Thursday meanderings...

I wrote out a beautful new blog post and closed the window instead of submitting it.  Sigh.  I hate when I do things like that.  What is funny though, after I finished writing this version, I figured out that the other one was saved as a draft.  Oops!  Oh well, I liked this one better anyway.  :)

Feet

We all know that feet can expand and shrink based on weight.  Last time I was measured and purchased running shoes was in October or November, I think.  So, I thought that maybe my feet aren't as wide since I've lost quite a bit of weight since then.  I originally measured 10.5D, but yesterday I measured 10D.  So my feet shrunk in length but not width.  That just seems very weird to me.  Also, I used to roll my feet out as I walked/ran, but apparently I don't do that anymore.  Losing weight changes so many things you don't even think about!

Running

I am changing my approach to running.  When I first started running, I looked at programs like Couch to 5K where you walked and ran with the purpose of eventually running the whole thing.  My problem was that I was SO SLOW.  I walked slow, I "ran" slow.  And I was lazy.  I would walk instead of run.  So, I just decided that I was going to run the whole way each time I ran and just try to increase the distance each time.  Having that mentality worked really well for me and I ran the whole way for all my 5Ks.  However, I have plateaued in my running and I need to change something if I'm going to get better. 

When I run at home, I run around my block.  There is sidewalk for most of the way and it measures right at 1.75 miles.  That worked out so well for a while because that was what my training runs measured for the most part.  Well, now I want to increase my distance.  I realized in my head last night that one reason I kept just running the one loop is because I knew I couldn't run a whole 2nd loop.  So I would just stop after the first. 

A lot of my friends are having super success with run/walk programs.  So last night, I gave it a shot.  I had been worried in the past that I would rely too much on walking and not run enough.  But I have really learned to push myself.  I ran the first loop fully even though my lungs were screaming at me.  Then I walked for about 1/2 mile and ran another 1/4 mile.  Then I walked the remainder of the loop.  Now, 1/4 mile isn't a TON more, but it is something.  Next time, hopefully it will be 1/2 mile more and so on.  This probably seems so logical to you all, but for some reason, it was like a breakthrough for me.  :)

Jeans

On the way home last night, I stopped at Cato for a size check.  Honestly, I was probably procrastinating running, but whatever.  They only had one size 10 Classic Fit, so I tried them.  They were tight, but they FIT!!

Let me say that Cato jeans run big.  Today, I'm wearing size 12 Levi's and they fit perfectly.  No way I would be able to get into 10s at this point.  But the important thing is that I fit into and purchased a size 10 pair of jeans.  That has never, never, never happened in my life.  I went back in my blog posts and my last size check where I ended up fitting in size 12s at Cato was on 3/18.  That was only 7 weeks ago.  Holy cow!! 

The bad thing about Cato is that they tend not to carry jeans in the summer.  I should have picked up a size 8 for when I get curious later!  :)

Chubby

Last night my mom and I were talking about a family friend.  I mentioned that I thought I was probably smaller than her now.  My mom laughed and said that I was clearly smaller than she is.  She said that she is bordering on chubby.  I said that I border on chubby and mom said that I didn't.

I thought about that for a long while last night.  Yes, I fit myself into a size 10 pair of jeans yesterday and rationally, I wouldn't expect to think a person that could fit into any size 10 pants would be chubby.  BUT, by medical standards, I'm still obese.  How can a person that is obese, not be at least borderline chubby?

I recognize that I have a waist.  I also know that most of the issues with my belly and arms are from saggy skin, not fat.  However, when I look at my thunder thighs, it is hard to imagine that people wouldn't still consider me on the chubby side...

Sigh.  I'm trying.  I really am.  My mind is just taking longer than my body to get used to all of this.  To imagine that someone could meet me now and just by looking at me, not think or recognize that I have/had a weight problem?  Inconceivable.  I have ALWAYS been the fat one.  I mean, I'm cool, I'm fun, I'm funny, I'm smart...but I'm also fat.  That was just always part of the package.  Even though I KNOW I'm getting smaller, I just can't not think of myself as fat.

If you would have told me when I was busting out of 24Ws that I would still think of myself as fat in a size 10/12, I would have laughed my head off.  Ridiculous!  I mean, size 10 was my goal for crying out loud!  That is where I thought I should be. 

I don't think that when/if I fit into a size 8 or size 6, I will suddently think I'm skinny.  I think that as I continue to work on my body, I have to also work on my mind.  Baby steps.

Love you, angels!  And thank you for sharing my journey with me.  It makes it so much better.

Hugs!!