Thursday, May 5, 2011

Thursday meanderings...

I wrote out a beautful new blog post and closed the window instead of submitting it.  Sigh.  I hate when I do things like that.  What is funny though, after I finished writing this version, I figured out that the other one was saved as a draft.  Oops!  Oh well, I liked this one better anyway.  :)

Feet

We all know that feet can expand and shrink based on weight.  Last time I was measured and purchased running shoes was in October or November, I think.  So, I thought that maybe my feet aren't as wide since I've lost quite a bit of weight since then.  I originally measured 10.5D, but yesterday I measured 10D.  So my feet shrunk in length but not width.  That just seems very weird to me.  Also, I used to roll my feet out as I walked/ran, but apparently I don't do that anymore.  Losing weight changes so many things you don't even think about!

Running

I am changing my approach to running.  When I first started running, I looked at programs like Couch to 5K where you walked and ran with the purpose of eventually running the whole thing.  My problem was that I was SO SLOW.  I walked slow, I "ran" slow.  And I was lazy.  I would walk instead of run.  So, I just decided that I was going to run the whole way each time I ran and just try to increase the distance each time.  Having that mentality worked really well for me and I ran the whole way for all my 5Ks.  However, I have plateaued in my running and I need to change something if I'm going to get better. 

When I run at home, I run around my block.  There is sidewalk for most of the way and it measures right at 1.75 miles.  That worked out so well for a while because that was what my training runs measured for the most part.  Well, now I want to increase my distance.  I realized in my head last night that one reason I kept just running the one loop is because I knew I couldn't run a whole 2nd loop.  So I would just stop after the first. 

A lot of my friends are having super success with run/walk programs.  So last night, I gave it a shot.  I had been worried in the past that I would rely too much on walking and not run enough.  But I have really learned to push myself.  I ran the first loop fully even though my lungs were screaming at me.  Then I walked for about 1/2 mile and ran another 1/4 mile.  Then I walked the remainder of the loop.  Now, 1/4 mile isn't a TON more, but it is something.  Next time, hopefully it will be 1/2 mile more and so on.  This probably seems so logical to you all, but for some reason, it was like a breakthrough for me.  :)

Jeans

On the way home last night, I stopped at Cato for a size check.  Honestly, I was probably procrastinating running, but whatever.  They only had one size 10 Classic Fit, so I tried them.  They were tight, but they FIT!!

Let me say that Cato jeans run big.  Today, I'm wearing size 12 Levi's and they fit perfectly.  No way I would be able to get into 10s at this point.  But the important thing is that I fit into and purchased a size 10 pair of jeans.  That has never, never, never happened in my life.  I went back in my blog posts and my last size check where I ended up fitting in size 12s at Cato was on 3/18.  That was only 7 weeks ago.  Holy cow!! 

The bad thing about Cato is that they tend not to carry jeans in the summer.  I should have picked up a size 8 for when I get curious later!  :)

Chubby

Last night my mom and I were talking about a family friend.  I mentioned that I thought I was probably smaller than her now.  My mom laughed and said that I was clearly smaller than she is.  She said that she is bordering on chubby.  I said that I border on chubby and mom said that I didn't.

I thought about that for a long while last night.  Yes, I fit myself into a size 10 pair of jeans yesterday and rationally, I wouldn't expect to think a person that could fit into any size 10 pants would be chubby.  BUT, by medical standards, I'm still obese.  How can a person that is obese, not be at least borderline chubby?

I recognize that I have a waist.  I also know that most of the issues with my belly and arms are from saggy skin, not fat.  However, when I look at my thunder thighs, it is hard to imagine that people wouldn't still consider me on the chubby side...

Sigh.  I'm trying.  I really am.  My mind is just taking longer than my body to get used to all of this.  To imagine that someone could meet me now and just by looking at me, not think or recognize that I have/had a weight problem?  Inconceivable.  I have ALWAYS been the fat one.  I mean, I'm cool, I'm fun, I'm funny, I'm smart...but I'm also fat.  That was just always part of the package.  Even though I KNOW I'm getting smaller, I just can't not think of myself as fat.

If you would have told me when I was busting out of 24Ws that I would still think of myself as fat in a size 10/12, I would have laughed my head off.  Ridiculous!  I mean, size 10 was my goal for crying out loud!  That is where I thought I should be. 

I don't think that when/if I fit into a size 8 or size 6, I will suddently think I'm skinny.  I think that as I continue to work on my body, I have to also work on my mind.  Baby steps.

Love you, angels!  And thank you for sharing my journey with me.  It makes it so much better.

Hugs!!

11 comments:

Tori said...

Well, I love that you are changing your mind with your body. It is amazing how long it takes the mind to catch up. :) Good thing the loss is not overnight or it may not stick!

Liz said...

Size 10!!! That is fantastic! And those jeans look great, too!

Interesting stuff about considering yourself chubby. I am still closer to where I started then where I hope to end up...but I have this happen too. I wonder if any of us can ever truly "fix" our brains?

Sarah Kopf said...

Okay my dearest...

First of all, who actually MAKES those obesity standards?! Because even the doctors themselves are normally outside of those benchmarks... Can we say unrealistic? My mom is considered overweight and she's 130 lbs for crying out loud! Has been her whole life! That's nuts...

Now then, YOU look fantastic! Don't let anyone else's image of "thin" define you! Take a long, hard look in the mirror at that new body of yours. Take it all in. YOU did that! YOU! Be VERY proud!

xoxo
Sarah

Stephanie M. said...

Wow, those jeans look wonderful on you. Not a hint of "chubby".

Midwest Meg said...

No chub, just great fitting jeans, and they look great on you! Kudos for size 10 no matter who makes them....it's stilla FREAKIN SIZE 10! Woohoo and that is where you wanted to be, right?

Lap Band Gal said...

I don't see any chubby...anywhere. Keep up with your running...exercise is the super secret key! :)

Cat's Chic Chat said...

Those size 10s are DEVINE! Enjoy your 10s and don't even give the "this brand is made a bit roomier" or whatever else a second thought. You have size TENS lady.

Second, as far as body/mind goes. I believe it will be a struggle for all of us. Keep in mind that the only thing that BMI figures is your height and your weight. They don't really figure percentage of body fat or anything else. I work with two guys that are very muscular and in great shape and low body fat. When we had the BMI checks here at work a few years ago they both fell in the Obese catagory. They both laughed about it and made jokes for like a week over it.

Finally - CONGRATS on your extra quarter mile run along with the walking. What a great way to look at it and get you to move a bit further in your training!

Heather said...

You will get there! It takes forever for the mind to catch up. I still feel fat and I am in a 4!

Kerri said...

10's....oh...my goal!!! I love that picture and hope to look that good in jeans someday!

I am doing C25K training too. It's helping me build my endurance and ability to do more! It is so much easier on the treadmill than running outside. The hills suck!!! I am doing it with a group so they keep me going! When I am on the treadmill I can stop early but I try not to. Getting over the hurdle of laziness...my issue for sure.

Muah!!!

Lyla said...

You look great!

I think we're in the same place size-wise and chubby-wise. I am still obese for 4 more pounds, yet last night I bought 3 pairs of size 10 pants/shorts (tight fit, but I'm hoping they'll last me the entire summer).

I still feel chubby about half the time. And I am, objectively, but I think for other people I look downright skinny. They are comparing me to myself in clothes, and I can hide my problem spots in clothes pretty well. I know what I look like under them though, and yeah, I'm still chubby :)

Still, chubby is ok. Not my goal-- but I keep reminding myself that even if I never managed to lose another pound, I am 100% better than I was this time last year.

Debi said...

I know what you mean about your mind and body not being together in how you perceive yourself. There are some people at work who when they see me they comment like "Wow! You better stop losing weight, you are going to disappear!" or "Man! You are so skinny now!" to which I just politely laugh and then roll my eyes to myself. As if! Me, skinny? No way. But then I think about it. And compared to how I used to look, yeah .. I guess I am skinny. I can shop in "normal" stores and everything. But do I think if someone who never knew me before, met me now, would they think I was skinny. Certainly not, right? I don't know.

You have inspired me to go to Cato and try some smaller pants!