I feel a bit as if I'm at a Crossroads today. Last week, when the hormones took over and I was just done and had accepted that "I would just be a fat cat lady forever", I didn't worry. I took it for what it was, got through it and got back on track. What I'm feeling this week is a little different.
After my 2012 weight gain settled and I refocused, I have done a great job of maintaining. But I haven't really lost much of what I gained. The thing I have to figure out is whether my life is awesome enough as it is and continue as I am with the expectation that I will maintain. Or do I truly want to lose weight and am I willing to change something to make that happen?
I've talked before about how much healthier I am now than at almost any other time in my life. I work out (a lot!) regularly, I eat healthily about 80% of the time and I no longer need medications or specialty equipment (think CPAP) for anything other than allergies. I have come so far from where I was that sometimes I forget to appreciate it.
The reasons I feel like I want to and should lose more weight:
1. The biggest number one reason is that I don't feel comfortable at this size. When I was 20 pounds lighter, I felt like I blended in. At this weight, there is never a time where I don't feel like the fat girl. I remember what it felt like before and I miss that.
2. My workouts would be so much easier on my knees if I lost weight. I was faster and even stronger, I think, when I was leaner.
4. I think I would sleep better.
5. Do I need more reasons? I think that first one sums up the true reason I want to keep fighting. Everything else is just words...
Okay, so I have been logging my food now religiously (no pun intended) since Ash Wednesday. What do I see?
1. Weekends. This continues to be my biggest struggle.
2. Nope, #1 is pretty much it. Although I do notice that I have a hard time saying no to things when they are offered during the week. It just doesn't happen as often.
I can say all sorts of things here about how I plan to do this or that, but until I show some action for more than one week in a row, things aren't going to change. What do I really want?
Today's Nutrition Plan:
Breakfast: coffee with cream, boiled egg, 1/2 chicken burger patty
Lunch: Pie Five pepperoni & veggie thin crust pizza
Snack: Greek yogurt*
Dinner: Enchilada Casserole with dollop of sour cream
* The snack gets an asterisk because today we are having cupcakes in the afternoon. Will I be able to forgo cupcakes for my yogurt? This is literally a perfect example of what I'm talking about. If I eat my yogurt (and the rest of what is listed above), I'm perfectly within my calorie range for the day. In fact, I have a few calories left over if I want some fruit after dinner. If I eat the cupcake, I am not. Simple as that. What do I want?
Today's Fitness Plan:
CrossFit: Check! Clean Pulls 3x6 115#, Press 1 + 1/2 rep 10x 90#, 4:00 AMRAP Power Snatches 65#, 31 reps
I told my friend at CrossFit that I would go tomorrow if she would and she committed. So now I just have to get my booty up and go! Again...what do I want?