The last couple of days, I have been thinking about obsession vs. commitment. What is the difference? To me, the difference is this:
Commitment: sticking with something, sometimes with sacrifice to a goal that positively affects your overall life.
Obsession: commitment to the point that your overall life is affected negatively.
The thing is, that even these exact definitions mean different things to different people.
I read a blog post (yesterday?) that got me thinking. After losing an impressive amount of weight through Lap Band surgery (and hard work), the poster decided that she wouldn't be obsessed about food and fitness and she would live like a "normal" person. Nobel quest, I say! Unfortunately, she found that didn't work for her and gained some of her weight back. This hit me so hard yesterday because I (so many of us) did the same thing.
In our quest to be "normal", we abandoned what made us successful. We backed away from our commitment. At least, I did. I'm SO very proud of her for recommitting, because it would be so "easy" not to...pick your hard though, right? I told Laura Belle yesterday that failure isn't messing up, failure is not getting up and trying again. I truly believe that.
I have a few people in my life that have made some comments (very possibly with the best of intentions) that I'm too obsessed about food. If I wasn't always thinking about what I was going to eat next, then I wouldn't be so hungry and my body would naturally do what it needs to do. As I lost weight...almost 100 pounds...I started to believe that too. After my plastic surgery, I just started living. I didn't obsess. Oh, maybe every whip stitch, I would pretend that I was going to focus, but I didn't. This went on for about a year and one day, I looked in the mirror and realized that I was tumbling right back into that place from which I came. I had gained 30 pounds. 30 pounds. Sigh.
What I didn't realize at the time was, it wasn't just the 30 pounds. I had lost muscle, so the real damage was even worse. I made a promise to myself that I would do better. I recommitted. For six months, I did okay. I stopped the bleeding, and managed to lose about a pound a month. At the beginning of this year, I started focusing on a more paleo diet and refocused on fitness. Now I feel that although I'm not perfect (who is?), I'm on a sustainable plan.
By being committed (or being obsessive?) I have lost a few more pounds and more importantly, over 11 inches. I'm starting to see myself, that person I found but then lost again. I still have a long way to go, but even though it is hard, I like myself more when I'm committed. Beyond that, I think I'm more likable when I'm committed. Certain people in my life might not understand why I have to pay SO MUCH attention to food, but that's okay. I know, in the end, it will make my overall life better.
Breakfast: coffee with cream (2 servings today) Veggie & cheese fritatta.
Lunch: BFF's meatloaf & sweet potato with Laughing Cow
Snack: mixed nuts
Dinner: BFF's meatloaf (I forgot to defrost something. Thank goodness the meatloaf is awesome!) with stir fry veggies
Snack: Apple with almond butter
CrossFit: check! (more below)
Lunch: Leisurely pace on the bike while I read. (Honestly, this is more to make time for reading than for working out, but it doesn't hurt!)
Today at CrossFit, we had a quick warm up and then worked on handstand walks. Or in my case, I kicked up on the wall a few times. I will just need to lose some more pounds before I can do anything with a handstand.
Then we did Presses. Bascially, you do a press, then lower the bar halfway and then push it up again. Last time I was able to do 90#, but I had to lower it to 85# today. I have definitely lost strength and I'm going to focus on getting that back.
The actual workout was interval style, meaning you rest as needed between rounds. 3 rounds: 500m row, 15 kettlebell swings (35#), 30 double unders (or in my case 90 singles). It took me around 20 minutes.