The other day, I came across this article and I thought it was interesting. I could totally relate. I think that everyone is judged on something or put into a box in people's minds. But I also think that big girls automatically go into the Big Girl Box and have a rough time getting into any other one in people's brains. I think it takes a lot more effort and exposure. For instance, a regular sized blond girl might get thrown in the Blonde Box upon first sight, but a quick conversation with her about history or economics might swiftly get her put into the Smart Box, particularly if she whips out a pair of glasses. (Okay, maybe I'm being a little smarty pants there, but you get what I mean.) But a Big Girl might talk to you about sports or fashion or whatever, but she tends to stay in the Big Girl Box. I think weight (or size more specifically) is a more defining trait because of its physicality. You can't fake being a different size and it is hard to get someone to associate you with something other than that. Honestly though, the problem that I have with this is not the Big Girl Box itself, but the assumptions that come with it.
I work out more than most people I know. I eat better than most people I know. Yet, people that see me walking to the mailbox on a Saturday in my sweats might easily assume that I'm lazy and eat like crap. People have actually asked me "are you sure you should eat that?" Seriously. I have a WONDERFUL person that I love in my life that sustains on coffee and cheetos with a snickers (or equivalent) every once in a while. She has the worst eating habits of anyone I know. No one really judges her for her eating habits. In fact, I would say if anything, they are jealous. Certainly no one asks her if she should eat that. I don't judge her, heck, if I could live that way, I probably would. But it is so frustrating that Big Girls get judged for eating badly when many of us don't eat any worse than anyone else.
The worst is the assumption that we are lazy. Don't even get me started on that one. Lawdy.
Let's be clear...as much as I hate this, I'm guilty of it too. I think that is why I have worked so hard in my life to be interesting. I actively seek out interesting things and I pay attention as others talk about those things. I follow sports, theater, fashion, politics. I get involved when opportunities arise. I have precious little downtime particularly as a single person with no kids. Now, I like it that way, so it isn't as though I'm following some path for the sole purpose of interesting other people. But whether people want to admit it or not, there is a bias against Big Girls in first impressions. It is important to me to break through that with people so they can see more of the "real" me. Maybe I shouldn't need to do that? Or maybe some people might judge me in some way for that? I don't know. In the end, I think it has made me into the person that I want to be, so it feels like it has worked out. :-)
Today's outfit is not sponsored by Gwynnie Bee because I'm still waiting on my next shipment. I'm hoping to have some new things by Friday. In the meantime, leggings and tunic are from White House Black Market. Blazer by Dress Barn.
I saw this on Facebook yesterday:
Hugs!
2 comments:
OH...My...GOSH...the jar thing. I LOVE THIS! I want to do this with my kids. I've been trying to think of ways to do "gratitude" type things...with them (they are 6 and 7). They are very "material based" and really want them to start focusing outside of the Barbie-world. I'm so doing this jar thing with them! Thank you for the idea!
Also, on the "Big Girl" thing...I get feel every word of what you are saying. I would like to add a little to the "assumptions people might make about me" part. I was paralyzed back in 2002 when I was at my heaviest weight of 300 lbs. The paralysis was due to a spinal cord injury that occurred during a surgery. The process of re-learning to walk happened in phases, starting with being in a wheelchair and then in a walker, then 2 crutches...and now finally a single crutch.
I would frequently use scooters offered at stores and malls because the physical effort it took for me to put one foot in front of the other was not only profoundly exhausting but dangerous as I was at risk of collapse when my muscles fatigued after only a few steps. But it was extremely important to me/my recovery process that I WALK with the walker into the store to get to the scooter, instead of taking the wheelchair from the car into the store. Those types of personal challenges I set for myself are what allowed me to get to the level of recovery I am at today.
However, I ALWAYS worried that people looked at me and assumed that I was "so fat" that I needed a walker to get around or "so lazy" that I used the scooter. It was horrifying to stop and think what others "must think" about me. I wished people knew what I was actually dealing with...lazy was so far from the truth. I know you shouldn't care what other people think...but I do. Maybe because I grew up as "the big girl" so I've had YEARS of experience with it. I wish I just didn't care...but I do. I always have.
Anyway...sorry to ramble on in a comment. I probably should go write on my own blog about this stuff. LOL Great post!
Becki
I totally get the Big Girl discrimination. Yes, I experience it less after losing 100 pounds, but I'm very aware that I'm STILL a Big Girl and I STILL get that form of discrimination. Sometimes I don't know it, but there are times that I do. It sucks and it's unfair, but it's part of this journey that we have to do everything in our power to change.
I think I may do the jar starting now because I've been really sad lately and I need a pickmeup.
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