Monday, May 9, 2011

Coming clean to myself.

I think I've become apathetic about the food side of my stool.  (If you all don't follow Fluffy, you should.  I LOVE her posts.)  Anyway, the post that I linked to illustrates our journey as a stool.  One leg is the Band, one leg is our diet/food, and one leg is exercise.  My Band is working just fine and I exercise more than most people I know.  So why am I not more successful right now?  There is no question that the issue is 100% because of my food intake.

Every time I get into a rut, I come up with some new fabulous exercise plan.  I average between 30-40 minutes of organized exercise PER DAY.  Now, I don't exercise every single day of the week, but I might do 60 minutes or more in one day.  I log every bit of organized exercise I do and since the beginning of the year, I have averaged 35 minutes of activity per day.  I started logging my exercise about 3 months after my surgery in January 2009 (when I started getting serious about the fitness part of things) and since then I have averaged just over 30 minutes per day!  I'm guessing in the year before I was Banded, I averaged more like 5 minutes per day.  (Complete side note...I used to think that I worked out at least 30 minutes per day.  I mean I went to 60 minute Jazzercise classes all the time, so I had to average at least 30 minutes, right?  When I started actually logging my exercise, I realized that I wasn't even close to that.  Between vacations, sickness and other reasons for missing, I wasn't even averaging 2 classes per week.  That's when I realized that I was only averaging about 5 minutes per day and I needed to focus more on fitness.)

So, I feel like even though I have some specific fitness goals I want to meet, I do have that side of things covered.  However, I feel like it is also my crutch.  Even today, I started thinking about what more I could do with exercise to help with my situation. 

But the problem isn't lack of exercise!  The problem is food!  ::deep breath::  I get so damn frustrated at myself. 

In the interest of being objective as possible, I want to acknowledge that my food issues are NOT like they used to be.  I managed to gain 20 pounds in the 3 months leading up to my surgery...now that was gluttony (and sloth.)  And I'm not gaining weight now...I'm still on a losing trend albeit a very slow one.

I think that I could maintain without too much effort right now.  Working out at a pace that I enjoy and eating how I am.  I eat very well during the week, then have what I want on the weekends.  I think I could maintain forever that way.  And I think because I'm the smallest I've ever been, I'm getting less motivation to work harder.  You know what I mean?

I have to figure out how to translate the dedication I have to fitness to my diet.  Could I get another fill?  Sure, I probably could.  But I really don't think that is the issue.  I don't think my problem is hunger.  I think my problem is making excuses.

I'm not exactly sure yet how I'm going to go about conquering this.  But I do know that I will work at it until I'm satisfied.  I think that is the key.  If I knew that I were doing my best, I wouldn't be disappointed in myself.  But I'm not. 

How do I go from okay/acceptable to great?  I will think more on this and get back to you.  I just needed to get it out.

Hugs!

11 comments:

Lap Band Gal said...

Way to own up. I like it. Keep going.

Darlin1 said...

I have the same issues you do. Keep us informed with your answers, please!

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

Great post. I need to work on a couple of those legs!

Dawnya said...

Great post. And so true. I am in the same boat and I haven't even gotten as far as you. There has to be something. Keep us updated with your answers.

Cat's Chic Chat said...

I think your average of 30 mins per day is fantastic. Keep that up especially because you enjoy that part of the journey. With food, maybe just figure out where the problem is, is it snacking on junk in the evenings? Is it a well meaning coworker bringing donuts to work? Is there any thing you could substitute instead of what you're choosing? Just give some thought of why your food is the problem. Then work on solving that problem.

Stephanie said...

Ok...I have to come clean. I am a dork. When I first read about the food side of your stool, I immediately asked myself, is she talking about POOP??? Dear God!!

I totally forgot about the stool-stool. I am a dork. I must admit it. Good post though once I got over the poop aspect in my head.

Lyla said...

I hear you (except my fitness leg is broken too-ha)!

My answer was to change something on the food front to shake things up. Today I started journaling my food, something I HATE doing and haven't done to this point. But I realize that something needs to change on the diet front. I'm hoping this gets me back on a good trajectory. I REALLY want to lose 20 more lbs before we go on vacation this summer.

Sam said...

Those legs really do all count, food in my big let down too at the moment, but I am getting focused on my diet, Im starting with a 12 week body transformation program, from there I will see how I go. I hope you find a solution that works for you. And let us now. The more ideas we have to incorporate into our diets, the better :o)

Amanda said...

I thought you were talking about poop too! I started over so it made sense!

Well food has always been my issue! I mean we are similar in the fact that we have always been active. I always did yoga and go hiking and occasionally a class. But I too convinced myself I was doing more then I ACTUALLY was. But I still was doing more then loads of people. Even ultra skinny friends.

It has always been about the food. To much..over indulge. I am way better now but I still do especially on the weekends. Now it is with 1.5 slices of pizza with no crust rather then 4 slices. Throw in a cocktail. But still.

I am in this for the long haul and as long as I keep with the program and keep this weight off then I am okay with the few stumbles. I just don't ever want my "get up and go" to stop.

Yesterday I had a small french fry for lunch. They were yummy. But I felt guilty all afternoon and went to do a couple of miles right after work! I never feel guilty about food! Whats up with that?

Amanda said...

ps. My fill is totally fine. I am doing great. Still never a 5lb a week loser...but I can live with it.

Kerri said...

You can do this!!!! Hang in there!!!