Choices (aka Time to Poo or Get off the Pot)

I'm so classy!

We all know that this whole process is all about choices. 

• Choosing what to eat.
• Choosing whether to exercise.
• Choosing whether to get a fill.
• Choosing your attitude.

We encounter tons of choices every day and even make choices without consciously realizing it.  While assessing my behavior last week, I came to the not-so-shocking conclusion that I ate too many calories.  But what was especially interesting as I started digging in was that it wasn't JUST about the bad choices I mentioned yesterday.  I think it goes further.

The first nine months of Band life were SO successful for me.  Why was that?  I ate like a bandster should.  I focused on protein, stayed away from bread and most importantly, I had a good handle on portion control.  Months 10-12, I started to lose some focus.  At the beginning of my second banded year, I refocused with a new fill.  However, with that fill, I don't think I refocused on eating like a banded person.  So, I got stuck a lot, and didn't feel all that well.

Because of that, I made the choice, not to be tight anymore.  Now, I rarely get stuck and I can eat most any type of food I want at any time.  The problem with decreased restriction on TYPES of food is that you also have more hunger and decreased restriction on VOLUME of food.  What I realized last night while at support group (shout out to my homies!) is that I'm living more like a non-banded person on a diet. 

I have at least 25 more pounds to lose and that is ignoring the last 15-20 pounds I would need to lose to be at a "normal" weight.  It is time for me to make a choice or as my parents would say, "time to sh*t or get off the pot". 

Should I Get a Fill?

Team Stay Where You Are

• It's not like I'm at no restriction.  I would not be able to eat an entire Chipotle bowl with a side of chips and guacamole in one sitting like I could pre-band.  So I am still utilizing the band somewhat.
• I can eat any type of food I want at any time, so I don't have to be as concerned with the availability of band-friendly foods.
• I NEVER slime or PB and I rarely get stuck.
• I don't have to worry about what might happen when I'm eating with "outsiders."
• NO HEARTBURN  (This one is a biggie!)
• In order to avoid heartburn and other issues, I MUST go back to eating like a banded person.  I can't half-ass it like I'm doing now.

Team Get a Fill

• I'm hungry often and I tend to make bad choices when I'm hungry.  This is what inspired me to get the band in the first place.
• Being able to eat a piece of pizza is great, but at my current restriction, I was able to eat 2/3 of a small pizza at one sitting and that was with exercising self-control.  No question I could have eaten the whole thing.
• I already made the choice to have the surgery, so there is no reason not to utilize this resource. 
• I have the exercise portion under control, but I HAVE to change the eating side if I am going to have more success.

As I type it all out, it is obvious to me.  I don't want to get a fill, because then I have to work at it again.  I have to eat tiny bites, I have to chew more and more and more, I have to eat band-friendly foods, and I have to eat less. 

So, it is time for that choice.  I've proven to myself that I can maintain.  Is that enough?  Or do I get back on the horse and do it.  Not try to do it, but do it.  (Shout out to Amy for writing the post yesterday that motivated me) I keep making excuses.  I either need to accept where I am or get rid of the excuses.

It is no scale August and I haven't weighed in a while.  So, I could slightly be talking out of my ass here.  But I'm not ready to stop.  I'm not ready to maintain.  That said, here is my plan:

1. I will make a fill appointment for right after Labor Day.  (Last night I was trying to convince myself to wait until October because I'm travelling so much in September.  But that was just an excuse.)
2. I will weigh on 8/31.  If I am ass talking and I HAVE lost a significant amount of weight, then I will cancel my appointment.  Again, I would prefer NOT to have extra restriction if I don't NEED it since I am enjoying my life currently.  However, if I do NEED it, I will make the commitment to do it and do it right.
3. This gives me 3 weeks of opportunity for healthy living and good choices.  But at the end, I will have an appointment if I need it.  Win-win.

Today is usually my day off exercise, but I'm going to work out at lunch since I didn't go to Jazzercise last night.  Tonight is my monthly interesting dinner and we are going to a souffle place (which appears to have several healthy and delicious sounding options).  I'm sure it will be delightful!

Hugs!