Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Choices (aka Time to Poo or Get off the Pot)

I'm so classy!

We all know that this whole process is all about choices. 
  • Choosing what to eat.
  • Choosing whether to exercise.
  • Choosing whether to get a fill.
  • Choosing your attitude.
We encounter tons of choices every day and even make choices without consciously realizing it.  While assessing my behavior last week, I came to the not-so-shocking conclusion that I ate too many calories.  But what was especially interesting as I started digging in was that it wasn't JUST about the bad choices I mentioned yesterday.  I think it goes further.

The first nine months of Band life were SO successful for me.  Why was that?  I ate like a bandster should.  I focused on protein, stayed away from bread and most importantly, I had a good handle on portion control.  Months 10-12, I started to lose some focus.  At the beginning of my second banded year, I refocused with a new fill.  However, with that fill, I don't think I refocused on eating like a banded person.  So, I got stuck a lot, and didn't feel all that well.

Because of that, I made the choice, not to be tight anymore.  Now, I rarely get stuck and I can eat most any type of food I want at any time.  The problem with decreased restriction on TYPES of food is that you also have more hunger and decreased restriction on VOLUME of food.  What I realized last night while at support group (shout out to my homies!) is that I'm living more like a non-banded person on a diet. 

I have at least 25 more pounds to lose and that is ignoring the last 15-20 pounds I would need to lose to be at a "normal" weight.  It is time for me to make a choice or as my parents would say, "time to sh*t or get off the pot". 

Should I Get a Fill?

Team Stay Where You Are
  • It's not like I'm at no restriction.  I would not be able to eat an entire Chipotle bowl with a side of chips and guacamole in one sitting like I could pre-band.  So I am still utilizing the band somewhat.
  • I can eat any type of food I want at any time, so I don't have to be as concerned with the availability of band-friendly foods.
  • I NEVER slime or PB and I rarely get stuck.
  • I don't have to worry about what might happen when I'm eating with "outsiders."
  • NO HEARTBURN  (This one is a biggie!)
  • In order to avoid heartburn and other issues, I MUST go back to eating like a banded person.  I can't half-ass it like I'm doing now.
Team Get a Fill
  • I'm hungry often and I tend to make bad choices when I'm hungry.  This is what inspired me to get the band in the first place.
  • Being able to eat a piece of pizza is great, but at my current restriction, I was able to eat 2/3 of a small pizza at one sitting and that was with exercising self-control.  No question I could have eaten the whole thing.
  • I already made the choice to have the surgery, so there is no reason not to utilize this resource. 
  • I have the exercise portion under control, but I HAVE to change the eating side if I am going to have more success.
As I type it all out, it is obvious to me.  I don't want to get a fill, because then I have to work at it again.  I have to eat tiny bites, I have to chew more and more and more, I have to eat band-friendly foods, and I have to eat less. 

So, it is time for that choice.  I've proven to myself that I can maintain.  Is that enough?  Or do I get back on the horse and do it.  Not try to do it, but do it.  (Shout out to Amy for writing the post yesterday that motivated me) I keep making excuses.  I either need to accept where I am or get rid of the excuses.

It is no scale August and I haven't weighed in a while.  So, I could slightly be talking out of my ass here.  But I'm not ready to stop.  I'm not ready to maintain.  That said, here is my plan:
  1. I will make a fill appointment for right after Labor Day.  (Last night I was trying to convince myself to wait until October because I'm travelling so much in September.  But that was just an excuse.)
  2. I will weigh on 8/31.  If I am ass talking and I HAVE lost a significant amount of weight, then I will cancel my appointment.  Again, I would prefer NOT to have extra restriction if I don't NEED it since I am enjoying my life currently.  However, if I do NEED it, I will make the commitment to do it and do it right.
  3. This gives me 3 weeks of opportunity for healthy living and good choices.  But at the end, I will have an appointment if I need it.  Win-win.
Today is usually my day off exercise, but I'm going to work out at lunch since I didn't go to Jazzercise last night.  Tonight is my monthly interesting dinner and we are going to a souffle place (which appears to have several healthy and delicious sounding options).  I'm sure it will be delightful!



Amy W. said...

See here is the difference between us, and say Lapband Gal. I think the majority of the time, Karin is making good food choices. She is a pretty stable bandster. AND she works out a lot. You and I both workout a lot...but for me at least...it just counteracts the bad food choices, keeping me where I am. karin on the other hand gets that extra boost from making more positive food choices a majority of the time. I know that is where I am lacking.

As for the fill, Gen did a good post over about a year ago about how we often try to decide to get a fill or not based on what we can't eat, or how much we get stuck. If you can eat solid protein and eat more than 3-4 ounces, or eat it and it doesnt keep you satisfied...that should be a good indicator. I ate a cheeseburger, bun and all, twice this weekend. I probably could use a fill...

but i know for me, a fill wouldnt stop me from all the snacking that is my real problem.

Lap Band Gal said...

This is such an appropriate post for me right now...I have a fill scheduled next week and I'm wondering...do I need it? So many things to consider. Maybe I should post about this too.

PS: As much as Amy thinks that I am "stable", I am not..hah! :)

Lynda said...

Seems we are all at a point where we are having to re-evaluate our habits & decisions.

Cat said...

I'm actually considering getting a fill or not tomorrow. I have my appointment but I don't know that I need one. I really appreciate this post today because it gives me more to think about. I'm terrified of being stuck. :)

Ronnie said...

Do whatcha gotta do, girlfriend. Just don't get too tight for Chicago. I don't want you in the bathroom 24/7! ;)

Dawnya says we're going out dancing one night. :D

Laura Belle said...

I think you've got a good plan. And if you stick with ALL of it, the answer will be made for you in the end. Win, win.

Anonymous said...

I am in your shoes, but gaining so of course I want fills. You are maintaining, from my seat on the bus, your a winner ;)


Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

I do understand what you are going through. Isn't nice to just be on a diet? I went for a fill last week and I have already lost a couple of pounds. I was eating way too much and snacking all the time. I think you have a great plan in place and I say go with it and see what happens.

Andrea said...

Love this! It really is all about our choices! I think you've got a great plan!

~Lisa~ said...

I'm not quite ready to make a fill decision yet, but I love your plan and yes, it IS about our choices.. You always inspire me and make me think about things (even when this old brain doesn't seem to want to think about anything!) - thank you for being YOU!!

PS - I could totally see you sipping tea with your pinky sticking out while saying the word "poo"!!

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Great post...well except for the poo reference in the title.

Amanda said...

Great post my lovely!

I went for a fill yesterday! I have been battling this thought for a few weeks!
Starving..I was starving very quickly..however I have been exercising like a mad woman.

I could eat a lot more food then I could before..but again I was doing way more activities to make me hungry!

I could eat pizza! And not just one slice. I couldn't do that before!

I needed a fill! So I did! My doc said the same thing you did earlier. You have the tool use it. So hopefully this will get me right on track! I want to lose 25lbs..that would get me to 175. Then I want to re-focus on the next goal.

But what I want to do now is give you a big hug.

Stephanie M. said...

It sounds like you maybe do need a LITTLE fill. But it's your body so you're the only one who can answer that for certain. :-)