Thursday Thoughts

I mentioned yesterday I was sick.  Can I tell you how glad I am that I took the time to go to the doctor yesterday?  As bad as I feel today, I know I'm on the upswing and I cringe to think how I would feel sans meds. 

This sickness has just been another reminder of how different I am.  I'm a justifier.  So "before", being sick meant not eating well, not exercising if I didn't want to, blah, blah, blah.  Yesterday, the doctor examined me and said that her examination matched up with the symptoms I discussed, but she did so with a quizzical look.  When I asked her why she had the look, she said, "you are awfully energetic and chipper for a sick person."  I laughed because she was right.  I knew I felt like crap, but I wasn't going to let it get me down.  Plus, I have 10x more energy than I did before.  Sickness my knock me down a couple of pegs, but I'm still way ahead of where I was.  Make sense?  Great NSV!

I told you all about the fire drill yesterday.  I put on some lipstick and made sure I looked good in case Gym Boyfriend was downstairs.  I lead the pack down the stairs and would have beat them by about 5 floors if I wouldn't have kept stopping for them.  Heh.  When we reached the bottom, I put my hands in the air and jumped up and down in victory like a Wii character.  I'm a nerd.  Anyway, it was a completely different than the last time I walked down the stairs.

I actually had to look it up in my blog!  Last August, the elevators in our building broke and I had to leave so I walked down the stairs.  My legs were jelly and I could barely Jazzercise at all.  The next day I thought I would die from leg pain!  So I walked down 17 flights of stairs everyday for over a week.  Ha!  I'm a masochist.  :)  This time, my calves are little tight, but more in a "they were worked well" sort of way. 

Anyway, back to yesterday.  After looking at every person who had made it down the stairs and not seeing Gym Boyfriend, we started back into the building.  My fellow VP, who I will call Burrito, asked if anyone was up for taking the stairs back to the 18th floor.  I laughed and said I will if you will, knowing FULL WELL he would not.  Godmother chimed in and said she would as well.  At that point, his ego wouldn't let him back down and up we went.  17 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS!  As proud as I was for how successfully I went DOWN the stairs, I can't tell you how proud I was going up.  I'm not going to lie, I wasn't bouncing up the stairs...more like a trudge.  Heh.  But I did it!  ::insert Wii victory jump::

My mom has been on vacation and has been catching up on my blog.  Yesterday she asked me what all this No Scale August thing was about.  And I started in about how I need to do this for myself to break away from the numbers...  She kind of interrupted and said something about coming here next month.  Then I realized that my also scale-addicted mamacita will be here for a portion of my NSA.  Oopsie!  And HA!  I honestly don't know if she believed me that I didn't do it on purpose.  I really didn't, but it does make me giggle.  She will live.  Love you mama!

Amanda talked yesterday about the frustrations of the scale especially in response to all the hard workouts she has been doing.  My weight gain from CF is part of my reason for No Scale August.  The reason is actually twofold:

1. My pants fit just fine.  They did not tighten up like they would if I REALLY gained 8 pounds.  In fact, if anything, they are looser.  Today, I'm actually wearing a shirt that I haven't worn before because I was always self conscious of how it fit.  I don't know if I'm smaller, tighter or just more confident, but I'm wearing it.  Bottom line is that the scale isn't truly indicative of my progress right now. 
2. I am the Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde of dieting.  During the week, I'm practically a robot.  (Not really.)  But I eat well and keep my calories well below target.  And really I don't feel deprived.  I'm satisfied.  I also work out a lot.  It is not uncommon to have around a 4000 calorie deficit Monday-Thursday.  The problem is that Friday comes and I go off the rails.  Again, it is not at all uncommon to have a 2000 calorie (or more) surplus on the weekend.  I don't THINK I'm doing anything too terrible at the time...a couple of margaritas here, some ice cream there, maybe a candy bar, oh I will just have some more chips & queso.  NONE of those things are bad in moderation, but having it all at once is not okay.

This brings me to a couple of things to ponder:

1. During the week, the reason I do so well is that I plan in advance.  I log my meal plan for the day and then "mark things off" as I eat them.  Occasionally, I have to change things up when something comes up, but for the most part, it really helps keep me on the straight and steady.  I don't do this on the weekends.  Something to think about.
2. In addition to not planning, I tend not to be good at tracking until WELL after the fact.  I'm not yet in maintenance meaning I can't just "live" yet.  That may not make sense to anyone but me.  :)  But I don't want to structure my weekends so much that I feel like my entire life is a diet.  How can I find the balance?  How do I stay aware without beating myself down?

Make no mistake, these thoughts come from a content place.  That's part of the problem.  :)  There is a big part of me (my excess weight perhaps?) that isn't ready to be content.  I do think that taking the scale away for a while will help.  Maybe I can keep in mind that I can't really splurge too much on the weekends because I don't know how the scale was affected during the week.  The hope is that I just follow healthy guidelines.  D-day is coming, so we shall see!

Hugs!