees only since I can't do unassisted pullups yet.)
  • 10 KB (kettlebell) Swings (35#)
  • 200m Run
I finished 5 rounds plus another round of deadlifts and burpees and 3 KB swings.  And yet the whole time I couldn't get over that I couldn't do the pull ups or I was running too slow...blah, blah, blah.  That part is fine because you always want to push yourself as hard as possible during the actual workout.  However, once it was over, I sat there stewing over my pathetic runs.  I just got so beaten down with people passing me left and right and I'm sure it was showing on my face.  TD came over and asked me how I was doing and I told him my frustrations.  He told me that he has no doubt that I run faster now than when I started.  I just don't see it because I will always want to be faster.

He is totally right.  I should use whatever I need to push myself DURING the workouts, but when I'm done, I should appreciate what I've done. 

Similarly, I was stoked to fit into a size M sample at the CAbi party on Sunday.  But then I had to justify it, that it was only because the clothes run large.  I mean who the F cares whether something runs big or small.  I fit into a sample and I should be happy about that. 

Everyone is somewhat insecure.  But it ruled my life for 35 years.  Over the last 3, I have gotten better, but I feel it creeping back.  Losing 95 pounds made me feel accomplished and I started feeling "normal."  But now I'm comparing myself to a new group of people (in the abstract) so where I am is no longer good enough and the insecurities are nipping at my heels.  Enough!

To everything there is a there is a proper time to push myself and there is also a proper time to back the hell off.  :)  No one else can make me feel a certain way.  I'm in charge of me and I say that I'm on the right track. 

I'm taking a page from some of y'all and I'm going to tell you something I like about myself.  I like that I smile a lot.  I like that when I meet a new person or just see somebody walking by, I look at them and I smile.  A smile is my default expression, so I smile extra big when I'm nervous.  I like that because smiling makes me happy!


Monday, March 5, 2012

Weekend Recap and This Week's Intentions

Good Monday morning to you!!

I have been fighting allergies and fatigue for a couple of weeks now, so at the end of last week, I was just done.  Friday was our short day at work and I just went home and vegged.  BFF convinced me to go to Jazzercise and since it was a 30 minute Express class, I agreed.  I was glad I did and I think it did my body good.

Saturday, I slept in and it was beautiful.  :)  I felt like crap though and had what felt like cramps, but I don't think they were.  I don't know what they were.  Anyway, Debi texted and asked me to go get a pedi with her and I didn't even do that.  Shows how crappy I felt, because I'm always up for BBF time, not to mention, I NEED a pedi!!

I finally got myself moving in the evening because I had promised a friend that I would meet her for dinner at a restaurant where her husband's band was playing.  BFF went with me and dinner was nice and it was fun to catch up with friends.  Plus, the music was great!  But my stomach started rumbling and I figured I better get home.

Sunday I went to church and I felt noticeably better.  I was scheduled to go to a Cabi party at a friend's house but my cousin who is unexpectedly in town texted and I decided to go meet him.  He lives in South Beach and I don't see him very often.  I quickly went to the restroom on my way out and my toilet proceeded to flood.  Sigh.  I don't have a plunger, so off to Target I went.  About an hour (and 7 towels) later, everything was cleaned up and working fine, but I didn't feel like driving to Dallas anymore.

So, I headed over to the Cabi party.  I missed the first part, but I still got to see some of the presentation and I saw all of the clothes after.  Have you all ever been to one of these?  It was interesting.  I think the clothes seem to be well constructed, but I think most of them weren't my style.  BFF got a couple of things and her choices were great.  I saw one dress and a denim jacket that I wanted to try, but there were only M sized samples.  I tried just to get an idea and I will be darned, but they fit.  I thought a size M dress might possibly work, but I couldn't believe I fit into a M jacket.  I just really have no idea what I look like.  Heh.

After the party, I went home and worked on the Gluten Free Chicken Fried Rice I made for dinner.  It was really good and I have some for lunch today!!  However, right before dinner, my toilet flooded again and I realized that my guest room toilet was affected as well.  Things even started coming up from the shower drain.  EWWWW!!  Hopefully it will all be fixed when I get home tonight!

I have felt so bad for the last couple of weeks and I haven't been motivated to do much.  But now that I have my Fitbit and I'm feeling better, I'm ready to rumble!  I made some intentions for this week:
  • I will wear my Fitbit everyday.
  • I will log my food everyday.
  • I will work out at least 5 times (and shoot for 7).
  • I will drink at least 2 of my big bottles of water per day in addition to my other liquid.
Notice that I'm not setting a calorie goal nor any other kind of thing like that.  When I log my food, I tend to eat well.  When I don't...well, you know.  So, I just need to focus on logging and the rest will take care of itself.  I have no concerns whatsoever about the first and third items.  The fourth will have to take just a little effort on non-CrossFit days.  It is the second that is my challenge.  But I will prevail!

Here's to having ONE GREAT WEEK!


Thursday, March 1, 2012


I woke up this morning and my abs were talking to me.  I couldn't figure out why they were so angry until I remembered the 150 sit ups from yesterday morning.  Yep, that will do it.  :) 

So, as many of you noticed, Ronnie was not actually with us in Waco last weekend even though I insisted that she was in my post yesterday.  I was tired and apparently wanted her there so badly that I just made it so.  I do that sometimes.

I got a Fitbit.  I can't remember if I mentioned that or not.  I got it yesterday and hooked it all up.  I swear that I am a smart girl, but I am oh so technology challenged.  This is no different.  While I got my Fitbit account up and running, it doesn't seem to wirelessly update like it is supposed to.  I have no doubt it is a user error.  I also can't seem to get it to give My Fitness Pal any info although it is accepting food info from the MFP site.  I'm sure I will work it all out eventually.

It was interesting to see that my sleep efficiency last night was 96%.  That is a LONG WAY from my old sleep apnea days!!  It is amazing what losing 95# and a tonsillectomy will do.  :)