Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Growing up feels good.

As you all know, I'm headed to Indianapolis this weekend for a random trip to meet up with my sorority sisters that I haven't seen in around 15 years.  YAY!  To give you a little history, in college, I wasn't planning to join a sorority.  When I finally did, I wasn't going to join this sorority because I was a legacy.  I was very insecure and I was afraid that as a legacy, I would be seen as a "token" of some sort.  But when I went to the rush parties, I clicked with the girls and it was the best sorority on campus.  So I accepted their bid and became a proud and lifelong member.

My junior year, I lived in the sorority "house" with my sorority mom (who was my best friend at the time), another random girl, and the Barbie twins (two beautiful blondes not related).  Now it turns out, the Barbie twins weren't only beautiful, they were great girls.  They were very popular in the sorority, but we remained tight as well.  Throughout college, probably mostly because of my insecurity, my feelings were often hurt and I felt left out.  By my senior year, I had ballooned up to 250 and I certainly didn't look the part of sorority girl.  My friends stood by me, but I always felt inferior.  Again, in retrospect, I think it was more my lack of confidence than anything anybody did TO me.

When the girls came up with this girls night, I decided it was time to see everyone again.  The last they saw me, I was probably in the 230 range and not feeling great about myself.  So, I thought it was time to give them something new to remember about me.  :) 

Last night, one of the coordinators (Queenie), sent out an email summarizing who was coming and some other details.  My name wasn't on the list, but another Beth Ann was on the list.  I wasn't sure if she got us mixed up or if she forgot about me.  I emailed (just) her back and confirmed I was coming.  Soon after, another sister I didn't know so well (Eyelashes), emailed and asked if she meant Beth Ann Me or Beth Ann X because if Beth Ann X was going to come all the way up from another state, then she would be so excited!  Heh.  At warp speed, I flew back to college and became the whiny insecure fat girl that just got her feelings hurt.  I mean...I just spent a ton of money on a plane ticket, hotel & car.  :(

I pouted for just a brief moment and then said BOLLOCKS!  I reminded myself that Queenie most likely made an honest mistake.  There are two Beth Anns for crying out loud and our last names even start with the same letter!  And Eyelashes & I weren't super close.  From what I remember, she was as sweet as pie and she probably doesn't even realize that I don't live in the area.  So, I sat up straight, threw my shoulders back and emailed everyone back, confirmed it was me and that I couldn't wait!  Eyelashes responded that she couldn't wait to see me and then proceeded to Friend me on Facebook.  Independently, another girl who was on all of the emails sent me an email saying how excited she is that I'm coming so we can catch up. 

So, there you have it.  The new me is happy to be going out for two girl's nights this weekend and didn't let a stupid little thing get in the way of that.  I know that this probably sounds so silly, petty, and stupid, but it was a good example of how the old me would quickly fall into a rabbit hole, but the new me is solidly on terra firma.  It's a good feeling! 

Before I leave you, I thought I would add the (slightly fuzzy and strangely demonic) picture from Cowgirl's birthday dinner on Saturday.  KK is the one giving her a kiss and BFF & I are in the back.  I just love these girls.  :)
This is so small, but I'm pretty sure I can see my collarbones.  If it is just a shadow...I don't care...that's my story!!

Oh and one last thing...I actually got up and did yoga this morning.  YAY!!  Getting up early is very hard for me so this is a big one.  Now let's see if I can get myself to do it again.  :)



Fluffy said...

Good for you for shaking off the negative thoughts and going with the positive! And, I do also recall seeing collar bones, girly! ;) Keep up the great work and congrats on the big loss from your weigh in. Have a fantastic time! Can't wait to see the pics of the outfit.

Alison said...

Well done for shaking it off and sending the e-mail, she obviously didn't mean anything against you but I would have been a little hurt too.
You look great in the pics, loving your hair!

Theresa aka Tessie Rose said...

Good for you indeed! You looks so cute in the pic, and I definitely see a collar bone!

MLM said...

i'm def seeing some collar bones!! I can't wait to see mine too!

Stacey said...

Totally see collar bones! WTG!

Check you out, two nights out in one week. Quite the social butterfly! :)

nikki said...

I totally see your collar bones, skinny girl. You look fabulous. I can't wait to see pics and hear stories from your weekend. Have a blast! :)

Bonnie said...

So glad you didn't cave into those old feelings. You are going to have so much this weekend and hope you strut your stuff.

Barbara said...

You need to be proud of you.. and I want you to sashay you behind into that room with a big warm smile and greeting.. You look great, collar bones and all.. (and thanks for your ever kind comments).. I love the support I get from you guys.. hugs!

Sarah Kopf said...

First off, yay for yoga! I need to get my rear in gear & go to a class!

Next, I definitely see collarbone! :)

Lastly, you hit that reunion & enjoy EVERY second! You deserve to be proud of YOU!


Lyla said...

You look super skinny in that picture, but yes, there are some demon eyes going on ;)

Have fun at your sorority reunion-- that sounds like fun and good for you for not letting a simple comment get you feeling insignificant again!