Wednesday, August 31, 2011

No Scale August is Over

Since I'm out of town tomorrow, I weighed this morning to get my end of the month weight.  I lost 1.8 pounds in August.  It isn't nothing and it isn't UP, so I'm satisfied.  Keep on truckin', right?

I'm looking forward to seeing my family this weekend.  I hope to get a good picture of me with my nephews and niece.  It is going to be a really fun trip, I think.  Tomorrow I'm driving about 2.5 hours to my little southern Indiana hometown.  My grandparents are buried there, so I thought I would stop by for a visit to the cemetery.  I also want to stop by the local candy shop for the best caramel corn in the entire WORLD!!  Then I'm meeting my best friend from high school for the best PIZZA in the world.  :)  I should get back to Louisville around midnight.

But Friday is just another school day for the kids, so I don't really have anything to do.  Maybe I will get a pedi or something.  Saturday, we are running the 5K then having breakfast together as a family.  After that, Big Bro & SIL will head to Indy and I'm taking the kids go-carting and to a movie.  Super fun!!  We are planning to go to a theme park on Sunday.  And then it is home on Monday. 

And then it is back to CrossFit, back to Jazzercise and time to visit the doc to discuss a fill.  I'm not sure if I will get one or not, but it won't hurt to make sure everything is where it should be.  I will have 9 days of "normal" before I get on another plane.  Heh. 

Have a super fun week and weekend and I will catch up with you all after the holiday!!

Hugs!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Busy but good!

Day #5 of no exercise and my body feels like a big, flat slug.  Not that it made me spring out of bed and go running this morning or anything.  Because I SO didn't.  I did bring my clothes to work though and the plan is to run a couple of miles after work.  I have my 5K on Saturday, so it really is necessary for me not to sit around for another week!

Tomorrow is the end of the month.  The end of No Scale August.  It is interesting because Lizard was supposed to bring my scale today and she forgot...and I didn't really care.  I guess my attachment to that little device has waned a bit over the last few weeks.  It is will be interesting to see how long that lasts.  Of course, I think part of my nonchalance stems from not feeling as though I have lost anything this month.  I have worked out like a beast (until this week), but I have not had good eating habits and I've certainly not made the best food choices.  My jeans don't seem to fit any tighter, but I don't think they are any looser either.  I guess I will find out in the morning...

I had a WONDERFUL time in Louisiana.  BFF is from a super small town near Lafayette and life there is really SLOOOOOOOWWW.  Visiting is just delightful!  Plus, BFF Daddy made gumbo and I'm convinced that he makes the best gumbo on the planet.  I even got to bring some home!  He also walked me through the steps, so I might be trying to make my very own gumbo (when it isn't 100 billion degrees outside.)

Tomorrow I leave for Louisville to visit my brother and his family for a long holiday weekend.  I'm really looking forward to it since I haven't seen the kids since Christmas.  My oldest nephew is allegedly now taller than me.  ::shudder:: 

I miss you all a whole bunch!!  If I have some down time in Louisville I will try to read up, but I'm guessing that will not be happening.  :)  But I will catch up with you all very soon.

Love & hugs!!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

338 Days to London!

Yes, the 2012 Olympics are just under a year away, but they are firmly on my mind today.  Yesterday, I booked my hotel reservations.  YAY!!  I have been looking for a while and trying to decide a game plan.  It is hard to plan a trip when you are so far away and you only have a slight familiarity with the location.  Add in the complexity of the trip being during an event like the Olympics and it just makes it even harder.

About a month ago, I started corresponding with B&Bs and independently owned hotels in London.  There was some availability but the reviews on-line were just all over the place.  It was hard to get any sort of comfort about the place.  The ones that had raving reviews, of course, had no availability.  Plus, if reservations were available, they wanted prepayments in full or a non-refundable deposit.  That just doesn't seem like a good option to me.

A lot of the bigger chains don't accept reservations until 50 weeks out (which is around now.)  I decided to wait and see what I could find there.  Many chains (Holiday Inn, Starwood, Marriott, Hilton) had little availability any closer to the city center than the airport.  I had decided that staying by the airport would mean too much time on the train, so I nixed that.  The rooms they had closer to the action were in the $500-600 per night range.  Stupid pound to dollar conversion rate.

Finally, I checked Best Western.  There are A LOT of Best Westerns in London!  Still, they only had 4 hotels with availability.  The one I reserved is a Premiere hotel and 4 stars in the Marble Arch area.  I stayed in that area the last time I was in London and it seemed like a good place to stay.  Honestly, I just want clean and safe.  I am staying in my stretch budget, but I will be slightly over my "this is what I would REALLY like to stay under" budget.  What I'm hoping is that at the last minute (or even when I get there), all of these hotels that are currently blacked out will come available and I will be able to find a more competitive rate.  If not, at least I have something doable.

The next thing is my plane tickets.  I'm using American Airline miles but I can't book for the departing flight for another week and it will be another three weeks before I can book my return.  Once that is done, I can sit back for about 8 months feeling good that the essentials are in place.  Then late next Spring/early Summer, I can start making more detailed plans.  Because you know that's how I roll!

It's fun too how many people I'm discovering in the area!  There are several bloggers that I hope to meet up with and BBF's sister is there too.  I think it is going to be a fun adventure!

HUGS!!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

An A-HA moment at CrossFit.

CrossFit gave me my a-ha moment of the day today, so I'm combining posts.  Sorry to those who have to trudge through the work out stuff.  :)

Yesterday was a nice day off exercise.  I got the Skittle some routine maintenance and work was EXTREMELY productive.  In fact, it was my favorite day of work in a VERY long time.  I love that!  I love it when I feel challenged but in control and yesterday was totally like that.  Anyway, last night when I checked the WOD, it was weightlifting and I was excited about that.  Who AM I??

I got there this morning and it was a big class for morning, about 12 of us, I think?  We warmed up with a 400m and the warm up was in the medium range of hard.  Maybe my first week or two they were just focusing on warm ups or something? 

The first order of business was working on Turkish Get ups.  Well, I had to start by learning one...  You lay on your back with a KB in one hand and basically get up, keeping the kb lifted above you the whole time.  I'm not great at them, but I can see how they would be beneficial.  I worked on both sides using 18# then 10# then 18# again. 

When it was time for weightlifting, Bach mentioned that there were enough racks for everyone to have their own.  I set up my rack and Sprinkles came over and started adjusting it with me.  It made me a little happy that she wanted to pair up even though we didn't need to.  It is nice to have made friends!

The WOD:
  • Press: 2 sets of 5, 1 max rep
  • Back Squat: 2 sets of 5, 1 max rep
  • 50 abs of choice
My press weight was 60# which was 5# more than last time.  I could barely squeak out 6 in my max rep.  But I was very happy with that.  My back squat weight was 75#.  I haven't done back squats yet, but my front squat was 65# last time, so this was a good increase from that.  I maxed out at 10 so I think I have some capacity for more right away.  Awesome!

A-HA moment of the day:  Sprinkles had started the Press rounds so when I was done with my max rep, we moved on to Back Squats.  When I was done with my max rep of back squats, I started putting things away.  It just so happened that Bach AND Butch were both watching us and they asked Sprinkles if we were done.  She kind of giggled and said no.  I totally didn't realize that I was the one that started the Back Squats so she still had her max rep to do.  Butch said, "Gah, Beth Ann, it isn't all about you."

Okay, freeze.  Butch was joking and laughing and this was just a fun, light-hearted moment between all of us.  I, however, felt a moment of panic.  All through my life, I have felt like people have been laughing at me.  Some of it was real and some perceived, but it was hard to deal with.  I think that is why I always tried to be funny...if I wanted them to laugh at me, it wouldn't hurt, right?  This moment would have sent me over the edge in the "old" days.  I was being singled out, I was being laughed at, my mistake was on display for all to see.  But today...all it took was a few moments of me telling myself that they were just treating me like one of the group and that is all I ever really wanted.  To be treated "normally".  I love working out with Sprinkles, Butch and Bach.  And I'm glad to be one of the crowd!!

I know that this probably sounds SO silly.  But it was just another reminder to me, that I have lived my life on eggshells, waiting for people to let me down...waiting for people to hurt me.  But no more!  Now I can relax and let life happen.  I can appreciate moments for what they are and not take myself to seriously. If I am happy with myself, the rest will fall into place.  Obviously, I still have room to grow.  One day I hope that these things don't even occur to me and I don't need a beat or two to put myself back in line.  It's coming though, I feel it.  It is that peace that I have talked about before.  Peace is good.

Anyway, all I had left was the ab work.  It's kinda funny because I just stood there and wasn't sure what to do.  Another thing I apparently like about CF is that they typically tell you EXACTLY what to do.  So, Bach went through some options with me and I decided to do V lifts.  You lay on your back and lift your arms and legs to meet in the middle.  I did 10 and realized that I didn't do them very well.  I had to lift my legs first, THEN move my arms up to meet them.  So I moved over to the GHD machine and did 20 sit ups.  Then I moved to the floor to do 20 more sit ups.  I had done 10 when Bach came over and asked me if I did the V lifts.  I told her that I couldn't do them right so I moved to other things.  I showed her and she said that she has to do that too and I needed to quit being so hard on myself.  Hmmm... Maybe I should listen to her.

Another day where I feel like I pushed my body to do things I didn't think I could do.  After class I realized that today was my twelfth class of the month.  I'm done for September.  No mo'.  That makes me a little sad.    But it does come at a good time because I was starting to stress about how I was going to get everything done around all my trips. This is one thing off my list. I will go back on 09/06 though and I'm already looking forward to it!!

Hugs!

Jazzercise Chi-Town

I'm REALLY looking forward to Jazzercising with several of you in Chicago!!  This is who I currently have on the list:

Becky
Lynda
Ronnie
Dawnya
Amanda
Stacey
Debi
Kristin
Beth Ann

If you aren't on this list and you would like to join us, leave a comment or send me an email.  We would love to dance with you! 

For those of you going, I will have forms for you to fill out prior to the workout.  I will try to get them to you on Friday so you can have them ready to go on Saturday morning.  The plan is to meet at 8:30am in the hotel lobby.  We will need to make our way by cab to the class location.  The price of the class is $15 (if we have a few more people sign up, that might lower to $12...I will keep you posted) and you should bring cash.  Other than the form and the cash, you will just need your lovely self.  Remember to bring appropriate work out clothes and shoes.

I love to Jazzercise so much and it will just be beyond fun for me to dance around with all my awesome BOOBies. 

JazzerHUGs!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

I ::heart:: Jazzercise.

Jazzercise was so fun last night!  First, we were in the smaller gym, so we were a little cozier.  There is plenty of room but sometimes in the big gym we are so far away from each other.  Plus, we used tubes (the stretchy elastic band thingees) instead of weights which was different.  I prefer weights overall, but I always like doing something a little different every once in a while.  And it was the big One Day Sale, so was excited to see someone walk in the door to sign up!  Why yes, I AM a big old Jazzercise nerd.  I'm not sure of the final numbers, but I think we signed up 8 new people at our location. 

I will be glad to take today off from exercise completely.  Tomorrow I will get right back on the horse!

Today is a very busy day, so I must get to it.  I have several meetings/calls with outside people, so I have to spend time earning my VP stripes.  It is actually days like today that remind me how much I love my job.  I like good busy!

Have a great week!  Hugs!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Weekend Recap & a look ahead...

Hi everyone!!  I hope you had a wonderful weekend.  I sure did. 

Friday night, BFF & I went to our friend Roro's house for dinner.  It was delicious and we had a good time catching up with Roro and her family.  I went to bed pretty early on Friday night.  I think that ocular migraine or whatever it was really wiped me out.

I got up Saturday morning feeling super great and went to CrossFit.  As usual, it totally made my day.  I'm not going to lie, I was a total veg after that.  It was kind of nice to do nothing for a little while!!  That evening, BFF & I went to Ft. Worth for dinner and then met another friend and her daughter at Casa Manana to see Hairspray.  It is a totally happy and fun show. 

Sunday, after church, BFF, Armstrong & I tried a new place for breakfast.  It was delicious and a definite keeper!  I tried to get a lot done yesterday and I feel like I got quite a few things accomplished.  For dinner I met up with my friends and their kids for a back to school dinner.  I bought each of the kids a few things which is usually more BFF's style but it was fun. 

One theme throughout the weekend was that I was hungry.  There is no question that I'm going in for my fill on 9/06.  I have a small nagging concern about a stretched pouch, but barring that, I think I would like just a super small fill to help with the hunger.  Since starting CrossFit, it is like I'm hungry all the time!  While I feel like I'm doing well for myself, I'm really just hanging even.  According to Bob the BodyBugg, I should only be down .85 of a pound for this month.  That is A LOT of work for less than a pound.  It's all good though.  I have a plan!  Plus, I feel so good in the meantime.  :) 

I do want to say that you all might not hear from me for a little while.  I will continue to post when I can because when I don't blog, I completely lose focus and I don't want that to happen.  BUT...I am going out of town the next FOUR out of SIX weekends.  YIKES!  So I will try to keep up with reading and commenting as much as possible, but I have a feeling it is going to be kind of pathetic.  Hopefully you all won't forget about me by Chicago!!

Have a fantastic week.  :)  HUGS!

CrossFit Update

I'm trying to keep my CF posts separate from everything else, so those of you that aren't interested don't have to trudge through them!  :) 

Saturday

I got up on Saturday and went even thought I kind of suspected that Legs wasn't actually going to be there like she indicated she would.  She wasn't.  That's okay, it got me there, right?  This was my first time going four times in one week.  That along with three Jazzercise classes was probably the toughest fitness week I have ever had.  Just goes to show that I CAN do it!

The WOD for Saturday was with a partner.  I was a little concerned when I didn't see Legs there.  Pukey was there though!  Who woulda thought it??  And he has very obviously dropped some pounds.  Men.  Army Girl was there too, but so was her best friend.  One of the morning badass girls was there, but there was another badass there, so they teamed up.  Sprinkles was also there, but so was the Hotness so I thought they might pair up.  Anyway, after a quick warm up, I had a brief panic and thought maybe I would be the last person standing without a partner.  There were 26 people there (HUGE class), so I knew there would be somebody to pair up with, but I was still freaking out.

Almost immediately, Sprinkles came bounding over and asked if I wanted to pair up.  I <3 Sprinkles!  Even if I could hate her through puppy saving, I couldn't hate her through saving me from an elementary school flashback!!

WOD:  10 rounds total
  • 100m run
  • 10 pullups (or ring rows which is what we did)
  • 100m run
  • 10 burpees
This was going to be tough for us, but off we went.  I went first and although I fell behind during the initial run, I made up a wee bit of time on my burpees.  But after ONE round, I was beat.  I had FOUR more.  I rested while Sprinkles went but it was never long enough.  Each round took about 1:30-2:00 each.  So 1:30-2:00 of the hardest cardio you can push yourself to do then 1:30-2:00 of resting.  I noticed on the second round that the Hotness slowed up to come in behind me.  Hmmm...

He was part of an alpha pair (who along with one other pair) did the 10 prescribed pull ups each set.  Again, many of us did ring rows, other pairs did 1/2 pull ups and then moved to ring rows, and the rest might have done 5-7 pull ups per round.  Everyone is in a different stage of fitness.  Two of the groups that did it completely as prescribed finished last (including the Hotness's pair).  So, even though I have a hunch that he slowed down so we didn't finish last, it is also possible that it was just that much harder for them.  Either way, I have a feeling that the Hotness is just as sweet as Sprinkles.  What a little sunshine couple.

Anyway, both Sprinkles & I were DYING by the end, but we finished.  It was TOUGH.  Of course, we weren't done.  We had to do :20 flutter kicks, :10 rest, :20 leg lifts, :10 rest, repeat.  I'm not sure how many rounds we did, but we did plenty. 

I was glad to be in a big huge group workout and not feel like I was completely out of place!  I feel like I have come a LONG way in 2 months.

Monday

The alarm came early this morning.  But I knew that I needed to go.  I almost forgot a bra & underwear for work, but I remembered at the last minute.  Whew! 

No Sprinkles this morning, but my old friend WG (short for weekday girl because she only comes on weekdays) was there.  Another lady (I call her Glimmer who is a SheRa character because she is a badass, but not quite SheRa) was there and I'm getting to know her pretty well too.  There were 4 or 5 boys there as well. 

We started with a 400m run.  Have I mentioned lately how much I hate to run??  Because I do.  I wouldn't want anyone to think that had changed.  The rest of the warm up included some jumping jacks (50), squats (20) and other assorted stretches.  Nothing too major.

Then it was time for the weightlifting portion of the class.  We were to do Power Snatches 3-3-2-2-1-1-1 with increasing weight and in between each set do KB swings 30(for the 3s) - 20 (for the 2s) - 10 (for the 1s) also with increasing weight.  Butch wrote it on the board differently and I misunderstood at first, but some of the class corrected me.  They didn't laugh at me too much.  :)  

The Snatch is a move where you lift the bar from the floor to overhead in one smooth motion.  It is the hardest of the moves and if you watch Olympic weight lifting, you know that the weight used is typically lighter than the Clean & Jerks.  I have only Snatched with a bar, so I discussed with Butch and he basically told me just to try stuff.  Heh.  So I started with the bar and 2.5# weights on each side for a total of 40#.  It was funny seeing my little baby weight compared to everyone else's, but you have to start somewhere!!  I increased 5# each rep until I got to 55# and stuck with that to the end.   I am impressed with myself that I can lift 55# from the ground above my head without hurting myself.  Such progress!!

For the KB swings, I used 18# for about 1/2, then moved up to 26#.  I could have probably done a little heavier, but I didn't want to hurt myself. 

Once we were done, we finished with:
  • 30-20-10
  • straight legged sit ups
  • wall balls (I used a 10# ball) If you dropped the ball, you had to start that rep over.  I did not drop the ball!!!
I did this in 5:06 which was the third fastest time, I think.  Maybe 4th.  Anyway, it is probably time to moved up to the 14# pound ball (which is the prescribed weight for ladies) for wall balls.  Yuck!

All in all, I still continue to feel like I'm conquering the world with every class.  I leave for Louisiana on Friday morning and I'm without a car tomorrow.  So between today, Wednesday, & Thursday, my goal is to get in 3 CrossFit classes and 2 Jazzercise classes. 

Remember:  today is the Jazzercise One Day Sale.  It is truly a good one!  $0 to start.  Crazy!  Go to jazzercise.com and see where the closest location is to you.  This is absolutely the best time to start!  LBG had a quote on FB this morning that was something like "This time next year you will wish you started now."  That's it.  START NOW!!

HUGS!

Friday, August 19, 2011

BYOC

It’s Friday so that means here in Draz Land it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy!


We answer just a few questions to get to know each other better and to give our blog brains a break!

Copy to your own blog if you wish and ENJOY!

1. How much makeup do you wear daily, how long does it take you and are you loyal to certain brands?

In my quest to girlify myself this past year, I definitely upped the makeup regime.  I use primer, foundation, setting powder, blush, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelash primer, mascara, & highlighter.  I also sometimes use an eyebrow pencil and highlighter.  It sounds like a lot, but it actually takes less than 7 minutes.  I know because I do it in my office after CrossFit.  :)  I like lipstick, but it wears off me so quick and I'm not great at re-applying.

2. Repeat question: I’m going to pick a person not knowing your relationship with them (or even if there is one) and you try to describe this person in 5 words/short sentences.

Your oldest paternal aunt


(Unfortunately I missed last week when we talked about our maternal grandmother, so I just wanted to say that she was a second mother and the most patient and loving people.  She meant the world to me and I still miss her.  I actually talk to her a lot when I'm praying.  <3)


Homemaker
Substantial
Tough Love
Family oriented
Good home cooking!

3. Tell me about your first real kiss and how old you were.

I think it was the summer between 7th & 8th grade.  My family was having a stay-cation at the local hotel with an indoor pool.  I met a boy from the neighboring state.  I was 14 and he was 16, I think.  I was REALLY cute, blond and all skater-boy.  As soon as my parents realized I was spending all my time there making out, we packed up and went home.  Heh. 


4. If I gave you $1000.00 and told you that you had to give it to a charity – which charity would you choose and why?

I think I would either choose something having to do with Parkinson's research or I would go in a completely different direction and do something with inner-city kids.  My grandfather had Parkinson's (as well as other members of the family).  It is hard to watch someone's body deteriorate when their brain stays sharp as a tack.  I'm quite scared that will be my fate.


On the other hand, I feel like there are so many kids that just didn't have the opportunities I did.  I would love to have some sort of programs with sports, arts or something that could help kids see what else is out there and maybe give them hope for their future.  We want these kids to act in a certain way and we expect their parents to teach them, but that just isn't realistic.  It ends up being a vicious circle if there is no one there to show them what's on the other side and how to get to it responsibly.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

I love my blogger buddies!  I have been word vomiting all over the place about CrossFit and no one is de-following me yet, so that great.  :)  I am getting more and more excited about Chicago!


Real life is good.  I am getting ready for a 6 week timeframe with 5 trips inside, so that should be exhausting.  I'm sure you will hear ALL about it!

HUGS!

Skinning the Cat and other CrossFit Fun.

Yesterday, I talked myself out of going to CrossFit today.  I was so sleepy all day yesterday and driving to Jazzercise, I just thought...I don't have to go to CrossFit tomorrow.  It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders and I got through the rest of the evening.

Around 8:30pm, I looked at what the WOD would be and it was deadlifts.  I remember that TD told me last week, if I go any day, make sure I make deadlift days.  Sigh.  I knew immediately that I was going to go.  I got everything ready for the morning and went to bed.  I was asleep by 9:45!

I got up this morning and felt fine.  We warmed up with a 1/4 mile and had virtually nothing else.  I know you all think that I'm just better and that the warm ups are just easier for me, but that truly isn't the case.  We aren't doing what we were doing the two weeks prior.  It will be interesting to see if it comes back next week.

Interesting tidbit:  Remember that cute little girl I paired up with the other day for stretching?  Sprinkles (her new nickname) is there a lot and we have gotten chatty.  We ran the warm up together and she started talking about her boyfriend that goes to the 5:30 class.  She was talking about him (laughingly) being a show off and I had a feeling I new who she was talking about...  I asked her his name and sure enough, Sprinkles is dating the Hotness.  What a freaking cute couple.  I don't even mean that sarcastically.  If those two end up together, they will have some pretty babies.  I can't even hate her because she was telling me how she cared for a puppy that got hit (and run) yesterday.  I will no longer covet the Hotness...but I will still appreciate his abs.  I'm only so strong, people.

As you know, after the warm up, we typically work on form of some sort.  Today listed this as STC.  I didn't know what that was.  One of the guys said it is a Skin The Cat.  Okaaaayyy...  I still didn't know what that was.  Apparently, they are the things you do in elementary school...I think we called them cherry drops (without the drop).  You hold onto rings or bars and you flip your legs up over your head to the other side, then you flip back.  The progression is to start on the low rings where your feet touch the floor, then the bar where it is steady but your feet are off the floor, then the high rings where they are not stable AND you can't touch the floor.  I tried to keep a straight face, but again....REALLY?

Bach told me that I would just be doing the low rings and I would just need to kick my legs over my head.  I told her that she says JUST a lot.  So, I try it.  OMG, it had to be hilarious.  I kicked up maybe 5 inches.  Anyway, there was a guy there that I hadn't seen before, but I got the impression that he has been around a while.  He came over and gave me a few pointers and lots of encouragement.  He told me that I could do it, I just had to get my feet above my head.  Beyond that, it was nothing.  (Sidenote:  that is what I love so much about CF.  I don't know this guy and I have never talked to him, but instead of watching me struggle and giggle in his head, he came over to help me and cheer me on.)

I told him that I just didn't think I could get my feet over my head.  The part I left out was that my ass is huge and gravity says it is staying put.  He disagreed.  I tried again and got about a foot in the air.  He said that maybe my brain was telling me I couldn't do it.  Whatever, hippy.  Just kidding!

So I got the idea of hooking one of my feet behind the strap that holds the rings and lifting myself from there.  It was easier said than done, but I finally got my right foot hooked up there.  I could feel all eyes on me and everything was quiet.  It took a lot of butt clenching, but I willed my legs over my head and I dropped down to the other side.  There was a short YAY feeling, but when I kicked back over (Nice Guy was right, the kick part is TOTALLY the hardest piece) everyone erupted in a cheer.  I might of been embarrassed if I weren't so freaking stoked.  A handstand the other day and today I skin the cat.  How do you like that?

It was now time for the WOD:  Deadlifts:  2x5 & 1 max rep.  Last week I did 85#, so I asked Butch what I should do today and he said start with 95#.  I did that and it felt good so I decided to add 5 more to get to 100#.  Butch is a super nice guy but he doesn't talk much.  He answers my questions, but he doesn't really initiate conversation.  So when he said something to me, it didn't register for a second and I said "what?"  I realized he said that my deadlift ROCKED and then went on to say my form is perfect.  Holy hell!  SERIOUSLY?  I did 10 reps on my max rep which tells me that I should be good to go to add more weight next time.  Interestingly, Butch told me that I should always try to make deadlift days...just like TD said last week.  Duly noted, dudes.

Were we done?  No.  For dessert, we did 5 sets of :30 hollow rocks and :30 planks.  Hollow rocks are when you sit on your butt with your legs out and arms up and you rock.  But you want to keep your legs low (the really hard part) and pick up your hips off the ground.  Lots of ab work.  I remember when I started with a trainer 15 months ago, I couldn't do ONE plank for 30 seconds.  And now I do five with no problem.  I mean it was hard and I felt it, but it was no problem.

Another day at CrossFit and another mountain climbed.  I LOVE IT!

HUGS!

Tidbits

Food

While I wouldn't say I have been eating like a "pig" per se, I'm definitely eating a lot.  At first, I thought I was just making bad choices, but I realized yesterday that I'm really hungry.  For lunch I had salmon, new potatoes & veggies for lunch.  Totally great and totally delicious.  I was not full when I was done.  I ate a granola bar within the hour.  I had to have TWO more snacks before I got to Jazzercise and my stomach was still growling during class. 

I think if I were at my goal, I would just fight it.  But since I'm still in losing mode, I think that I will be getting that fill regardless of what the scale tells me. 

Exhaustion

I'm SO tired!  Well, not at this exact moment, but for the last couple of days, I have been exhausted.  Understand though, that I don't feel sluggish or like my body is TIRED.  I'm more SLEEPY.  I feel like I could go hike up a mountain, but right after this little nap.  That is unlike me.  I'm sure it is from the change to morning workouts and all that I have been asking my body to do.  Hopefully it will settle in soon!!

Dreams

I dream all the time and a lot of times I remember them, but most times I don't.  I woke up TWICE last night dreaming about BOOBs. 

In the first one, I had driven to Jenny's to give her something.  She apparently lives in a warehouse...  She & Draz were painting each others fingernails.  Of course.  Anyway, Draz says she will paint mine and shows me how the silver polish makes it look like you have rhinestones on your nails.  If you paint them one way, the stones look in line, but if you do it another way, they look like they are in a circle.  Fascinating, huh?

In the second one, I was supposed to be in Chicago.  In my dream, Chicago is very rustic and the hotel is cabin-like.  Dawyna and Brandy, two of my Friday & Saturday night roomies were there.  But Steph was not.  However, her RUM was.  My BFF was there too and I kept asking her why she was there and she would just shrug.  I told her that I thought she was supposed to be Debi and she would just shrug. Plus, I kept thinking it was Thursday and I was searching for Donna.  I kept saying that I was in the wrong room.

Anyway, I was upset because we were drinking all of Steph's rum and she wasn't going to get any.  I took a big drink myself and realized that the rum was chocolate...hmmm, interesting connection my brain made there, huh?...and I had mixed it with pineapple juice.  I couldn't throw it out though, because that is WASTEFUL. 

Yes, my dreams are always this exciting.

Blindness

You will have to read my next post to get the CrossFit news although I will you that there are a couple of interesting tidbits in there.  :)  After CF, I came to work and got ready in the locker rooms like normal.  I was in my office doing my makeup when all of a sudden I realized that I couldn't really see.  I mean I could see the big stuff, it wasn't dark or anything, but there was like a fuzzy round spot in the middle of each eye.  I kept trying to blink but the wouldn't go away. 

I started to get a little nervous and turned to the computer to see if I could google something about it.  I couldn't read the screen!  I started to freak out a little bit.  This lasted about 20 minutes.  After 20 minutes, I realized that I could see in the center now, but the fuzziness had started to move to the periphery.  It was like it was expanding in a circle, but there was a hole in the middle.  Like a doughnut.

It took over 45 minutes for everything to completely disappear.  So weird!  I have NEVER had anything like that happen.  Have any of you?  Anyone know what might cause that?  Other than a small tension headache, I have zero symptoms.  I'm not groggy, weak, sick or anything.  It's all gone now and I'm back to work.

I bet I'm in bed by 8:30 tonight!!

HUGS!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

I'm a sensitive person.

It kinda felt weird to not go to CrossFit this morning, but I did really enjoy the extra sleep.  I had NO issues sleeping through that extra hour.  In fact, I find it harder to get up on these days than I do on the early days.  I wonder if it is because CF is still new & exciting.  If so, I hope it lasts for a while longer!  Oh, and I officially made my fill appointment for 9/06.  It isn't with the super hot fill doctor, but it is with my original surgeon, so I feel in very good hands.  I will decide what to do once I know my weight and measurements on 8/31.

So...the topic.  Sensitivity.  When I was growing up, people always told me I was too sensitive.  My brother made fun of me for crying all the time.  My "friends" would push my buttons just to see my emotional reactions and I didn't disappoint.  As I grew up, I learned to associate "sensitive" with fat, whiny baby.  It took me a long while, but I learned to push those feelings down deep and I didn't let them out unless it would be in anger.  For some reason, especially with my job, anger is an acceptable emotion.  Being hurt or sad, were not acceptable.

That worked okay for a long while.  But I think that it made me unhappy because I always felt taken advantage of.  I wasn't being taken advantage of, of course, because if you don't express your feelings and desires, people won't know them.  And I knew that, so I didn't get mad at others...but I think it did contribute to a growing depression.  I wanted so badly for everyone to like me that I tried to be something that I wasn't.  What is so ironic about the whole situation is that the more I tried to be this other person that would be so popular, the less likeable I became. 

I never realized that I was depressed until I wasn't anymore.  I'm such a positive and upbeat person, that I just couldn't imagine that I was depressed.  I knew I was sad.  I knew that I was getting angry at everyone around me.  I knew that I had increasing anxiety issues.  But it couldn't be because of depression, because I'm a happy person.  Right?

I've written before about the catalyst for my life change.  In January 2009, I was moving and my parents came to visit and help.  At the beginning of the visit, my dad collapsed and for a brief time, I thought my dad had died at my feet.  He was fine, it was just a fluke thing.  But, it triggered anxiety like I could never imagine.  I would go to bed at night convinced I wasn't going to wake up.  I felt so lost and didn't understand what was my place was in the world.  It was the toughest time in my life.

I think I had pushed down these feelings of fear, hurt, sadness, whatever, so far...that I just came busting loose at the seams.  How had I gotten myself here?  I didn't know, but I knew I wanted to get out.  I still didn't think I was depressed, but I saw a counselor to help me sort it out.  I needed an impartial third party to make sure that I was on the right track.  My first step was to improve my relationship with God.  I'm not a preachy person to others and I'm not super comfortable talking about it, but God is important in my life.  I went through the RCIA program to become Catholic (I had attended Mass for years) and that helped me sort out a lot about who I am as a person and who I want to be.

Close to the end of the program, when I felt that I was getting closer to what I wanted on the inside, I decided to tackle the outside.  A quick few weeks on a diet told me that it was going to take more than that and that is when I started along the path to surgery. 

While figuring out the person I want to be, my main goal in life was (is still) to make decisions throughout each day that would allow me to fall asleep peacefully every night.  I used to obsess over everything and want to control all situations.  Now, I just try to be a good person and make good choices.  Sometimes, that is allowing myself to feel hurt or to be sad.  When I'm feeling hurt or sad, I allow myself to show those emotions.  But I continue that goal of good choices.  So, I try not to say things or do things OUT OF those emotions.

There is nothing wrong with being a sensitive person.  And being sensitive doesn't mean anything other than being sensitive.  I think that it has made me more compassionate.  I think it has made me much quicker to compliment others.  I think it has made me realize how my actions affect others.

I used to be a lot of drama.  I didn't mean to be...I really didn't.  But now I'm not.  In fact, drama makes me retreat very quickly.  I am what you see.  If you don't like me, then I'm okay with that because I like me.  Acknowledging my sensitivity has also helped me forge better friendships.  I understand what I need from a friendship and what I can contribute best, so I gravitate toward people that can balance that. 

Again, this is another thing that won't change overnight.  Sometimes I still make choices that I regret and come up in my mind as I'm going to sleep.  But instead of obsessing, I promise myself to do better next time.  It has helped me to think before I act.

It has been a very reflective week.  :)  It is such a nice feeling of peace to be able to look at yourself clearly.  I'm not perfect...actually, I'm betting that sometimes, I really suck.  But I will face that head on as it comes because it is not fair for others around me and does me no good in the end to do anything else.

Love & hugs!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Affection and insecurity.

Lately I have been thinking about displays of affection, public or otherwise.  I LOVE hugs!  But if you ask my friends, they would say that I'm not a huggy person.  I think this is for two reasons:
  1. BFF is an super huggy person.  She will hug anybody at any time...strangers, friends, random people on the street it doesn't matter.  And we aren't talking a side hug or a back pat, these are full on power hugs.  Lizard is also extrememly huggy.  It is quite the hugfest when the two are together!!  :)  So, with those crazy huggers, I pale in comparison.
  2. I hug back when hugged, but I don't often initiate the hugs.
Let's think about that second point a bit...  Lizard said that she never thinks of me as an awkward hugger.  If I'm hugged, I hug back.  She said that some people get uncomfortable with hugs, but she doesn't see me that way.  That's good!  But why do I not initiate them many times?

I always thought that it was because I respected personal space.  Some people don't like hugs, so I'm not going to make them uncomfortable.  So I wait for them to hug me and I hug them back.  That makes sense, I guess, but there is a fundamental problem.  If everyone practiced that, then there would be no hugs.  And that just isn't right!

So, what is it really?  When I break it down and I'm honest with myself, for me, avoiding displays of affection come from fear of rejection.  I think back to growing up and I didn't start out with very good friends in the first few grades.  They would as easily make fun of me as do something friendly.  They would set me up to embarrass me all the time.  I was often the butt of the joke.  Later on, I started to get better friends, but I think the inner damage was done.

To go even further, when I started getting into boys, it just got worse.  I remember in college, two DIFFERENT hayride dates pulling their hands away when I started to hold their hand.  Even after college, one of the only boyfriends I ever had and probably the only guy I ever loved did the same thing.  Whether it makes sense or not, I think I subconciously associated all that with being fat and unworthy of the affection of cute boys.

Wow.  That sounds kind of sad and pathetic.  As much confidence as I have always had for my inside, I have had squat for the outside.  I have always felt smart, funny, fun, all that stuff.  But I have never really felt attractive and somehow that negated everything else for me. 

If I'm going to be truly honest, I still feel that way sometimes.  I know I could go out and get a date or a boyfriend.  But I don't just want a boyfriend.  I want a boyfriend that I want.  I feel that the ones I would be interested in would not be interested in me because of my looks. 

I kind of can't believe I just said that.  I'm Miss Positive Cheerleader and that is a damn depressing thought.  I can't change it overnight, but now that I have acknowledged it, I will work to change it.  I will learn to appreciate and love ALL of myself, including the outside.  So when I do meet that guy?  I will be ready for him.

Note:  as sad as all this sounds, I actually feel great!  Now that I am putting words to these insecurities, it makes me feel better.  If I know them and they are in front of me, I can knock them out.  :) 

Big hugs!

Handstands and other CrossFit ridiculousness...

I saw the WOD last night and BRIEFLY thought of going on Friday instead.  :)  But I didn't.  I got up this morning and got moving.  I got there just as the trainers did and they watched me drive up.  As I walked in, Bach said she had never seen my car.  She said, "It's a little booger!"  That totally cracked me up.  I told her that I call it my Skittle and she said that was probably better.  HAHA!

We only had to do a 1/4 mile warm up so that was a treat!!  The rest of the warm up wasn't very strenuous.  TD & Bach usually have tough warm ups. Not sure why they are being easier on us the last few times. 

The scheduled listed 10:00 HSPU next.  Last night I read that as 10 minutes of handstand push ups, which is why I didn't want to go.  While that IS what it means, we actually just worked on our hand stands and push ups for ten minutes.  Big difference!! 
So...time to do a handstand.  I stood in front of the wall and looked at it.  For a while.  Bach said that maybe I should start by walking my feet up the wall.  So I did and I was successful.  But I knew I could kick up if I could just get myself to do it.  PLUS...Pres doesn't kick up, he walks up.  And something in me wanted to do this one little thing that Pres doesn't (I say doesn't because he totally CAN) do. 

More wall staring.  I started to go for it and stopped.  Bach laughed so hard that I think something may have flown out of her nose.  Maybe it was my car!  :)  Anyway, now I had to do it.  Hands down.  Kick up.  Boomerang against the wall.  Down I go.

Okay, let's try again.  Hands down.  Kick up.  Hover.  Down I go.  Bach said to put my booty closer to the wall.  Hands down.  Kick up.  Wait a minute...there it is!  I'm doing a handstand!!  Woo-freaking-hoo!!!

I did several more, but I did the booty boomerang off the wall a lot.  My butt is apparently very bouncy.  But I did it and that was my thrilling moment of accomplishment for the day. 

I did a handstand, y'all!!

Time for the WOD:  100 Hang Power Cleans with 10 situps for every rest.

Last week we did Squat Cleans and I used 55#.  I remember thinking that maybe I could go higher, but we only did 40 in sets of 10.  So, I tried 55# again for this.  The clock started and I did 15 Cleans before I had to stop.  10 situps.  From there I would do 10 Cleans then 10 situps.  Honestly, the situps were not hard for me at all and I was able to adequately catch my breath during that time so I could get right up and start again.  Thank you Jazzercise for my core strength!!  When I got to 15 remaining, I split them into reps of 7.  My arms were burning by then.  I finished 100 Hang Power Cleans and 90 situps in 13:54.  Not too bad since I was lifting more than the girl behind me who has been doing it for longer.  YAY!

I thought we were done...but noooooo.  We were supposed to hang on the pullup bar 3 times for 30 seconds.  Ugh, no.  Have you all ever tried just hanging from a bar?  I still weigh almost 200 pounds and "just" hanging is not an easy thing to do.  I ended up doing 2x at :15 and 1x at :10.  It was literally the best I could do and it is where I got this little bad girl...
I'm not sure if you can even see it, but it hurts like a mf.  No joke.  Glad they will get a couple day break.  I showed Burrito my blister and he scoffed and he couldn't even see the little thing.  Butthead!  It is totally there!!

I plan to meet Legs at the Saturday morning class, so that will be fun!!

HUGS!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Forever

I've come to a realization over the last few days.  Actually, it has probably been coming over the last several weeks. 

**  This is forever. **

It all started when someone asked my how long I was going to CrossFit.  I guess I just started and it is new so it isn't an unreasonable question.  But if someone asked me how long I was going to Jazzercise, I would look at them like they grew a new head.  I have Jazzercised for years and I fully plan to Jazzercise until I'm 80. 

(FYI...the Jazzercise semi-annual one day sale is Monday.  And the deal is the best I have EVER seen!  Go to jazzercise.com for details and to find a location near you!)

Anyway, in the past, when I worked on weightloss, it wasn't forever.  I would join Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig, or I would join the Y or water aerobics, or I would plan out my meals meticulously...but it NEVER lasted very long.  If I went two or three months consecutively, it was a win.  Sometimes I would lose weight but most of the time I didn't.

But ALWAYS, in the back of my mind, I knew that whatever I did would only last so long and then I would "be able to" go back to what I was doing.  "If I can just lose XX pounds, then I can stop ____."  Sometimes, I made it to that goal, but most of the time (99%), I didn't.  I have been on a diet since the 4th grade and we see how that worked out for me.

Debi and I report our calorie information to each other almost every day.  It is just another layer of accountability.  Both of us confessed a little bad behavior to each other today.  But by the time we each confessed, we were already back to business. 

For me, that is what has made this whole journey different for me.  Yes, I'm annoyed that the scale won't move.  Yes, I really want to lose more weight and get into smaller sizes.  Yes, yes, yes!!

But what is truly sinking in is that it doesn't matter if I lose 50 more pounds or 5 more pounds.  I'm living my life in the way I'm going to live forever.  (At least materially.)  Maybe I won't log calories for the rest of my life, or maybe I won't work out 6 hours a week.  But I will have to be conscious of my food choices FOREVER.  I will have to be involved in activity FOREVER.  I will have to make mostly good choices FOREVER.  That is why it is SO important to figure out what is sustainable.  It wasn't realistic for me to run 3-4 times a week.  I HATE to run!  But going to CrossFit?  That is doable.

And I think I can finally admit all of this and I'm okay with it.  No more thinking in the back of mind that I will go back to my old habits.  Early morning CrossFit is here to stay, at least for the foreseeable future.  Jazzercise is here to stay.  Paying attention to what I eat?  That's right...here to stay.

I will have ups and downs.  That is part of it.  But I AM in charge of my life right now and I LOVE it!

HUGS!


Back to CrossFit!

After sending my mom off yesterday afternoon, I did some CPE then went to Jazzercise.  My mom & I had a WONDERFUL weekend!!  Quick note about Jazzercise: we did pushups and we do them on our knees.  I ROCKED those suckers!  They weren't easy, but I had my hands in the toughest position and I was doing them strong.  YAY!!

This morning it was time to get back to it.  I thought it would be horrible this morning since I hadn't gone since Thursday, but it wasn't too bad.  I was ALMOST awake by the time I got to class.

We started with an 800m warm up.  I still hate the 800m.  The rest of the warm up was kind of wimpy actually especially for Bach's class.  What up, Buttercup??  Usually I'm dying after the warm up. 

So, this is interesting.  We had to pair up for a stretch.  Basically you lunge forward, chest up and your partner stands behind you and pushes your hips forward to give you more of a stretch.  HUGE anxiety moment.  I paired up with this cute little girl and I just kept thinking how she must hate it that she had to be paired up with the sweaty disgusting fat girl.  (That isn't fishing for compliments, it's just honest to god what I felt in the moment.)  I told myself that it didn't bother me touching sweaty her, so I'm sure it's fine.  I wonder when I will get over thinking that I'm so gross.

We continued to pair up for the weightlifting WOD:
  • Push Press: 2 sets of 5 plus 1 max rep
  • Front Squat:  2 sets of 5 plus 1 max rep
  • Kipping Pull ups: 2 sets max rep
My partner just finished Fundamentals too, so it was a good fit.  I lifted 55# on my push press.  Just to review, in a push press, you hold the barbell in front of your shoulders in what is called rack position.  Then using a little pop from your legs, you push the barbell over your head, then lower back to rack position.  I really had no problem with 55# and probably should have gone a little higher.  Next time, I will move up to 65# and see what happens.  I did 10 reps on my max round so that is a good indication that I was too light.  Good to know!

For the front squats, Bach suggested I start at 65#.  That seemed about right.  I maxed out at 7, so that's probably a good weight, although I will still work to increase.  I will just add 5# next time.

I still suck at pull ups.  A couple of girls were really rocking and doing pull ups with no assistance.  That is my goals someday!!  I still really want to do at least one unassisted by the end of the year.  Today, I used the green band for assistance (it provides the most strength) and I was able to do 10 on my first rep!  That is the most I've strung together so I was kind of excited.  My second set was harder and I really only got out 5 good ones.  But still, I will take it!!

I know that my work out posts probably aren't all that exciting.  But I think it will be good months down the road for me to come back and read my progress.

Hugs!

Monday, August 15, 2011

BOOB of the Day!

I'm so freaking behind on reading blogs since I have been spending quality time with mamasita.  Thank goodness, BBF gave my a heads up that I am the BOOB of the Day!!

First of all, BOOBs are awesome in general.  (How many google hits do you think I will get off that comment?)  Second of all, the sweet things that were said gave me tears.

I knew that when I started blogging, it would help me be accountable.  I lie to myself and justify things ALL THE TIME.  When I write them down, that is much harder to do.  So, I did have some confidence that blogging would help me on my weightloss journey.

However, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine what I actually got.  This whole community of kickass, inspiring, motivating women that are there for support, reality checks, shoulders, and anything else you could possibly need.  There are days that I don't want to do whatever it is I'm supposed to do and then I think of one of you.  Then I pull myself together and get it done.  (Well, most of the time!  Or at the very least, I admit when I bail!!)

Each of you...every comment to my blog, every blog post you write, every email...makes a difference in my life.

Yesterday at church, we had the Rite of Welcome for new candidates to come into the Church.  I went through that exact ceremony two years ago.  As I sat back and thought about where I was at that time and where I am now?  I was almost overcome and overwhelmed.  There are MANY things that have contributed to that internal and external transformation.  But I can say with absolute conviction that this community is among the top inspirations.

Thank you, my friends.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

SUPER BIG BOOM BADOOM BOOM BOOM HUGS!!

Weekend Recap

Mondays just keep on coming, don't they? 

I had a wonderful weekend with my mom.  I took off work Friday afternoon to spend with her.  I noticed a new resale shop next to my CF box, so I took over some of my nicer things.  I was already working with a consignmment store, but the owner has cut down her hours so much that you can only bring in things on Monday & Tuesday.  I have a job, lady!

Anyway, she selected 3 dresses, 2 shirts, 5 pairs of shoes and a belt and paid me $55 on the spot.  No waiting on a consignment deal.  LOVE IT!  She had a really good eye, so I will know better what to take in the future.  The other place took more, but then you have to rely on them selling it. 

After that, we went shopping.  Of course.  We stuck to the discount stores which was good.  I found several things at Kohl's, Ross & Marshall's but I don't feel like I went crazy.  I did buy a pair of boots that I probably don't need.  They are beige microfiber and they go up to my knee.  I think I'm just so stoked that I can buy tall boots without having to get them from the big girl places.  ONE time I got into a "regular" pair of boots, but they squeezed my calves so much, my toes would get numb.  Ha! 

It was nice to be able to shop in the 12/14 section, for sure.  I have to say that as you get smaller, the sizes get more spastic.  When I was bigger and an 18W (which I was MOST of my adult life), I could go almost anywhere, pick up an 18W and be good to go.  Now, I can put on a 14 and it be too little or have a 12 be too big.  I fit into a 10 dress!  Yes, tried on a 14 that was so tight I could barely get it on.  That's really annoying.  But it's fine.  I'm sure it gets worse and I hope to find out!  HA!

Yesterday, BFF, mom & I went to see Victor/Victoria.  It was the first time I have seen it and I thought it was great!  Then I grilled out.  I made peppercorn pork loin, bacon ranch marinated turkey breast, baked potatoes & veggies all on the grill.  It was delicious!!  I'm looking forward to my leftovers this week.

I didn't go to CrossFit this morning because I didn't want to go to bed early last night.  I will go tomorrow instead.  Also, I think I might go on Saturday instead of Friday so I can see my friend Legs.  She goes to the afternoon class, so that might be a time we could both go.  We'll see. 

Next week, I will have to be extra flexible because I'm going to Louisiana with BFF for the weekend and we leave Friday morning.  So that leaves me 4 days to get in 3 CrossFit's and 2 Jazzercises and one of those days I have to take my car in and BFF will be driving me.  So I actually have THREE days to get in FIVE workouts.  But I can do it, right??  In fact, I bet if I actually get it done, I will feel like a badass for my trip.  :)

(I won't even mention that I will have to do the same thing the following week.)  So, dust off your pompoms my fabulous friends, because starting Monday morning, I'm going to need some rah-rah-rahs!!

Kick this week's butt!!

HUGS!

Friday, August 12, 2011

It's Friday! Where did Thursday go?!

I was so wrapped up in CPE yesterday morning that I forgot to blog.  Then my mama came to visit.  :)  YAY!! 

I went to CrossFit yesterday morning so I wouldn't have to go today.  It was a good class but since it was over 24 hours ago, you all get spared the details.  Some highlights:
  • Trainer Dude (I don't have anything clever, so TD it will be...) felt sorry for us since there were only three of us there to start the class so he let us do a 400m warm up instead of the 800m he had planned.  YAY! 
  • The rest of the warm up was cardio intensive plus it is still hot (even in the mornings) and I was sweating buckets.
  • We did deadlifts and I went up to 85# this time and I feel sure I can do a lot more...just trying to ramp up slowly.
  • We did GHD situps.  Below is a GHD machine.  You basically sit on the round humpy thing and put your feet in the round thingees so they are flat against the plate.  Then you do a situp.  The added gravity is just a bonus.  We were supposed to do them weighted, but since it was my first time, I used a non-weighted trainer plate just to figure out form.  My abs!
    I finally got a picture of my group:
    
    Standing next to two skinny chicks kinda sucks.  The one on the far right is Legs and I can honestly say we became friends.  I hope we are able to take some classes together.  Now that I have pictures, I'm hesitant to say who is who.  Ha!  I will let you guess.

    On another note, I read this article today.  I thought she had some very interesting and valid points.  One of the things I disagreed with though was her annoyance at people working hard to stay on track or in a routine.  I think that what a skinny person doesn't understand is the slippery slope of fat person (current or former).  If we miss one work out, it could be an excuse to miss another, then another until we quit going.  If we have a trigger food one day, it could start a binge for the next 7.  Obviously that isn't true for everyone, but I know I have to have routine to stay on track.  If that means running in obscene heat, then so be it.  Would love to hear your thoughts on her thoughts.

    Have a wonderful weekend!  I plan to spend some good quality time with mi madre.  (And no Dawnya, she didn't smuggle a scale. :))

    HUGS!

    Wednesday, August 10, 2011

    My Hump, my hump, my hump, my hump-day!


    Fitness

    Yesterday, I ended up running at lunch.  The last time I ran more than a mile was on May 11th.  Wow.  When I quit running, I really quit running.  Crazy!  Anyway, Friday's record mile inspired me to try two.  I ran flat on the treadmill and finished two miles in 23:38.  That was about a minute and a half quicker than last time.  I will take it!  It gives me hope that I will be able to finish the Labor Day 5K running.  I'm dreading those Louisville hills though!
    I think I might have to buy this shirt because it completely sums up my feelings.  :)  Today was a roller coaster.  We started with a warm up 1/2 mile.  I was one of the first ones out the door, but I was the last one in by a good 100m and maybe even 200m.  Ugh.  I'm used to being the slowest, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't still suck.

    The WOD was two phases.  Phase 1:  5-5-5-3-3-3 weighted pull ups.  Well, since I (and a couple of the other girls) can't do a pull up at all, we were told to do negative pull ups.  You stand on a box holding onto the pull up bar.  You jump up and get into pull up position then lower yourself sloooowly.  That's all fine and dandy, but if you can't hold yourself in pull up position, then how are you supposed to lower yourself slooooowly?  Double ugh.  Basically I was jumping up and down on the box.  Bach came over to discuss because she thought my box was in the way.  I thanked her for thinking I could do it and it was just a logistical issue, but no...I couldn't even hang a second.  She said that was normal and to just keep trying.  It will come.  I felt somewhat better that the other girls weren't doing THAT much better and they are 50-80 pounds lighter than me. 

    Phase 2: 3:00 rowing for max calories and 3:00 Kettlebell swings.  After all the beat down of the warm up and phase 2, this is where it started picking up for me.  The four girls started the rowing together.  There is one badass, amazing, beautiful, strong chick that comes to the morning class.  She is often more on par with the boys and she is my inspiration.  We shall call her She-Ra.  Our goal was to burn 30 calories in 3 minutes of rowing.  I saw quickly that I was going to beat that.  YAY!  The other two girls got in the 30s, I got 44 and SheRa got 49, I think.  Not bad!!  Then it was time for KB swings.  I used an 18# KB as did the other two girls.  SheRa swung a small elephant.  I think I was the only girl that did not stop the whole time.  Our goal was 100 swings and I got to 88.  I smoked all of the other girls, but then again, SheRa's weight was super heavy.  It made me feel better for the day!

    Tonight, I'm considering going to Jazzercise, but we will see.  I'm also considering going to CF tomorrow instead of Friday since my mom is coming in tomorrow afternoon, but we will see.  Lots of things to sort out.

    Food

    My monthly dinner was at Rise last night.  BFF took the pictures, so I don't have them to share today.  Rise is a souffle place.  I think I wrote about it before when I ran into George & Laura Bush.  They are frequent diners there, but not last night.  I managed to stay away from the bread.  YAY!!  I started with a salad and ate about 1/2.  I had the cauliflower souffle and it was positively delicious.  ShareBear & I shared a Bread Pudding souffle for dessert and it was to die for!!  The best part was that the souffles are quite low in calories since they are mostly whipped egg whites.  I did really well calorie wise for a day that included an Interesting Dinner.

    I'm going to try very hard to keep things under control while Mamasita is here.  I tend to feel like I'm on vacation when I have visitors and use it as an excuse to not stay on my path.  Hopefully it will all work out.

    Have a great week everyone...we are almost halfway there!!

    HUGS!

    Tuesday, August 9, 2011

    Choices (aka Time to Poo or Get off the Pot)

    I'm so classy!

    We all know that this whole process is all about choices. 
    • Choosing what to eat.
    • Choosing whether to exercise.
    • Choosing whether to get a fill.
    • Choosing your attitude.
    We encounter tons of choices every day and even make choices without consciously realizing it.  While assessing my behavior last week, I came to the not-so-shocking conclusion that I ate too many calories.  But what was especially interesting as I started digging in was that it wasn't JUST about the bad choices I mentioned yesterday.  I think it goes further.

    The first nine months of Band life were SO successful for me.  Why was that?  I ate like a bandster should.  I focused on protein, stayed away from bread and most importantly, I had a good handle on portion control.  Months 10-12, I started to lose some focus.  At the beginning of my second banded year, I refocused with a new fill.  However, with that fill, I don't think I refocused on eating like a banded person.  So, I got stuck a lot, and didn't feel all that well.

    Because of that, I made the choice, not to be tight anymore.  Now, I rarely get stuck and I can eat most any type of food I want at any time.  The problem with decreased restriction on TYPES of food is that you also have more hunger and decreased restriction on VOLUME of food.  What I realized last night while at support group (shout out to my homies!) is that I'm living more like a non-banded person on a diet. 

    I have at least 25 more pounds to lose and that is ignoring the last 15-20 pounds I would need to lose to be at a "normal" weight.  It is time for me to make a choice or as my parents would say, "time to sh*t or get off the pot". 

    Should I Get a Fill?

    Team Stay Where You Are
    • It's not like I'm at no restriction.  I would not be able to eat an entire Chipotle bowl with a side of chips and guacamole in one sitting like I could pre-band.  So I am still utilizing the band somewhat.
    • I can eat any type of food I want at any time, so I don't have to be as concerned with the availability of band-friendly foods.
    • I NEVER slime or PB and I rarely get stuck.
    • I don't have to worry about what might happen when I'm eating with "outsiders."
    • NO HEARTBURN  (This one is a biggie!)
    • In order to avoid heartburn and other issues, I MUST go back to eating like a banded person.  I can't half-ass it like I'm doing now.
    Team Get a Fill
    • I'm hungry often and I tend to make bad choices when I'm hungry.  This is what inspired me to get the band in the first place.
    • Being able to eat a piece of pizza is great, but at my current restriction, I was able to eat 2/3 of a small pizza at one sitting and that was with exercising self-control.  No question I could have eaten the whole thing.
    • I already made the choice to have the surgery, so there is no reason not to utilize this resource. 
    • I have the exercise portion under control, but I HAVE to change the eating side if I am going to have more success.
    As I type it all out, it is obvious to me.  I don't want to get a fill, because then I have to work at it again.  I have to eat tiny bites, I have to chew more and more and more, I have to eat band-friendly foods, and I have to eat less. 

    So, it is time for that choice.  I've proven to myself that I can maintain.  Is that enough?  Or do I get back on the horse and do it.  Not try to do it, but do it.  (Shout out to Amy for writing the post yesterday that motivated me) I keep making excuses.  I either need to accept where I am or get rid of the excuses.

    It is no scale August and I haven't weighed in a while.  So, I could slightly be talking out of my ass here.  But I'm not ready to stop.  I'm not ready to maintain.  That said, here is my plan:
    1. I will make a fill appointment for right after Labor Day.  (Last night I was trying to convince myself to wait until October because I'm travelling so much in September.  But that was just an excuse.)
    2. I will weigh on 8/31.  If I am ass talking and I HAVE lost a significant amount of weight, then I will cancel my appointment.  Again, I would prefer NOT to have extra restriction if I don't NEED it since I am enjoying my life currently.  However, if I do NEED it, I will make the commitment to do it and do it right.
    3. This gives me 3 weeks of opportunity for healthy living and good choices.  But at the end, I will have an appointment if I need it.  Win-win.
    Today is usually my day off exercise, but I'm going to work out at lunch since I didn't go to Jazzercise last night.  Tonight is my monthly interesting dinner and we are going to a souffle place (which appears to have several healthy and delicious sounding options).  I'm sure it will be delightful!

    Hugs!

    Monday, August 8, 2011

    Weight Loss is Hard

    What a nice weekend!  Friday, BFF, ShareBear & I went to see the Smurfs.  I <3 Neil Patrick Harris.  :)  It was a cute movie.  It was an early night after my week of early morning workouts.

    Saturday started right with Jazzercise.  I continued the good streak with errands then came home and cleaned out my closet.  How productive, right!?!  I found a box of clothes as I was cleaning and I realized that I had packed it away right after my surgery.  There were two pairs of size 22W pants.  I remember that I was busting out of them before my surgery, but within a couple weeks after, they were too big.  Needless to say, they were like clown pants now.

    There was also a bunch of "skinny" clothes in there as well.  There were about 5 pairs of size 18 NY&Co pants that are as cute as can be.  They were my favorite pants in my brief smaller period in 2006.  They were ALL too big.  I wish I would have remembered they were down there.  They would have been nice to have last Fall!!  There were also several shirts that I wore during that time.  Some are out of style, some were too big and a few I kept and are perfect right now.  How fun!  There is one shirt that I remember NEVER fit.  I bought it on sale as an incentive or something, but I never quite made it.  It fits perfectly now!!  YAY!

    For dinner, BFF, Armstrong & I went to a pizza place for dinner.  I feel like I ate an appropriate amount and the pizza was very tasty.

    Yesterday, church, more errands and chores, then I cooked.  I grilled turkey burgers, andouille sausage, veggie kabobs, & sweet potatoes.  It was delicious and there is plenty leftover for the rest of the week.

    NSA - I have to say that I have been doing okay without the scale, but I still have the weekend slump.  With all the calories I burn, I should be having such great deficits each day, but I still make bad food choices on the weekend.  I can narrow down my issues for this week:
    • I ate paella EVERY night for dinner.  I'm actually okay with this.  It is not low calorie, but it was homemade with all fresh ingredients.  There is nothing particularly bad about it except the servings have close to 500 calories which is higher than my target for dinner.  (Lunch is my biggest meal of the day.)
    • I went to the grocery store hungry on Saturday.  I got two things off list:  queso & a dark chocolate bar.  Neither of those things are particularly horrible, but I ate the entire package of queso with chips AND the chocolate bar with peanut butter and graham crackers over the course of the weekend.  The chocolate concoction was probably about 1200 calories combined and I'm guessing the queso was about 1500 combined.  That was 2700 calories this weekend that I WASTED.  Again, I didn't eat these at one sitting, but grazed on it over two days here and there.  IT ADDS UP!
    That kind of made me a little ILL to write out.  When you sample a little bit here and grab a little bit there, it just doesn't seem like much.  But when I look at it this way...ugh!!  Those are the kinds of choices that I would like to change.  I think by simply not going to the grocery store hungry, I could have avoided that.  I only eat what is there...if I don't buy it, it isn't there. 

    Amazingly, I still had a deficit for the week.  Thank you Jazzercise & CrossFit!  Without the scale, I don't know exactly how it translates into weight loss but I will just keep moving ahead.

    It sucks that you can do so many things right:
    1. Worked out 6 1/2 hours for the week.  3 CrossFit, 3 Jazzercise, 1 Walked at lunch.
    2. Drank over 100 ounces of water every day.
    3. Avoided processed foods for dinner.  (Avoiding them for lunch will come later this month.)
    4. Doing better with measuring and paying attention to portion control.
    5. Avoided treats after dinner instead having low calorie choices available.
    Yet, one trip to the grocery store all but wiped out all that hard work.  I'm not whining or complaining, I'm just putting fingers to keyboard to show myself what "a few bites" or "just a little here and there".  Weight loss is hard.  But not being honest with myself will just make it harder and more frustrating. 

    Hugs!!

    Friday, August 5, 2011

    BYOC

    It’s Friday so you know what that means here in Care Bear Land (aka Drazland)!

    Yup, it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy!!!!!

    We answer a few questions in an effort to get to know each other better and
    to give our blogging brains a break.

    Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

    1. I’m going to pick a person in your life – not knowing if you have a good or bad, existing or non-existent relationship with them – and your mission is to pick 5 words or traits or thoughts to describe them.

    Your paternal grandmother.

    Cold
    Dementia
    Alone
    Family
    Fun times at the farm

    (Yeah, not my favorite of the grandparents.  But she did try to make sure we spent time together as a family which I will never forget.)

    2. What’s your all time favorite color to paint your nails? And your toes?

    Nails – If they aren't chewed off, it is a victory.

    Toes – I love bright colors like hot pink, red, coral, blue, purple...BRIGHT!

    3. Do you get along with your parents well?

    Yes.  I talk to them almost everyday, sometimes multiple times a day.  When something great/bad/different happens, they are the first people I think to call.  I constantly thank God for their presence in my life.  A few years ago, for a few brief (endless) moments, I thought I lost my dad.  It brings tears to my eyes as I type this.  It was a false alarm and I vowed that I would NEVER take them for granted.

    I love you mamacita and daddy!

    4. Speaking of rainbows – rank the rainbow colors in the order you prefer.

    Pink (um yes – in my world – this color is in the rainbow)
    Blue
    Purple
    Green
    Red
    Yellow

    Orange

    This actually would change daily depending on my mood, I think.  I LOVE color.  Although, weirdly, I'm wearing black and white today.  That isn't my norm.

    5. Repeat question. How was your week in real life and in blog land this week?

    Blogland - is positively delightful.  In less than 24 hours after finding out my wonderful roomie Kerri wasn't going to be staying after all, I was all roomied up with new peeps.  What amazing friends I have found!!

    Real life - I ran a mile in 11:18 today.  And I'm going to see the Smurfs.  Real life freaking rocks!

    HUGS!

    One Step at a Time

    5 Reasons Not To Go To CrossFit this Morning
    • It was Friday at 6am.
    • I could always go tomorrow.
    • I like my bed!
    • It's not like I really know anyone in the class yet, they won't miss me.
    • I read right before I went to bed that the WOD would be running.  (Yeah, that's the one.)
    Why I Went Anyway
    • I was already awake.  If I didn't go, I would just be laying there feeling guilty, not sleeping.
    • Now I can Jazzercise tomorrow.
    • I always feel better on days I work out in the morning.  (I almost hate to admit this.)
    • Pres would give me a very hard time if I didn't go!
    • What's the worst thing that could happen, right?
    As I laid in bed last night, I looked at the website that said the WOD would be 20 minutes...run a mile and then do as many wall balls as you can to fill up the time.  I can "run" a mile.  I've done that many times.  However, I have not done it in "a group", particularly a group of very in shape people.  I have been really good at checking my pride at the door and just doing my best, but I have to admit that I was fearful that I would just do so horribly that it would be embarrassing.

    Thank goodness the warm up run was only a 400m.  We did a lot of warming up today...sit ups, squats, ring dips, back extensions...lots of stuff.  All the while the anxiety is building for me.  Finally it was time.  I made Bach go over the route with me an extra time because I knew that I would lose sight of the group.

    Off we went.  We went in the direction of our normal 400m run but it took me a while to remember that the normal 400m turnaround spot was only at the 200m mark.  There was still a LONG way to go.  We basically run in a big square.  As I turned the first corner, I could see the pack ahead in the distance.  Around the 600m mark, I think, I started catching my breath just a little (which probably had something to do with the fact that the ground leveled off at that point.)  As I turned the second corner, I could see one lone girl in the distance.  Sigh.  I was REALLY falling behind.

    I just kept thinking, "PLEASE let it be under 15 minutes."  I can almost WALK a mile in 15 minutes.  I was really secretly hoping to be under 13 minutes.  My fastest mile ever, on a treadmill, in the a/c, no incline, with no other workout was 12 flat.  This was outside, over 90 degrees, definitely not flat and I was already sweating before I started.  But still...I thought it was possible to beat 13 minutes.

    As I rounded the last corner, there wasn't a soul in site.  But just like everything else in my life right now, I took one (literal) step at a time.  Just as I came up to the door, Bach was checking on me.  I looked at the clock...11:18.  WHAT??  11:18???  I swear I almost cried with joy.   But I couldn't because I had wall balls to do.  I only used a 10# ball, but I went at it.  I'm pretty sure I did 88 of them in the remaining time, but I was slightly concerned that it might be 78, so that is what I wrote down.  I would rather say I did 78 when I actually did 88, than say 88 when I actually did 78.

    So, another super fabulous day at CrossFit that was uber hard but made me feel like a beast! 

    Funny story:  so apparently a couple days ago Pres asks to use Lizard's computer.  He is her boss, so she says okay.  Well, during that time, he sent an email (as Lizard) to Bach telling her that they are my friends and how much I love CF and how much I'm starting to like running and oh by the way, ask her about the chocolate she's eating.  Seriously.  This is a grown man, people.  It did make me giggle even though I couldn't imagine what Bach thought of that.  She responded very nicely.

    Today I talked to her about it and she joked that it will be mandatory in Fundamentals class from now on to give her your boss's email so she can get reports about bad food choices.  It was all so silly, but funny too.  Knowing that Pres is paying attention to my progress definitely makes me work harder. 

    So, today is "First Friday" at our company, meaning that we have a company lunch in then leave early.  BFF & I are going to go see the Smurfs.  :)  Hope you all have a great weekend!!

    HUGS!

    Thursday, August 4, 2011

    When did my goals change?

    For so long, I was the fat girl in the room.  People saw me and felt sorry for me, didn't understand, or even might be angered at the sight of me.  Other people wouldn't even see me at all.  All I longed for, all I wanted was to be normal.  I wanted people to look at me and see me.  I just didn't want their first thought to be about my size.  I didn't want my first thought to be about my size.

    So many years of wanting to be normal, to be ordinary and now I have realized that is no longer what I have in my sights.  Now, I think I want to be extraordinary.  Over the past few weeks, I have gotten a glimpse, a small feeling of what my body is capable of.  And I like it.

    Right now, I'm a size 12 and I honestly think I have gotten my head around the fact (most of the time at least) that no one would look at me and see someone with a weight problem.  I think I look fine.  My mom taught me how to put myself together very well and how to dress well at any size.  I think today in my jeans, sporty shirt, blazer and snakeskin heels...I look pretty good.  I see more glances from guys.  More girls notice and comment on the things I'm wearing (even though it is similar to what I wore when I was bigger). 

    I feel like I have crossed over into some threshold of the normal.  I'm not going to pretend that it is no big deal because that is the farthest thing from the truth.  The fact that when new people look at me, they see "this" me with no imagination of the 90 pound ago me.  I love that.  I love that I don't get underestimated so much anymore and that people think of me as a woman and not as some androgynous figure that is kinda smart and funny.

    But I've gotten this little bug and I want more.  Now I don't know tangibly what that means.  I don't have a weight or even size in mind.  I'm not even sure it is about that.  Maybe it is more about what I'm able TO DO rather than how I LOOK.  I'm not sure.  I do know that I'm the happiest I have ever been.  I know that I am developing a healthier relationship with my body.  And I am starting to know that there is untapped potential in there just waiting to bust out. 

    I'm still focused on "one step at a time".  I think that has really made the difference.  Focusing on what I need to do each day instead of fretting about the long road ahead.  I have slipped over the last few weeks, no question.  But by taking things in smaller steps and layering them in as I go, it has kept me from getting overwhelmed. 

    Over the last six weeks, each week, I have added something or focused on something new:
    • Starting CrossFit
    • Using my grill for healthy eating
    • Faithfully logging my calories each day
    • Getting over 100 ounces of water a day
    • Focusing on healthier dinner options and limiting nightly high calorie treats
    • Adding morning workouts
    Doing this all at once would have been so stressful.  But doing one a week, getting used to it, then adding the next one...well, that has been much better. My focus next week will be not going off the rails while my mom is here.  Nothing crazy, just making sure that I don't lose sight of everything I'm already doing while feeling like I'm on vacation...

    This looks to be a nice low key weekend.  Can't wait!!

    HUGS!

    Wednesday, August 3, 2011

    Oh...and how could I forget??

    I was sad, sad, sad to hear from my BOOBs roomie, Kerri, that she had decided not to stay over at the hotel.  (BOO!)  She lives in the 'burbs though so she is going to come in on Saturday to visit with us.  (YAY!)  It was just the two of us, so I emailed Stephanie to figure out what I should do next.

    Before I knew it, I have THREE new roomies...Stephanie, Dawnya, & Justawallflower.  What a super awesome room!!  I'm going to stay in my own room on Thursday, but then I will be bunking with these fabulous Babes on Friday and Saturday.  I couldn't be more excited!!

    Only 8 more weeks, pretty ladies!!

    HUGS!

    I'm not a Thoroughbred, I'm a Clydesdale.

    I "woke up" at 5:30 this morning and walking into the bathroom.  I'm pretty sure that I was standing on the empty floor where my scale used to be before I remembered it wasn't there.  Heh.  5:30 is early, people.  I was still slightly sleepy when I got to CF, but the 400m run warm up woke me up.  I was so happy it wasn't an 800m!  Bach's husband Butch was our trainer this morning.  Butch is probably the worst nickname for him because he totally doesn't look like a Butch, but there you go.

    He isn't cruel with the warm ups, so that's nice.  He did have us do some sprints though so I started wondering if Pres is actually emailing him and telling him to make me run more.  I seriously hate to run.

    The first part of class, we worked on dead lifts.  Last time we did them, my lower back hurt for a week (at least) and I told Butch that.  So he had me go light on the weight and he checked out my form.  He said that I'm doing them perfectly, and just to see how my back feels the next couple of days.  If all is well, go up in 10 pound increments.  I was only lifting 55#, so it felt light and I think I will be good to go.

    The WOD was the most awesome one I have done so far.  We used sleds and prowlers.  Sleds are just these super small sleds and you stack weights on them.  You pull them with long straps that are attached.  The prowler is a smaller version of the thing you see football players pushing down the field.  I started pulling 90# on the sled and it was no problem.  I did 3 more pulls on the sled at 135# (which was the same as the other girl in the class & a couple of the guys.)  Honestly, the hardest part for me was trying to run backwards on the return trip.

    The prowler had 180# stacked on it.  The first time up, one of the girls told me I should probably take off one of the 45# weights and I started to do that.  A couple of the guys started encouraging me to just try it at 180#.  You know me...what the hell, right??  I KICKED THAT THING'S ASS!!  I pushed it all the way down AND all the way back at a light jog.  That is where the title of the post comes from.  I'm probably never going to beat anyone in a speed race, but load me down and I can power through.  I felt like Wonder Woman!!  I did it 2 or 3 more times with all of the weight.  So proud!

    If you would have told me a couple of years ago (hell, a year ago) that I would be doing 6am workouts like this, I would have laughed.  No freaking way.  First of all, I don't get up that early!  But here I am.  If you are sitting there shaking your head thinking you can't do this, stop.  You can or at least you will be able to.  Just start somewhere (like I did with Jazzercise) and keep pushing.  I'm such a better Jazzerciser now that I have done CF and I know that I CF better because of Jazzercise. 

    It is all about finding the thing that makes you want to do it again.  I tried morning running and I just coudln't get myself to do it more than once.  But what I have determined is that I HATE running.  It is not the right exercise for me.  But CF & Jazzercise where things are always changing IS right for me.  I'm already looking forward (with a slight amount of dread which isn't all bad) to Friday.  :)

    Hugs!

    Tuesday, August 2, 2011

    No Scale August has begun!

    Last night was odd.  I apparently don't even realize how much I weigh myself.  I wonder if I do it sometimes and it doesn't even register in my brain.  If nothing else, maybe this exercise will break those silly habits.  I wasn't upset when I couldn't weigh this morning, but I will say that it felt weird.  :)

    I'm proud of Fitness July.  It really got me back into a better routine.  I worked out 31 different days for a total of 1230 minutes.  That means for EVERY day in July, I averaged almost 40 minutes.  EXCELLENT!  Now that I'm in the routine, let's see if I can beat it in August!  But I would be perfectly pleased if I continued at July's pace, especially if I can continue to do well with my healthy eating!

    I'm wearing my size M cardigan from the Gap today.  That is a good feeling!  I'm going to really focus on my healthy eating today because I'm not working out AT ALL today.  Tuesday's are going to be break days in August.  I'm not going to know what to do with myself after work.  It is the first time in a really long time that I don't have a class or something else to do.  I'm guessing I will find something!! 

    Hope you all have a fun and productive Tuesday!

    Hugs!