Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I think I have talked about this a bit before, but over the last few days I have really seen myself in a different light. Almost all of my adult life, I have been a size 18W. I remember discovering "women's" sizes my senior year in college. There have been a few (maybe 3?) short spans where I have worn smaller/bigger sizes, but the majority of the time, it was 18W. I think that in my mind 18W is my size. Period. When I was at my highest and squeezing myself into 22/24s, I would still pick up items in the 18W range and think they would fit. I would be so surprised when they didn't.

Now, my 18W sizes are too big. But it seems to surprise me when I fit into something smaller. For example, I bought a Junior size XXL Halloween shirt from Target. You know those ones they have every year? I have never been able to fit in them so I had to buy the womens ones that were so ill fitting on me. Since my next 5K (!) is on October 30th, I thought it could be an "incentive" shirt. I would strive to wear it by that time. When I got home, the darn thing fit. What?? Don't get me wrong, it was awesome! But I obviously never thought I would fit my body into that.

Then, last night at group, my friend Debi gave me some regular size 16 khaki pants. First of all, they were size 16, not 16W. Second, they are light khaki and that shows EVERYTHING! I'm much more comfortable in black pants. Anyway, I told her I would take them for incentive. Again, I went home, tried them on and they fit great! I wasn't even concerned with the light color.

So, is it official? Am I now in the range of "normal" size? Can I actually go to "normal" stores when I go shopping? My mom is coming this weekend to help me bargain shop for fall clothes. Can we skip Lane Bryant and Avenue? There have only been two times in my adult life that I have been able to do that. In 1999, I'm not sure what initiated it, but I got down to my lowest weight as an adult and fit into a regular size 14. That lasted about 6 months. In 2006, I had just started on my CPAP machine and was sleeping great and Jazzercising and I got down to my 2nd lowest weight and got into regular size 16s. That lasted about 9 months.

Although I KNOW I look smaller, it is hard for me to imagine that my butt will fit into something smaller. I'm quickly approaching those lower weights that are my all time adult lows. What then? I can barely register myself now. I can't even imagine what I would look like smaller than that. I almost hate to dream about it lest I jinx it!! I have difficulty thinking about years to come and daring to hope that (with continued dedication on my part) I will never have to wear an 18W again. I will revisit this issue again at a later date.

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