Thursday, July 28, 2011

Thursday Thoughts

I mentioned yesterday I was sick.  Can I tell you how glad I am that I took the time to go to the doctor yesterday?  As bad as I feel today, I know I'm on the upswing and I cringe to think how I would feel sans meds. 

This sickness has just been another reminder of how different I am.  I'm a justifier.  So "before", being sick meant not eating well, not exercising if I didn't want to, blah, blah, blah.  Yesterday, the doctor examined me and said that her examination matched up with the symptoms I discussed, but she did so with a quizzical look.  When I asked her why she had the look, she said, "you are awfully energetic and chipper for a sick person."  I laughed because she was right.  I knew I felt like crap, but I wasn't going to let it get me down.  Plus, I have 10x more energy than I did before.  Sickness my knock me down a couple of pegs, but I'm still way ahead of where I was.  Make sense?  Great NSV!

I told you all about the fire drill yesterday.  I put on some lipstick and made sure I looked good in case Gym Boyfriend was downstairs.  I lead the pack down the stairs and would have beat them by about 5 floors if I wouldn't have kept stopping for them.  Heh.  When we reached the bottom, I put my hands in the air and jumped up and down in victory like a Wii character.  I'm a nerd.  Anyway, it was a completely different than the last time I walked down the stairs.

I actually had to look it up in my blog!  Last August, the elevators in our building broke and I had to leave so I walked down the stairs.  My legs were jelly and I could barely Jazzercise at all.  The next day I thought I would die from leg pain!  So I walked down 17 flights of stairs everyday for over a week.  Ha!  I'm a masochist.  :)  This time, my calves are little tight, but more in a "they were worked well" sort of way. 

Anyway, back to yesterday.  After looking at every person who had made it down the stairs and not seeing Gym Boyfriend, we started back into the building.  My fellow VP, who I will call Burrito, asked if anyone was up for taking the stairs back to the 18th floor.  I laughed and said I will if you will, knowing FULL WELL he would not.  Godmother chimed in and said she would as well.  At that point, his ego wouldn't let him back down and up we went.  17 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS!  As proud as I was for how successfully I went DOWN the stairs, I can't tell you how proud I was going up.  I'm not going to lie, I wasn't bouncing up the stairs...more like a trudge.  Heh.  But I did it!  ::insert Wii victory jump::

My mom has been on vacation and has been catching up on my blog.  Yesterday she asked me what all this No Scale August thing was about.  And I started in about how I need to do this for myself to break away from the numbers...  She kind of interrupted and said something about coming here next month.  Then I realized that my also scale-addicted mamacita will be here for a portion of my NSA.  Oopsie!  And HA!  I honestly don't know if she believed me that I didn't do it on purpose.  I really didn't, but it does make me giggle.  She will live.  Love you mama!

Amanda talked yesterday about the frustrations of the scale especially in response to all the hard workouts she has been doing.  My weight gain from CF is part of my reason for No Scale August.  The reason is actually twofold:
  1. My pants fit just fine.  They did not tighten up like they would if I REALLY gained 8 pounds.  In fact, if anything, they are looser.  Today, I'm actually wearing a shirt that I haven't worn before because I was always self conscious of how it fit.  I don't know if I'm smaller, tighter or just more confident, but I'm wearing it.  Bottom line is that the scale isn't truly indicative of my progress right now. 
  2. I am the Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde of dieting.  During the week, I'm practically a robot.  (Not really.)  But I eat well and keep my calories well below target.  And really I don't feel deprived.  I'm satisfied.  I also work out a lot.  It is not uncommon to have around a 4000 calorie deficit Monday-Thursday.  The problem is that Friday comes and I go off the rails.  Again, it is not at all uncommon to have a 2000 calorie (or more) surplus on the weekend.  I don't THINK I'm doing anything too terrible at the time...a couple of margaritas here, some ice cream there, maybe a candy bar, oh I will just have some more chips & queso.  NONE of those things are bad in moderation, but having it all at once is not okay.
This brings me to a couple of things to ponder:
  1. During the week, the reason I do so well is that I plan in advance.  I log my meal plan for the day and then "mark things off" as I eat them.  Occasionally, I have to change things up when something comes up, but for the most part, it really helps keep me on the straight and steady.  I don't do this on the weekends.  Something to think about.
  2. In addition to not planning, I tend not to be good at tracking until WELL after the fact.  I'm not yet in maintenance meaning I can't just "live" yet.  That may not make sense to anyone but me.  :)  But I don't want to structure my weekends so much that I feel like my entire life is a diet.  How can I find the balance?  How do I stay aware without beating myself down?
Make no mistake, these thoughts come from a content place.  That's part of the problem.  :)  There is a big part of me (my excess weight perhaps?) that isn't ready to be content.  I do think that taking the scale away for a while will help.  Maybe I can keep in mind that I can't really splurge too much on the weekends because I don't know how the scale was affected during the week.  The hope is that I just follow healthy guidelines.  D-day is coming, so we shall see!



Amanda said...

I am great during the week too! But the weekend comes and I am still pretty good I just let rules bend a bit! I can feel the difference..I tried some jeans on yesterday and I can feel the difference in them but darnit I want to see it on the scale! What's the point of a weight loss challenge if you don't lose weight!! Ha

However I am loving it! I talked with my meathead today whom I am growing to like and he said not to worry. You will be shocked in a couple weeks! I will trust him but only a tiny, tiny bit!

I am starving today!

Ronnie said...

I think you'll do great with NSA, you're already feeling more confident since starting CrossFit and doing Jazzercise, and walking on your lunch break. I mean, you're covered exercise-wise!

You know what's going on with your calories during the week and on the weekend. So you just have to tweak it a little bit and I know you'll see a loss on September 1st. :)

Ronnie said...

Not that it's about loss, it's about celebrating NSV's like pants fitting in skinny bitch stores. ;)

Stacey said...

Up 17 flights of stairs! I am impressed! Wow, what a great accomplishment. You are definitely working it in all the right ways. Like Ronnie says, skinny bitch stores better stock up, you are so there!

Lyla said...

You are a masochist, but it's working for you!

Dawnya said...

You are killing me with the stair stories. Again...I would have died. Not something I even think about.

Your mom is going to bring her own scale for the visit. LOL

You are going to rock at NSA...because they don't know who the F you is!!!

Debi said...

Somehow I *knew* you would walk back up those 17 flights of stairs! I like to think it was my subliminal message (you know, when I suggested you walk back up the 17 flights of stairs after the fire drill!) :) That is super awesome and I am soooo proud of you!

I think NSA will be good for you. I think it might be hard some days, but you will make it through. Maybe think about making a deal with yourself. Just for the month of August, you will not do bad on weekends. Think of it like Lent. It's only a month, you can do that easy. That way it isn't as daunting as thinking about never having XYZ again for the rest of time, just for a month. That helps me mentally to deal with things like that.

U R A RAWK STAR!!!!!!!!!!

Laura Belle said...

Man, I'm kinda bummed you didn't see Gym BF! Oh well, I'm so giddy that you went down and then back up those 17 flights!!! WAY. TO. GO!

I'm the same Jekyll & Hyde from week to weekend. Especially with alcohol. This week i made a little goal for myself to only drink on Sat. night. And to eat right no matter what. I just thought....try it one weekend, see what happens!

FitBy40 said...

I think about how at my heaviest I was in school and all my classes were on the 3rd floor and how much I hated that there was no elevator. I would suck wind all the way up, cursing in my head. Now I'd probably take those stairs 2 at a time if given the chance!
Great victory. And, I'm sure your mama will survive and probably be better for it!

~Lisa~ said...

Oh like Laura Belle - I'm bummed toooo! But I am sooooo impressed and amazed that you went UP the stairs - you ROCK, Lady!!

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Very thoughtful post and I'm so proud of your workouts! Glad you caught being sick early! I feel like crap today too!

Grace. said...

I almost die after three flights. you win. lol

Andrea said...

That's funny about your mom! I think taking a break from the scale for a little while is a good thing!